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It's Not All About Me: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone

3.88  ·  Rating details ·  1,502 ratings  ·  89 reviews
Despite the age-old saying, individuals everywhere still have a hard time realizing that it's not all about them. Robin Dreeke uses his research and years of work in the field of interpersonal relations and behavior to help readers focus on building relationships with others in "It's Not All About Me: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone". Dreeke ...more
Paperback, 102 pages
Published November 1st 2011 by Robin K. Dreeke
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Average rating 3.88  · 
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 ·  1,502 ratings  ·  89 reviews


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Amal Shoeib
Apr 09, 2015 rated it really liked it
To some sum points mentioned the book:
1. Defer your judgment. Give people from space to talk about themselves without being judgemental.

2. Suspend your ego; stop talking about yourself and your success. Instead, focus on them, their interests ,their values and be genuinely curious about them.

3. Be an active listener. do not plan what you're going to say next. listen and mirror their body language and sincerely be interested in what they say. Besides you have to paraphrase to ensure that you
...more
Beth
Jun 25, 2012 rated it really liked it
Shelves: nonfiction, kindle, 2013
I don’t enjoy small talk or chatting with strangers so everything about this book made me feel uncomfortable. However, since I opted for a career in Corporate America instead of holing up in a cabin with four cats and an Internet connection, I regularly find myself having conversations that remind me that I’m an awkward buffoon and although I don’t enjoy it, being able to carry on conversations with people is a useful skill.

The author is with the FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Program so he’s
...more
Literary Ames {Against GR Censorship}
Clear and direct techniques for approaching strangers and having meaningful and rewarding conversations with them, from an FBI agent in the Behavioural Analysis Program. Conveying your intent, body language and tone of voice, are very important. Definitely something I would refer back to in the future.
Maria Miaoulis
Mar 19, 2014 rated it it was amazing
I love that this book delves right into the subject matter and explains everything in detail, but without being wordy and repetitive. The techniques are pretty straightforward, and Robin gives great examples on how they can be executed in the real world. I was pleasantly surprised to find that I already incorporate many of these tips in my daily interactions, but it really helps to have someone show you how to use them more effectively, not necessarily to manipulate others, but rather to leave ...more
Grahamshircore
Feb 21, 2017 rated it liked it
Shelves: work
Short and succinct it goes through the material that a lot of these sorts of books unnecessarily pad out into 300 pages.

Unfortunately it's not just short but poorly written and could do with a decent proof read. Shame given the content is useful as it makes the book seem a bit lazy rather than just succinct.
Lesa
Jul 18, 2016 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Some good items of advice, and good to point out that it takes practice. I think this might be helpful if you have social skills deficits.
Marshal
Jan 29, 2012 rated it it was amazing
This is one of my favorite books and I'm certain that I will read it again and again. It offers some great advice for quickly building relationships. The material is presented in a concise and easy to understand format. Even the most shy or introverted individual can benefit from this book.

If you have problems starting conversations or have ever felt you have trouble finding the right words, this book will help.
J. Schmidt
Feb 14, 2014 rated it it was ok
Pretty disappointing! You can find the "top ten techniques" and plenty more in many other books. Given that we cannot read all the books on the market, I would strongly adivse reading "Just listen" and "the Charisma Myth". They will provide 100x more valuable insights than this concise book.
Tawni
Jan 28, 2016 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Good reminders and ideas of how to be a better listener. When you listen and focus on others, you will be very liked and I know I want to be liked ;)
Manish Kapgate
Apr 25, 2018 rated it really liked it
Shelves: self-help
Unlike other self help book that have content worth 100 pages but go on dragging the book till 300 pages, this book is clear and succinct. Robing directly presents the ten techniques that he has developed our the years as a FBI field agent and instructor at FBI's training center.
The ten techniques are as follows :
1. Establishing Artificial Time Constraints
2. Accommodating Nonverbals
3. Slower Rate of Speech
4. Sympathy or Assistance Theme
5. Ego Suspension
6. Validate Others
7. Ask … How?
...more
Alex Drysdale
Jan 21, 2017 rated it really liked it
Great primer if you're at all interested in the subject.

Also a great recap if you've read extensively on the subject before.

There are so many great books on this topic that it can make your head spin, this one seems to fit the bill no matter how well read or experienced you are on the subject. If you're a newbie than this is a short, concise, and easy read that will teach you the fundamentals and give you some real world examples.

