Goodreads helps you keep track of books you want to read.

Start by marking “A Nation of Wimps: The High Cost of Invasive Parenting” as Want to Read:

Other editions

Enlarge cover

Rate this book

Clear rating

1 of 5 stars 2 of 5 stars 3 of 5 stars 4 of 5 stars 5 of 5 stars

Open Preview

A Nation of Wimps: The High Cost of Invasive Parenting

Hara Estroff Marano

3.62 · Rating details · 313 ratings · 71 reviews

Wake up, America: We?re raising a nation of wimps.Hara Marano, editor-at-large and the former editor-in-chief of Psychology Today, has been watching a disturbing trend: kids are growing up to be wimps. They can?t make their own decisions, cope with anxiety, or handle difficult emotions without going off the deep end. Teens lack leadership skills. College students engage in ...more

Get A Copy

Hardcover, 320 pages

Published April 15th 2008 by Broadway Books (first published 2008)

More Details... Edit Details

Friend Reviews

To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up.

Reader Q&A

To ask other readers questions about A Nation of Wimps, please sign up.

Be the first to ask a question about A Nation of Wimps

Lists with This Book

Teaching Kids to Think by Darlene Sweetland

Is Your Child a Money Master or a Money Monster? by Sunny Istar Lee "The Eagle ...

The Blessing of a Skinned Knee by Wendy Mogel

Parenting Books

129 books — 133 voters

Angus, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging by Louise Rennison

Books I Gave 3 Stars

261 books — 9 voters

More lists with this book...

Community Reviews

Showing 1-30

Average rating 3.62 ·

Rating details

· 313 ratings · 71 reviews

More filters

Sort order

Start your review of A Nation of Wimps: The High Cost of Invasive Parenting

Jun 16, 2008 Nicole Johns rated it it was amazing

Recommends it for: parents and educators, as well as those concerned about the future of education

This book will have a profound effect on how I parent and it already has me re-thinking and changing my ways.

Basically, the book is about how the growing trend of "helicopter" or "death-grip" or "intrusive" parenting is not only weakening and harming our kids, but will also ultimately limit our country's prospects in the new global economy. I have friends in higher ed and they have told me stories about 18 year olds unable to decide for themselves what size t-shirt they need and don't know how This book will have a profound effect on how I parent and it already has me re-thinking and changing my ways.

Basically, the book is about how the growing trend of "helicopter" or "death-grip" or "intrusive" parenting is not only weakening and harming our kids, but will also ultimately limit our country's prospects in the new global economy. I have friends in higher ed and they have told me stories about 18 year olds unable to decide for themselves what size t-shirt they need and don't know how to solve a simple roommate conflict without calling mom and dad in for advice or assistance. I really didn't believe that things were so bad, until I read this book.

The book outlines the innumerable ways that parenting from a place of fear and anxiety is hurting kids. Kids are more anxious, more depressed, more stressed and more lonely thanks to parents who never allow them to face a challenge or experience a loss on their own. And the irony of this trend is that the parents' actions cause more harm to their children than the perceived risks could. Kids are hesitant or uninterested in trying something new, speaking out, questioning authority, and generally taking chances. They are raised to think there is always some hidden danger and that success is only measured in grades and the college you attend. It's perfectionism at its worse.

Along with anecdotal evidence and scientific evidence of this trend and its damage, the book also includes explanations of the psychological and biological processes of child development and the effects of death-grip parenting.

Kids need to experience failure (it's how we learn) and feel pain. They need to find out what they are best at, what they enjoy and who they want to be. We are hurting our kids when we plan their whole days, their whole lives, for them. They need a chance and time to explore. They need to be loved not for what they achieve, but for who they are. They also need space and time away from their loving parents so they can develop their own coping mechanisms and their identities, even at young ages.

Before reading this book, I was parenting from a place of anxiety a lot of the time, but now I realize that we do the best we can to provide a safe and loving place for our son. It's our job to free him and expose him to the many challenges and beauties of this world, not to shield him and groom him to be some ideal child. He already is an ideal child, himself.

