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Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

Susan Cain (Goodreads Author)

4.06 · Rating details · 313,264 ratings · 23,190 reviews

The book that started the Quiet Revolution

At least one-third of the people we know are introverts. They are the ones who prefer listening to speaking; who innovate and create but dislike self-promotion; who favor working on their own over working in teams. It is to introverts—Rosa Parks, Chopin, Dr. Seuss, Steve Wozniak—that we owe many of the great contributions to societ ...more

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Paperback, Reprint Edition, 352 pages

Published January 29th 2013 by Broadway Books (first published January 24th 2012)

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Dec 22, 2013 Emily May rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: nonfiction, 2015

“There's zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas.”

I read this book for the same reason most people read this book: I am an introvert. I have always been an introvert, and it's a fundamental, sometimes limiting, part of who I am.

I've learned to deal with it better over the years - learned to clasp my shaking hands together during presentations, force myself to breathe normally and keep my voice steady, even force myself to make the first move in social situat ...more

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Nov 26, 2012 Hanne rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction, popular-psychology

I always thought I was just weird...
I can be alone in my car for a 1h drive and not want to have the radio or music on. On sundays I often join the walking club for a long 25km walk, but I prefer to do it alone (and oh, all the pity looks you get!). The idea of surprise parties makes me sick to my stomach, and any event where a thousand people are together is possibly even worse. I dislike small talk, but I probably hate even more how nervous I get when I have to do it.
I can feel sad for a brui I always thought I was just weird...
I can be alone in my car for a 1h drive and not want to have the radio or music on. On sundays I often join the walking club for a long 25km walk, but I prefer to do it alone (and oh, all the pity looks you get!). The idea of surprise parties makes me sick to my stomach, and any event where a thousand people are together is possibly even worse. I dislike small talk, but I probably hate even more how nervous I get when I have to do it.
I can feel sad for a bruised tomato no-one wants to buy (hey, he tried his best too, not his fault someone dropped him!), and while everyone else goes to the modern, light apothecary across the street with the super nice people always happy to help, I go to the dark and older one who never has clients (how else will he survive?)

Turns out I'm not that weird. I'm just a full blood introvert.
And yet, I'm not what you think. I'm not particularly shy, I'm not the grey bird that never says a word and everyone forgets she's around. I'm very opinionated and quite stubborn, and when amongst friends I know well, I can be the loudest person in the room.
But still I'm introvert. After being with friends or colleagues, I need recharging time. I need to be alone. I (almost) always think before I talk. I enjoy getting to the bottom of things, I enjoy detective work. And I can go on and on.

While reading this book, on occasion I was nodding so hard I thought my head might fall off.
There were very little eye-opening surprises in this book, and even a few things I didn't agree with or I would have hoped for her to explore more. Even a few occasions I thought she was idealizing introverts. This book was not perfect, but somehow i feel that it was important for me to read it.

Overall, it was quite liberating. I'm not that weird! About a third of us on this planet (and on a website as Goodreads probably a LOT more) are more or less like me - not completely like me, I'm still unique (I insist!)
But that might not be an issue. Though some of you might recognize some of my examples above, I've never met someone before that can feel bad for a bruised tomato. So maybe i'm still little weird, and my own unique self. Hoorah ...more

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Mar 08, 2012 Stephanie *Extremely Stable Genius* rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: psycology, 2012, personality

March 6th was Super Tuesday and I live in that Oh-so-much-talked-about-battle-ground-state of Ohio. I work the elections as a Ballot Judge, which means I hand out the ballots to the voters and give them instructions. I get to talk and talk, for 13 hours straight *sigh*. I try to make it entertaining for the voters, myself and the others I work with because of its repetition, but by 7:30 pm when the polls close I don’t think the language I was using was English.

My spiel went something like this…… ...more

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Apr 06, 2013 Kelly rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: owned, its-the-quiet-ones, philosophy-theory-criticism, 21st-century

In a twist that will surprise precisely no one, this book spends a fair amount of time cheering for introverts. What were the odds, right? I assume if you're picking this book up you're on board with that to a certain extent, and likely something of an introvert yourself.

This book is certainly for you-or for the perplexed extrovert or "pseudo-extrovert" that might be confused by your supposedly mysterious ways. It's a sort of shield, a blockade, a set of reinforced walls that Cain feels it is n In a twist that will surprise precisely no one, this book spends a fair amount of time cheering for introverts. What were the odds, right? I assume if you're picking this book up you're on board with that to a certain extent, and likely something of an introvert yourself.

This book is certainly for you-or for the perplexed extrovert or "pseudo-extrovert" that might be confused by your supposedly mysterious ways. It's a sort of shield, a blockade, a set of reinforced walls that Cain feels it is necessary to throw up around introverts (particularly American introverts) to protect them from the "Extrovered Ideal," of American socialization. The tone of the beginning of the book is thus rather defiant, like Cain is screaming back at everyone she has ever felt pressured by to go to a happy hour or to a dinner party when she had much rather just read a book instead. There's some of this kick-back throughout the book, with plenty of cathartic/sympathetic/rather relatable war stories from introverts just tryin' to make it in an extrovert's world.

It is particularly meant to speak to introverts in the high flying business, legal, and/or educational world, where a premium is put on socializing, teamwork, constant connection and multitasking (I am speaking here particularly of the rarefied worlds of Big Law, Wall Street Finance, and Ivy League academia). It's a very career and work focused book, with a surprisingly frequent focus on the bottom line about what traits introverts are more likely to have and how these should be recognized at the top tables in all fields. Her argument, based on one scientific study after another throughout the chapters (deployed like so much artillery), is that introverts tend to think more deeply about problems and persist for longer in trying to solve them. Introverts are supposedly more likely to care about the feelings of others, to make excellent compromising leaders, and to be excellent negotiators (Cain's particular area of expertise) based on their ability to seem soft and actually be tough at the same time. She scorns the merely "shy" as extroverts in disguise who share extroverts' traits and want the spotlight but who are just too scared to get it (she would never say this outright, but it is clear that she believes they don't deserve the secret introvert password and is determined to keep out the riffraff). She argues that the extroverts in powerful positions she has seen are more likely to take unjustified risks, to get hopped up on testosterone and the thrill of the chase, to listen to the loudest person in the room, and to walk all over introverts.

