Mad About Us: Moving from Anger to Intimacy with Your Spouse

by Gary J. Oliver, Carrie Oliver

Gary and Carrie Oliver have written a practical book to help couples focus their passion in ways that lead to trust, understanding, and intimacy. They want Christian couples to develop Christ-centered marriages, and that includes dealing with issues that prevent intimacy such as fear, frustration, and anger. They demonstrate how the energy--or passion--of the God-given emotion anger can actually be harnessed in ways that build and strengthen a marriage relationship and free couples from one of Satan's most destructive weapons--unhealthy anger.

"For more than a quarter of a century Dr. Gary Oliver has pioneered and served the needs of pre-married and married couples nationwide. I know Gary to be a good man and an authentic man who has faithfully loved and cared for the needs of his wife, Carrie, as she has battled cancer for the last couple of years. There is no greater statement of a man's life than the private love and commitment that he shows for his wife."--Dennis Rainey

"Dr. Gary Oliver is not only my key mentor in life, but the person who actually helped me really understand what's beneath the power of anger and what you can do about it."--Gary Smalley

Genres: Marriage, Nonfiction, Relationships, Christian Living, Family

224 pages, Paperback

First published October 1, 2007

Reviews

[Rusty Cannon · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book at an AirBnB several months ago and am now just getting back to it once I saw it exists on the Hoopla app (which I rarely use). Lots of good advice. Good things to ponder and apply in daily lives. Heavily laced and dependent on Christian teachings and Bible references. I consider this book a worthwhile read.

[John]

Can't read

[Aubrey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this on the bargain shelf at the local "Christian" bookstore. I try to look ahead for possible people I may see in a counseling setting, and I know marriage is always an issue. I also know how important it is for me personally in my marriage.
The authors also discuss anger in a general sense, and I learned a lot about anger management (another important topic)
Some of the quotes I recorded in my quote book:

"Dr. John Gottman found that the number one predictor of a couple on the road of divorce was whether they thought negatively or positively toward each other."

"Developing the skill of seeing the world through your partner's eyes, while holding on to your own perspective, may be the single most important skill in intimate relationships."

"Research tells us that happily married couples disagree and argue almost as much as unhappily married couples. The difference is whether they express their anger in a healthy or unhealthy way."

"Relationship that can't acknowledge or express appropriate anger are usually fragile, unstable, and anemic."

"Delay is the greatest remedy for anger."

[IrenesBookReviews · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every married couple needs to read this book! Every engaged couple should read this book! The authors help you understand your differences in a positive light. As you read this book you may find examples that remind you of a recent argument with your loved one. There are many examples and these are discussed in an open and caring manner.

Both men and women will enjoy the steps to help with anger. Is it true that spiritual people don’t get angry or is that a myth? In the chapter titled The Myths of Anger you will find that answer and the answers for seven other questions about anger.

The best chapter is about forgiveness. You will understand the importance of forgiving yourself as well as your spouse. This forgiveness leads to a marriage with less anger and frustration.

The book ends with seven simple steps to get through any conflict and back to that special marriage intimacy. Praying about it and deciding how important is this subject we are fighting about, are just two of these helpful steps. The authors have done an excellent job of helping you find a way through conflict into intimacy again, no matter what the fight is about.

I was given this book by christianreviewofbooks.com to review

[Sean Seay · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a really good book. Probably 4.5 stars for me. It's a fresh perspective on anger & how to make it work for you rather than against you in marriage. This book is highly practical. There are several really good exercises that are worth trying out.
Whether you think anger is a significant emotion in your marriage or not, this is worth reading bc it will show you some aspects of anger you probably didn't consider were there. It will also help you better understand your spouse.

[Lindon Gareis · Rating 5 out of 5]

I purchased this book after meeting the author Gary Oliver at the 2012 ICCA conference on Branson Mo.
The author is an extremely humble, likable and intelligent man who truly loves serving the Lord and people through his counseling, writing, and teaching. This is a must read for anyone that is counseling or coaching couples. Lindon

[Glenn Crouch · Rating 2 out of 5]

Maybe it's a cultural thing, and the book doesn't translate well into my experience as a Pastor in Australia - but I found that this book seemed to trivialise things and I often felt like I was being insulted for being too much of a "cream puff" (author's words).

Whilst it does make many good points, I'm not sure how helpful it would be too hurting people.

[John · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found the descriptions of different anger responses interesting and helpful.