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Maybe I Will

3.54  ·  Rating details ·  235 ratings  ·  60 reviews
It's not about sex.

It's about how one secret act of violence changes everything--how best friends can desert you when you need them most, how nobody understands. It's about the drinking and stealing and lying and wondering who you can trust. It's about parents and teachers, police officers and counselors--all the people who are supposed to help you, but who may not even be
Hardcover, 200 pages
Published March 15th 2013 by Luminis Books (first published January 1st 2013)
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Laurie Gray When I was writing Maybe I Will, the only gender-neutral book that I could find written in the first person was Written on the Body by Jeannette Winte…moreWhen I was writing Maybe I Will, the only gender-neutral book that I could find written in the first person was Written on the Body by Jeannette Winterson (Knopf/1993). The general consensus on that book, though, was that the narrator was a woman. After I had a contract with Luminis Books for Maybe I Will, but before it was published, Knopf released David Levithan’s Every Day in 2012. I like any book that helps shine a light on the gender bias in our society. There’s a panorama of sexual identities and we’re only just now beginning to recognize and embrace them: LGBTQIAP and of course, what is still so accepted a “normal” that it’s not even included in the list: heterosexual male/ female.

I think the traditional gender lines in our society are blurring the way they have with race over the past few centuries. Our country was founded by people who saw race in very black and white terms and only white men were considered “people” in the “We the People of the United States...” Now “people” includes every race and races mix freely in our melting pot. We no longer view race in strictly black and white terms. I think the same is becoming true for gender. We are moving beyond the limiting need to identify every human being as strictly male or female and accepting all gender expressions in humanity. Think of the yin and yang of humanity. There is a seed of feminine in everything masculine and a seed of masculine in everything feminine, and every person has a unique blend of the two. In the bigger picture, it will all balance perfectly once we allow it. But we won’t get to that balanced humanity until we stop thinking of every person as having to be either/or male/female. It shouldn't take another civil war for us to get there. (less)

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Average rating 3.54  · 
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Pooja (On books!)
Sep 20, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: 2013, 5-stars
Review originally posted on my book blog, On Books!

I found myself thinking about this six-word paragraph I read in Anthem: "I am. I think. I will." The words were so powerful, but they kept turning into questions in my mind. I am. Who am I? I think. What do I think? I will. I will what? Maybe I will, but maybe I won't. Maybe I will, but maybe I don't. Maybe I don't will anything. Maybe it all happens regardless of my will.

In case you didn't get the drift from the above quote alone, Maybe I Will
Fahima M (Hitch Theory)
Sep 27, 2013 rated it really liked it
Shelves: rape-research
For more reviews, check out I Read, Ergo I Write

Dear Sandy,

It feels weird to be writing a letter to someone whose gender I do not know. But you know what? I'm going ahead anyways, because gender notwithstanding, I feel I somehow 'connected' to you on some level while I was reading your story. Does that sound bizarre? Well, maybe it is (it is, I know), but that did happen, so... yeah.

And in case you were wondering, Maybe I Will is truly ambiguous regarding your gender. Since I was inclined to th
Oct 10, 2014 rated it it was amazing
This book is refreshingly honest when dealing with the topic of sexual assault/rape. Sandy as a gender ambiguous character is a novel and interesting approach to a book of this nature. I chose to read the book once with both possible genders in mind. There were times based on Sandy's reactions, comments, and thoughts that made me think Sandy was one way or the other, but it was fun realizing how little gender mattered in how the book made me feel.

I see how most people would find the ending (not
Aug 28, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: Anyone who liked White Chalk, All teenagers everwhere
Maybe I Will, or Maybe I Won't. Either way, it's not about sex. Ever.

I'm live blogging again as my time today is short, and very precious. You see, I've started another year of teaching piano and voice and Kindermusik.

This book is a big chunk to bite off, and an even bigger piece of steak to chew and review. It's going to take me a few 'kicks at the cat' to get it finished, but it will be up by the end of the night.

There's just so much to talk about. So lets start at the beginning.

I don't know i
Sep 11, 2013 rated it really liked it
Shelves: mental-health, ya, kindle
As the story opens up, Sandy is a well adjusted teen with two great friends, Cassie and Troy, friends from preschool days. Family life is good, school is good and Sandy is happy. One night while hanging out at Cassie’s house things gets out of hand and Cassie’s boyfriend Aaron gets physical with Sandy. Sandy is talking up a new sport and Aaron wants to show Sandy just what he knows. Aaron rapes Sandy. Sandy is thrown into a whirlwind of emotions and the immediate escape is alcohol. It’s a downwa ...more
Kelly Hager
Mar 06, 2013 rated it liked it
As the summary says, we don't know for sure if Sandy is a Sanford or a Sandra. I went back and forth on which one it was (there are compelling arguments on each side) and while it doesn't really matter, if Sandy is a Sanford, I wish that had been made clear. (Why, you may ask, if it doesn't really matter? Because sexual assault against men does happen and yet it's never discussed in books. And even in this book, there's just as much evidence that Sandy is a Sandra as a Sanford. And it would have ...more
Savannah (Books With Bite)
Mar 11, 2013 rated it really liked it
Books that deal with sexual assaults always touch my heart. You, along with the characters, learn how to deal with what has happened. Your able to to read along and feel the emotions, the hurt, and the anger. But most of all, you get a chance to learn to let go and become stronger.

