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Love Is Never Enough: How Couples Can Overcome Misunderstandings, Resolve Conflicts, and Solve Relationship Problems Through Cognitive Therapy
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Love Is Never Enough: How Couples Can Overcome Misunderstandings, Resolve Conflicts, and Solve Relationship Problems Through Cognitive Therapy

4.05  ·  Rating details ·  505 ratings  ·  50 reviews
Love Is Never Enough: How Couples Can Overcome Misunderstandings, Resolve Conflicts, and Solve Relationship Problems Through Cognitive Therapy
Paperback, 432 pages
Published October 18th 1989 by Harper Perennial (first published 1988)
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Start your review of Love Is Never Enough: How Couples Can Overcome Misunderstandings, Resolve Conflicts, and Solve Relationship Problems Through Cognitive Therapy
Amy
May 27, 2018 rated it really liked it
Reading a number of books in preparation for my course in couples counseling - training graduate students to learn different models for working with couples. I also hope learning about these various models and theories, they can learn something to grow with, as we are all navigating relationships and their inevitable impasses in our lives. I hope they become skilled clinicians, blending intuition and experience and beliefs with theory and techniques. This one is from a cognitive therapy perspect ...more
Charlene
May 19, 2016 rated it did not like it
This book came up on hoopla as a new release. I was excited because I love Beck, so much, and love to read anything he writes. I will never forget sitting in class while a professor told us about Beck's CBT work on schizophrenia happening right down the hall from where we sat. It was unthinkable at the time that CBT could help with such a serious condition as schizophrenia. And from all of the evidence pouring in, it looked (and still does) like CBT might work as well as meds for some people.

Kn
...more
Jonathan Karmel
Apr 13, 2017 rated it really liked it
Relationships change after you have been together for a long time. The excitement during the early stage of infatuation often serves as a standard by which couples judge the later stages of their marriage. The hurts, quarrels, and petty frustrations stand in stark contrast to the euphoria of the courtship period. Many people can't relinquish their early image of what marriage should be like—which promotes later disillusionment with their spouse and the relationship itself.

Once infatuation wears
...more
David
Mar 25, 2011 rated it liked it
One of the main challenges in marriage are the unwritten rules/expectations that each spouse has for the other – everything from how to give and receive love, to how much time one is allowed with friends, to the proper way to raise children, to how much time to spend with the in-laws on vacation, to any other number of things. Expectations that are never voiced allowed create havoc in a relationship precisely because they go unspoken. Furthermore, they lead to criticisms about the other person t ...more
Isaac
I am giving this book 5 stars because it contains, what I feel is, crucial information on how to deal with a very common issue in relationships. I do feel that this 400 page book would have been much better as a 200 page book. However, since Chapter #1 – The Power Of Negative Thinking and Chapter #13 – Changing Your Own Distortions are so vital and crucial for a healthy relationship it gets 5 stars.
Marco Pontual
Long, naive, sometimes interesting, mostly obvious (don't yell at your spouse, don't throw things at him/her, be clear in your requests, non-violent communication, etc, etc, etc). As the reviewer Charlene said:

" I am sure CBT has helped and continues to help countless couples who struggle with various marital issues.

The only thing I can say for certain is that it is a very good thing I am not a marriage counselor. I would have told every last couple in this book to get divorced. If my own marri
...more
Al Datum
Jun 25, 2013 rated it really liked it
If you're into Cognitive Therapy, and if you want to use it to treat couples, this is a good book to read. Aaron Beck founded CBT, and while I disagree with the fundamental worldview on which it rests, some of its techniques are useful in treating clients. It's an enjoyable read for someone with an interest in the mental health field, but if you're someone struggling with a troubled marriage, I would encourage you to check out John Gottman instead.
Melissa Lee-Tammeus
Jan 21, 2012 rated it really liked it
Shelves: borrowed
I read this in preparation for CBT with couples, which I have yet to truly encounter. I found it fascinated and learned a lot about relationships overall and how easy it is to misconstrue and misinterpret those little things, making them in to big things.
Isabelle Bishop
Sep 29, 2012 rated it it was amazing
I truely believe that if I had not read this book, my marraige would have failed. I broke the cycle of disfunctional living by following the advice in this book and others. I highly recommend it for anyone about to get married.
Rachele Ludvigson
Apr 03, 2008 is currently reading it
I really like self-help books. This book is great in helping to overcome marriages little problems which we all have. It is helping me to see what I can do to become a better communicator.
Michelle
Jul 29, 2008 rated it liked it
good book for couples having problems - gets a little technical at times but if you skip the chapters that don't apply it can be helpful
Cesar Bianchi
May 08, 2010 rated it really liked it
This book is amazing,it is a psychological book that tells the truth about relationship and helps you sort out why your relationship has problems.. awesome book...
Fredrick Danysh
Jun 30, 2011 rated it liked it
A relationship manual for couples. It addresses many of the common problems in relationships and offers suggestions for improvement of those relationships.
Nathaniel Smith
Dec 15, 2012 rated it really liked it
Great couples resource.
Patty
Jun 15, 2018 rated it liked it
Some antiquated gender ideas and some unnecessary repetition, but over all the concepts have been really helpful for me.
Mshl
Jun 15, 2012 rated it it was amazing
Wish I had read this a long time ago.
Bethany Womack
Oct 02, 2012 marked it as to-read
Shelves: counseling
Recommended by Dr. Sells
(Cognitive Therapy) is Never Enough.
Shashi Khanka
Feb 01, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Its a very good self help book for couples who seriously want to work on their relationships to resolve conflicts and strengthen the marital bond.
The author emphasizes that one has to work on three basic pillars of the marriage - commitment, loyalty and trust. Love and intimacy are always the by-product of mutual understanding, sensitivity, empathy, commitment, loyalty and trust. When you consider you and your spouse as a team working for the same goals, much of the hostility wanes out.
What I l
...more
Erika
Sep 24, 2017 rated it really liked it
Plublished in 1988, the examples in this book are slightly outdated and do not account for technology's influence on relationships.