And by the way, kids aren't getting abused and abducted more than they used to. It's actually happening much less, and really, it is most often done by someone the kid knows or is related to. So let the kid play outside for goodness sake. ...more

flag 4 likes · Like · see review

Feb 21, 2010 Maren rated it did not like it

VERY unimpressed with this book. I understand what the author is saying, I just don't care a I disagree with it. What he's promoting (that kids are too sheltered these days) seems to apply to a small minority of American wealthies. I also wonder how prevalent it really is. Also, he makes radical generalizations that are inflammatory and offensive. For example, I'm sure there are SAHMs out there that live through their children and quit successful careers to over-control their lives, but I'm also ...more

flag 2 likes · Like · see review

Apr 24, 2009 Mandeep’s reads rated it liked it

Shelves: non-fiction

This book was about what the author thinks is a new phenomenon of over-protective parenting and being over-involved in kids lives. And how this is creating unhappy, impatient, brittle children who will not be very good future leaders. It spent a lot of time on how some parents have their kids lives all planned out for them - with their eye to beefing up their college resumes. It was funny at times when the author gave anecdotes about crazy parents attending job interviews with their 18 yr olds. ...more

flag 1 like · Like · see review

Jun 03, 2010 Laura rated it did not like it

I was not impressed with this book. It was sensationalistic, poorly referenced and make very sweeping claims that dismissed whole schools of thought that certainly have some validity to them. I'm going to betray my biases here but she dismissed attachment parenting in about a paragraph and did the same to homeschooling, basically making both sound like only the most obsessed parents would consider doing either of those things even though they are so detrimental for their children. She did have s ...more

flag 1 like · Like · see review

Aug 03, 2008 Jennifer rated it it was ok

an interesting point of view. obviously this is occurring but i certainly don't think it's the damning epidemic that this book makes it out to be. plus, i think it would have added a lot more to the book if children and their parents from other socioeconomic spheres were included in the interviews, facts, and figures. yes, this parenting style does exist but so do a million other parenting styles....both good, bad, and in between. when it comes down to it, mostly parents just want what is best f ...more

flag 1 like · Like · see review

Aug 11, 2008 Gail rated it it was ok

Recommends it for: Su

Shelves: parenting

The first half of this book was more interesting to me because it focused on younger children. Marano is at her best when she writes about brain development. The chapter on the importance of play is fascinating, especially the part about how ADHD may just be a lack of play. However, the book ends up getting very repetitive and the chapters don't follow any sort of linear argument. Particularly annoying were how chapters were divided into three to four paragraph sections that were unrelated to ea ...more

flag 1 like · Like · see review

Jun 29, 2009 Amy-Karen rated it liked it

Shelves: non-fiction

Am feeling very conflicted as I read this book. Was my mother an invasive mom...? Is Andrew an invasive dad? I know that many of our parents at school are helicopter parents. I keep switching points of view and placing different people in the different scenarios. I feels a bit overwhelming. I'm trying to perservere. ...more

flag 1 like · Like · see review

Dec 03, 2017 Finn rated it liked it

This is a poorly-written book full of exaggerated action metaphors. There are things to think about here, though. The crux of the book seems to be about the pitfalls of modern parenting. In a dynamic, materialistic, highly-competitive world, many adults seem to have problems establishing identities. This causes them to seek identity vicariously through their children, and to desperately try to set their children up for the success they never had by clearing every obstacle from their path. Tragic ...more

flag Like · see review

Jan 27, 2019 Kathy rated it it was amazing

I wish I had read Nation of Wimps 10 years ago, when I first put it on my to-read list. Better late than never though. This is important reading for families who live in pressure-cooker communities where kids are constantly pushed to achieve, increasingly through parental intervention and over-involvement. My three teenagers have already taught me many of the book’s lessons organically, but there were still many great reminders about ways in which we parents sometimes acts as impediments to, rat ...more

flag Like · see review

Jul 30, 2020 Matthew Richey rated it it was ok

Shelves: current-issues, sociology, parenting, read-in-2020, teaching

I agree with many of the concerns expressed in this book, but the author is more interested in anecdotal stories or cherry-picked studies than in doing deep research or actually asking questions. She has concerns that I share, but I'm not sure how this book helps explain the whys or points us towards any what nows. Might be worth a quick browse, but not recommended overall (also, this book was published in 2008, which for some of the points being made, it's a bit dated already). ...more

flag Like · see review

Apr 03, 2018 Amy rated it it was ok

If I had bought this book instead of borrowing it from the library, it would be in the trash right now.

Besides the fact that the author is not a mental health professional of any sort, this book comes off as condescending and extremely judgmental.