I really loved the plot of the book. This young girl who is so ambitious taken by surprise. Her reaction to what happen to her is real. It's not something fabricated or not done correctly. She's falls slowly into depre
Aug 21, 2013 rated it really liked it
Sophomore Sandy Peareson’s life is going great. Sandy’s plan is to study drama at Julliard and has been cast as Peter Pan in the school’s musical. Sandy is part of a trio of best friends who have been understanding and supporting each other since preschool. As an only child, Sandy receives plenty of attention and support from his/her parents. Sandy’s gender is never revealed throughout the story which makes it powerfully relatable to both male and female teens. Then, one night changes Sandy’s li ...more
Anna Tan
Sep 08, 2013 rated it really liked it
Shelves: e-books, review-copy
Life couldn't be better for Sandy. Cassie and Troy are the best friends that one could ever hope for, and Sandy's parents are understanding and supportive. Nailing the role of Peter Pan at the school musical and the new iPhone makes life even better. And then tragedy strikes.

One night at Cassie's house, Sandy is sexually abused by Cassie's boyfriend, Aaron. In a matter of seconds, Sandy is traumatised and life takes a downward spiral. Sandy turns to drinking, and steals to support the habit. De
Sarah (Workaday Reads)
This was a powerful issue book. It’s aimed at mature YA readers, and covers not only sexual abuse, but also alcohol abuse, depression, friendship, and a load of other things. But it’s done so in a way that is entertaining, and meaningful to readers of any gender.

The most unique aspect of this story is that the reader never learns Sandy’s gender. The entire story is written so the main character could be either male or female. This is a risky move that would either turn out amazing, or crash and
Jun 08, 2014 rated it really liked it
Shelves: lgbt
"Really liked it" isn't exactly how I would describe my reaction to this book, but in terms of stars, it had to get high marks, so I'm going with four. Although I didn't precisely enjoy reading it (thus four instead of five stars), I did admire it, and would echo other reviewers who have called this an "important" book, a ground-breaking book, a book that both parents and teens would benefit from reading. The gender issue really threw me for a loop, because I had made one assumption throughout t ...more
Feb 21, 2015 rated it really liked it
The book explains what happens to Sandy, a sixteen-year old gender neutral teen who is sexually assaulted. As we follow the inner and outer journey of Sandy it becomes clear that everything is different after the incident.

The author does a good job explaining how Sandy's world has changed, s/he develops a drinking problem, though a bit too sudden, and fight with her parents. Her best friends are no longer close and school all of sudden sucks. The story also showed how quickly and unexpectedly su
Jul 14, 2013 rated it really liked it
Vic recommended this. As a parent, it's a tough book to read, especially after just finishing Defending Jacob. The author does a masterful job of not giving away the main character's gender, allowing the reader to draw one's own decision. As a young adult novel about sexual assault, alcohol abuse, and depression, the unknown gender of the main character allows readers of all types to relate in the way they see fit.

The book describes the tailspin after a trauma, as the main character struggles t
Margaret Tidwell
Sep 16, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: review-books
I really loved reading Maybe I Will by Laurie Gray. I love reading books about teenagers and things they go through. This was a great book because you get to see what it was like for 3 friends and things they go through. My heart broke for Sandy because of everything she went through. I am pretty sure if I were her I would end up doing just what she did. If you love coming of age books and/or books about teenagers still in high school then you will love this book!

FTC:I received a free copy of th
Sep 10, 2013 rated it really liked it
This book was great. The not knowing or gender labeling Sandy was honestly the best part of this. Sometimes it's hard to put yourself into the shoes of a main character of a book, but with this because there were no specific pronouns you could glide right into the story unbiased. It was really intense because of subject matter, but it was really worth the read. Laurie Gray did a great job with this must read book.
Jun 13, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: favorites
This book was amazing.
Angela Jeffries
Oct 24, 2014 rated it it was amazing
Very good book. I personally think the main character was a boy but they never tell you. Loved the Peter Pan references since my daughter and I have been watching Peter Pan Live over and over.
Mar 06, 2019 rated it liked it
3.5 ⭐
I did not see that last plot twist coming! It totally came tip toeing like a cat and I didn't realize it until it was already on my lap

The first time "Maybe I will" term used in this novel hit me like the first nail in a coffin. Though the first part was as sad and depressing as death, the last time this term "Maybe I will" was used, felt like the last nail in the coffin but no this time it didn't refer to death or maybe life and death are two same things, only different sides of the same
May 13, 2019 rated it liked it
Shelves: finished-reading
Friends are made in the most unexpected places when the people you are closest to leave you behind. On March 15, ides of March, life changed for the worse as Cassie's boyfriend, Aaron sexually assaults Sandy. Trying to tell the truth about what happened but being labeled as a liar and crazy, Sandy turns to alcohol in order to ease the trauma. With his so called best friends deserting Sandy and with no one to relate to, will Sandy be able to heal from this wound?