She readily admits the nuances in these sweeping generalizations. She also admits the worth of extroverts and how introverts greatly enjoy and need their company, both professionally and personally. In addition, she also talks about some legitimate times when introverts may devote time and energy to being extroverted (if they care about something enough- "Free Trait Theory"). Finally, and in the part that I most appreciated, Cain talks a bit about the "Situational" theory of personality- that is, that people's personalities can be completely different in different situations, times and around different people. Therefore, there are very few "pure" introverts or "pure" extroverts. She also admits that the way that these generalized "traits" play out may look very different and may, after all, not be very predictive in any direct way. (Many extroverts may have excellent impulse control, or introverts who care deeply about a cause may act frequently and completely out of character in order to fight for what they believe in.)

However, the space devoted to these arguments is much, much smaller than the space devoted to proving, endlessly, how awesome introverts are and why the professional world should value them and stop trying to tell them that they have to be like extroverts because I'm okay and you're okay and it takes all kinds and a village to make the world go round.

And honestly? This is a message that's happening to hit me at the right time, when I'm involved in a workplace with a whole lot of extroverts surrounding me. I did find it useful in my particular mindset where I am actively waging a struggle to define my own style in a new profession, since introversion is a part of my identity. I also thought that some of the studies she cited DO make a lot of sense and should be more widely looked at (like the ones that talk about why it's a good idea to ask people to provide feedback and brainstorm online rather than in big meetings or why introverts with closed door offices are more productive or some of the advice to parents about how to cherish their introverted child). I also think that it's nice to have someone sounding the alert that someone speaking quietly is not wrong by default- turn on cable news for thirty seconds and you'll be reminded why that is important.

And yet, despite the evident time put into this book, and despite my bias towards it, I couldn't shake the feeling of cynical questioning of what felt like a great deal of pop psychology and arguments made based on feelings, anecdotes and newspaper clippings collected into a narrative. It felt like a file you might keep to make yourself feel better and to express an important part of your identity, rather than a research paper and I'm sure it was aiming at something closer to that crossed with an advice column. There's such a lot of speculation in here, and lots of scientific studies without citations or countervailing evidence brought into play. (For example, it certainly didn't help that the minute after I read one of the more fluffy scientific studies in here about how we Americans as a culture are more drawn to people that display significantly more traditionally dominant body language in pictures I saw it in an issue of Marie Claire in a box near the back of the magazine reconfigured to be about women being attracted to men and how you've gotta look aggressive and Manly to get us ladiezz don't you know?) It just seems like a book written for a specific audience that you can rely on to make that leap to "just know" what you mean because they've got an emotional bank of misunderstood years and moments to draw on. In short, it appeals to an "emotional truth" built on hundreds of pages of stories and studies that may or may not add up to anything at all. On the one hand, it's maybe okay to create a space for a "community" of sorts to feel and process some of that- on the other hand, it will drag down the overall quality of that work into something closer to a melancholy history crossed with a dinner party argument.

Therefore, despite its strengths, and despite the personal enjoyment and help that I have taken from the book at this particular time, I can't rate it as more than an above average read. An intellectualized comfort read for introverted professionals, really, if such a specialized category really exists. I can't rate it higher when I feel like one good scholarly journal review would take the whole theory down, especially when it feels like an argument for corporations to pay introverts more a lot of the time. Nonetheless, a lot of interesting questions asked, a lot of self-reflection inspired. Recommended for my fellow introverts if you're at a place where you feel like something like I described above might be helpful to you at this time. Otherwise, I'd say you could skip it or just watch her TED talk instead. ...more

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Dec 29, 2016 Manny rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: linguistics-and-philosophy, donalds-are-trumps, science

[Original review, Dec 29 2016]

This book, which I had had recommended to me by many friends both on Goodreads and in real life, says plenty of useful and worthwhile things. Using the words not quite in the sense common among academic psychologists, Susan Cain distinguishes between "extroverts", whom she characterizes as loud, thick-skinned people who prioritise social interaction, assertiveness and gregariousness, and "introverts", quiet, thin-skinned people who prioritise sensitivity, harmony an [Original review, Dec 29 2016]

This book, which I had had recommended to me by many friends both on Goodreads and in real life, says plenty of useful and worthwhile things. Using the words not quite in the sense common among academic psychologists, Susan Cain distinguishes between "extroverts", whom she characterizes as loud, thick-skinned people who prioritise social interaction, assertiveness and gregariousness, and "introverts", quiet, thin-skinned people who prioritise sensitivity, harmony and understanding. She points out that a third to a half of all people are introverts; though many of them have learned how to masquerade successfully as extroverts, since American society encourages extrovert behavior to the point where many introverts feel there is something wrong with them. Why do they prefer to sit and read a book when they could be out making useful business contacts? Cain give reasons to believe that the difference between introversion and extroversion may well be related to underlying brain physiology, and hence beyond the individual's control. But more importantly, she argues that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being introverted. Society needs sensitive, risk-shy introverts just as much as it needs brash, risk-tolerant extroverts. In fact, it may need them more.

I find most of the above plausible, though I don't know enough about neurophysiology to be able to say how solid those parts are. What disquiets me most is that the book needed to be written in the first place. It seems to me to say more about modern American society than it does about the differences between introverts and extroverts. As Cain says, many societies - she particularly singles out Asian societies - do not place the same premium on extroverted behavior. If you're an Asian teen, it's regarded as normal to spend your time studying rather than partying. The same is true, though to a lesser extent, of many European societies.