Find a good therapist instead.

flag Like · see review

Jan 31, 2011 Donna rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Recommends it for: Parents, Educators

Recommended to Donna by: Misti & Christine at Case

Shelves: academic-support

I wanted to be able to tell people I was shocked by what I read in this book. Sadly, I am not--the author has simply named it (well), and as educators we see it day in and day out.

Isn't it funny how nations run from the "enemy," yet often fall from within. Why is it that our nation does not see we are falling from within?

What a reality check for me to read this book. (Misti and Christine recommended it.)

(Note: Many corps look to hire first generation Americans today, as being the children of i ...more

flag Like · see review

May 19, 2008 Carmen Liffengren rated it really liked it

I'm not sure what drew me to this book. I saw it at Barnes & Noble and I kept it on a mental to-read list. So, I checked it out from the library. It's really about the effects of hyper-vigilant parenting from birth through high school and college. Today's parents, according to the author, spend so much of their energy coddling and over-protecting their children in the attempt to shield them from ever feeling unhappy or disappointed. In effect they raise children who do not learn to become indepe I'm not sure what drew me to this book. I saw it at Barnes & Noble and I kept it on a mental to-read list. So, I checked it out from the library. It's really about the effects of hyper-vigilant parenting from birth through high school and college. Today's parents, according to the author, spend so much of their energy coddling and over-protecting their children in the attempt to shield them from ever feeling unhappy or disappointed. In effect they raise children who do not learn to become independent. Children don't learn how to cope with negativity in their lives nor do they learn how to navigate a challenging and complex world. The author spends time discussing how the brain functions and that is ultimately fascinating. There are chapters devoted to the increasing depression and anxiety rates in college students and chapters about ADHD in elementary students. She spends much time discussing how our society wants our children to get ahead academically and from earlier and earlier ages at the expense of missing childhood. Many schools have either reduced recess times or eliminated it all together in the hopes that there will be more time for academics. Today's society is suspect of play time because it seemingly accomplishes nothing, but based on brain research, play is vital for children. More unstructured play is essential for development and increasingly, children spend so much time in too many structured activities. They need time to play and also, not surprisingly, unstructured play and rough-and-tumble play factor into greatly decreasing the symptoms of ADHD in children. The author is awfully critical of the public school system and seemingly says that the rise in diagnosis of ADD, ADHD might be related to the outdated and irrelevant mode of learning to be found in schools. On the other hand, she mentions homeschooling only a couple of times and neither time is she very enthusiastic about it as it is part of her screed against "hothouse" parenting. She's in favor of alternative schools that require less pressure and a more inspiring atmosphere that does inspire real learning. Children learn more when they can learn to motivate themselves. There's just so much in this book that's food for thought. Her solutions involve letting children have more unstructured time to develop their imaginations, letting children work out challenges on their own so as to create coping mechanisms needed in adult life, letting children deal with the consequences of something negative (not always having mom or dad bail them out). Children need to learn independence to live in this world. There's a natural progression of ths type of over-protecitve parenting that breeds a child more prone to anxiety and depression. I recommend reading the book if only to learn more about how the brain functions and develops. So much interesting stuff here to think about. ...more

flag Like · see review

Mar 02, 2015 Donna rated it really liked it

Shelves: relationships, parenting, family, psychology

Sad but true.

Children today in middle class and upper class homes are being overprotected and micromanaged by their parents to such a degree that they do not develop problem solving skills, social relationship skills, independence and successful life skills.

Their parents plan their lives, fighting even before they are born, to find placement for them in the best nursery and preschools so that they are on track for the Ivy League. The children are pressured to perform and fit into the parents' pe Sad but true.

Children today in middle class and upper class homes are being overprotected and micromanaged by their parents to such a degree that they do not develop problem solving skills, social relationship skills, independence and successful life skills.

Their parents plan their lives, fighting even before they are born, to find placement for them in the best nursery and preschools so that they are on track for the Ivy League. The children are pressured to perform and fit into the parents' perception of their lives, having value only in achieving by perfection. They are taught that they must be perfect, not excellent. They are praised for their performance instead of for the process and what they have learned from it. They become insecure because they feel that their parents' love is conditional upon their academic and extracurricular success.

They are so driven to succeed that they overtrain before their minds and bodies are capable of the degree of training. Doctors are seeing repetitive sports injuries in young children that used to be common only in professional athletes. Children are put into Head Start programs to learn in ways that their brains are not yet capable of learning. Curricula no longer reflect the needs and abilities of the students, but eh competitive desires of the parents.

