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The Stories We Live By: Personal Myths and the Making of the Self

Dan P. McAdams

3.97 · Rating details · 227 ratings · 24 reviews

"Who am I?" "How do I fit in the world around me?" This revealing and innovative book demonstrates that each of us discovers what is true and meaningful, in our lives and in ourselves, through the creation of personal myths. Challenging the traditional view that our personalities are formed by fixed, unchanging characteristics, or by predictable stages through which every ...more

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Paperback, 336 pages

Published January 3rd 1997 by The Guilford Press (first published March 1st 1993)

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Feb 14, 2012 Elise rated it liked it

A pretty interesting book that I probably would not have picked up had it not been assigned for a class I am taking; I'm glad I had the opportunity to read it. McAdams's central premise is that we give meaning to our lives by applying a narrative structure - dividing the life into chapters, each with its own setting and characters, and, ultimately, unified with a central theme. More specifically, we each create personal myths, based on dominant narrative forms (e.g., comedy, romance, tragedy, ir A pretty interesting book that I probably would not have picked up had it not been assigned for a class I am taking; I'm glad I had the opportunity to read it. McAdams's central premise is that we give meaning to our lives by applying a narrative structure - dividing the life into chapters, each with its own setting and characters, and, ultimately, unified with a central theme. More specifically, we each create personal myths, based on dominant narrative forms (e.g., comedy, romance, tragedy, irony) and archetypal characters (e.g., the intellectual, the healer, the creator) from within our culture.

I like the notion of applying the personal myth paradigm to human lives. Indeed, much of what we understand about the world and human culture in general comes from lessons learned through stories--even Jesus himself employed this strategy as a teacher. Stories serve to delight and instruct (yes, the original quote, whose utterer escapes me, said poetry, not stories, but the application to McAdams is, I think, the same). What do we find more complicated than our very selves? McAdams, a psychologist at Northwestern, explains that his interviewees (for his research on human lives, which informs this book) by and large found the experience of being interviewed tremendously valuable, as the act of talking about their life stories enlightened them in several ways: McAdams helped people to identify and change their personal myths, and ultimately, make meaning of their lives. In other words, the interviews functioned for many as a talk therapy of sorts, not necessarily because these people previously identified as in need of psychological help, but because McAdams and his team asked their questions strategically, encouraging their respondents to think anew about the trajectory of their lives--that is, as personal myths, with a beginning, middle, end, and an underlying theme.

One major shortcoming of McAdams's work, however, is that, in explaining the dominant narrative forms and archetypal characters that individuals identify with in their personal myths, he relies heavily on the Judeo-Christian traditions and the stories of ancient Greek mythology. I'm assuming that McAdams did/does most of his research in the United States; nevertheless, I would have appreciated a more cross-cultural look at people and their stories.

A key takeaway is that, if we are to make meaning of our lives through telling our stories, we need listeners. As evidenced by the positive feedback provided by his respondents (many of whom would not accept payment for the interview), McAdams and his team served as rather effective listeners: sympathetic, but analytic; invested, but not too intimate. If we can each identify one person in our lives who can be that one good listener, we would have a much clearer perspective on where we are in the course of our lives, as well as what we want to change and where we want to go. ...more

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Jan 01, 2020 Kyle Farris rated it it was amazing

Shelves: bought

There are few books that have had a profound impact in my life. This will surely be one of them. McAdams explains personality through the stories to tell ourselves. We are not merely traits, desires, or experiences; we are comprised of all the elements of a story. What we tell ourselves, we tend to believe and live by. If you enjoy introspection and understanding yourself, this book is phenomenal.

