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I Suck at Girls

3.79  ·  Rating details ·  17,892 ratings  ·  1,785 reviews
'Growing up, every time I saw a men's magazine cover that had a headline about "73 Ways to Please Your Girlfriend", all I could think was "I'm good with one; just tell me one way to please her. Also, I don't have a girlfriend. Is there an article about that?"' Soon after Sh*t My Dad Says began to take off, comic writer Justin Halpern decided to propose to his then ...more
Paperback, 300 pages
Published May 1st 2012 by Boxtree, Limited
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Average rating 3.79  · 
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 ·  17,892 ratings  ·  1,785 reviews

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Dec 31, 2014 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I haven't read Sh*t My Dad Says yet, so I have yet to decide for myself if that one is funnier than this. However, my 16 year old son read this one and loved it, begged me to get Halpern's first book, and then said it was boring & DNF'd it.


I'm thinking that may be because no matter what age a guy is, he can relate to girls and the suckage that follows in their wake.
Sorry, fellas...


If it makes you fellas feel better, we ladies have just as hard a time trying to figure out what the hell to
Kelly (and the Book Boar)
Find all of my reviews at:

I Suck At Girls is Justin Halpern's sophomore novel, and the inspiration behind the short-lived television show Surviving Jack. I began watching said T.V. show for one reason . . .

Commercial Photography

According to my family we all wanted to watch it because the commercials were so funny and made the show look entertaining, but . . . nope. I just wanted to spend 30 minutes looking at Christopher Meloni.

Turns out the show was pretty funny too . . .

Commercial Photography


3.5 stars

Author Justin Halpern

Justin Halpern's book 'Sh*t My Dad Says' is very funny, so when this memoir was recommended on Goodreads I decided to listen to the audio version. Halpern's anecdotes about incidents in his life, ranging from childhood through early adulthood, are very entertaining. Justin's dad again contributes some priceless bon mots, but most of the yarns focus on the author himself.

I'll give some examples of stories in the book.

Nine-year-old Justin, hearing about sex from a
Jason Koivu
Jan 12, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: humor, autobiography
I actually enjoyed this more than Justin Halpern's famous Shit My Dad Says. Probably I took to it because it speaks to me on a personal level. I was an unfortunate participant in my own version of so many of the embarrassing moments of adolescence described herein. Also, it has a lot of bathroom/locker room humor and part of my brain is still 13.

The book takes you from lil' Justin's first revelations on the concept of sex right up to his proposal of marriage. It felt like more of an autobio than
Nov 17, 2016 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This book is crass but hits close to that cynical home in most boys hearts. I listened to it - which I recommend you do at 1.5x as it made the voices the narrator did much better.

I laughed out loud - nearby motorists probably thought I was crazy. I didn't want to get out of the car when I got home or to work. Because of that, 5 stars all the way!
Nov 16, 2016 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: audio
Justin Halpern may suck at girls but one thing he does not suck at is choosing a good narrator. The narration here was superb, from the crotchety dad (the undisputed funniest part of the book) to the numerous Saturday Night Live skit-worthy girl voices. High comedy! But without question the best achievement was getting that perfect incredulous tone every time Justin said "What?" The number of times someone said something so out of left field, confusing, or totally inappropriate to Justin ...more
May 29, 2012 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: humorists, Twitter followers
Recommended to John by: Justin Halpern
Warning: before you pick up Justin Halpern's I Suck at Girls to read for the first time, be sure to set your coffee down. Failure to do so may result in some spilled beverage all over the book pages or your Kindle.

You know, it really hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose...

I Suck at Girls

Without dropping any spoilers, the author dedicates his newest book to Amanda, and it quickly becomes clear in the first chapter that she was his focus. Early on we find that he has decided to propose to her, so he goes
I guess I must rather enjoy sophomoric humor of this nature, sometimes, as I was laughing hysterically at many of the lines. The one about when one door closes, another opens, almost gave my husband a fit.

So yes, this is reeeeally funny, and the many voices of the talented audio narrator adds a lot as well. The father sounds very curmudgeonly, one of his Little League pals sounds like Eric Cartman, and the teenage girl voices are all amusing, with some sounding like Jimmy Fallon's "Ew" girl.
After loving the random tweets from Justin Halpern I was ecstatic to read his debut full-length novel. Sh*t My Dad Says was absolutely hilarious and had me laughing profusely. Clearly, I was on board for anything else this man came out with.

