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Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

Brené Brown (Goodreads Author)

4.28 · Rating details · 118,569 ratings · 8,407 reviews

Researcher and thought leader Dr. Brené Brown offers a powerful new vision that encourages us to dare greatly: to embrace vulnerability and imperfection, to live wholeheartedly, and to courageously engage in our lives.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit ...more

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Hardcover, 287 pages

Published September 11th 2012 by Avery

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Jun 17, 2013 Andy rated it did not like it · review of another edition

Teddy Roosevelt is spinning in his grave if he can hear how his famous quote about "daring greatly" has been turned into sappy psychobabble.

The main theme of the book is "shame." To the author, this is a fundamentally bad thing, even though she acknowledges that shameless people are sociopaths. She also makes the claim that shame has never been shown to be helpful. Actually, there is research suggesting that shame-based societies have less crime and mental illness than societies that are more i ...more

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Feb 19, 2013 Cecily rated it it was amazing

Recommends it for: Everyone

Recommended to Cecily by: Everyone

Shelves: self-help, favorite, non-fiction

This book came highly recommended by seemingly the entire internet, and the concept was one I'm VERY familiar with. I'd watched a couple of Brene Brown's TED talks and I was impressed with the topic of her research and with how long and how thoroughly she's been researching.

Oh yeah, and I also remembered that I am the most sewn up and invulnerable control freak that I know. It's been something I'm aware of, and I wasn't always this way. But I know it's keeping me from joy and love in a lot of a ...more

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Dec 22, 2012 Timm DiStefano rated it really liked it

"For me, and for many of us, our first waking thought of the day is "I didn't get enough sleep." The next one is "I don't have enough time." Whether true or not, that thought of not enough occurs to us automatically before we even think to question or examine it. We spend most of the hours and the days of our lives hearing, explaining, complaining, or worrying about what we don't have enough of... Before we even sit up in bed, before our feet touch the floor, we're already inadequate, already be ...more

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Jun 16, 2013 Jane rated it did not like it

I usually don't bother writing reviews for books I can't finish. And usually I give the book a fair chance -- say, at least 100 pages -- before giving up. Some books I even read all the way to the end before wishing I could just get my time back.

In this case, I read an interview with the author in O Magazine, and the interview was so interesting that I immediately requested this book from the library.

Well, once the book arrived, I quickly discovered that I had trouble following even the introdu ...more

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Mar 10, 2013 Kelly rated it did not like it · review of another edition

Shelves: started-but-didn-t-finish

The premise of this book rocked, and I was very interested in learning more about how to be more vulnerable and dare to do more things. However, the book was written completely in generalities. I need to hear the details of your research, the way you helped clients overcome their problems with vulnerability, facts, and stories. I need concrete advice and concrete science. Couldn't finish this fluffy-ass book.

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May 05, 2014 Gwen rated it it was ok

Recommended to Gwen by: Larissa

Shelves: well-being

I really, really, really wanted to like this book. It came so highly recommended, and it started off so well. The first chapter was spectacular--I found myself nodding along to just about everything: feeling vulnerable, a culture of scarcity, the new economy, etc. This book was speaking to me. My fears, my anxieties, my worries. And I hoped Brown would be the person to help guide me through it all.

But no.

The book promptly went downhill--and fast. Instead of direction and guidance, we get narrati ...more

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Sep 24, 2012 Alice Gold rated it it was amazing

Shelves: nonfiction, wellness, mental-health, fam-marriage-parent, selfhelp

Do you want to change the world?
Do you want to have more powerful interpersonal relationships?
Do you want to explore into your own soul
to make sense of your life?
Do you want to live whole-hearted?
Do you want to rid yourself from shame?
Do you want to understand men and women better?
Do you want to give your heart a hug?

I thought I would do something different this time and give you a list of questions for this book review. This book is so jam-packed with the "hard stuff" that I don't even want to Do you want to change the world?
Do you want to have more powerful interpersonal relationships?
Do you want to explore into your own soul
to make sense of your life?
Do you want to live whole-hearted?
Do you want to rid yourself from shame?
Do you want to understand men and women better?
Do you want to give your heart a hug?

