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The Way to Love

4.20  ·  Rating details ·  4,401 ratings  ·  288 reviews
The Way To Love contains the  final flowering of Anthony de Mello's thought, and  in it he grapples with the ultimate question of  love. In thirty-one meditations, he implores his  readers with his usual pithiness to break through  illusion, the great obstacle to love. "Love  springs from awareness," de Mello insists, saying  that it is only when we see others as they are  ...more
Paperback, 196 pages
Published June 1st 1995 by Image (first published 1991)
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Average rating 4.20  · 
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 ·  4,401 ratings  ·  288 reviews

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Jeff Maziarek
Jan 31, 2010 rated it really liked it
Anthony DeMello is my favorite spiritual teacher, so I'll admit to having a bit of bias in his favor. This is a nice little book with lots of wisdom shared in DeMello's usual frank, no-nonsense style. Here's one of my favorite quotes from it:

“Whenever you are insecure about what may happen in the future, just remember this: In the past six months or one year you were so insecure about events which when they finally came you were able to handle somehow. Thanks to the energy and the resources that
Dec 04, 2011 rated it it was amazing
What a book. This scared and terrified the shit out of me on several occasions. What an astounding thing to do. I've read my share of books on spirituality, but for some reason, this one really got to me. Or maybe it's just the current stage I'm experiencing in my life. I was ready to hear and absorb the ideas/principles/etc it was trying to tell me. It has shaken me up. It has challenged every single thing I believe and hold true. I love challening my beliefs. I love deprogramming. I loved this ...more
Shane Parrish
Feb 10, 2020 rated it it was amazing
The most important things in life can be learned but not taught. "You can get someone to teach you things mechanical or scientific or mathematical like algebra or English or riding a cycle or operating a computer. But in the things that really matter, life, love, reality, God, no one can teach you a thing. All they can do is give you formulas. And as soon as you have a formula, you have reality filtered through the mind of someone else. If you take those formulas you will be imprisoned. You will ...more
Christopher Maricle
Dec 25, 2008 rated it really liked it
If you read Anthony de Mello, you will find yourself nodding. And then you will have to read it again. The concepts can challenging, because it's not your typical Christian spirituality. de Mello will make you face the hardest questions about your one needs, fears, motives and beliefs. And it will change you. ...more
David Blynov
Jul 07, 2020 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: philosophy
This book is a mix of Eastern philosophy and psychoanalysis, framed together by New Testament scripture.

Theologically speaking, I did not find myself agreeing with many of the underlying assumptions that de Mello made. After a bit of research, I found out that the Catholic church is also a lil weary of de Mello's theological teachings. Nevertheless, this book has so much beautiful wisdom that it would be a shame to discredit it all together. So many profound ideas are explored by de Mello that
Jovana Đurić
I usually write quotes, and this one made me write - a lot. First of all, I liked some parts of a book, he really gives us good advices. But I also have a lot of negative comments:
1. He says that we shouldn't look at things through our beliefs and there he goes he wrote it through Bible quotes and believes.
2. Humans are social beings, we live in certain culture, and sorry buddy, but we can't just excuse ourselves from it.
3. I kinda got a felling that all he wants to say is that you can't be ha
Nov 14, 2012 rated it it was amazing
This pure, sincere observation about life can only be done by someone holy.
Read this with open heart and it will lead you to taste sweetness of enlightenment.
Most priests will interpret bible though what they learn in theology, through the ideas that lived in their mind for years planted by society and religion. De Mello is one of a kind priest.
I'm so grateful for him and his love.
Sara Jovanovic
Aug 25, 2020 rated it it was amazing
I think this is one of those books that should be read more than once. Sometimes you'll relate to author's wise words and take to heart his meaningful advice, but I think most of this needs a right moment to make an impact. But it's helpful. And I appreciate that. ...more
Sean Goh
Mar 25, 2016 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: relating, faith
Probably the most paradigm-shifting book I've read in a long long while (definitely this year, maybe my whole uni life). Despite being written by a Jesuit priest, the ideas expressed are reminiscent of Buddhism (non-attachment), with a distinct Christian lens. Reminded me of the book I read by Osho recently as well (Book of Living and Dying).

If you read only one book a decade, do yourself a favour and make it this one.
Attachment - how is an attachment formed?
First comes the contact wi
Jan 02, 2020 rated it it was amazing
The most important book that brought me on a journey throughout the past week, when I first opened it at the hairdressers, making me reflect on my top 3 attachments; the next day I experienced those moments that can only be described as a “state of grace”, seeing parents and children play in Fuxing Park and seeing the sunlight filter through the windows and cast shadows on the books in the Sinan Mansions bookstore; discussions on depression with my Chinese teacher on Monday; an overall roller co ...more
Jul 31, 2020 rated it did not like it
This was very difficult for me to go through because almost everything that was written either felt like common sense or just completely wrong. A friend recommended this book to me, so I took the extra effort to not put the book down too quickly. But woah, this was pretty bad. Ratings are above 4, so I guess I might be the odd one out here but I really wonder what people enjoyed by reading this. To each his own I guess.