Unfortunately it was a pretty huge disappointment as far as what I was anticipating. I Suck at Girls chronicles the authors bad experiences with girls which dates back to his early childhood. Obviously the intention of these stories is humor; however, I ended
Sep 22, 2012 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
**But he doesnt suck at writing.**
Perhaps Justin Halpern may have sucked at girls, but he certainly does not suck at writing. Just as was the case with his first book _Sh*t My Dad Says_, Justins writing is laugh-out-loud funny and underneath-it-all touching.

After dating his fiancé Amanda for four years, Justin decides to propose to her. He enthusiastically shares his big news with his father who (in typical Halpern dad fashion) responds with: I dont know what you want from me. Im happy for you
Mar 20, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I listened to this on Audio. The narrator was okay. His voices for women were awful, but the voice he did for Justin Halpern's dad was pretty funny, and his normal narration was animated and lively, and almost exactly what I'd expect Justin to sound like. The audio was good because jokes told out loud are somehow funnier, but there were times when the ebook would have been nice so I could make notes and include them here.

I Suck at Girls is worth a read if you enjoyed Sh*t My Dad Says. However, I
Natalie Monroe
"'When you're sweet on a woman, you do crazy shit. It happens. You ain't used to feeling that way about somebody.'

'I feel that way sometimes about Mom,' I said.

'What? No, you don't. Jesus, that's the creepiest goddamn thing you've ever said to me.'

I read that little tidbit on the subway and snorted so loud I alarmed my neighbors. I'm sure by the time I got off, half of them were convinced I was watching porn (because when I wasn't laughing, I was grinning like a deranged clown) or suffering
May 23, 2012 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Basically, this book is about Halpern's (mostly non-existent or solo) love life from his teen years through proposing to his girlfriend. In his first book, Sh*t My Dad Says , his father was the star. The guy with the best and funniest lines. The same is true in I Suck at Girls- he's clearly riding on dad's coat tails.

Like many wives, I'm always trying to get my husband to read more. That's the reason I bought Halpern's first book. It seemed like such a "guy" book. The same is true of this book
Medeia Sharif
May 15, 2012 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
In I SUCK AT GIRLS, Halpern details childhood and adulthood incidents with the opposite sex. As the title promises, theres plenty of awkwardness, some of it sweet since the author finds the love of his life. I was also glad to see Halperns father in the book, with his foul mouth and words of wisdom. Its a hilarious read and I loved it just as much as Halperns first book, SH*T MY DAD SAYS. The saying truth is stranger than fiction can be applied to Halpern's work. ...more
Jo Ann
Not quite as humorous as Halpern's first memoir. This one focuses on Justin's love life or lack of one. It's a little on the juvenile side, but still a funny light hearted read. Just wish there had been more of his father's outrageously raw words of wisdom.
May 19, 2012 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I really enjoyed Justin Halpern's first book S*it My Dad Says and found the humor in that book the be witty, direct and, although very cutting, often very insightful. So, I was eager to read this one.

In this book, the author has recently decided to propose to his girlfriend. Having told no one of this plan, he goes to the one person who he knows will tell him, directly, what he thinks. His father doesn't skip a beat, tells him to wait a day and spend that time reflecting on everything he's
Jun 02, 2012 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: read-in-2012
When Justin Halpern decides the time has come to propose to his girlfriend, Amanda, he takes his father to lunch to discuss the decision and look for some fatherly wisdom and/or advice.

For most of us, this would be fairly normal. But Justin's dad is the dad from S*** My Dad Says. After his father points out that the news shouldn't be a surprise to anyone, he then challenges Justin to take a moment and reflect on his various relationships with women before he makes the momentous move. Justin
Aug 27, 2012 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
With some funny moments that got me to chuckle aloud - in public, even - some well-learned (if not terribly profound) insights, and his father's trademarked style of expression, this book has a lot to offer. I'd rate it higher if there was more of it. I finished it in under 2 hours, and it seems like Halpern is intelligent and contemplative enough to come up with more than this. Certainly, he could have told us more about his relationship with Amanda, the woman at whom he finally, apparently, ...more
This was one of the funniest books I've read in a long time. It begins when the author treats his dad out to lunch and tells him he's decided to marry his girlfriend. His father's response:
"You've been dating her for four years"..."It ain't like you found a parallel f--k-ng universe."