Cain's approach is gentle and indirect, but she certainly succeeds in showing how grotesquely skewed the US has become. When a member of an evangelical church says he is only interested in recruiting extroverted people and adds that he's sure Jesus was extroverted, I can't help feeling that something has gone horribly wrong. Even more memorably and presciently (the book was published in 2012), Cain asks at one point how America could have got the idea that the ideal personality type is that of a successful real estate salesman.

How indeed?
___________________
[Update, May 31 2018]

A remarkable passage I just read in Gwendolyn Seidman's widely cited paper "Self-presentation and belonging on Facebook: How personality influences social media use and motivations" (2012):

Extraversion is related to several belongingness-related constructs. Extraverts have more friends, higher quality friendships (Asendorpf & Wilpers, 1998) and more satisfying romantic relationships than introverts (White, Hendrick, & Hendrick, 2004). Thus, it is unsurprising that extraversion is associated with greater Facebook use (Gosling, Augustine, Vazire, Holtzman, & Gaddis, 2011; Wilson, Fornasier, & White, 2010) and more friends (Amichai-Hamburger & Vinitzky, 2010; Moore & McElroy, 2012; Ryan & Xenos, 2011).

...more

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Jul 01, 2019 Emily (Books with Emily Fox) rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: audiobooks

Very interesting non-fiction about introverts.

Definitely could relate with a lot that was said and loved learning more about the advantages of it and how to deal with being an introvert!

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Jan 29, 2012 Grumpus rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: audiobook, science

What an affirmation! While listening to this book, I was constantly reminded of Al Franken’s Saturday Night Live character, Stuart Smalley, and his mantra, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.” Well, those who understand me do. Full disclosure, according to the Myers-Briggs Personality Test, I’m an ISFJ.

There were so many points of affirmation for me—things I intuitively knew. Things I’ve tried to share with others mostly to no avail. This book supplies all the dat What an affirmation! While listening to this book, I was constantly reminded of Al Franken’s Saturday Night Live character, Stuart Smalley, and his mantra, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.” Well, those who understand me do. Full disclosure, according to the Myers-Briggs Personality Test, I’m an ISFJ.

There were so many points of affirmation for me—things I intuitively knew. Things I’ve tried to share with others mostly to no avail. This book supplies all the data I need to support my case. Unfortunately, I don’t think the people who need to read/listen this book (extroverts) will.

The book is not an “introverts are superior” diatribe but rather an explanation of how we can leverage personality types most effectively. There is no right or best personality type but like life in general, we need to understand each other for more harmonious relationships. Whether these relationships are family, work, or social, applications of understanding are documented throughout the book.

There was one example in the book that hit particularly close to home. Although SAT or IQ scores do not support it, people who talk more are perceived as leaders. And, which personality type talks more? Extroverts. Now, assume that both extroverts and introverts have an equal amount of good ideas. Who is going to get their way more? Extroverts. This could be dangerous because they’re going to get their way more meaning that many of their bad ideas are also going to be implemented.

Oh, another thing I intuitively knew but now have support for is brainstorming sessions. Studies show the larger the number of people involved in a session, the less effective they are. A 9-member group is less effective than a 6-member group which is less than effective than a 4-member group which is less effective than a 2-member group. The suggestion is to conduct brainstorming sessions electronically. Collect comments and then share them anonymously and build from there. One of the reasons is that most introverts are better writers than speakers.

Other examples from the business world give tips for how both introverted and extroverted leaders can best work with their subordinates of each type. Take advantage of each of their strengths. Such as how studies show that introverts “inspect” and extroverts “react”. Neither adjective should be taken as derogatory but instead as strengths. Allow introverts time to examine and solve. Studies show they are more persistent trying to solve unsolvable problems. The famous introvert, Albert Einstein said, “It is not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.” My hero.

A final word on the narration—fantastic. If you have the opportunity to listen rather than read this book, I would strongly recommend going with the audio format. Kathe Mazur does a perfect narration in a “Quiet”, calm, soothing voice. Very appropriate “in a noisy world that can’t stop talking”.

...more

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Sep 27, 2016 Dan Schwent rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: 2016-books, 2016

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking is about being an introvert in today's society.

Confession time: I'm a tremendous introvert. I know you're all thinking something along the lines of "What? A guy who reads constantly and writes over a hundred book reviews a year is an introvert?" Shocking but true. I could easily go days without human contact. At parties, I'm the guy hanging out near the food or snooping through the host's books or medicine cabinet. I could go into Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking is about being an introvert in today's society.

Confession time: I'm a tremendous introvert. I know you're all thinking something along the lines of "What? A guy who reads constantly and writes over a hundred book reviews a year is an introvert?" Shocking but true. I could easily go days without human contact. At parties, I'm the guy hanging out near the food or snooping through the host's books or medicine cabinet. I could go into more detail but since I have a feeling most Goodreaders are also introverts, I'll skip it.

Basically, the book is a flashing neon sign that says it's okay to be an introvert. Susan Cain chronicles her own struggles as an introvert, as well as showing how America went from being about character to about personality, right around the time movies and TV started getting popular. It covers introverts in all areas, like corporate America, and how introverts are treated in other societies. There's a lengthy section on raising introvert kids, which a lot of parents could use instead of shoving their kids into the shark-infested extrovert waters.

Honestly, I could have used this book as a teenager, when people were constantly badgering me to go out more. Scientific discoveries and works of art are rarely made by people who are constantly talking. Cain covers topics like being an introvert in the business world, where people who talk the loudest get their way more often than not, something I see every day in cubeland.

Actually, the book gave me insight into the behavior of some of my family. Until he retired, my dad was crabbier than Red Foreman all the time. I used to think he was just an angry asshole but now I think he was an introvert with nowhere to unwind. Now that he's retired, I see how much alike we are. He's actually pretty friendly as long as the visits don't go too long.