With this in mind I think there are lessons on this book that can help everyone in all walks of life and in any type of relationship because it focuses on cognitive therapy.

"Learning to recognize your automatic thoughts is a skill that can be mastered. Though proficiency requires practice and persistence... acquiring this skill, you can get a grasp of the inner wor
...more
Luiz Fabricio Calland Cerqueira
Good but too aged

This book was recently republished but its contents strongly belong to the decade it was written. It has many lessons, but also the strong feel of the 70's asymmetrically divided power in marriage.

I'm a big fan of ATB but I didn't like his therapeutic interventions in this book. Much of those felt like he was telling his clients what to do, and not the guided learning typical of CBT.
DreamDjinn
Jun 27, 2017 rated it really liked it
Wow, this almost put me off relationships :)) they are a difficult and complex issue once the initial infatuation wears out, and a lot of soul-searching, negotiations, changes and compromises are sometimes required to make it work. This is a very good and thorough book that helps people navigate the occasionally turbid waters of a relationship - any close relationship, in fact, although the book talks about married couples.
Jaclynne Ann
Dec 05, 2017 rated it liked it
Shelves: 2017
3.5 stars. Being a therapist trained in CBT, this book was redundant to me. However, I think from a non-therapist view this could help someone change their own thinking about their relationship and give them the ability to problem solve prior to seeking couples or individual therapy. It is well written and the concepts are easy to grasp from the narration and examples given. I think it could’ve been written more concisely and was too wordy and lengthy at times.
Inuta
Dec 26, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Very valuable book, in a “must read” list for every couple.
Veronica Nealis
Mar 21, 2018 rated it it was amazing
This book is amazing for Marriage Counselors. It walks you through practical CBT excerises and philosophies in couples therapy.
Megan Holstein
I gave up on this book part of the way through. I don't even remember why I lost interest because it was a while ago.
Rachel
Feb 14, 2020 rated it did not like it
Had some decent information but could not get past the intense sexism and heterosexism.
Othman
Jun 16, 2020 rated it liked it
Shelves: relationships
it has some good tips
Maddie
Nov 20, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Aka: Conflict/Resolution for Dummies - every married couple needs this!
Frrobins
Feb 11, 2017 rated it liked it
Good for professionals, and I would recommend it for clients, and despite being published in 1988, this has held up through the test of time.

This boom details how to use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to improve marital relationships. It is for the layperson, and filled with quizzes and step by step directions for how to target and change thoughts and behaviors.

At close to 400 pages, I did find parts of the book repetitive and did think it could be a bit shorter, though I am coming at it from a pr
...more
Juan Rivera
A year ago, an ex with whom I has was about to end recommended me this book.

On that occasion I did not read it .... we finished ....

I read it today and I did not really like it.

The books that bring "cooking recipes" I do not like.

Books that bring so many examples that you lose the thread of what is being said, I do not like.

I think that before applying what comes in the book you have to define:

- What do you expect from life? Maybe you want to be alone.
- Who are you really? Many of your relation
...more
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Help! Book about a couple breaking up for one year 1 2 Jun 10, 2019 01:45PM  
Help! Book about a couple breaking up for one year 1 1 Jun 10, 2019 01:44PM  
Play Book Tag: Love is never enough - 4 stars by Aaron Beck 5 15 May 29, 2018 10:48AM  

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Aaron Temkin Beck is an American psychiatrist who is professor emeritus in the department of psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania. He is regarded as the father of cognitive therapy, and his pioneering theories are widely used in the treatment of clinical depression. Beck also developed self-report measures of depression and anxiety, notably the Beck Depression Inventory (BDI) which became ...more

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“The manners that apply specifically during courtship come to be replaced over the course of marriage by a different set of manners, embodying the residual pettiness, complaining, and faultfinding of childhood.” 5 likes
“What has stripped their conversation of its richness and enjoyments? First, despite the apparent success of their numerous discussions, they may have arrived at the solutions to family problems at a great cost to the relationship. In many relationships, a whole sequence of little kinks gradually adds up to produce stress. These kinks may also be a sign of important differences between the partners in their outlook and values—differences that their surface agreements never resolve. Thus, the free flow of conversation is inhibited by the threat of intrusions of unresolved conflicts. Perfectly tuned conversations are interrupted by signals of possible discord that introduce static into the communications. Second, although the partners may get along when they are dealing with practical problems, their conversation may be devoid of references to the more pleasurable aspects of the relationship. The partners have not learned to demarcate problem-solving discussions from pleasant conversations. Thus when one partner starts a conversation with a loving comment, the other may decide that this is a good time to bring up some conflict. As a result, there is a dearth of conversation that revolves simply around expressions of caring, sharing, and loving.” 2 likes
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