Geslaagde examenblunders

by Richard Benson

Iedereen heeft het wel eens meegemaakt. Je hebt hard gestudeerd voor je repetitie, toets, schoolexamen of centraal examen. Het vragenblad belandt op je bureau. Iedereen is geconcentreerd aan het werk. Je buigt je over de volgende vraag en dan… een totale black-out! Geen idee wat je op moet schrijven! In Geslaagde examenblunders vind je de meest hilarische, bizarre en creatieve antwoorden van studenten die zich realiseerden dat ze kansloos waren om een bepaalde vraag goed te beantwoorden, en dus maar besloten om er het beste van te maken.

Genres: Humor, Nonfiction, Comedy, Education, Adult, Teaching, School

128 pages, Paperback

First published September 1, 2008

Reviews

[Heidi The Reader · Rating 3 out of 5]

Necessity is the mother of invention. When these students didn't know the answers, they pulled out all the stops to come up with something- sometimes with hilarious results. At other times though, I despaired for the future...

I think that F in Exams would be enjoyed the most by current or former educators. I read some of these aloud to my husband who used to be a college professor and he laughed so hard that he had tears in his eyes. Then, it led to a conversation about not knowing the answers on tests and making stuff up to fill in the blanks. He admitted that he had done so once in a marketing class and the prof had given him points for his creativity. Honestly, I don't think I've ever attempted joking my way into a better grade. This book makes me wish that I had, just once.

His favorite: Question: "What was Sir Francis Drake known for? Answer: Sir Francis Drake circumsized the world with a 100 foot clipper."

My favorite: Question: "Clair was well prepared for her interview. Explain how Claire may have prepared herself for the interview. Answer: Had a bath and put on her lucky pants." There's a lot to be said for a pair of lucky pants.

F in Exams would make excellent reading material for a doctor's office or any other place where you need to spend a few moments relaxing (ahem, powder room?), in which case, you should buy your own copy. Otherwise, I'd recommend borrowing this short little book from your local library as I'm sure that I'm not going to feel the need to pick it up again.

[Nandakishore Mridula · Rating 4 out of 5]

Absolutely loved this one!

Many of these weirdly funny answers have been circulating on the social media, so it's not entirely new to me, but it's always hilarious to see this mostly wrong yet refreshingly different answers.

------------

There is a running joke in our college, when a Chemical Engineering student was asked during his Electrical lab exam: "How do you start an induction motor?". The guy had no clue, but plunged ahead - "mmmmmMMMMM..." "Stop it!" The chagrined examiner roared. The boy dutifully wound down: "...MMMMMmmmmm." (This joke was used in the movie 3 Idiots. I later heard that one of the producers of the movie is our alumnus.)

This is the way to get a laugh out of a question you know you are bound to fail in answering.

There is another story, from our college again, when an interviewee was asked: "How do you know whether a transformer has burnt out?" He answered: "Well, you get this f***ing crappy smell." Although his answer was not technical, it was correct - and funny.

------------

The above two stories are not from this book, but there are many like these which will give you a chuckle. Sometimes the answers are plain wrong, like the following:

Q. Discuss the style of Romeo and Juliet.

A. It is written entirely in Islamic pentameter. The play is full of heroic couplets, one example being Romeo & Juliet themselves.


Q. What is Sir Francis Drake known for?

A. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.

Some are tongue-in-cheek, and you can't say the answers are literally wrong:

Q. Upon ascending the throne the first thing Queen Elizabeth II did was to…

A. Sit down


Q. Name six animals that live specifically in the Arctic.

A. Two polar bears, four seals

I can keep on quoting.

This is a fun book to read when you are down in the dumps, or want to release some tension. I keep a few of such books at the office, to read immediately after client meetings.

Believe me, some of these guys deserve such answers.

[MischaS_ · Rating 3 out of 5]

Most interesting thing? Different types of handwriting. Some of them were really cool.
Honestly, I just expected something more. Anyway, it's sort of easy read.

[Scott · Rating 3 out of 5]

Q: 'John's net pay is $150. His deductions are $38. Work out John's gross pay.'

A: 'The money he spends on porno magazines every week.'