I cannot say I really liked this
Jessica Takakjian
Apr 28, 2019 rated it it was ok
Reading level: 14/15 and up. Issues of sexual assault/rape and alcohol abuse make this book appropriate for a reasonably mature audience.

With best friends Cassie and Troy, a lead role in the spring musical, and dreams of attending Julliard, Sandy’s life seems pretty perfect. But one day in March, Cassie’s boyfriend, Aaron, sexually assaults Sandy. To deal with the pain, Sandy begins drinking … and shoplifting to maintain a steady supply of vodka. It’s not long before Sandy’s overwhelmed by the s
Aug 24, 2019 rated it it was ok
A quick read I picked up in the library at my mom's building. It was ok I guess but I have an issue with the sexual assault that happened. If Aaron had one hand over Sandy's mouth and was assaulting him/her with the other hand why was Sandy then not able to use his/her hands to push Aaron off? Don't quite get how that works but it was an ok book.
Jul 20, 2020 rated it liked it
The author leaves it up to the reader to decide if the main character is male or female. Sexual assault can happen to anybody, and as one of the characters points out: it’s not about sex, it’s about violence and control. Some issues with the writing style, but overall a thought provoking read.
Dominique Morris
Nov 15, 2019 rated it it was amazing
I really enjoyed this book because it reminded me of myself when I was in high school when I tried to do a talent show in school.
Growing Up
Sep 17, 2013 rated it really liked it
This is an important book. Parents with pre-teens and/or teenagers – buy this book, read it yourself and then pass it along to them to read. I am a mother of a teenager myself and I know that often teens shut their ears and don’t listen to a lot of the wisdom and advice we have to offer. Encourage them to read ‘Maybe I Will’. It covers a lot of vital, important information about sexual assault. Here are just some of the important things I think this book portrays to pre-teens, teenagers and youn ...more
Tyler-rose (The Reading Pile)
you can read the review here:

Warning: This book discusses mature themes, and so does the review.

My Review:

I have to say this book was very clever. Why? Because it wasn’t until about half way through where I considered that Sandy, wasn’t actually a girl. Which I suppose is kind of the point – it’s not about sex. I took that, originally, to mean that you’re still sexually assaulted even if you’re not raped. So this book was very clever – and I enjoyed it.

I don’
Apr 07, 2015 rated it it was ok
"Maybe I Will" touches on a few different hot topics, sexual assault, alcohol abuse, friendship, stress, depression, etc. I really didn't like this book as I was reading it. I can't put my finger on why either. I'm not sure if I just didn't like the writing, maybe I'm tired of reading about teens who don't fight back or stand up for themselves. I just don't know. I was really ready to write the book off as just another lack luster coverage of deep and important topics. Then I started reading rev ...more
Maybe I Will deals with sensitive and mature subject matter that is not openly discussed by society. The main character Sandy (we are never specifically told whether Sandy is male or female, it is left to the reader to decide. I read it as a female which is why I will refer to ‘she’ in this review) has a pretty good life. Her parents care about her, she doesn’t have many friends but she has two, Cassie and Troy, that seem close and she has a dream to attend Julliard when she graduates.

Sandy’s li
Melissa Ramirez
Dec 21, 2014 rated it liked it

The gender-neutral protagonist was an interesting plot point. I tended to read this book with a girl at the forefront of my mind, but then the last few chapters made me question whether Sandy was a girl or a guy! Still, I see what the author was going for, and if she was hoping to capitalize on the "Sexual violence happens to both men and women" idea, I think she succeeded.

Not quite as good
Oct 13, 2013 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

This book has a very powerful message in its story. We never really know if Sandy is a boy or girl, but it really doesn't matter. Because anyone can be assaulted, at any time. I kept trying to figure out if Sandy was a boy or girl, and there were plenty of times I thought I had it figured out, but then something happened at it changed! But I really liked that I couldn't figure it out. It just goes to show that men and women don't f
Mar 14, 2013 rated it it was ok
Shelves: teen
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
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An experienced trial attorney and child advocate, Laurie Gray is the founder of Socratic Parenting (, co-creator of Token of Change™, and a consultant for Sophie’s Café ( Laurie earned her B.A. from Goshen College and her J.D. from Indiana University Maurer School of Law. She also works as an adjunct professor of criminal sciences for Indiana Tech and ...more

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