I thought I would do something different this time and give you a list of questions for this book review. This book is so jam-packed with the "hard stuff" that I don't even want to dare pretend that I get it all. I will be reading it repeatedly until I have absorbed and memorized every nugget of wisdom. I wish every other person on the planet would do the same. It would seriously bring world peace and most certainly would give everyone inner peace. I'm not kidding, It's that powerful.

I was proud to be a part of this book campaign. I was thrilled. I mean I jumped up and down when I got the e-mail confirmation and cooked a fancy dinner for my family when it arrived in the mail. I have been pouring over its pages and sharing parts with my hubby every chance I get. I have compromised my facebook relationships with the overabundance of quotes from this book. I just can't stop. It's too totally amazing not to share. YOU HAVE TO READ THIS BOOK. If you don't want to buy your own copy, borrow mine. I can't share it though for at least another month until I have it memorized.

I had a powerful experience at work last night, using the principles learned in this book. I was substitute teaching a class at the therapeutic boarding school where I work. I gave the kids a reward for every half an hour of hard work. We listened to a song of their choice (with my approval). One boy chose a powerfully emotional song about a girl who wanted to be with her dying boyfriend forever. I loved it. Another boy in the class didn't. He started to shame the song choice kid. I stopped him and talked with the whole class about "shaming" and talked with them about giving people space to be who they are, even if they are wrong or different. I then turned to the shamer, and told him how much I loved him and admired him and that I would hope other people would give him space to love what he loved. He got teary-eyed. He turned to the other kid and said, "Dude, I am so sorry, I don't like that song, but it's cool if you do."

World peace, people. World peace.

A huge thanks to marriage counselor friend John Morgan who turned me on to Brene Brown just months ago. He shared with me her talks from Ted. I was hooked. Brene is a researcher and has a PHD and LMSW. Her life's work is shame and vulnerability. Here are her videos. Watch them both. Come back if you have to. They will make you understand why you need to read this book. Even if you aren't into that psychological mumbo-jumbo, you need to be.
...more

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Mar 01, 2017 Brenda - Traveling Sisters Book Reviews rated it really liked it

Daring Greatly was not what I expected it to be instead it gave me a very different outlook to vulnerability and a new understanding of what it means to engage with our vulnerability, understand how shame and shaming others affects us, how to combat shame, and being vulnerable for the sake of making real connections with people. Not only has it helped me understand my vulnerability but understand other people’s vulnerability and understand scarcity and how wholeheartedness can affect us.

I highl ...more

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May 26, 2019 ☘Misericordia☘ ~ The Serendipity Aegis ~ ⚡ϟ⚡ϟ⚡⛈ ✺❂❤❣ rated it really liked it

I don't think the whole premise is very mature.
All the narcissism and vulnerability talk and social media talk... Are their no other problems with people? Other than what they waste their time on FB, whether they are narcissists (catch-all!) and other what-not?
Some points are really good:
Q:
For the first time in history, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has announced that automobile accidents are now the second leading cause of accidental death in the United States. The leadin ...more

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Feb 19, 2014 Thomas rated it really liked it

Shelves: nonfiction, psychology

I picked up Daring Greatly after watching Brene Brown's amazing TED Talk on the power of vulnerability. I find it fascinating that someone can conduct research centered on human topics such as shame, vulnerability, connection, and happiness. When I first entered college I possessed the notion that research was something done with test tubes and beakers in the back of a laboratory, but Brown's work shows that in-depth research can apply to anyone, inside or outside of academia.

The quality of Brow I picked up Daring Greatly after watching Brene Brown's amazing TED Talk on the power of vulnerability. I find it fascinating that someone can conduct research centered on human topics such as shame, vulnerability, connection, and happiness. When I first entered college I possessed the notion that research was something done with test tubes and beakers in the back of a laboratory, but Brown's work shows that in-depth research can apply to anyone, inside or outside of academia.

The quality of Brown's insights in Daring Greatly deserves praise. She could have fallen back on trite tips that all self-help books preach. Instead, she examines vulnerability, shame, and wholeheartedness with a fine lens, using intriguing analogies and everyday anecdotes to illustrate her points. She discusses how men and women experience shame differently, how people who change their behaviors handle anxiety better than those who just cope with it, and how shame itself leads to distractions such as sex, alcohol, and addictions to Smartphones.