My final delving into author's Benson's F series - my library system does not have any of the other editions - and probably not a moment too soon. While marginally better than F this Test (which I read earlier this month), it seems that reading said books in a close succession produces a sort of law of diminishing returns situation with the woefully incorrect and/or sly grasping at straws type of answers reproduced inside from grade school tests. However, at least F in Exams seem to get a bit funnier as it sped towards its conclusion, and I think you can't go wrong with humor like Q: 'What happens to a boy during puberty?' / A: 'He says goodbye to his childhood and enters adultery.' or the truthful Q: 'What's the highest-frequency noise that a human can register?' / A: 'Mariah Carey.'

[Amy Turner · Rating 4 out of 5]

a fun quick read. My favorite:

Name 6 animals that live in the Arctic.

Two polar bears and four seals.

[☘Misericordia☘ ⚡ϟ⚡⛈⚡☁ ❇️❤❣ · Rating 3 out of 5]

We start at 5 stars:
+1 star: handwriting
+1 star: some funny quips
-1 star: a lot of stupid Qs got stupid As. So, don't put stupid Qs on test papers.
-1 star: many of these exam takers were going for the fun factor
-1 star: I think some of these were made up

[reading is my hustle · Rating 3 out of 5]

What was the main industry in Persia?
- cats!

What is conditional probability?
- maybe, maybe not.

Describe the term "stakeholder."
- a vampire hunter. buffy being the most famous.

Define the term "intensive farming."
- it is when a farmer never has a day off.

Name six animals that live specifically in the Arctic.
- two polar bears & four seals.

Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
- at the bottom. duh.

Name the smaller rivers that run into the Nile.
- the juveniles

[Autumn · Rating 4 out of 5]

LOL!!!!!!! I wish i had the balls to write such atrocities as a way of improvising. Whether you are a college student, or still in HS, there are questions for everyone to identify with- I can guarantee you a deja-vu or two! :P

The Bio section was definitely my favorite one.

some i wanted to share here..


What is a "stakeholder"?
Someone who kills vampires. Buffy being the most famous. haha!!

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I was much younger, a 10th-grade vocabulary quiz had a word I couldn't remember how to spell or to define. Knowing that any answer I gave would be way off, my attempt to use the word in a sentence read, "The psychophant pulled back the curtain with his trunk and stabbed her to death with his tusks."

I don't know if a record of that answer exists anywhere, but this book is a collection of exactly that sort of answers from students who knew they would lose the point but decided to go for laughs. And a few where they may actually have believed what they were saying. My wife picked it up in Barnes & Noble for something to read while the kids were at the train table in the store, and I laughed so hard I had to take it home.

Some of my favorites:

Q. Describe the term "stakeholder."
A. A vampire hunter. Buffy being the most famous.

Q. Write the first and second laws of thermodynamics.
A. First rule of thermodynamics is you do not talk about thermodynamics.
Second rule of thermodynamics is you do not talk about thermodynamics.


My only disappointment with this book (aside from the absence of my own answer from the 10th grade) is that it was finished way too quickly.

[Jessaka · Rating 3 out of 5]

Funny thing happened on the way to old age: I now realize that I could not pass the SAT test to enter college again. But I can tell that some of these questions are from college courses because I never knew the answers and will never learn them.

This is fun to read while watching the horrible news, news that even my husband is finding stressful. He didn't even mind my laughing out loud and saying, "You have to hear this one!"

Question: "Give the name of two gases that may contribute to global warming?
Answer: "1. Bottom gas. 2. Cow burp."

Question: "What is conditional probability?"
Answer: "Maybe. Maybe not."

Question: "What is a random variable?"
Answer: "Someone with a multiple personality."

I am looking forward to reading his other books, if only to interrupt the news.

[Philip · Rating 1 out of 5]

The book was much less funny than I thought it would be. About half-way through I thought, "do I have to keep reading this? I do if I want to review it..."

So here we are.

A couple problems with the book:

1: I don't believe the answers are real. Or, if they're real, they're transposed. That, for me, takes something away from the book. I want authenticity. As a teacher, I've seen bad answers on tests. At this point, they don't seem funny to me any more. They just piss me off.

I'll ask students to use vocabulary words in sentences, "squalid, senile, despot, imperialism..." They give me, "My dad is squalid." "My dad is senile." "My dad is despot." "My dad is imperialism." When I first started teaching, I found that a little bit funny. Now I find that (depending on the student) annoying, depressing, or infuriating.

I can ask a question, and write something I think would be a funny answer. That's not the same thing as if a student writes it.

Here's something a student actually did. From my class:

The question was something like, "Design a monument that commemorates ancient Roman influence on our society. Use examples from art, architecture, engineering, philosophy and law..."



They were supposed to write an explanation as well, but this kid ran out of time. No doubt he's off doing great things now.

Another reason I didn't love the book was because a lot of the answers just weren't funny. If you're going to put them in a book, the have to 1: be authentic. 2: be the best of the best.

Question: "Explain the meaning of the word "magma."
Student A: "Japanese cartoons."

I get it. They confused magma and manga. It's not really that funny. It's not the best of the best.

The last reason I didn't love the book is because I've seen the thing for free every day for the past 10 years on my Facebook feed. (Of course, this book has been out for nearly 10 years, so that's maybe a bit unfair. Maybe it was novel when it first came out...)

The Facebook.

The Pinterest.

The Tumblr.

The Reddit.

The Twitter.

...And sadly, they're all better than the book.

[Ferdy · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 stars

Liked it for the most part, it was kind of disappointing though in that I was expecting a lot more laughs. I guess it was still enjoyable even though it wasn't as funny as I thought it would be. Also, I'd already come across quite a few of the 'hilarious and inventive' test answers before so that was a bit of a let down as well.

Favourite answer:

Is the sun or moon more important?

The moon gives us light at night when we need it. The sun only provides light in the day when we don't. Therefore the moon is more important.

[Kristy · Rating 4 out of 5]

My partner read this book to me one night, and it was so funny. We laughed so hard. Every student has moments when their brain deserts them during a test, or they forgot to study, and that's likely when teacher's get the most hilarious answers. This book is definitely in order if you need a good laugh.

[Lord Nouda · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had pretty mixed feelings about this book. For a comedy book it wasn't very funny. In fact, only 10% of the "funny" answers got a laugh of out me. Most of the answers were just plain stupid, especially the farming bit (under Geography). Stupidity isn't humorous. In fact, I'd wager a guess that the author came up with a significant portion of the answers since they had all the same "OMG I'm trying too hard to be funnies!" feeling to them.

The bits that were funny were more in line with tongue in cheek or sarcastic humor (from students who clearly realize they don't know their answers and are trying to make light of it.) The polar bears and seals had me laughing for awhile. The banana car, was just pure win and had me rolling around on my bed laughing every single time I looked at that page.

Overall, it's a decent comedy read. Maybe it's because I'm too "Asian" that I tend to take studies seriously and put it on a higher pedestal than most people (who seem to loathe school and just want to get by, while I on the other hand try my best to excel). Maybe I took things too literally but then again, The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-time Indian was extremely hilarious and had me laughing at all the jokes/racist humor. Either that or the jokes here just aren't funny.

For more reviews like this, check out Lanun Reviews

[Meaghan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is really amusing. My favorite answers to exam questions were:

Write the first and second Laws of Thermodynamics.
First rule of thermodynamics is that you do not talk about thermodynamics.
Second rule of thermodynamics is that you do not talk about thermodynamics.

There are 300 students in the 10th grade. Mark and Mary want to find out their 10th grade's favorite color. Mary asks 30 people. Mark asks 150 people. Mark says, "My conclusions are more likely to be reliable than Mary's." Why does Mark think he is right?
Because Mark is a man

What happens during a census?
During the census a man goes from door to door and increases the population.

Who was it that helped Theseus escape from the Labyrinth?
David Bowie

In Pride and Prejudice, at what moment does Elizabeth Bennet realize her true feelings for Mr. Darcy?
When she sees him coming out of the lake.

[Tamara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Entertaining.

Favorite Quotes

Give a brief explanation of the meaning of the term "hard water."
Ice

What is the highest frequency noise that a human can register?
Mariah Carey

Is the sun or moon more important?
The moon gives us light at night when we need it. The sun only provides light in the day when we don't. Therefore the moon is more important.

Write two thousand in figures.
Two thousand in figures

What happens during a census?
During the census, a man goes door to door and increases the population.

Name six animals that live specifically in the Artic.
Two polar bears, four seals

[P. · Rating 3 out of 5]

Discuss the style of Romeo and Juliet.

It is written in Islamic pentameter. The play is full of heroic couplets, one example being Romeo + Juliet themselves.

ROFL!!

[Toni · Rating 4 out of 5]

Q: Explain the concept of homeostasis?
A: It is when you stay at home all day and don’t go out.
Тази година на приемния изпит по биология в МУ-София се падна тема за хомеостаза, та се чудя колко ли биха писали на кандидат, написал такава чудесия.
Аз пък, от своя страна, днес бях в перфектна "хомеостаза" и трябваше само да си намеря още и още книги за четене и това беше една от тях. Ученическите бисери винаги са ме забавлявали. Някои от тези просто ме разсмяха до сълзи, други вече бях мяркала из интернет като Why does Mark think he is right? Because he is a man.
Най-забавни ми бяха биология, психология, история, география и бизнес технологиите. А, и туй чудо:
Q: The population of Bulgaria has been decreasing at an annual rate of 1.3%. If the population of Bulgaria was about 7,797,000 in the year 2000, predict its population in the year 2010.
A: 0. There will be a cheesecake shortage.
Чак ми стана интересно кое и къде е това училище. :D
Сега, за да обогатя общата ви култура или да ви припомня някои важни неща ще ви кажа, че “free press” всъщност е “when your mum irons pants for you”; CD-ROM не е нищо повече от диск с романтична музика; магма е японски комикс; основната индустрия в Персия са котките; първото нещо, което Елизабет ІІ направила, след като наследила трона е да седне на него; на Великден всички християни празнуват чудото на шоколада, а ако ви боли глава може да имате много сериозна миграция. ;)
Това са само малка част от бисерите, които за мое щастие са придружени и с илюстрации.

[Hilary "Fox" · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a delightful, hilarious little book. The answers always elicited at least an eyeroll from me, although a few came from so far out of left field to get a legitimate laugh. It's an easy, quick read that is guaranteed to put a smile on your face. Much like the Far Side Gallery books, this one is great to leaf through for a few laughs and smiles, no need to read from start to finish.

I could see this book being passed around by teachers and students alike, although I've no doubt in my mind that just about anyone could get a few laughs out of it. Perhaps especially those clever enough to come up with some of these ridiculous responses.

Favorite one from this book?

Using your knowledge of Freud, provide an example of when a dream represents Freud's theory.

If you dream about cookies it means you are subconsciously thinking about sex, but if you are dreaming about sex, it means you are thinking about cookies.


Well, they're not wrong.

[Megan · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was a very quick read. I think it took me all of 10-15 minutes. I'd say it's a good book to have out as a coffee table book, or in a waiting room. Some of the examples are very funny, others less so. You may have already seen several of these funny answers somewhere on the internet (funnyexams.com comes to mind). The humor of the book is somewhat lessened to me because I'm concerned that many of the examples are fake. If you notice, *several* of the examples are written in the same "handwriting". It becomes quite clear at this point that the answers are written in various handwriting typefaces. I feel like the book would have been better if the examples were more authentic. Being able to think that students actually used these answers adds a greater level of humor for me. Overall, I would not recommend purchasing this book other than in the circumstances I mentioned above. If you happen to see the book somewhere, however, it's worth a quick flip-through.

[Devlin Scott · Rating 3 out of 5]

Time for a Devlin Pop Quiz boys and girls…



Question: What does reading this book of wrong test answers teach us as a group?

a) that recesses need to be reduced to encourage more group study time
b) that recesses need to be longer to reduce student stress levels
c) that libraries are dangerously under-stocked on the necessary books
d) teachers are grossly underpaid


I’d go with answer “d”, class.



Devlin

[Nicky · Rating 3 out of 5]

I keep stealing people's stocking-fillers to read. This one was my housemate's. It's pretty much along the same lines as one of those email forwards I used to get all the time, about silly things people wrote on exam papers. Some of these are pretty unbelievably silly, but anyway, it's worth a giggle or two.

[Carmen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Just funny test answers kids wrote.

Example:

Hugo King is an engineer. He is a sole trader. Explain the business term "sole trader."

It means he sold his sole to the devil!

Good for a laugh.

[Stephanie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was in the mood for a little humor and I thought this book was going to be a lot more funny or clever. It wasn't. Hopefully the other books in the series are.

[melhara · Rating 4 out of 5]

You know that quiz game show Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? Well, I'm pretty sure most of the kids who wrote these answers are not smarter than a 5th grader.

As someone who has helped mark highschool math and science exams (my partner is a highschool teacher), I can attest to the fact that highschool students can be very dumb and/or creative with their answers (mostly dumb answers though. Clever answers are rare). These answers usually makes me laugh out loud while my boyfriend would just groan in exasperation and disappointment (i.e."C'mon, we went over this in class FIVE times!!").

The funniest/dumbest answer we've seen so far was in a grade 10 biology test, where the students were given a diagram of the human anatomy and had to label the appropriate sections. My boyfriend, who really wanted his students to do well and pass the test, provided a wordbank to make the test easier. I kid you not - a student wrote "wordbank" down as an option 😑. They labelled the esophagus "wordbank"! As if the word "esophagus" was an extra word thrown into the wordbank to confuse them!

My reaction:


Boyfriend's reaction:


Moving on.

The book is organized by subjects, and I've included the ones where I've gotten my favourite reactions out of my BF.

Chemistry

Q: Describe the chemical differences between H2O and CO2.
A: H2O is hot water, CO2 is cold water

BF: 😑
Me: 😄

Biology

Q: What happens to your body when taking a breath?
A: Your chest gets bigger.

BF: 0.25/1 - Your lungs expand when you breathe in.

Physics

Q: Write the first and second Laws of Thermodynamics.
A: First rule of thermodynamics is you do not talk about thermodynamics.
Second rule of thermodynamics is you do not talk about thermodynamics.

BF: LOL. +0.5 for creativity.

Math

Q: Change 7/8 to a decimal.
A: 7.8

BF: DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY OF MY STUDENTS KEEP DOING THIS?!?!

Business & Technology

Question: Claire used good body language at a job interview. Can you think of three examples of good body language that Claire may have used?
Answer:
1. Pole dancing
2. The moonwalk
3. The Bolero

BF: Can we re-enact this?
Me: Hi, my name is Melissa… *proceeds to pole dance*

Psychology

Question: Using your knowledge of Freud, provide an example of when a dream represents Freud's theory.
Answer: If you dream about cookies it means you are subconciously thinking about sex, but if you are dreaming about sex, it mean you are thinking about cookies.

BF: Close enough. Everything with Freud is about sex.

History & Geography

Question: Explain the dispersal of various farming types in the Midwest
Answer: The cows + pigs are distribute in different fields so they don't eat each other.

BF: Makes sense to me.
Me: WTF?

English

Question: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to illustrate its meaning.
Answer: I am using "judicious" in the sentence to illustrate its meaning.

Me: Ok, I was guilty of this as a kid. I probably would have written something like "I do not know the meaning of the word 'judicious'"... which is technically a sentence and deserves a half mark.
BF: What! But you're not even trying! The word is obviously an adjective, so I would have written something like "He is very judicious."

tl;dr - This was a lot of fun to read. The BF was mainly only interested in the first few sections since he's a math and science teacher. I think this book would be a great gift for teachers if it focused on one school subject rather than including them all.

You can also read my review for F for Effort here

[Donna Wilson · Rating 2 out of 5]

I've seen the internet meme dozens of times and thought it was cute. I hoped this book would be more of the same -- and it was - exactly.

I've read all the "good" mistakes in this book previously on the internet, and the "lesser" mistakes really weren't too funny. For those of you who haven't seen them, some of the answers seem to legitimately be kids either making a wild or logical guess (find "x" in this equation, and the kids circles the "x"), but others sound made up to fill the book -- the answers are too smart or witty to be a kid's wrong guess ("what does the word lava mean -- a pre-pubescent caterpillar").

But the book was short and I smiled a little, so 2 stars.

[Ashley Reid · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was a complete waste of my time, I had already seen most of the answers in the book on the internet or they were sent to me by teachers I know that thought they were funny.

most of them weren't even funny, and the main reason I wanted to read it was to laugh and enjoy a simple easy to read book. however, it got boring very quickly.

[Page Turner · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a hoot! The book is filled with crazy funny answers some students wrote for exams. I laughed all the way through! A good quick read!

[Terri · Rating 4 out of 5]

A quick fun read of funny test answers

[Soumili]

Good Lord this was so funny!! My mood was bad and then I read it. Hahaha.