If you're experienced, it serves as a great reminder of the
...more
Aleksandar Ovnarski
Jan 05, 2020 rated it it was ok
I've said it before that Briggs-Myers is astrology for business majors; if a book quotes such a methodology and Dale Carnegie, you're better off reading something else. Looking at the sources of a book can really save you time. Still, I was heavily criticised for this "bibliography-based prejudice"so i read the book to see if maybe i'm being close-minded. Nope, this is the same repetative Corey summary with some New Thought and preudoscientific thought. For a better experience, i'd recommend ...more
Steve Spinks
Where was this author's editor during the production of this book? There were a few ideas worth exploring in there, but I had to wade through his discussion of "hunter-gatherer" mythology to get there. And since it's "Not All About Me," why are there so many personal anecdotes? This book was a disaster, and the only reason I gave it three stars is that you can go through and highlight the bold print and mostly have all the relevant content.
Don't get me started on the atrocious grammar and
...more
Sandy Maguire
Mar 30, 2018 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: high-value
For a book called "it's not all about me," the author sure likes to talk about himself a lot. Some of the advice is worth keeping in mind, but this isn't enough to save the book. Unofruntately, the majority of the prose here is bad social science explanations and lots of boring personal anecdotes ("one time I had road rage but decided not to get mad!"). Save your money and your time by finding a listicle on Buzzfeed or something about this stuff -- it'll probably be higher quality than this ...more
Michael
Jun 04, 2018 rated it it was amazing
After finishing this book and applying some of the techniques outlined, not only did I become immediately aware of several of my communication shortfalls, I also realized how fulfilling a conversation with others can be. This book is an excellent guide for developing self-awareness, managing expectations, and gaining confidence with your day-to-day interactions with others.
Gaurav Pandey
Jun 13, 2018 rated it really liked it
The author of the book recounts his experiences of what worked for him to pull off a conversation with a complete stranger. He has discussed about the subtleties people either miss out on or rather fail to over come due to the hard wired human genetics; always tries to place in the ego first before other's.
Rezza Shah
Jun 11, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This book is such a joy to read. It's so simple to understand and it is not filled with too many fillers. The techniques are so simple to learn. I personally read it 3 times just so that I can remember the anecdotes better. To me, this book is perfect for anybody who aspires to be a good "conversationalist".
Marquavious
Apr 22, 2018 rated it really liked it
Very good book with a ton of effective techniques and examples, but the writing did have an Amateur-ish feel to
It, and there were some head-scratching typos in it. That notwithstanding, still an excellent collection of useful skills and knowledge that will help almost anyone.
Kevin S. Frye
Jan 16, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Great book for anyone dealing with people!

Robin explains exactly how to endear yourself to people and learn much about them in a short period of time. When used as a tool to build rapport, it is excellent.
David Walker
Jan 10, 2019 rated it really liked it
Good read on how to create better rapport with those around you. Also has practice exercises in the back of the book to get better. Worth reading a second and third time in order to not miss any good advice on building rapport.
Felicia
Nov 30, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Helpful

This book is quite helpful in getting g out of the “me” mindset. Not that it is a book to help one stop being selfish, but it does get you out of that thought process, as you begin to learn nonverbal cues to set others at ease.

Sarah (WorldOfWonders)
Feb 03, 2020 rated it liked it
Shelves: own, sociology
This works as a good reminder! I personally wouldn't use these techniques in a private setting because I don't really analyze what I'm doing when around loved ones. I would however definitely use these in a more professional setting.
Ryan Harvey
Mar 05, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Four stars for the content, and a bonus star because it was short.
Fariz Abdussalam
Feb 10, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Hey, trust me this book helps you to gain any trust from anyone.
Douglas Wood
Poorly written, but just enough actual information to warrant a 3 instead of 2.
Julia Hazlet
Jun 06, 2017 rated it really liked it
great practical things to keep in mind when learning how to better communicate and connect with people
Jayme
Apr 04, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
A great guide for quick rapport building. Actionable and without fluff. A prerequisite for our social engineering course, and with good reason. This is a very quick read at just under 90 pages.
Daniel
Jul 29, 2018 rated it liked it
Some solid, intuitive advice for how to talk to strangers and build rapport.
Chris
Sep 28, 2018 rated it liked it
Shelves: growth
Not professionally written - or professionally edited - but if you look past that this is a good book. Concise and useful. Well worth it.
Cameron Desautels
Nov 22, 2016 rated it liked it
Not bad, but not a lot to learn if you're already a decent conversationalist.
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“It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt "Citizenship in a Republic," Speech at the Sorbonne, Paris, April 23, 1910” 1 likes
“1.      Establishing artificial time constraints: Allow the person being targeted to feel that there is an end in sight. 2.      Accommodating nonverbals: Ensure that both your body language as well as your voice is non-threatening.           3.      Slower rate of speech: Don’t oversell and talk too fast. You lose credibility quickly and come on too strong and threatening. 4.      Sympathy or assistance theme: Human beings are genetically coded to provide assistance and help. It also appeals to their ego that they may know more than you. 5.      Ego suspension: Most likely the hardest technique but without a doubt the most effective. Don’t build yourself up, build someone else up and you will have strong rapport. 6.      Validate others: Human beings crave being connected and accepted. Validation feeds this need and few give it. Be the great validator and have instant, great rapport. 7.      Ask… How? When? Why? : When you want to dig deep and make a connection, there is no better or safer way than asking these questions. They will tell you what they are willing to talk about. 8.      Connect with quid pro quo: Some people are just more guarded than others. Allow them to feel comfortable by giving a little about you. Don’t overdo it. 9.      Gift giving (reciprocal altruism): Human beings are genetically coded to reciprocate gifts given. Give a gift, either intangible or material, and seek a conversation and rapport in return. 10.  Managing expectations: Avoid both disappointment as well as the look of a bad salesman by ensuring that your methods are focused on benefitting the targeted individual and not you. Ultimately you will win, but your mindset needs to focus on them. You now have the top ten secrets on how to build rapport with anyone in just a few minutes.  There is nothing in these pages that” 0 likes
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