Your Money and Your Man: How You and Prince Charming Can Spend Well and Live Rich

by Michelle Singletary

“Money may not be able to buy you love, but conflicts about it can certainly bankrupt your relationship.”
–Michelle Singletary

Here at last is the lowdown on how to manage your finances with the man in your life. Money is the #1 problem couples fight about, says beloved Washington Post financial columnist Michelle Singletary. Acknowledging that most fights about money are usually about something else–like feelings of fear or resentment–Singletary stresses the value of open dialogue. In her trademark no-holds-barred style, she shows us how to handle the entire range of financial issues couples face–from splitting the dinner bill when dating to planning for retirement together after years of marriage.
Singletary speaks to the hearts of women as they try to successfully merge their money and future security with those of their man. Acknowledging the emotional weight of shared investments, she brings her own experience as a wife and mother to the table and doles out advice in a voice that, while encouraging and rational, is never less than frank on tough topics.
From sizing up a potential mate’s financial responsibility (or lack thereof) to figuring out how best to share bank accounts and expenses once you’ve made the leap, to determining how to teach your children about money, Your Money and Your Man focuses on the undeniable role that finance plays in every stage of a long-term relationship.
Including typical questions from readers of her syndicated column and advice from one of the savviest financial experts she has ever known–her grandmother–Singletary shows women that they can live happily ever after with Prince Charming, even if he doesn’t have a royal bank account!

Genres: Finance, Nonfiction

304 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2006

Reviews

[Heidi · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great book for anyone who's getting married, looking at getting married, is married, or is co habing. It lays out easy, straightforward rules to dealing with money and monetary issues and provides a framework within which you and your significant other may set up ground rules. I found it very helpful and I consider myself to be rather good with money... sometimes... But this book actually helped me alot! Some of the info is straightforaward but others is really good!

[Gwen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Good basic information, but not what I was looking for

I can’t really fault Michelle Singletary for that, though—this book is classic Singletary heteronormative advice with a side of Christianity (both of which I could do without in my personal finance needs), which she makes no attempt to hide in her columns and chats for The Washington Post. I knew what I was getting into, but I had hoped that she would provide some of the advice I was seeking: money advice for serious relationships that have progressed beyond casual dating but not marriage. In Singletary’s world, these relationships don’t seem to exist; you are either “dating” or “married,” with nothing in between. Given Singletary’s avowed stance on living together (and prenups!), this isn’t all that surprising, but I wish she acknowledged that there is a middle ground.

For example, I appreciate Singletary’s commentary on joint finances for married couples:

Couples embrace this fifty-fifty nonsense and torture each other trying to come up with a formula to make sure everything is perfectly split. It’s like when I cut slices of cake for my three children. Before they even take a bite, they compare how big a piece their siblings got. But in life, just as in cutting up a cake, you can’t always make it equal. Somebody may in fact get a bigger slice—this time. But eventually things even out. The next time the cake is sliced, you may get the bigger piece. Everything does not have to be equal to be fair. If couples stop acting as if they were children, they could see that merging their lives and their finances can work without a lot of fussing and fighting. Sure, they might still have disagreements, but they don’t have to let them end in land-mine-filled battles. By joining forces and keeping finances together rather than separate, couples can learn to lean on each other—using the financial strengths each brings to the marriage. (108–109)

But this still doesn’t solve my issue about non-married couples and finances...

What I was hoping to find: a gender-neutral method of managing disparate incomes as an unmarried couple (bonus points if the woman earns less--not because she went into a female-dominated profession but because he managed to land an incredibly high-paying job—give me a good, feminist analysis of the situation, personal finance writers!). Unfortunately for me, my go-to source for all things 20/30-something personal finance is sadly lacking in helping me figure out my (admittedly very specific) concerns. The one post that was even remotely applicable during relationships month didn’t really touch on the practicalities of one person significantly out-earning the other, let alone viewing the issue through a gender lens. Personal finance isn’t always about rational decisions—there’s a reason it’s called *personal* finance—so I would love an analysis of how to approach money as a feminist, but you’re the half of the couple who makes less (and thus confirming all the gender stereotypes you’ve tried so hard to combat).

Singletary’s viewpoint is very black and white (and often plays into gender stereotypes): she’s a good saver, he’s a spendthrift; she wants commitment, he’s hesitant; you’re either casually dating or married; etc. Singletary also rehashes so many personal finance issues that don’t directly relate to financial planning/awareness for couples: going over the basics of retirement plans, setting up a will, what all goes into a FICO score, etc. While this is good information (especially if you’re new to figuring out your finances), this doesn’t help someone get a better grasp on the financial aspects of a relationship. Additionally, she ventures into The Cheapskate Next Door territory when she talks about buying one birthday cake for her husband and her son, just freezing the cake in between parties. (My thought: why is she buying a cake? Making it from scratch is so much cheaper…)

I appreciated Singletary’s “Money Talks” quiz (67), where she has both partners answer questions to spark dialogue, like “We have discussed how money was handled in each of our families. T/F.” This is a great way to get couples to talk about the personal reasons behind their spending/financial attitudes. If one of you comes from a family that had completely joint finances, but the other family maintained separate accounts, talking about what you as a couple want to do is important—and having seen relationships implode because this discussion did not occur, I can vouch that this is an incredibly important conversation to have. Singletary hammers the “communication” aspect of this book, and I think it’s the strongest argument she makes to develop couples who are on the same page financially.

The best chapter in this book is at the end: “It’s Not About You.” This is the book I thought I was going to read, but Singletary devotes a scant handful of pages to talk about how to actually become a financial unit. While this wasn’t quite what I wanted, especially in the context of marriage, this chapter could have (should have) been expanded.

Good quotes:

- “It’s a lack of communication and compromise that torpedoes relationships, not a lack of money. Many couples think that if they made more money, their financial issues would go away. They wouldn’t. The problems would just become more expensive.” (xv)

- “When you get married, your financial priorities change, and you might not be so happy if your husband is spending the joint assets on things that don’t improve your family’s net worth. All the eating out, nice gifts, and expensive electronic toys may result in delaying the purchase of your home or prevent you from saving for your children’s college fund.” (33)

- “It’s hard to go down to one income if your lifestyle is stuffed with expenses that require two salaries. [My thought: that’s not always accurate—witness The Two-Income Trap ] From the very beginning of your marriage, you ought to include in your financial planning the possibility that one of you might stay home. With that in mind, every financial decision should include this question: Could we afford that one one salary? Every choice, from what car you buy to which home to purchase, should be predicated on the assumption that one spouse might want to stay home.” (168)

- Principles to teach children: “The sense of accomplishment that comes from earning your own money, even just play money. The importance of waiting and saving for what you want. The understanding that you can’t always afford to buy everything you want. The pleasure you get when you use your money to make someone else happy.” (187)

[Beth]

Covers every stage of relationship from dating through divorce. Each stage has very specific advice, but could have used more detailed information. I scanned most of the book, because it wasnt applicable. Felt like the day to day investing was covered too quickly. Great book for somebody who doesnt already have a handle on their finances.

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book gives good information on personal finances, and basic investments. The author also addresses the relationship between you and your man. All her advice appears to be sound. Her descriptions of the different kind of personal investments were especially good, simple and thorough.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

Since I have already been married for 9 years, I didn't start reading until Chapter 13.

[Mary · Rating 4 out of 5]

If I could have asked for a book to be written, and required that it made sense of money and relationships, this would be the book.

[Linsey · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good info, well-written.

[Anastasia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I like & recommend this book to anyone at any stage in a relationship looking for a light-hearted way to talk about finances, though the title is a bit misleading.

[Elise · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is full of good solid advice, but not much new material for me.