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Getting Your Sex Life Off to a Great Start: A Guide for Engaged and Newlywed Couples
Many couples put more planning into the wedding ceremony than they do for what comes after the wedding. Intelligent, deliberate preparation for a lifetime of sexual leasure is a worthy investment you won't regret. In Getting Your Sex Life Off to a Great Start , renowned sexual counselors and best-selling authors Clifford and Joyce Penner guide you through an encouraging process that begins by dispelling sexual myths and then guides you in getting to know yourself and each other emotionally and physically. With reassuring enthusiasm and straightforward advice, the Penners show you how to clarify your expectations and pursue the joyous marital passion described in Scripture. Through creative, step-by-step exercises and easy-to-understand examples, you'll learn how to: Thousands of couples have discovered the marvelous gift of a positive sexual relationship through the Penners' helpful books and enlightening seminars. As your wedding day nears-or even if you're already newlyweds-this extraordinary book will help you get your sex life off to a great start.
256 pages, Paperback
First published November 23, 1994
29 people are currently reading
131 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
July 2, 2022
A truly excellent book about sex, sexuality, and healthy marriages! While it's mostly geared toward beginners and near beginners, anyone regardless of experience can learn something new when it comes to the actual sexual experience, how to care for both your own and your spouses's sexuality, and healing from trauma. I really appreciated chapter 6 which covers the entire sexual experience from beginning to end. While I knew mostly everything generally, I liked that they covered it in such detail. Plus, I learned for the first time about some physiological changes that occur during arousal which helped bring clarification to what I experience.
Some parts of the contraceptive methods are clearly outdated, but overall the content is still very relevant even though it's almost 30 years old. Even though technology advances, our bodies and nervous systems never do.
I definitely see myself referring back to this book again and again throughout my life and would recommend it to anyone - experienced or not!
Some other takeaway thoughts:
1. "The number-one principle is to do what is loving."
2. You are responsible for your own sexual desires. The desires do not control you, but they are important to notice and cherish.
3. A good sexual relationship is more than just intercourse. It is the outcome of a vulnerable, healthy, and connected marriage. Sex will be good if the relationship is good.
4. No one should place demands on each other or force the other spouse to do anything they are not comfortable with.
5. "If you believe something is wrong, for you it is wrong."
6. Your spouse will not inherently know what feels good to you.
7. Don't focus on performance or seeking the highest physical pleasure for yourself, but focus on pleasuring your spouse. In return, you will be pleasured since it is not your primary focus.
8. God designed sex for more than just procreation. He wants us to enjoy the pleasure and share it with our spouse!
Some parts of the contraceptive methods are clearly outdated, but overall the content is still very relevant even though it's almost 30 years old. Even though technology advances, our bodies and nervous systems never do.
I definitely see myself referring back to this book again and again throughout my life and would recommend it to anyone - experienced or not!
Some other takeaway thoughts:
1. "The number-one principle is to do what is loving."
2. You are responsible for your own sexual desires. The desires do not control you, but they are important to notice and cherish.
3. A good sexual relationship is more than just intercourse. It is the outcome of a vulnerable, healthy, and connected marriage. Sex will be good if the relationship is good.
4. No one should place demands on each other or force the other spouse to do anything they are not comfortable with.
5. "If you believe something is wrong, for you it is wrong."
6. Your spouse will not inherently know what feels good to you.
7. Don't focus on performance or seeking the highest physical pleasure for yourself, but focus on pleasuring your spouse. In return, you will be pleasured since it is not your primary focus.
8. God designed sex for more than just procreation. He wants us to enjoy the pleasure and share it with our spouse!
July 14, 2017
I was given this book along with my fiance in preparation for marriage. It was refreshing to read Christian literature celebrating sex as a gift from God - and it has a lot of great advice on beginning married life without shame or fear.
December 2, 2021
A useful, practical, and above all, HEALTHY book written from a Christian perspective. I would recommend this to anyone approaching marriage. One thing I particularly appreciate is the book's approach to women as equal partners who needs and desires are equally valid.
August 15, 2023
I chose this as a monthly pick because… I’m not positive I’ve read everything this book has to offer. You see, I didn’t read it cover-to-cover but used it as more of a reference guide. I opened to chapters and sections that I wanted more information on before and after getting married. I think I read it all? But honestly, I’m not sure.
This book majors on the physical, emotional, and spiritual components of sex without belaboring it too much with overextended, superfluous, wishy-washy theology. The authors, registered medical professionals, have a lot to say about physiological elements. So even in the chapter focusing on Biblical passion, they repeatedly address common questions with something like: “the Bible doesn’t say anything about this, so this is what we know about anatomy….” all the while, still expositing the passages with integrity.
I think my favorite part of this read was that, throughout the entire book, the authors addressed MANY extremely helpful questions and myths about sex. They used a header format making it easier for the reader to flip through, find the questions they’re asking, and read the answer. I particularly appreciated their emphasis on emotions, how sex and preparing for it is emotional preparation.