While I rated this as "everyone should read this," I acknowledge that some people will not have the ...more

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Jan 10, 2015 Carl rated it really liked it · review of another edition

I decided not to provide a review of this book here, but to let the other Goodreads reviews do that. Instead I focussed on the part I found most useful and which I thought would be of most interest to readers of my blog ( My Call of Stories): namely his chapter Exploring Your Own Myth. In that chapter, Chapter 10 of his book, he provides an outline to explore your own myth, or myths:

A. Life Chapters…at least 2-3 and at most 7-8
B. Key Events (nuclear episodes)…..Specific list of 8
C. Significant ...more

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Jul 10, 2007 Mark rated it liked it

Shelves: nonfiction, mind-and-brain

How our memories and life stories serve as the material we use to create a narrative identity. Much of the book focuses on how our narrative stories are formed and refined as we age, and progress through stages of our lives. I liked the discussion of imagoes as the different roles we play and the way we see ourselves in relation to others. I was a disappointed in other ways though, as I didn't find the focus on Agency vs. Communion to be compelling. I wanted to learn more about how our narrative ...more

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Mar 07, 2019 Sean rated it it was ok · review of another edition

Shelves: storytelling, psychology

This book actually seemed to be about people making stories based on life, not the other way around as the title says. I was looking for how the stories themselves could contain power.

Well-written, very thoroughly researched but missing what I thought I would find. Lately I've been encountering the idea that the way life events are interpreted can affect one's psychology. And that one can apply a different interpretation (tell oneself a story) to achieve change, healing, peace, or other goals. T ...more

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Oct 28, 2020 Karen rated it liked it

I’m glad I read it; it’s a foundational book in the field of narrative psychology. But it was a bit dated especially in the chapter about infant attachment, really emphasized Erickson, and the chapter about the drives for power and love wasn’t compelling. So, I’m glad I read it but also glad I didn’t buy it.

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Sep 11, 2018 Ashley L Stout rated it liked it

Good book- I like a lot of the ideas, and really like the practice of writing a Life Story, but the book was very wordy and long, if it had been shorter and cut to the point a little quicker, I would have liked it even more.

Still liked it though.

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Oct 19, 2020 Mary Shelton rated it liked it

Shelves: 2020-read

Finished reading this for a class I"m teaching. More about it after class ends. ...more

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Sep 27, 2018 Charles Collyer rated it it was amazing

Shelves: social-science, influences

Great book. This is the kind of psychology that is meaningful to me these days.

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Mar 25, 2019 Joy Kaplan rated it liked it

Good overview of ideas, but nothing deep.

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Jun 05, 2022 Laura Montauti rated it it was amazing

Excellent book for anyone studying narrative analysis in psychology. The research is presented in an easy-to-read manner that keeps you engaged.

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Sep 05, 2018 Jennifer rated it liked it

Shelves: academic

OK. A bit too dry for me, but to be fair, I did not realize it is more of a textbook. I was reading because of my interest in constructionism.

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Jun 08, 2015 Claudia rated it it was amazing

Shelves: 2015-challenge-175-books, professional-reading, nonfiction

Five, mostly because this made me think...think hard. And that's not easy to do with most books.

I absolutely believe we see the world as story. I believe story is what connects humans, and what moves humans. I believe the quest pattern is embedded in our DNA. So, of course this book intrigued me.

McAdams analyzes our lives and stages in our lives as story components -- tone, theme, characters, mythic forms, images...and imagoes.

Throughout our lives, we work on one component or another...children, Five, mostly because this made me think...think hard. And that's not easy to do with most books.

I absolutely believe we see the world as story. I believe story is what connects humans, and what moves humans. I believe the quest pattern is embedded in our DNA. So, of course this book intrigued me.

McAdams analyzes our lives and stages in our lives as story components -- tone, theme, characters, mythic forms, images...and imagoes.

Throughout our lives, we work on one component or another...children, adolescents, adults. We're constructing our story, living it, adjusting it, usually without really understanding all this interior work.