Children are so pressured to achieve that they have psychological breakdowns. The parents realize that counselling is necessary but are not willing to obtain it because it would be a failure as a parent. Their emotional lives are intertwined unhealthily with those of their children.

Eating disorders, mental breakdowns and binge drinking are just some signs of the psychological problems created by the parents.

The author seems to generalize at times, overemphasizing Ivy League schools. It would be bad for a person to ignore her insights because they think they are not relevant because their children are not going to Ivy League schools. The examples that she uses are extreme, but to some degree, I have seen them happen in the MidWest in upper middle class schools with a high proportion of professional parents: parents who coerce their students to take a path that is not suited to them, who fight for their children's marks, who threaten and try to intimidate the teachers and administration to change teaching methods or marks. who do more than assist in completing research projects, who have them join every extracurricular activity so that there is no time to play, who do not let their children fail and suffer the consequences...

But her information is well referenced 32 pages of footnotes. Perhaps the book is over-repetitive and you could learn enough by reading just the first and last chapters.

But do not let that prevent you from taking away from this book the damage that is being done by overparenting... too much of a good thing. ...more

flag Like · see review

Oct 17, 2008 Robin rated it really liked it

Recommends it for: Everyone, especially those with kids.

Recommended to Robin by: Newsweek

The basic premise of the book is that parents need to back the F off. Free play (with no adults anywhere in sight) is absolutely essentialt. Roughhousing in particular is critical to brain development. If she's right my youngest is going to be a genius. ;)

I don't agree with all the author's assertions. In particular she needs to decide how she feels about SAHMs. In one breath she trashes them for abandoning their careers and then pouring all that energy into "childrearing" but then in the next b ...more

flag Like · see review

Dec 29, 2008 Lesli rated it really liked it

I really enjoyed this book. There is so much information out there about how to be "a good parent" which teaches parents to infantilize their children way too long, this book basically says all of that is crap. Children need to play by themselves and figure things out for themselves. Its not a tragedy if a kid gets hurt playing, its how they learn. I sometimes feel like a bad parent because I let my kid play by himself, or when he gets bored, apparently based on the research presented in this bo ...more

flag Like · see review

Aug 01, 2011 Byron Wright rated it liked it

This book talks about why current parenting styles are creating adults who are unable to cope with the real world. Basically left in perpetual adolescence. While I agree with the premise of the book that many parents are too invasive in their children's lives, some of the anecdotes offered as proof are not overly compelling.

Much of the book centers on college age students. Specifically those that are attending school away from home. In my circle, this is a small subset of the population and not ...more

flag Like · see review

May 13, 2008 Marya DeVoto rated it liked it

I have yet to read any of the other hot books about overparenting, but this one had plenty of good information and ideas (about the cultural causes of over-parented, over-schooled kids) some interesting science (for example about the effects of 24/7 communication on the ability to plan) and a little less hype than I expected. I agreed with a lot of it and without being able to strictly evaluate the science, thought the arguments were reasonably well-supported. However, it is a pretty far-reachin ...more

flag Like · see review

Jul 12, 2008 Ann Badger rated it it was amazing

Ok...so i don't have kids of my own...but i do LOVE them, and my undregrad studies were in child development...if i could get my friends who have kids to read one parenting book int he next year, this would be it...it's all about how the spectrum has now swung to being so overprotective of children that they have no idea who they are in the world, how to make decisions, live with consequences and so forth. Many children are not given the freedom to "just" play, when paly is one of the most basic ...more

flag Like · see review

Sep 11, 2008 Amy rated it liked it

Some of the points were valid. Parents that live vicariously through their children. (I've seen that) Parents who can't go anywhere without bringing their children along. (seen that, too) Kindergartners whose first day of school is their first day away from mom, ever. (seen that) College kids who get their parents to call their professors to complain about tests or grading practices. (sadly this has happened to Thomas, numerous times!!) Others were a stretch for me, like putting a cover on a gro ...more

flag Like · see review

Jan 26, 2009 Brenda rated it really liked it

Shelves: parenting-child-development

I really enjoyed reading this book - makes a lot of sense and outlines where "we" have gone wrong in raising our children.