Susan Cain's writing style is engaging. I felt the repeated examples may have padded the book a bit.
While I felt validated by reading it, sometimes it felt like a book a kid named Matthew, who happened to be missing a finger, wrote about how nine-fingered Matthews are the best at everything. I liked it but most of what Cain says seemed pretty obvious. There are no mind-blowing revelations for introverts within. I do recommend extroverts read it, however. 3.5 out of 5 stars.
...more

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Aug 13, 2018 Cristina Monica rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: audiobook, non-fiction

This is the first time in my life I'm saying this: I'm so proud to be an introvert :)

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Jun 22, 2013 Brigid ✩ rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: favorites, non-fiction, yes-yes-yes

You can also read this review on Flying Kick-a-pow! Reviews

This is a bit different from what I typically read and review. I don't often read non-fiction, but when my mom got this out of the library and I read the inside flap, I knew I would have to give it a shot. It sounded like something I could relate to and possibly benefit from … and it was. As soon as I started it, I was totally engrossed. And as I made my way through the entire thing, I felt like I was learning more and more about myself. ...more

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Oct 26, 2014 jessica rated it really liked it · review of another edition

ive seen this book pop up on my feed quite a bit recently and, even though i read it years ago, i cant believe i never posted a review for it! better late than never. lol.

a quick google search will show that anywhere between 25-40% of the worlds population are introverts and i feel so proud to be considered part of such an outstanding group. this book didnt necessarily teach me anything i didnt already know about myself, but it was very neat to see how i can turn my introvertedness into a stren ...more

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Sep 25, 2011 Yvonne rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Thank you, Susan Cain, for writing this remarkable book! As an introvert who has always been regarded as not only quiet, but also timid and weak, this book is very refreshing. It puts into words what many introverts know intuitively; strength does not have to be loud, in your face, or aggressive. Strength and conviction can present themselves quietly without sacrificing effectiveness. Through impressive research, Ms. Cain clearly demonstrates the importance of both personality types and the valu ...more

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Apr 27, 2020 Sean Barrs rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction, 5-star-reads

I am an introvert and PROUD!

I am sure this is not totally surprising considering my huge love of books and writing. I am also sure many users (if not most of us) are introverts here on Goodreads. And Susan Cain is one of us and she celebrates it.

This is a book about our strengths, and our weaknesses; it is a book about realising that although we do not fit the ideal model for success, we can still be dramatically successful given the right circumstances and a chance to shine. We are the cre ...more

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May 23, 2013 Felicia rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction

As you can see, i've been mixing up my reading lately, THIS ISN'T ROMANCE YAY!

Quiet is a fascinating book about the prejudice that our society faces against introverts, and why it's unfounded, and how, as an introvert, you can overcome that, as well as just KNOW yourself better. I never really classified myself as such before, but reading this, I understand why, if I'm exhausted, all I want to be is alone, and how I'm extroverted only when I can control my environment and how that's a THING! If ...more

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Jan 27, 2014 Julie Christine rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: best-of-2014, social-political-commentary, reference-instructional, read-2014

Once upon a time there was a woman who dreaded the staff meeting roundtable, when each person had to share what was good or bad or on their professional plate that week or in their personal life. All five, nine, fifteen pairs of eyes would be upon her as she forced her voice to carry down the table, knocking off as few words as she could to express, “Everything’s great!” before turning her flushed face to the colleague beside her. This same woman could take the stage before an audience in the hu ...more

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Apr 28, 2019 Nenia ⚔️ Queen of Villainy ⚔️ Campbell rated it did not like it · review of another edition

Shelves: harder-to-get-thru-than-labyrinth, nonfiction

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Question: How do you know if someone is an introvert?

Answer: They're going to fucking tell you.

Right now, it's very popular to be an introvert. There are various introvert webcomics, TED talks about why introversion is so great, and numerous people who will tell you that they are an introvert and subject you to discussion and analysis of what this means with the same enthusiasm of someone who reads horoscopes. People confess to introvers ...more

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Jan 25, 2012 Diane rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: favorites, nonfiction, sociology-psychology

This book blew my mind. I loved it so much that I wish I could give a copy to all of my friends and relatives.

Susan Cain does an excellent job of explaining the different strengths between introverts and extroverts, and the history of how America came to idealize extroverts. I agree that as a society we tend to value the gregarious go-getters, the loud talkers, the forceful presenters.

But Cain's book reminds us that societies need introverts, too — the thinkers, the listeners, the people who lo ...more

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Aug 28, 2016 Julie rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: overdrive, e-book, non-fiction

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain is a 2012 Crown publication.

I’ve seen Susan Cain’s ‘Ted Talks’, video and knew I would have to read her book, it was just a matter of fitting it into my schedule.

As an extreme introvert, this book definitely feels like a form of validation. See? There is nothing wrong with me. There are other people out there just like me, who avoid social situations at all cost, would rather take a good beating than speak publicly Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain is a 2012 Crown publication.

I’ve seen Susan Cain’s ‘Ted Talks’, video and knew I would have to read her book, it was just a matter of fitting it into my schedule.

As an extreme introvert, this book definitely feels like a form of validation. See? There is nothing wrong with me. There are other people out there just like me, who avoid social situations at all cost, would rather take a good beating than speak publicly, who feel drained after social occasions, and who must have alone time.

There are people who, like myself, tried to fake an extrovert personality, but were miserable because it. In a world that is increasingly group oriented, that recognizes the loud, outspoken, forceful personality over the quiet, soft spoken, unassuming temperament, this book is a Godsend.

But, while the book explains the tendencies of the introvert and offers some theories on how people develop this type of temperament, and how to cope and compromise in order to fulfill your job duties and family obligations without suffering an overabundance of anxiety or develop depression or a dependence on medication, this book is also a must read for extroverts!

Yes, that’s right… extroverts should read this book too, so they can understand that colleague, sibling, or spouse, or child who is quiet, craves alone time, avoids social situations, and would rather not waste time on small talk.

How can employers create a workplace setting that brings out the best of both temperaments? Many people work better and are far more productive when working alone, and have much to contribute, but are often drowned out by the constant cacophony surrounding them.