Brown incorporates practical applications of her research, ranging from how to help veterans form connections with others in the community to how modeling shame-based behaviors can result in negative parenting. She even includes scenarios such as when to disclose personal information in order to form connections as opposed to when it's better to keep your life private. Daring Greatly looks at patterns in human behavior that some people might overlook, and it provides ideas on how to change.

I would have appreciated a bit more of the "how" in regard to "daring greatly." Brown drives home the point that we should all strive to dare greatly, and she reveals a myriad of obstacles that obstruct us from doing so, but I wanted a few more concrete suggestions to guide us to success. It also would have been nice if Brown included more information about how she conducted her research throughout the book; even though she discusses methodology in the research appendix, knowing how she came to her conclusions when they're initially presented might aid in comprehension.

Overall, a great read, and highly recommended to those who enjoyed her TED Talk and desire to gain even more insight into the concepts of vulnerability and shame. Brown has an extensive track record through her research, her books, and her presentations, so I will be sure to check out more of her work. ...more

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Dec 07, 2018 Maxwell rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction, kindle, 2018

I feel like I'm pretty late to the game when it comes to reading Brené Brown, but I'm so glad I finally got around to it. She's a thoughtful and compassionate researcher who is able to imbue her work with personal experiences while still maintaining objectivity. It's definitely not a book, or type of book, I'd think to pick up (shoutout to the folks who suggested it to me!) because it's a subject matter I'd generally rather listen to a podcast about or watch an interview/conversation. However, t ...more

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Nov 18, 2012 Robyn McIntyre rated it liked it

This book was recommended on a blog that I follow by a person whose thinking somewhat mirrors mine. She recommended it in a big way, so I was anxious to read it. And I'm feeling odd about not giving it a higher rating, because I think it probably deserves one. I'm giving it three stars not because I have issues with the content (exactly) or with the writing, but because the subject matter is old hat to me.

Ms. Brown is fairly well known as a speaker and writer on the subject of 'shame' and how it This book was recommended on a blog that I follow by a person whose thinking somewhat mirrors mine. She recommended it in a big way, so I was anxious to read it. And I'm feeling odd about not giving it a higher rating, because I think it probably deserves one. I'm giving it three stars not because I have issues with the content (exactly) or with the writing, but because the subject matter is old hat to me.

Ms. Brown is fairly well known as a speaker and writer on the subject of 'shame' and how it debilitates us and keeps us from being the persons we want to be. She is right, of course. The weight that we give to shame is disproportionate to the weight it should have in keeping us to our personal code of ethics and values. She also addresses shame in this book as a chapter explaining why not being good at vulnerability often means that we are good at shame and how learning to be shame resilient is necessary to being able to achieve comfort with being vulnerable.

In particular, she focuses on how being willing to be vulnerable and to acknowledge that vulnerability - embrace it - creates opportunities for growth and increased closeness to those we love.

In my youth I was very vulnerable (ha!) to shame. Terrified of being judged not good enough, I spent a lot of time trying to make myself invisible. The summer after 10th grade, I spent some time thinking about the enjoyment of life I was not having. It was at that point that I decided that I would work to be me, whoever that was, and if that wasn't okay with the rest of the world, then they could kiss my skinny brown butt. I have spent the majority of my life since then trying to be only who I am in all social situations - 'what you see is what you get', 'keeping it real' and so on.

So I found nothing really new or life-changing in Ms Brown's book. But that doesn't mean you won't.

It's a good book. And if shame and lack of vulnerability are keeping you from being who you would like to be to your family, your friends, and your Self, then you should read this book. You should definitely read this book. ...more

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May 18, 2019 Montzalee Wittmann rated it really liked it

Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brené Brown is not my typical read for me. Science fiction and fantasy are my norms. But I saw this author on Netflix and she was saying things I really needed to hear. I was soaking it up! I needed to jot notes down...so I said forget that! She has a book!
This made me really think and feel and laugh! She is so funny! Who knew I could learn so much while laughing! Now comes the daring part! Pu ...more

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Jul 22, 2019 Terence rated it it was amazing

Shelves: 5-stars

...nothing is as uncomfortable, dangerous, and hurtful as believing that I'm standing on the outside of my life looking in and wondering what it would be like if I had the courage to show up and let myself be seen.

That quote above is one of the reasons I picked up this book and why I'm willing to actually write about it. I read this sort of book from time to time, but I never review them. I couldn't say why exactly, probably that shame thing Brené Brown goes into throughout the book. I'm dreading this even as I write it because I know I'll put this out there and admit that I'm a mess to anyone who cares to read this. I doubt and berate myself much more than anyone could possibly know. As the book would tell me I've accepted a shame perspective on myself. Apparently there's a difference between guilt and shame. Guilt is healthy and honest. It says I did something foolish, I made a mistake, I lied, and many other things. I own that my actions were wrong through guilt. Shame on the other hand says I'm a fool, I'm a mistake, I'm a liar, and other distorted statements. It reinforces deep within that I'm bad and this is why. Not that I did something bad, but that I am bad . Life is hard enough without me adding to it by killing my own self-worth.

Daring Greatly may not help everyone personally, but it will help everyone relate to some people in their lives who can't stay out of their own way or out of their own head. Maybe it's the person who has so much potential, but is too scared to try. Maybe it's the person who completely crumples under criticism. I've personally spent a long time learning tidbits this book explains and slowly putting those morsels into application. I'm both excited and terrified to read about how much more I have to uproot just to feel like my perception of nearly everyone else.

Daring Greatly is a book worth the read and it could truly change your life or the life of someone close to you. I'm amazed such a book exists and I'm grateful to have read it. Now I just have to apply what it says. Please wish me luck. ...more

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Sep 30, 2012 Sarah rated it really liked it

Daring Greatly is dense with information on how to combat shame and become vulnerable, authentic, and courageous - not just in romantic relationships, but at work and with your children as well. I have always struggled with vulnerability, but Brown makes a very convincing case as to why it is so important - we can't live fully and wholeheartedly without it. I look forward to implementing some of her strategies, and I am sure that I will be revisiting often. Really a must read for anyone who feel ...more

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Jul 06, 2019 Heidi The Reader rated it liked it

Shelves: self-help, know-thyself, non-fiction, tedtalks

Brené Brown shares her twelve years of research into shame and gives tools on how to increase one's vulnerability. In this way, she believes each individual can help change the culture of scarcity and pull the world back from a continual cycle of shaming.

We'll build stronger and deeper relationships, strengthen families and have more productive work places. And, by doing this, we will each, in our own way, live in a manner that "dares greatly" every day.

"I also learned that the people who love m ...more

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Mar 22, 2013 Theresa Miller rated it really liked it

Shelves: non-fiction

Brene Brown is fabulous, and I’m so happy I finally got to read this book. I started reading one of her other books, one that was more specifically about her research around shame, and it wasn’t what I needed to be reading then. This, though, was what I needed. She still talks a lot about shame and about fear, and it’s in ways that are relevant for me in my day-to-day life and my work.
One of my favorite parts is her discussion of how over-sharing is not the same as vulnerability. That’s so impo Brene Brown is fabulous, and I’m so happy I finally got to read this book. I started reading one of her other books, one that was more specifically about her research around shame, and it wasn’t what I needed to be reading then. This, though, was what I needed. She still talks a lot about shame and about fear, and it’s in ways that are relevant for me in my day-to-day life and my work.
One of my favorite parts is her discussion of how over-sharing is not the same as vulnerability. That’s so important for me to recognize. I see it in my clients, and I see it in myself, this tendency to over-share, to spew stories, often the traumatic kind. I share these stores well when I share them with trusted people, in a setting that is appropriate. I share these stories less well when I’m at a social gathering and someone asks what I do for a living and then I spew all the awful that happened this past week. Brene says that people need to deserve our trust- we don’t gain a trusting relationship by telling someone we just met all the intimate details of our life right off the bat- that’s not how we form true and real relationships. She acknowledges the paradox too- that we can’t be vulnerable in a healthy way unless we trust someone, and we can’t trust someone unless we can also be vulnerable with them. It’s a tricky place to muddle through, and it’s so important to do it. There’s a difference between using vulnerability to try to gain something, and actually being vulnerable.
She also says that when we feel vulnerable, what that often looks like to other people is bravery and courage. When we are risking sharing something about ourselves, whether it’s an unpopular opinion, or a life experience, or trying difficult things, we feel naked and open to attack. What others often see though, is someone being brave enough to “dare greatly.” She says that the prevailing internal opinion is that “vulnerability is courage in you and inadequacy in me.” I’ve been trying to keep that in mind too, and move forward with it.
One small thing I’ve done recently is to take the work “but” out of much of my everyday vocabulary. I’m trying to recognize that I often have opinions and beliefs that contradict each other, and that’s okay. I don’t want to negate myself as much as I have been. It turns out that in a lot of my sentences, the word “and” can easily replace the word “but,” and it feels so much nicer to say things that sound more like a continuation than a negation.
She talks too about how shame hits the brain in the same place that physical pain does, so that when someone talks about how shame hurts, it’s even neurologically true. She talks a lot about shame and how we attach to it and carry it with us, how it impacts both men and women deeply, and what shame looks like in big and small instances.
I wish I could keep this book- there are a lot of things I’d like to remember more concretely, about parenting judgment, and having conversations with co-workers to talk about transformation, and about how we attach self-worth to our creative endeavors, and it turns out that I need to Dare Greatly in a small way by bringing this back (a week late) to the library.
...more

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Jan 06, 2013 Anne Bogel rated it it was amazing

So, so good. This is one to read and read and read again.

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Jun 25, 2013 Liz rated it it was amazing

Okay so this author uses Harry Potter, fellow TED favorite Ken Robinson, Top Gun, Teddy Roosevelt, John Gottman, and even The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin... How could I not like this book with all those references to items I like? Yet, she bases this book around solid research and combines together her own personal stories in the right moments to demonstrate her thesis.

Daring greatly... A phrase she has used from Roosevelt.... She writes, "everything I've learned from over a decade of re ...more

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Nov 13, 2019 Whitney rated it it was amazing

“Daring greatly is not about winning or losing. It’s about courage.”

Another amazing book by Brene Brown. At this point I really do not think I could pick a favorite as every single one teaches me something, presents material in a different way, and leaves me better off. I highly recommend her as an author to everyone; she has changed my life and the way I view relationships (professional and personal) as well as leadership and personal growth.

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Nov 25, 2012 Dominic rated it it was amazing

Shelves: parenting, teaching, buddhism

I feel like it was beautiful serendipity that I stumbled upon Daring Greatly. After reading an interview with Brené Brown someone had posted on Facebook and then finally watching her TED talks on vulnerability and shame (another colleague had recommended TED.com to me a couple years ago, and I'm just now getting on that beautiful train), I knew I had to get my hands on this book.

Three days later I carried the book in my hand. Three days after that I had devoured it. It turns out that these had I feel like it was beautiful serendipity that I stumbled upon Daring Greatly. After reading an interview with Brené Brown someone had posted on Facebook and then finally watching her TED talks on vulnerability and shame (another colleague had recommended TED.com to me a couple years ago, and I'm just now getting on that beautiful train), I knew I had to get my hands on this book.

Three days later I carried the book in my hand. Three days after that I had devoured it. It turns out that these had been some of the best spent "working" hours in a really long time. Not since reading the work of Pema Chödrön have I been so inspired to start immediately cleaning up my life. (Cue John Lennon and Yoko Ono: "Clean-up time!") What has already proved incredibly transformative for me is the language that I now have to describe how I get silenced and shamed in the workplace. Working as an English teacher at the school where I teach has been both a love and an incredible burden. But I realize now that I am made of the kind of stuff that yearns to "dare greatly." I expect a lot from myself and my school. I keep expecting us to break new ground--yet we are forever grounded. I used to say that you can't be a Buddhist at UCHS; but now I think it UCHS is the BEST place to work on mindfulness and compassion. It's just REALLY HARD WORK!

Brené Brown encourages me to stick to my guns, though--to not give up and to SHOW UP each day and to each meeting, emotions and hard questions and all of it. If I am going to be a part of true innovation, a true educational revolution (which some days--the jaded days--feels like a oxymoron), like I say I do, I'm going to have to honor my willingness to take risks, stay vulnerable and be uncomfortable. It also means I'm going to have to maneuver through a lot of what my wife has now called "shame soup."

I'm so grateful for this book, for Brené Brown, and for the opportunity to impact my world, my family, my son, and myself. She doesn't provide all the easy answers, but she gives me the tools to not simply "get through the year" but to make it one of the best damn school years of my life. And then, simply one great life. ...more

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Dec 14, 2014 Jazzmin Hunter rated it did not like it

Shelves: psychology-crap

There wouldn't be much left if all the sappy autobiographical stuff was removed. The audiobook reader is irritating too. Imagine a breathy voice saying something like "Once again I amazed myself at how amazing I am in spite of all my humility and vulnerability." and it would pretty much sum up my impression of this book.

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Sep 10, 2013 Patricia is currently reading it

These are my favorite parts of this book:

"Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It's going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn't change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging." (p. 10)

"When it comes to paren ...more

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Jan 20, 2018 Krystal rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: favourite-books, non-fiction, owned, hippie-stuff, think-deep

So I'm pretty pleased to have started my '2018 self development challenge' with an utterly captivating, thought-provoking, soul-searching, five-star read.

This book is just so damn relevant .

We all experience shame and vulnerability.

That seems like such an obvious concept but it took reading this book for me to properly understand that. I'm going to get pretty real here: I struggle a lot with feeling like I'm not worthy, or like I'm not good enough because I can't keep up with peers in certai ...more

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Jul 12, 2017 Jennifer rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction, psychology, self-help, 2017

4.5*

I read a memoir recently that discussed the importance of connecting with people, being vulnerable, and feeling gratitude. I’ve also read books about how childhood trauma and events shape the way we are, how we act/react, and how we think. The concepts in this book are not new, but some of Brené’s findings from her twelve year's of research are, and the way she communications her findings are eye-opening and thought changing. I found myself re-reading many of the passages because they were s ...more

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Dec 06, 2017 Amir Tesla rated it liked it

Shelves: productivity, success

آسيبي كه راز نگه داشتن يك اتفاق بد يا شرم آور به سلامت روان وارد مي كنه از خود اون اتفاق به مراتب شديدتر هست. نوشتن اون راز و افكارمون در موردش به ازبين بردن اثرات منفيش بسيار بسيار كمك مي كنه.

When we spend our lives waiting until we’re perfect or bulletproof before we walk into the arena, we ultimately sacrifice relationships and opportunities that may not be recoverable, we squander our precious time, and we turn our backs on our gifts, those unique contributions that only we can make.

Perfect ...more

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Jan 25, 2017 Melody Warnick rated it really liked it

I didn’t want to read this because I thought, “Shame and vulnerability aren't really issues for me." HAHAHAHAHAHA.

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Jul 22, 2013 Christy Cole rated it it was amazing

This was a great book - one of the better books of this type that I've read. There were some really great thoughts that will change me. Even with all the analysis and tools, I still struggle with how to actually make vulnerability happen in my own life. Some of my favorite quotes from the book:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena ...more

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Nov 10, 2015 Lindsay rated it it was ok

Shelves: overrated

I saw one of Brown’s TED talks years ago. I haven’t re-watched it recently. Many friends and even people I barely know have recommended Brown’s books to me so I thought I’d give one a try. Daring Greatly seemed the most appealing for what I want right now in my life. I would love to be more courageous and daring. Brené Brown makes a killing from her best selling books and also rakes it in as a popular keynote speaker. I was curious to see what she offers.

My initial reaction to this book was conf I saw one of Brown’s TED talks years ago. I haven’t re-watched it recently. Many friends and even people I barely know have recommended Brown’s books to me so I thought I’d give one a try. Daring Greatly seemed the most appealing for what I want right now in my life. I would love to be more courageous and daring. Brené Brown makes a killing from her best selling books and also rakes it in as a popular keynote speaker. I was curious to see what she offers.

My initial reaction to this book was confusion. I had seen it marketed as psychology and self-help, neither of which I found here. Brown is a self-described shame researcher, but if this were a psychology book about shame, the Super-Ego would be mentioned at least. It’s not self-help because there are no practical suggestions or tools given for actually becoming more vulnerable and thus, courageous. I was also confused about what constitutes “shame.” For Brown, the shame tent is nearly all-encompassing. Self-loathing, fear of rejection, embarrassment (even though she says not), anxiety, overwhelm, discouragement, feelings of unworthiness, and perfectionism are all “shame” for Brown.

I also found myself wincing as I read. Brown’s constant reference to her credentials and popularity is off-putting. She seems to have an overpowering need to establish herself as an expert. It’s as if she were constantly asking, “Do you believe me know? And now? How about now?” On a related note, in the book she talks about how we wince when someone overshares. She attributes the compulsion to overshare to shame (of course) and justifies her own oversharing as acceptable because she only opens up about personal issues she has already worked through. I have not seen Brown on tv and barely remember her TED talk, but I imagine her to be a very charming and engaging speaker in person. She likely has an attractive personality and that’s why she gets away with oversharing and, well, neediness. Because she is so vibrant she comes off as being real and authentic in her neediness rather than tedious. I should clarify that I didn’t flinch so much at her oversharing since she brings a lot of self-awareness to it, but to her need to convince readers that she is an expert.

Her book appears to be a description of the results of a sociological study rather than psychology or self help. However, as far as her research methods go, I am left with the question: How is this any different from someone talking to a lot of people and finding her own personal issues in other people’s stories? It’s a very human response for sure, but I’m not sure I’d call it scientific or research or data. Also, the entire tone of the book seems to be, “Did you know there is this thing out there called shame? and I have personally discovered and uncovered it as the source of all of society’s ills!” There is zero historical context or mention of past shame researchers.

The truth is, a week after reading this book, very little of it sticks with me. There was a lot about the paralyzing effects of perfectionism. That is something I became aware of in myself and started dealing with in my early 20s. I couldn’t relate to many of her personal anecdotes. I did like the paragraph about Kristin Neff, self-compassion researcher but I had already seen Neff’s TED talk. In fact I had recommended here her website and self-compassion exercises as practical and useful.

I really can’t think who I would recommend this book to in spite of it being so popular and lauded. In its place I would recommend Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the voice of vocation by Parker J. Palmer if you are looking to feel more centered and grounded in your authentic self. I liked Freeing Our Families from Perfectionism by Thomas S. Greenspon.

I have to say I even question the importance of vulnerability in courageous action as compared to wisdom and discretion. Why was Catherine the Great such a powerfully courageous monarch? Because she was wise. She started reading practical philosophy as a young girl and sought to develop her own personal philosophy of life that guided her every action. She was courageous because after years of seeking wisdom in books and from her own astute observations of court life, she was expert at assessing risk, whether it be in a personal relationship with an advisor or a war with millions of lives at stake. I would like to be vulnerable in the way that Catherine the Great was, to have the ability to dispassionately take stock of my weaknesses and strengths, to be humble enough to take good counsel and yet confident enough to make my own decisions. ...more

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Sep 21, 2012 Gail rated it really liked it

Shelves: to-read-in-2014

I did it again with this book: I pretty much dog-earred every other page! Something I'm working on in 2016 is scaling back with this technique, especially when I have a tendency to abuse it. But dang it all if Brene's insights weren't so great in this (my first read of hers) that I couldn't help myself. I'll share some of my favorites below, but overall a few thoughts:

1) Brene's writing grew on me--I've read enough about her to know she feels her strength is as a researcher, less as a writer. In ...more

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About Brené Brown

Brené Brown

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Dr. Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston where she holds the Huffington Foundation – Brené Brown Endowed Chair at The Graduate College of Social Work. Brené is also a visiting professor in management at The University of Texas at Austin McCombs School of Business.

She has spent the past two decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy and is the author of ...more

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