Really emphasizes the importance of PLAY for children. Today's structured schedules imposed by parents are really a disservice to our childrens development.

This book also discusses the importance of a child's independence in thinking, actions and decision-making as they grow and develop. These skills take time to develop, which some parents don't feel that they have time for ...more

flag Like · see review

Mar 05, 2015 Annalee rated it it was ok

Shelves: nonfiction, parenting

I agree with the author's premise that overparenting is a problem. However, the author paints with way too broad a brush in many portions, particularly those in which she describes public schools. Alarmist claims of such things as kindergartens cutting recess (WHERE is this??) and other such things are just thrown out without a lot of substantiation. As a teacher in the public school system, I'm aware of many ways in which schools are flawed (of course), but the sections in which Marano criticiz ...more

flag Like · see review

Sep 03, 2008 Sallyavena rated it it was amazing

Shelves: favorites

While the book was a little redundent at times, I thought it brought out some very important points that we as parents need to realize. Parenting in this day and age is different and we really are going to pay for the overinvolved, overexpectant parenting. Kids need a chance to play, learn, explore and yes, even fail and we are not allowing that with our hyper vigilance. Without these things our kids are not able to go out on their own and our nation will reap the results of less than creative/i ...more

flag Like · see review

Aug 12, 2009 Jen rated it it was ok

This book illustrates how "helicopter parenting" and "celebrating mediocrity" hurts our children much more than we may think. I completely agree with her main points, especially that parents need to let their kids fail and experience life on their own. What I didn't like was that she kept bringing up stay-at-home moms in a negative light. She sounded prejudiced towards stay-at-home moms and parents of kids in higher-end school districts, which was annoying to me. The problems she mentions can ha ...more

flag Like · see review

Apr 30, 2008 melanie (lit*chick) rated it liked it

Shelves: non-fiction

Like most of these sociological books, it reads a little like a doctoral thesis. She does point out some interesting tendencies in modern parenting:
goal-oriented playing (parent involved, agenda driven) instead of free play; not allowing kids to fail or make mistakes; removing risk in the name of safety; and misuse of prescription drugs are just a few.

I don't think it needs to be read straight through, you can flip around and read parts. Of course, as a retired homeschooler, I don't agree with h ...more

flag Like · see review

Jul 16, 2012 Rene rated it liked it

I am giving the book four stars because it is though provoking and generally right in the trends Marano identifies. I must add, however, that she largely holds mothers responsible for raising this generation of 'wimps.' And thus comes the irony of the book: while criticizing mothers for being alarmist in their overwhelming need to protect their children, she takes a very alarmist tone herself, telling story after story of extreme helicopter parenting and dwelling on the most dire consequences ex ...more

flag Like · see review

Apr 14, 2012 Michèle rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Genre: Non-fiction
Interest level: 8th+
Reading level: Adult

Great parenting book - all about the negative effect helicopter parents have on their kids and why leaving kids to make their own mistakes and solve their own problems is a much better way to prepare them for the vicissitudes of life than controlling every aspect of their lives. Good tips at the back of the book that everyone should read (and yes, that includes you teens out here). Read it together with your parents and have some lively d ...more

flag Like · see review

Jun 20, 2008 Aimee rated it it was amazing

This book re-affirmed my parenting style for me, especially because it often feels at odds with the prevailing parenting style. Controlling my child's every move does not make him "happy." It would make him paranoid.

EVERY PARENT SHOULD READ THIS BOOK. We're trying to protect our children from "everything," but instead we're smothering them and inhibiting them from developing their own self-reliance. ...more

flag Like · see review

Jul 07, 2013 Alexandra rated it it was amazing

Shelves: non-fiction, parenting, 2013

Repetative and rambling at times but a must read for educators and parents - while I see too much invasive parenting and have been guilty of it at times myself, I had not realized the significant damage it was causing our nation's youth. As a teacher, I see the results of invasive parenting almost daily but did not realize the extremity of the long term consequences for our nation's children and our country, nor did I realize how widespread it has become. ...more

flag Like · see review

Aug 30, 2008 Clare rated it liked it

This was interesting & very thought provoking. I do remember having a lot more freedom when I was a kid; and being held accountable for my actions more. I hope more parents read this & have a more common sense style of parenting. Constant protection doesn't help your children.

My stars aren't coming up, for some reason, but I'd give this 4. ...more

flag Like · see review

« previous 1 2 3 next »