The author's father goes on to advise him to take a day off and reflect on everything he's learned about women, relationships, and himself before coming to a decision. Thereupon the author takes us on a trip
Feb 25, 2015 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
This guy becomes famous because he uses 140 characters to quote his dad on a social media platform. The height of his success is a TV show on FOX. These successes are void of any kind of talent or originality and this book makes it pretty clear that he wouldn't have had his fifteen minutes of fame if it wasn't for his dad. It's kind of embarrassing. But what the fuck do I know? He's not on GoodReads leaving a bad review of MY collection of short stories that rely heavily on parental wit and ...more
Hilarious! I enjoyed this only slightly less than Sh*t My Dad Says.
I'm pretty sure anyone passing by me in the car while listening to this thinks there is something wrong with me. So damn funny.
Nikola Novaković
Nov 04, 2019 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Funny and heartwarming, with some really useful insights about relationships. Halpern's dad doesn't feature prominently in this one, but when he does he's unforgettably hilarious as always.
Mar 06, 2013 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition

I didn't read Sh t My Dad Says, mostly because I object to the coarsening of public spaces that results from seeing the title at the book store, and then in the TV listings. I'm not some total prude; I'm not offended by adults sprinkling their language with expletives in private conversation, but I don't want to hear (or see) that language at McDonalds with a bunch of kids running around. As a result, I had an idea that Justin Halpern's Dad was some kind of narrow-minded, foul-mouthed Archie
Jul 11, 2012 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
You may have heard of another book by this author, "S*** My Dad Says." The book started as a Twitter feed, became a best selling book, and then became a tv show staring William Shatner. A lot of this book is more "S*** My Dad Says" but there is a lot about the author's experiences in dating too.

The advice and snippets that the author's dad actually says is awesome. It's so quick witted and funny, and most rings true. However, I think the snippets might be better as actual snippets, such as quick
Abrar Shafie
Justin is ridiculously funny. and a good writer, obviously. his writing makes the punchline even funnier.

but enough with jokes.
somewhere along the second-last and the last story, i secretly hope that he will find a perfect woman for his sake (and of course he did). And after finished reading it, I smiled and know that what he experienced is probably how most of us will go through (well, except having a bunch of "advises" from his dad).

oh, only 3 stars because i prefer "Shit My Dad Says" than
Oct 04, 2016 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Initially gave this a 4 because I love Justin's dad since Sh*t my dad says, and it's a good book. But realized a LOT is missing. What caused their big break up with Amanda? How did he resolve it enough to know she's the one? Or maybe that was besides the point of the book but I just wanted the book to be longer.
Still hilarious though
Julianne Stueben
Nov 25, 2015 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I loved Shit My Dad Says and this was also pretty good! This was more stories rather than quotes like the first book but good nonetheless :) glad it ended well too
Aug 02, 2019 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
3.5/5 Stars

Holy cow this book was cute and hilarious. I can see why this author is so popular.

My piece of advice: Listen to the book vs. reading it. The narrator while portraying the father had me laughing to the point of tears and my neighbors looking at me while I was doing yard work! Just an all around fun listen. Like I was going to the comedy club for an hour a day.
Utkarsh Kumar
Aug 24, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: love-romance, comedy
Short and hilarious. This book is an account of the dating history of the author and the second thoughts he had before proposing to his girlfriend of 3 years. Also added in are witty and sarcastic dialogues by his dad. It is also heartwarming to see the author stop trying to act and pretend to be cool but to learn to be comfortable being who he is, which is obviously cooler. Recommend for everyone, specially guys!
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Overrated to the core. 6 70 May 10, 2014 05:36AM  
Madison Mega-Mara...: I Suck at Girls, by Justin Halpern 1 3 May 19, 2013 08:29AM  
Madison Mega-Mara...: I Suck at Girls 1 4 Aug 22, 2012 01:02PM  

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I'm 29. I live with my 74-year-old dad. He is awesome. I just write down shit that he says.

In the pic, I am on the far right and dad is one the far left. That's a friend between us.

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