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For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men

4.07  ·  Rating details ·  24,885 ratings  ·  1,095 reviews
In For Women Only, Evangelical Christian author, Shaunti Feldhahn reveals what every woman--single or married--needs to know. Based rigorous research with thousands of men, Shaunti delivers one revelation after another , including:
- Why your respect means more to him than your love.
- How he feels deep inside about his role as provider.
- What it means for a man to be so vis
Hardcover, Revised, Updated, 224 pages
Published March 19th 2013 by Multnomah (first published July 28th 2004)
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Average rating 4.07  · 
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 ·  24,885 ratings  ·  1,095 reviews

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I realized it is harder than I thought to explain why a guy would be reading this book. I had to see what Shaunti Feldhahn was telling women all over the country about the inner lives of men. Overall, she is pretty accurate. There will always be exceptions when you are forced to make generalizations the way this book does. However, the things that are discussed in this book will hit home with most men. For example, the desire to be respected in public and private...the internal drive to provide ...more
Sep 07, 2009 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
If I could give this 0 stars or 0.5 stars, I would.

I regret buying this on an impressive level. I honestly feel lied to since I didn't know this book was so heavily endorsed by Jesus. Every excerpt I read from this book and even the product description online gave no hint as to the very Christian nature of this book.

Normally, I can deal with that but it constantly asked me to seek guidance from a God I'm not that close to. This book needs to do a better job of advertising its real nature online
Jul 09, 2007 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Christian women who don't know their husbands
Shelves: nonfiction
In a way, I suppose this really is a good book, but not for me. It was given to me at my wedding shower by a person who probably should have known better (my own sister!). This book is just an extremely dumbed-down version of His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley. Having read that book, reading For Women Only was a waste of thirty minutes. Feldhahn's book is somewhat helped by a collection of survey results, which tell us exactly the same things that Harley's book does. Feldhahn's advice, ho ...more
Jul 31, 2017 rated it did not like it
Avoid this veiled attempt to convince women that their man is helpless to his instincts and his success in life all depends on her. That its their (the wife's) responsibility to dress modestly so any man that might see them won't be forced to struggle with temptation. Also, after taking care of the kids (which was always relegated to the wife in this book) and everything else a woman has to do their man "needs" them to take care of themselves. And that whether or not a woman chooses to "take car ...more
Robyn Vergillo
Jul 21, 2011 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Basically, I'm supposed be a nun in public to help other men stay true to their wives, and a sex kitten in private. If he does something romantic I'm to reward him with sex, and understand that his needs for sex far outweighs my needs or obligations for anything that is not him.

Listening to the survey questions, I felt that they were very leading and then Feldhahn presented the percentages to support the message she wanted to relay. I also feel that she targeted her survey audience, and a survey
May 08, 2011 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Well-intentioned, but a little obvious, I would re-title this work "Traditional Gender Roles for Dummies." Many of the "surprising" revelations might be of real use to women who have little experience talking on a deeply relational level to men, and who want to affirm their men in traditional ways. I found that many of the things that were generalized about men were actually true of me, and many things that were supposedly unknown were just re-phrasings of pretty well established gender identiti ...more
Nov 29, 2008 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I read "For Women Only" very carefully several times. It takes things we've all heard before (like men need respect, sex, etc.) and really gets at the heart of what that means...more so than any other book I've read on the subject so far. I was a bit surprised by some of the things I read, but I carefully started applying what I learned in my relationship with my boyfriend.

I read "For Men Only" and marked how I would have answered the survey questions and underlined a few remarks that were espec
Aug 30, 2009 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: own
When I entered to win this in the FirstReads contest, I didn't realize it was a Christian book. Not that I have anything against Christians (being one myself), but I often don't agree with the fundamentalist/born-again point of view. And there was definitely a "serve your husband" undercurrent to this book.

Wives are advised to change their points of view and actions to accommodate their husbands. I will be reading the "For Women Only" companion book that came with it next, and it will be intere
Feb 04, 2016 rated it liked it
How do you rate a book if you thought the information was very good but couldn't stand the delivery method? This was our book club book this month. I'd checked it out from the library and set it aside after giving it the once-over. Its format feels reminiscent of a teen magazine with short pages, simple words, "cute" graphics, and quotes highlighted in a large font. The author refers to your significant other as "your man" and positions herself as your older-but-wiser girlfriend. All of this was ...more
Dec 09, 2013 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
This is filled with generalities about guys - and excuses for why they do the things they do and what WE SHOULD DO to make their lives better. No thanks. I thought the survey she based her work off of was taken by 21-28 year olds, but almost all stories went back to her married life or the feedback from her second survey, taken by married, churchgoers. I am religious, but I don't think every annoying guy trait can be fixed by praying for them, so I'm not convinced by her solutions. Maybe I shoul ...more
My wife asked me to read this book this morning and tell me if it is truth. I picked it up to get the gist of it and an hour and a half later I finished the book.

I think it is a good book for couples that have been married for a while to read and discuss. Not sure I would give it to a newly married couple. I liked the book but do not think all things in the book are normative to all men. Good book good read.

Nov 16, 2012 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This is supposed to be a Christian book but it's applicable to men in general and not just Christian men. I, as a traditional Muslim woman, found this surprisingly insightful in terms of explaining specific Islamic commandments directed at husbands/wives. The author unwittingly explained the logic behind the Islamic stance on marital relations and the standard for public conduct.

Th book covers 7 facts about men, which are outlined in the sample and thus my sharing them here, does not qualify as
Apr 04, 2015 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
This book needs to come with a **TRIGGER WARNING**
Do not read this book if you are a person recovering from domestic violence. In fact I would recommend that you do not read this book at all…regardless of who you are.
The advice given is very damaging. If you do read it, read it: critically, to gain some insight into Christian influences on society or for a laugh.

There are many aspects in this book which I find a little disconcerting. Yes, it is good that Ms Faldhahn has gone to the effort of a
carolyn radach
Jan 22, 2009 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
It's about the things that men wish we new about them, and how they really feel about us (as women), but more specifically their wives. Now as most of you out there may know, I am not a wife, yet (I still hold out hope), however, when I read books like this it's always with that expectation in mind, and more specifically, because I am an observer of people, I usually draw on past experiences and behavior that I have witnessed in order to understand why I do the things that I do, and feel the way ...more
Jan 30, 2013 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2013-reads
Tons of statistics, lots of polls taken. Very informative.

But I would caution the author when writing "grounded in biblical hope" to MAKE sure you have the book FIRMLY grounded in the Bible. I searched and searched for some mention of what GOD thinks about all of this. Man can think all they want. And to a certain extent, all these polls and what men think, are so helpful to us women. BUT be very careful when you say you are grounded in the Bible, and then not really mention it!

I really found a
Nicole Elliott
May 05, 2013 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: own, 2013-read
When I got married I wanted so much to be a godly and great wife to my hubby! What I didn’t realize was that sometimes my female brain with its ways of thinking and showing my love to him and his male brain and the way it is wired meant that sometimes there were things that I was doing, or not doing, that were causing problems I didn’t even realize were there!

Thankfully through several different women giving me books and recommending blogs I caught on early on into our marriage (probably 2 1/2 y
Stephanie Villegas
Jan 14, 2018 rated it it was ok
There was a lot of really insightful information in this book, but the writing itself took what could have been a much better book and twisted it into something shallow. In the hands of a more capable writer, it may have been a great book (unfortunately, that's not the case). Rather than being about how to help build up your man, most of it came off as how to accommodate insecurity and emotional immaturity in our partners (not in charity, but in total submission).

Some have criticized this book
Just about the only thing I appreciated about this book was Feldhahn's solid survey design and the large scale nature of her study. That's where it ends. I can't say that I learned anything that I could even vaguely relate to or that seemed to be congruent with my experience of the "inner lives of men". I don't know if there are some huge cultural gaps that separate me from mainstream Americans or whether I just don't know any "typical males". Or maybe I just object to this whole "women are like ...more
Dec 14, 2008 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I'm finally reading a book and getting to post! Jessica lent this to me to read after I got married. So far I really like this book. The author validates her survey findings by using multiple regression analysis, which I use for work sometimes. But don't worry about the statistics, that just struck my fancy. The book is not full of statistics, it is really more of a narrative of her findings. It has been a pretty easy read so far and has already helped me relate to and understand my husband bett ...more
Aug 04, 2017 rated it did not like it
This book reminded me of books that my parents brought back after attending one of the many Christian seminars that were touted to strengthen their marriage. I found it repulsive and belittling. The author was both flippant and silly. It seemed to me that her advice and observations were plain common sense.
Nov 03, 2017 rated it did not like it
Offense. I’m most appalled at the high rating that was given to this book, especially by women. The surveys this book is based on have very biased questions. The false responsibility placed on women is destructive to relationship and the perpetuation of female objectification lacks maturity. I believe this book to be far from having the Biblical grounding many other reviewers purported.
Jun 23, 2009 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: june-reads
Adult (due to themes)

For Women Only is for women only for a reason - because everything it contains, guys already know inside and out. This is a book on the psychology of men, born from the research Shaunti set out to conduct for one of her fiction novels. Backed up by professional surveys and statistical data, this books presents How Guys Think 101 written especially for women.

First Impressions
Wow. When I walked into the bookstore, I had absolutely zero intention of walking out with yet-another
Nov 28, 2011 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I liked this book. It's not that the information was necessarily new for me, since I have been studying men for decades, now. But, I am in a transitional point in my life. And, as I read this book, I finally understood that my mother raised me to be a man.

I think this happens a lot. We live in a society that downplays the contributions of women and allows women to be abused (including a judicial system that actually condones the abuse of women and protects the abusive men who harm them), so I t
May 12, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Title: For Women Only
Written By: Shaunti Feldhahn
Genre: Relationship Helps/Non-fiction
Recommended Ages: 13 & up (skipping one chapter if not married)

This was my second time reading this book and I still learned a lot about myself and the men in my life. Even though this book was about how men's brains work, I found a lot I could relate to personally for myself. In other words, don't put people in boxes, they won't always fit. This book would be especially great to read together as a
Nov 21, 2020 rated it did not like it
This book didn't resonate with me at all. I read this as part of my monthly book club. I can not stress this enough this book has outdated views and belongs in the past.

Furthermore, I think this book could do actual real harm to Christian women living in abusive relationships. Many of the things highlighted as "this is how men think" are toxic and should be allowed to die as we grow together as a society. Why should we accept major character flaws and change ourselves to fit their crappy behavi
Nov 02, 2011 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I just randomly picked this book up at the library and didn't expect anything too spectacular. I actually thought it was a pretty good little book, though. It's all about men and what they think but won't tell you.

For example, "I do love my wife and think she's great, but I would be so much happier if she lost 60 lbs and wore makeup again. I know we don't have enough money to buy gas or shoes, but I will happily spend $2000 on a personal trainer to get her in shape and I get depressed every tim
Allison Anderson Armstrong
Jun 20, 2016 rated it it was amazing
oh man...

hehe, pun intended. I didn't really want to know everything they told me, but it wasn't as big of a revelation as I thought it was going to be. I guess I know my men, hehehe. I liked her statistical approach, and the way she balanced it with tasteful scriptural references. I'm glad she just laid out the facts honestly, but not...blatantly. I also appreciated how she ended the book by reminding women that the main thing so many men want their wives to know is how much they love them. Not
Very enlightening. For Women Only answers questions, clears things up, displays surprising realities, and just makes it all around easier to understand the men in your life! I feel like I've learned a lot, and reading this book has made me desire to show more respect/love/honor to men in the way they understand.

I've read For Young Women Only twice, but this one was even more helpful, I think.

I highly, highly recommend. Looking forward to reading more by Shaunti Feldhahn soon! (Maybe even the upd
Feb 15, 2016 rated it liked it
It was fast, and had some good points, another reviewer said it was a dumbed down version of another book that now I want to read(His needs, Her needs). I'm always hesitant to recommend these kind of book because I know people are super sensitive about this topic, and gender roles in particular, especially when the book is HEAVILY Christian (which I liked). Bottom line, I tend to just take what I like and leave the rest, so I liked this book. ...more
I found this book pushed my buttons, which made for lively discussion with friends. However, i found John Grey's "why mars and venus collide" more enjoyable reading and very helpful. "For Women Only" was only about men, and not a side by side comparison. Reading it's companion, For Men Only, might soothe some of the issues it raised for me. ...more
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Goodreads Librari...: Book cover update/change 2 14 May 15, 2015 10:02AM  
Let's Start a Boo...: Great book! Would totally recommend!! 1 4 Feb 02, 2014 07:53PM  

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Shaunti received her graduate degree from Harvard University and was an analyst on Wall Street before unexpectedly becoming a social researcher, best-selling author and popular speaker. Today, she applies her analytical skills to investigating eye-opening, life-changing truths about relationships, both at home and in the workplace. Her groundbreaking research-based books, such as For Women Only, h ...more

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“Just as you need the man in your life to love you unconditionally, even when you’re not particularly lovable, your man needs you to demonstrate your respect for him regardless of whether he’s meeting your expectations at the moment.” 9 likes
“choosing to trust, appreciate, admire, believe in, and honor him.” 2 likes
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