While I agree with nearly everything the author writes, most of the scientific studies and analogies were only moderately interesting and highly debatable. I don’t know if I agreed with all those findings, and this particular section of the books was just a little bit dull.

Not everything mentioned here will pertain to every single person who identifies as an introvert. Taking the informal quiz, I answered nearly every question with ‘Yes’, but there were several traits that I do not own, so this is not a ‘one size fits all’ course, and doesn’t try to be, but I think the author covered a tremendous amount of relevant material any introvert can use and relate to.

I would not consider this book a ‘self-help’ book, but the author included a few tips and exercises one can use to ease social anxiety and learn to work in groups and speak publicly. There is also a section for parents who may worry about an introverted child, and how to encourage that child, not change them.

Overall, I am so happy to see the problems introverts face in an extroverted world, addressed and brought to the forefront.

4 stars
...more

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Jan 29, 2016 Bradley rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: 2016-shelf, non-fiction, self-help

Most of this, to be honest, is self-explanatory, but the rest is a fairly comprehensive exploration of how extroversion became a public ideal back in the 1920's, replacing the power of character with personality and the social stigma that has ever since been placed upon people who don't seem vibrant and ebullient.

It shouldn't come as any surprise to anyone that 1/3 to 1/2 of all people are introverts, but because we live in a society that places a premium on everything non-introverted, most of ...more

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Jul 22, 2012 Elyse Walters rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Update: Solid 5 stars..( Jan. 3rd 2016)...
I had a reason for a 4.9 rating years ago..
I still believe what I wrote ... however..
this book is a lifetime favorite book!!!
I had a conversation about it just yesterday.
I can get very charged up about this book.
When I've purged giving books away.. I've always 'kept' this one for myself ( yet I've bought extra copies a few times and have given it as a gift).
I feel everyone benefits from this book..'everyone' ... and the process of reading it is a fabulo ...more

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Aug 03, 2016 Heidi The Reader rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: self-help, non-fiction, favorites

Quiet entered my life at a particularly low moment. Allow me to set the scene: I had been on vacation for a week and a half. We were in Colorado, visiting my husband's family, some of whom I had met before, others whom I had not. I knew I wasn't going to be entirely comfortable being around people the whole trip- I'm a huge introvert and I'm self aware enough to know that I need downtime, and quite a bit of it, to feel as if I'm functioning normally. But I didn't realize that my husband, who is Quiet entered my life at a particularly low moment. Allow me to set the scene: I had been on vacation for a week and a half. We were in Colorado, visiting my husband's family, some of whom I had met before, others whom I had not. I knew I wasn't going to be entirely comfortable being around people the whole trip- I'm a huge introvert and I'm self aware enough to know that I need downtime, and quite a bit of it, to feel as if I'm functioning normally. But I didn't realize that my husband, who is just as introverted as I am and who I was counting on to help me through all of the introductions, dinners, conversations, etc, was going to immerse himself in Pokemon Go a majority of the time and essentially leave me to my own devices. As Susan Cain would say, he found a "restorative niche" for himself in a digital world. It was hard on me as I didn't have that escape.

So, here we are, visiting a friend's home and my daughter, who strangely enough is a huge extrovert (the exact opposite of her parents), is struggling. She's tired, out-of-sorts, and throwing a sulk every ten minutes. I'm meeting yet more people, trying to hold trite conversations, and steer my child, all the while just wanting to retreat into a cave and not talk to anyone for a very long time. Honestly, I felt that way before we reached the party, but things seemed to get much, much worse the moment we arrived. It had been building over the course of the vacation, but that day, my internal clamor reached a boiling point. My husband was oblivious to my growing discomfort as he's catching Pokemon, again. (I don't mean to sound bitter here, but I suppose that I am.) I had forced myself for ten days to be social, keep the smile on my face, keep everything flowing smoothly. To my horror, I realize that I am about to have a panic attack in the middle of this crowd of people, more than half of whom I don't even know. I grab my keys and leave.

I drive a couple blocks away, castigating myself for not being able to handle it and just pissed because, once again, like many times in my childhood, adolescence, and adulthood, I feel like I'm failing at life because I'm not a social butterfly. I can't stand to be around strangers for extended periods of time. I've always been this way- overly sensitive to others, noise, motion, events. I really dislike groups, parties, places where I have to circulate with a bunch of people who don't know me or care about anything that I have to say. The tears fell down my cheeks as I opened up my tablet and began reading this book. And I discovered that about half of all people are just like me. Thank you, Susan Cain. Your book gave me the courage to drive back to my friend's house and face the rest of the evening. I am not a pariah. I am an introvert and perhaps I can do a better job figuring out when I've reached my socializing limits before I meltdown.

Many of the positive attributes of introverts which Susan describes, I totally have, I've just never considered them as worth the trade-off of the extroverted personality. I notice small details, have a great memory for conversations and events, long past the time when others forget such things. I think carefully about problems and people, devoting time to taking apart small nuances of books and movies, that other people don't even consider, which makes me a good reviewer of media- perfect for my job as a librarian. Susan nailed my general feeling about myself in the introduction: "Introverts living under the Extrovert Ideal are like women in a man's world, discounted because of a trait that goes to the core of who they are. Extroversion is an enormously appealing personality style, but we've turned it into an oppressive standard to which most of us feel we must conform." pg 34 ebook. Yes!

My role at the reference desk calls for an extroverted personality but I muddle through it, because I care about the job and helping others. Usually, I come home from work, totally worn out and in need of quiet time to unwind. Susan helped me understand that sometimes "faking it" is worth it, if it for a cause that means something to you and that others do the exact same thing that I do. Pull out the mask for the job, but then allow yourself the freedom to be who you really are at home: "According to Free Trait Theory, we are born and culturally endowed with certain personality traits- introversion, for example- but we can and do act out of character in the service of "core personal projects." In other words, introverts are capable of acting like extroverts for the sake of work they consider important, people they love, or anything they value highly." pg 391 ebook.

My favorite parts of the book were about sensitivity and social situations. Take this passage: "...maybe we didn't choose ... social accessories at random. Maybe we've adopted dark glasses, relaxed body language, and alcohol as signifiers precisely because they camouflage signs of a nervous system on overdrive. Sunglasses prevent others from seeing our eyes dilate with surprise or fear; we know from Kagan's work that a relaxed torso is a hallmark of low reactivity; and alcohol removes our inhibitions and lowers our arousal levels. When you go to a football game and someone offers you a beer, says the personality psychologist Brian Little, "they're really saying hi, have a glass of extroversion." pg 277 ebook. I may use that in my life. "Please hand me that glass of extroversion."

I also really enjoyed learning the differences in thinking: "Introverts and extroverts also direct their attention differently: if you leave them to their own devices, the introverts tend to sit around wondering about things, imagining things, recalling events from their past, and making plans for the future. The extroverts are more likely to focus on what's happening around them. It's as if extroverts are seeing "what is" while their introverted peers are asking "what if." pg 323 ebook. Yeah, I do that too.

I can't recommend this book highly enough. It saved an evening for me, but more importantly, it changed the way that I view myself. There is power in knowing that you're not alone. Again, thank you, Susan Cain. Some read-alikes: The Introvert's Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World by Sophia Dembling (for introversion) or Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things by Jenny Lawson (for more instances of social anxiety). ...more

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Mar 06, 2013 Megan Baxter rated it liked it · review of another edition

There's a real pleasure in recognition. Hearing about yourself, finding out you're not alone, it can be a huge relief and release. And so, as a long-time (although fairly gregarious) introvert, I enjoyed this book quite a bit. Not much of it was truly surprising, but still, it's nice to read a book that validates the way I tend to operate anyway.

Note: The rest of this review has been withdrawn due to the recent changes in Goodreads policy and enforcement. You can read why I came to this decisio ...more

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Aug 12, 2015 Glenn Sumi rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction

This book spoke directly to my soul, to the core of my being.

If you’re on this site and reading this, you probably enjoy time alone to read, think and recharge your batteries. It’s not that you’re anti-social, you just prefer having meaningful conversations with one or two people rather than being stuck in a room with a loud group talking about... nothing.

Susan Cain’s book will validate you and make you feel you’re not a freak. You don’t need “to come out of your shell.” In fact, there are more ...more

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Dec 03, 2017 carol. rated it it was ok · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction

Shhh, I'm taking some quiet time.

Kidding! I'll be honest. I avoided this book the first time it appeared, when the buzz had it popping up all over. But my introversion has been more than a bit disrespected lately and I was feeling a need for some affirmation. Alas, I'm not sure I found much helpful here.

Part One is 'The Extrovert Ideal,' and looks at how the change from the 18th century ideal of personality to 20th century cult of personality emphasized extroversion as a valuable workplace trait ...more

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Jan 29, 2016 Matthias rated it liked it · review of another edition

Recommended to Matthias by: Fiona

Shelves: out-of-the-box-reviews, my-reviews

Part I: Prelude to the review
Part II: The review
________________________________

Part I

Prelude: An introvert walks into a bookstore

I read a review on this book today and decided I had to buy it right away. I consider myself somewhat of an introvert, even though not everyone around me agrees on that, because you know, I talk to people and can be pleasant at the same time. Convincing people there's more to the introvert-extrovert distinction than that hasn't always proven easy.

I was hoping this boo ...more

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Sep 07, 2019 Ahmad Sharabiani rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: united-states, 21th-century, non-fiction, psychology, self-help, science, literature

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, Susan Cain

In Quiet, Susan Cain argues that we dramatically undervalue introverts and shows how much we lose in doing so.

She charts the rise of the Extrovert Ideal throughout the twentieth century and explores how deeply it has come to permeate our culture.

Passionately argued, superbly researched, and filled with indelible stories of real people, Quiet has the power to permanently change how we see introverts and, equally import ...more

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Jun 02, 2014 Suzanne rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction, help-yourself, mental-health, hardcover, introvert, library-wsu

“Introversion – along with its cousins sensitivity, seriousness and shyness – is now a second-class personality trait, somewhere between a disappointment and a pathology. Introverts living under the Extrovert ideal are like women in a man’s world, discounted because of a trait that goes to the core of who they are.”

I came across the author of this outstanding book when we studied for our Library studies last year. We were to present on the topic “What are you passionate about”, and my friend ...more

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Aug 10, 2019 Brina rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: nonfiction, science, psychology

My kids claim that I am the biggest introvert ever. I could spend entire weekends reading without talking to a single person. I avoid social events so that I can watch sports on tv, one time even turning down the chance to hear Ron Chernow speak so I could watch Monday night football. If I am around people for a few hours, I declare myself officially done for the day. With these traits of being an introvert extraordinaire, I was giddy when the nonfiction book club decided to read Quiet by Susan My kids claim that I am the biggest introvert ever. I could spend entire weekends reading without talking to a single person. I avoid social events so that I can watch sports on tv, one time even turning down the chance to hear Ron Chernow speak so I could watch Monday night football. If I am around people for a few hours, I declare myself officially done for the day. With these traits of being an introvert extraordinaire, I was giddy when the nonfiction book club decided to read Quiet by Susan Cain as one of its monthly reads. A corporate lawyer turned introvert advocate, Cain would finally unlock the mystery of why introverted people such as myself do better alone or in small group settings than in large public gatherings. Needless to say, I joined in the group read of Quiet determined to find out more about introverted people and what makes us go.

Cain’s premise is that if it weren’t for introverts, the world would be devoid of many inventions, writers, and other creative minds. Dr Seuss was an introvert. So were Emily Dickinson, J.D. Salinger, and Albert Einstein, among others. Steve Jobs was an extrovert but his business partner who designed a personal computer was an introvert. At first I thought that Quiet would be the history of famous introverted people and what each has contributed to the world. As one who devours biographies, I would have been happy if this was Cain’s primary goal in producing her book. Yet, soon after listing famous introverts, Cain proceeds to delve into the history of psychological personality studies and how behavioral theorists tested children to see who is an introvert and who is an extrovert. Starting with Jungian theory all the way to present day, Cain showed how both nature and nurture play a role in comprising people’s tendencies. In her research, Cain has discovered that one in three people are introverted by nature, more of us than one originally thinks.

While I would have rather the book focus on famous introverts than scientific studies, I did appreciate Cain’s personal anecdotes. A corporate lawyer who feared public speaking, Cain tells readers how she used various coping mechanisms to get her through her work. Some worked, some did not, and eventually she changed careers. What she devised while in her research for this book is that both introverts and extroverts use free trait associations to help them in uncomfortable situations, in layman’s terms, they act opposite of what their nature normally would. It was in this chapter that I thought that maybe I am an extrovert after all because I do love to talk; however, just in small groups. In school I often volunteered answers, but I did poorly in large group settings. My volunteering answers was what Cain refers to as my free trait association for me to act extroverted enough to get through my academic day. The fact that behavioral scientists have devoted studies to this gives me hope that future generations of introverted students will not have things as bad as I did.

As a parent, the chapters I found most interesting were the ones referring to raising an introverted child. Americans by nature are the most extroverted nation in the world. A nation of immigrants, go getters not afraid to move across the globe and start anew. By default, schools are designed with extroverted students in mind, even though, as Cain points out, that one in three people are introverted. Teachers today have been told to mix activities with both extroverts and introverts in mind, with some activities catering to both groups of people. Cain does encourage parents that if they can, to visit schools ahead of time. This is not feasible for all, but I did feel encouragement that teachers at the key grades of fourth and eighth, usually found in studies, are developing some group, some partner, and some individual activities so that introverted students do not feel lost in a sea of people throughout the day. If only school for me had been that easy.

Cain also contrasts the Asian and Caucasian cultures, pointing out that learning is valued in Asian communities, citing a model community of Cupertino, California. With a public school system primarily Asian, these students excel, only to experience culture shock when they leave for college and then enter working society. Some Cupertino parents have even chosen to commute to China for weeks at a time because the American business world is too fast paced and people oriented for them. Cain also interviewed college students to see how they adapted, some remaining as total introverts, whereas others used free trait associations to excel socially at their colleges. She points out that the Asians have a strong tendency to be introverted and Americans have dubbed them the “model minority.” While Asian students do well academically, the working world continues to be a struggle for them, unless they learn how to adapt to American culture. Like any people, some Asians act like extroverts whereas some are happy as introverts, reflecting society as a whole.

Within our nonfiction book club, we had a variety of opinions about Quiet. Some members enjoyed the scientific studies more whereas others preferred the history and parenting sections the most. As one who wanted to find out if I am a true introvert or just someone along the spectrum, I found the entire book intriguing. There was some repetition toward the end, perhaps because Cain ran out of things to say. She is an introvert after all, and maybe she grew tired of presenting introverts to the world. Like many of us introverted bookworms at the nonfiction book club, perhaps Susan Cain decided toward the end of this book to end her free trait associations and act like the true introvert that she is.

3.5 stars rounded up ...more

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Jan 08, 2019 Sean Gibson rated it really liked it · review of another edition

The only thing less surprising than the fact that a book that extols the virtues of nerds who read books has generally favorable reviews on a site populated with nerds who read books (myself included) is that broccoli tastes as bad as it smells.

While it’s certainly possible to cherry pick data and case studies in a way to support virtually any contention (give me an internet connection and a couple of hours and I could put together a pretty solid case, backed up by compelling proof, that the Ill The only thing less surprising than the fact that a book that extols the virtues of nerds who read books has generally favorable reviews on a site populated with nerds who read books (myself included) is that broccoli tastes as bad as it smells.

While it’s certainly possible to cherry pick data and case studies in a way to support virtually any contention (give me an internet connection and a couple of hours and I could put together a pretty solid case, backed up by compelling proof, that the Illuminati embedded subliminal messages in the Gummi Bears theme song in order to make left-handed men over the age of 60 spank themselves anytime someone called them Sally), Cain makes a cogent argument that the Western world’s prioritization of what we generally perceive as extroverted tendencies has not only disadvantaged a large segment of the population (perhaps as much as half), but that we can, with some relatively easy adjustments, not only make life easier for those people, but enable them to contribute to society in an even more meaningful and powerful way.

I don’t live squarely on the introverted side of the spectrum, but I’m certainly much closer to that end than the other, and many of Cain’s points—particularly about the stress and strain of operating in a workplace that doesn’t often allow sufficient time for deep thinking or solo reflection—hit home. I felt her points even more acutely, however, as the parent of a burgeoning introvert, and Cain offers up a number of helpful suggestions for helping young children adjust, adapt, and thrive in environments such as school and team sports that seem tailor-made for extroverts.

I wish all CEOs and business leaders, people who design office layouts, educators, coaches, parents, and broccoli sniffers would read this book. Even if Cain occasionally goes a little too far in extolling the virtues of introversion, her logic is sound, and she persuasively makes the case for rethinking how we go about work, education, creative activity, socializing, and life in general.

(Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go stuff some padding into my underwear so that when someone calls me Sally in 20 years and 9 days, I don’t bruise my tender, bubble-shaped junk compartment.) ...more

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Jan 06, 2012 Madeleine rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: blogophilia, head-in-the-clouds-nose-in-a-book, our-libeary, 2013, let-us-now-speak-of-great-men

Like the friend whose brutal honesty is never immediately welcome but reveals its necessary truths the more you bitterly and obsessively try to prove her wrong (in your head, of course, always in your head because no one else understands, damnit), this book made me confront things about myself that I always kind of knew but glossed over with conciliatory explanations.

I am, according to the battery of Myers-Briggs tests that Dr. Internet has administered to me (and that offer the same result no Like the friend whose brutal honesty is never immediately welcome but reveals its necessary truths the more you bitterly and obsessively try to prove her wrong (in your head, of course, always in your head because no one else understands, damnit), this book made me confront things about myself that I always kind of knew but glossed over with conciliatory explanations.

I am, according to the battery of Myers-Briggs tests that Dr. Internet has administered to me (and that offer the same result no matter how cleverly I think I've outsmarted the aforementioned countless variations of personality assessments), of the INFP persuasion, just like Virginia Woolf and Sylvia Plath were presumed to be, along with many other notable people who haven't killed themselves (like Tim Burton, Billy Shakes and Albert Camus). All sources stress that it's one of the rarer personality types, which at least begins to explain why I feel so interminably weird compared to other people all the time.

But I think my introversion also comes with a tinge of self-loathing, for as much as I dislike the idea of being around crowds of people to the extent that I always took those commercials advertising a pill to treat social anxiety as a personal attack on my personality, my stuttering, socially awkward self who identifies with the fictional characters and real ideas populating book after book better than the world beyond my front door is also maddeningly, desperately eager to be the center of attention. Not that I always know what to do with that attention once I get it, as it's fun for about five minutes before the urge to dive for solitary cover re-assumes control. And I think I tend to resent well-adjusted introverts a little for their totally-alien-to-me experience of being comfortable in their own skins.

Which brings us to my biggest problem with this book: The author was entirely too present in this study on introverts. I know, I know: My reviews have gotten to be so totally about me that I feel like a hypocritical dick lobbing such a complaint at this presumably well-meaning book. When I read This is Your Brain on Music, I got so pissed off at the reviewers who complained similarly about how Levitin frequently drew on his own experiences because, c'mon, personal experience counts for something while lending a sense of credibility to the research conducted and the conclusions made: The difference, I think, is that Levitin used himself to bring a high-minded concept down to understandable terms for those of us lacking scientific minds whereas Cain sometimes seemed like she just wanted to talk about herself. There's nothing wrong with that, of course, but that would have made a better blog than a book. By falling back on her own brand of introversion, it felt like she was both negating the argument that the personality type expresses itself in an inexhaustibly many ways and also even alienating other expressions of introversion to a degree.

Actually, I wasn't always crazy about the kind of people Cain used as examples of introverts who were able to overcome their crippling shyness or need to be alone (because shyness isn't always an introvert-specific trait, as this book did teach me) to function -- nay, thrive -- in the vast, sometimes overwhelming world beyond their rich inner landscapes. I mean, for a book subtitled "The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking," it would make sense to use Harvard Business School students, Ivy League professors, academic whiz kids on the cusp of high school and everything after, neuroscientists and Wall Street investors (to name a few) to illustrate the victories that can arise from harnessing one's naturally unassuming, slow-to-action instincts and applying them to real-world scenarios. And that was reassuring and motivating and helpful, sure, but what would have been a little more helpful is seeing how an everyday introvert with a quiet job and a simple existence confronts life's obstacles when confrontation does not come easy.

(And, yes, there is a whole section on the ordinary workplace and how open floor plans and the elimination of boundaries and this emphasis on group work and collective brainstorming that are all so in vogue really aren't all that conducive to brilliance and happiness and cohesion and all that. But that was more of an academically detached observation than a personal reality.)

I really didn't hate this book. Really. I didn't love it but it did force some personal insight on me that I've probably been needing to hear. Like how facing down one's own unique hell, like public speaking (which, hi, have I mentioned that I stutter?), isn't, like, fatal and is worth overcoming. And that just because the Western ideal favors extroverted characteristics doesn't mean it's better -- and that, in fact, a lot of how I approach the world (I'd rather not talk unless I have something worthwhile to say; I don't want to assert myself at the risk of disrespecting the greater whole) is mirrored in the traditionally Eastern approach. That the person speaking the most or first or loudest is rarely offering the best ideas, as a facade of overconfidence often hides an array of interior doubts. That knowing to pick one's battles and proceeding with a quiet assurance is a strength in its own right.

The penultimate chapter was nothing but an exploration of how extro- and introverts complement each other and how the two seemingly at-odds personality types can look inward to identify their outwardly differing approaches to the world. As most people are not like me, it did offer some perspective shifts that I found to be genuinely helpful wisdom in terms of how my perception of myself and others doesn't always align with what they either see or know to be true. For one glorious moment, it even seemed like Cain was talking directly to me in addressing the way that the real-life introverted wife of an extroverted man tended to emotionally distance herself from an argument, as she thought she was keeping herself in check while he thought she was shutting him out, which is a difference in interpretation that never even crossed my conflicted mind.

I had perused the table of contents before reading even a word of this book and actually groaned when I saw that the final chapter explores "how to cultivate quiet kids in a world that can't hear them," which I figured would read like a laundry list of all the ways my parents failed me. And, I mean, it did, of course, but after recovering from bursting into tears almost immediately at the beginning of the chapter (because, man, was it ever hitting too close to home), I realized that it was only ostensibly advice for nurturing introverted children so they can happily grow into their places in an ill-fitting world: It was really, truly a comforting pat on the back that reached into the past to assure my inner child (the part of it that isn't a perverted little teenage boy, anyway) that she was never as alone and misunderstood as she felt. And if this book had more of those moments, I might have actually wound up loving it. ...more

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About Susan Cain

Susan Cain

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“QUIET: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking,” was released in January, 2012, from Crown Publishers in the U.S., and from Viking/Penguin in the U.K. Quiet Power: The Secret Strengths of Introverts was released in May, 2016 from Dial Books in the U.S., and from Penguin Life in the U.K.

I would love to meet all of you. I can be found on any of the sites listed below:

- QuietRev.c ...more

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Interview with Susan Cain

The self-professed introvert advocates for awareness and change in a hyper-extroverted world through her best-seller, Quiet, winner of the Choice A...

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“Introverts, in contrast, may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their pajamas. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues, and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a horror of small talk, but enjoy deep discussions.” — 1638 likes

“There's zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas.” — 956 likes

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