I was fascinated especially with his concept of motivational themes. He says we create themes around our motives...agency or communion, or a combination of both, or an absence of both. Agency is doing, making, creating, moving...Communion is connecting, assisting, building and nurturing relationships. Our imagoes, or images of ourselves, can be traced back to these themes. Strong agency? You may be a warrior, a traveler, a sage, a maker. Strong communion? Lover, caretaker, friend...Both? healer, teacher, counselor, humanist, arbiter. Neither? Escapist or survivor. I love that healer and teacher and counselor are considered to be strong in both power and action, and support and nurturing.

His theories about adolescent mythmaking hit home, as we have two teens in the family. Those questions of identity, of values and beliefs, become so important. McAdams tells us they need safe havens to experiment with their identity, and to try new roles. It's so hard to give that freedom, but I understand why we must.

As an old woman, I'm fascinated by his discussion of mid-life and beyond, and the desire in some of us to leave a legacy. He calls that generative integration...contributing something that will outlive us in some way. The combination of agency (power) and communion (love) give us motivation to reach to the future.

McAdams ends the book with the series of interview questions he and his researchers used to build his theories of myth-making. I think they could be useful as writing prompts, even without having an interviewer.

Powerful book that makes me think.

Two lines that resonated:

"The teacher seeks to leave a legacy of the self for the next generation."

And his quote of Erik Erikson: "I am what survives me."

...more

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Jan 02, 2008 Beth rated it really liked it

Shelves: psych, storytelling-and-tales

I wouldn't be surprised if this book is sometimes used as a text in narrative psychology classes. I've picked it up and read it in chunks, each time enjoying and learning from what McAdams offers. I wanted to give it 4.5 stars. McAdams is brilliant. He describes in detail how we write our own stories as a myth--and then live by them. Nevertheless, it rubs up against some of my core beliefs about story and identity that I cannot yet articulate. Perhaps that's why this interests me so. Isn't it wh ...more

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Jun 13, 2008 Stefanie rated it liked it

Shelves: philosophy

with both carl jung and joseph campbell's insightful works, there is no denying that humans delve into myth to make sense of themselves and environment. while this book explores narrative myth in self-creation, i did not find the divisions between agency and communion particularly enlightening. in fact, i found this categorization method more of a distraction because it attempted to cover all role types based on this distinction. familiar archetypes, such as the warrior, become a more encompassi ...more

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Jun 20, 2013 Jieun Kim rated it really liked it

Shelves: narrative-inquiry

This book reminds me of how to retell and restory to recreate one's past. At times, so do I think it might be awesome to re-imagine my past and ongoing events and episode in a new way. Particularly, chapter 1, The meaning of life and stories has a great character named Margaret who desecrates the chapel to recast her personal myth in self-fulfillment because she doesn't want to pass the same pain onto her daughter. She chose to reconcile her awful experiences with energy and forward direction. I ...more

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Mar 25, 2010 Emily rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: nonfiction

The author is a psychologist who is interested in the way we build the meaning of our lives, selecting experiences and relationships to become the characters and themes in our personal stories. He believes we are all constantly building these stories throughout our lives, but taking the time to lay them out an reflect on them can help us think about our purpose and see where we're going.

His approach is more natural than many psychological tests, and isn't intended to be a self-help book. It's a ...more

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May 31, 2008 claire rated it it was amazing

Recommended to claire by: Ken

Wonderful! A fascinating book about how we think of/narrate our lives and the ways we may divide our selves into different "characters". I loved this book (and it also happened to be a great help in thinking about my dissertation). ...more

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Nov 21, 2015 A rated it it was amazing

An engaging and accessible exploration of how we write the stories of our life and why those stories are important in shaping where we go next.

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Oct 06, 2010 Lisa Withered Crone rated it really liked it

I've read this book twice before. Thought-provoking, but I'm not sure I agree with the message. ...more

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Jan 29, 2009 Ruby rated it it was amazing

Shelves: psychology-self-help

So many things happen to us in our lives and we only remember a few. McAdams postulates a theory for why we choose to remember what we do and how we make sense of our life experiences. Fascinating.

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