Most of his concepts were so repetitive and most of the time, the chapter ti
May 29, 2009 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: religion
This is a little book espousing a life with no suffering. It teaches that we suffer because we attach our identity to things that we cannot control and are only concepts. Buddhist-like teaching mixed with Christianity.
Sep 26, 2019 rated it it was amazing
What a beautiful little book full of deep meditations about life, how we have been programmed by society and have lost connection with our deeper selves. A must for every one who is on a spiritual journey (and aren't we all). ...more
Petar Ivanov
Sep 09, 2021 rated it it was amazing
A truly astonishing book that's full of a lot of insides and wisdom. Really forces you to reflect, think and challenge the status quo and your thinking.
Try to be as a child, free of any brain programming, culture, biases, attachments and etc, and see people and things as they are not as your brain and thinking think they are. Try to be a little freer from attachments!
Recommend it to every human being!
This is one of those books that just helps you get perspective. It is done in short chapters that reflect on the meaning of a scripture verse, but does not preach a sermon. It's more about how to see everything for what it really is - not what it has become for us through the influences of our culture or other relationships. Anthony De Mello was a thinker who cut through so much of what we assume we understand, but have not critically looked at. ...more
May 16, 2010 marked it as to-read
Meditative, contemplative readings that I ponder as I drift off to sleep each night. This book was recently given to be by a wise and gentle soul I know and admire.
Sep 09, 2020 rated it really liked it
This felt like Albert Ellis meets Alan Watts—for better (i.e., the unpadded, no nonsense advice about why you're going about happiness in the wrong ways) and worse (i.e., the inconsistent exaggerations, blank slate-ism, and repetitive messaging).

It's a tiny book and I probably wouldn't have liked it so much if I'd blown through it. But I read a chapter or so each morning, and noticed de Mello's words influencing me (for the better) as I went about my days.
Maarten Pelle
Mar 08, 2021 rated it it was amazing
Great book with useful insights. Lots of parallels with more universal ideas that stoic writers like Marcus Aurelius, Seneca and Epictetus have written about such as living in the present moment, being indifferent towards pride/social status, external events, desire, happiness, etc. Still a great read overall.
Rajath Moodithaya
Oct 03, 2021 rated it liked it
An okay read. I came across this as a spiritual read and having read nothing from Jesuit scholars, this piqued my interest. Some good stuff(when talking about trying to describe happiness, "Can you describe reality to someone in a dream?") and some bad stuff(oversimplification of the lived human experience) but it's kept short overall, before it gets way too repetitive. It does have some thoughts that keeps you thinking after you've finished it, so it deserves 3.5 stars! ...more
Mar 30, 2020 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
French is my second language, so I'm not sure if I misunderstood - a lot of this book went in circles and repeated the same messages over and over again. A few key messages were great though! ...more
Kennedy C.S.
Jul 04, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Revelatory. Empowering. Perceptive. Potent.
De Mello's timeless wisdom and clarity seep through the pages of this little book. Of his books that I have read so far, they almost always revolve around the disproportional influence of attachment and awareness, and this one is no exception to the rule. The Way to Love is filled to the brim with thought-exercises and wake-up calls, which elongate this brief read through copious amounts of thought and meditation, both prescribed and aroused.

Jan 23, 2018 rated it really liked it
One of the most enlightening books.. it's a bit like his book "awareness" , he's stressed a lot on the attachment and clinging to persons, things.
It's one of those books which breaks your denial state of how much suffering that you have when you cling and attach..
Holiness is not achievement, it is a Grace. A Grace called Awareness, a Grace called Looking, Observing, Understanding.
Feb 16, 2022 rated it it was amazing
Messed with my thinking in a good way, reconsider and let go of attachments. A bit similar to yoga philosophy/ untethered soul/the power of now. Liked the way he wrote, some vivid images, neat turns of phrase.
Sep 12, 2021 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: mount-rushmore
I am convinced that this book will help me live a richer, fuller life. Even if it couldn’t tell me exactly how to get there.

It instantly became my favorite book of all time.
Mo Bermel
Apr 14, 2022 rated it did not like it
Many common thoughts or beliefs just repeated. My rating is low due to the fatphobic, ableistic metaphors used to describe how we can all be so much better. *inserts eye rolls*
Darius Murretti
Aug 02, 2021 rated it it was amazing
"You live to so that you may learn to love
You love that you may learn to live
no other lesson is required of man"
---the Book of Mirdad

This book is a practical guide on how to love rightly so that you are not drowned in the surging ocean of love but are born by it waves by it to the shore of the bliss of eternal Oneness .
Hannah Petersen
Jul 10, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: spirituality
i dedicated each morning to reading one reflection and gained news ways of prayer and perspective
Oct 14, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: faves, spiritual
Excellent! Much to ponder in this little gem. I will for sure be coming back to this over and over. De Mello makes holiness/spirituality accessible in the here and now...and it’s so much more about awareness and grace...so refreshing!!!
Jonathan Martin
Feb 06, 2012 rated it really liked it
Fed up listening to Rhianna finding love in a hopeless place? Bored senseless watching repetitive Hollywood rom-coms? Peeved off with those childhood fairytales about happy-ever-after romances? Then digest a copy of De Mello's The Way To Love and I guarantee your life will never be the same again. Okay, I can't guarantee that but it will certainly provide the opportunity to change your outlook on love, relationships and other trifles. Be warned though, you may not like what he has to say.

I bough
Mar 01, 2014 rated it liked it
I previously read the author's book Awareness, which was incredible and I agreed with about 95% of it. This book is largely similar, so if you've read Awareness than you've read 90% of his points in this one. They're still quality perspectives to chew on, but there's little new content here.

Also, when compared to Awareness, I found he was less direct when talking about God in this volume. He does refer to the Kingdom of God and Christ, but he also refers to entities such as "Nature", so it's dif
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Anthony de Mello was a Jesuit priest and psychotherapist who became widely known for his books on spirituality. An internationally acclaimed spiritual guide, writer and public speaker, de Mello hosted many spiritual conferences.

The few talks which he allowed to be filmed, such as "A Rediscovery of Life" and "A Way to God for Today," have inspired many viewers and audiences throughout the United St

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