I can’t particularly remember a focus on sexual trauma, but there were occasional questions being addressed that had to do with sexual history that were highly practical. I also loved their focus of equality between men and women, both working selflessly for the other person’s benefit. The authors put a high value on mutual care and respect for the health, comfort, desires, and boundaries of both men and women that was refreshing and, I think, rare.
Of course, this book is graphic. In my opinion, it wouldn’t be helpful if it wasn’t. I valued this book for its highly practical information, and I recommend it unreservedly for all newlyweds!
This book majors on the physical, emotional, and spiritual components of sex without belaboring it too much with overextended, superfluous, wishy-washy theology. The authors, registered medical professionals, have a lot to say about physiological elements. So even in the chapter focusing on Biblical passion, they repeatedly address common questions with something like: “the Bible doesn’t say anything about this, so this is what we know about anatomy….” all the while, still expositing the passages with integrity.
I think my favorite part of this read was that, throughout the entire book, the authors addressed MANY extremely helpful questions and myths about sex. They used a header format making it easier for the reader to flip through, find the questions they’re asking, and read the answer. I particularly appreciated their emphasis on emotions, how sex and preparing for it is emotional preparation.
I can’t particularly remember a focus on sexual trauma, but there were occasional questions being addressed that had to do with sexual history that were highly practical. I also loved their focus of equality between men and women, both working selflessly for the other person’s benefit. The authors put a high value on mutual care and respect for the health, comfort, desires, and boundaries of both men and women that was refreshing and, I think, rare.
Of course, this book is graphic. In my opinion, it wouldn’t be helpful if it wasn’t. I valued this book for its highly practical information, and I recommend it unreservedly for all newlyweds!
October 20, 2024
This book is 30 years old, so I want to give some grace… but there were a lot of outdated, unhelpful generalizations (ex: women only want emotional connection, men are only looking for a physical connection). I’m sure the authors were writing from their own experiences, which I guess is to be expected? but I think you need to be more careful to be mindful of your own biases and opinions when writing to a wide audience in a prescriptive manner. In addition to frequent reductive stereotypes, there were also a fair amount of biological “facts” that are obvious exaggerations or just blatantly incorrect. Something else I noticed (I am an engaged believer who is a few weeks away from marriage) is that they went to great lengths to describe how a man should prepare his body and a woman should prepare hers in the days / weeks leading up. Nothing wrong with educating yourself and being informed about biology, fertility, contraceptives, etc. but they really seem to push for drastic measures to try and reduce the level of vulnerability and unpredictability as much as possible that two people will inevitably experience going into a new level of physical intimacy together. I picked up on themes of wanting to be completely in control and self-preservation in the suggestions that they give to both husbands and wives-to-be. Sorry, but this is simply not God’s heart for the wedding night! I think they’re totally missing it.
Overall, I’d say there were plenty of truths, some half-truths, and a few flat out lies. Go in with your critical thinking cap on and you’ll be just fine. However, I think there must be better books on the subject that have come out since this was written!
Overall, I’d say there were plenty of truths, some half-truths, and a few flat out lies. Go in with your critical thinking cap on and you’ll be just fine. However, I think there must be better books on the subject that have come out since this was written!
July 29, 2023
There were some good nuggets in this read. Worth reading as a couple to make sure you are on the same page. I would encourage any engaged or newly married couple to read this book.
April 11, 2025
Suggested by: Jessica Sink (Mentor)
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February 12, 2015Well, clearly I read this book too late. Since we�ll be celebrating our fourth anniversary in just a few months. But it talks about planning for your honeymoon and not expecting to just know it all.\nWhile I think that this book has some good points there are other parts that I don�t agree with on a moral ground (masturbation is okay according to the Bible). However, my biggest concern is that the author�s state in sex you need to focus on yourself and making sure you receive pleasure. I agree with that to a certain extent�that you can�t rely on your husband or wife to be everything you need. But I also think that sex shouldn�t be a selfish act but a giving one.\nAll in all, I felt the unhelpful overruled the helpful.\n
October 28, 2023
I wish I had read this one before marriage. Felt profound in its simplicity. Now I’ll just keep it in mind for engaged friends. Three stars just because of a couple relevancies: it’s an older book, so some examples are dated, perhaps even generalized facts. Still good overall!
September 7, 2016
Read this book just before getting married. I appreciated its frankness and thoroughness dealing with preparation, intimacy, and practical details.
January 17, 2013
MUST READ for couples waiting until marriage to have sex. Incredibly practical and helpful. It's one that I buy for my friends before they get to the altar.
March 4, 2014
Very informative book. Definitely a couple should take into consideration. I skipped some chapters as it had too many details which I won't benefit from now.
February 6, 2016
Very informative - I never got bored. Rarely felt like a textbook.
January 29, 2023
Better than most Christian sex books. I need to reread through a deconstructed lens. Also, not queer friendly.
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews