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The Five Keys to Mindful Communication: Using Deep Listening and Mindful Speech to Strengthen Relationships, Heal Conflicts, and Accomplish Your Goals
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The Five Keys to Mindful Communication: Using Deep Listening and Mindful Speech to Strengthen Relationships, Heal Conflicts, and Accomplish Your Goals

3.59  ·  Rating details ·  280 Ratings  ·  32 Reviews
Good communication is essential to any healthy relationship, whether it’s between spouses, family members, friends, or co-workers, and mindfulness—the practice of nonjudgmental awareness—can help us communicate more effectively and meaningfully with others in our personal and professional lives. Here, Susan Chapman, a psychotherapist and long-time Buddhist practitioner, ex ...more
Paperback, 224 pages
Published April 10th 2012 by Shambhala
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Dec 09, 2013 rated it really liked it
Review to come. I thought this was a very useful examination of using mindfulness practices to have deeper understanding and resonance among our conversations with other people. The author advocates a "we-first" approach to interpersonal communication practices, rather than what the author calls a "me-first" approach that's dominant in our society. There's quite a bit of useful information to take from this work, so I hope I can expound upon it in my upcoming review.
Jones Patrick
May 20, 2015 rated it it was amazing
The essential thought of this book is that if a man lives from a "we-first" point of view instead of a "me-first" perspective, both that individual and those that he or she come into contact with will have the advantage.

As indicated by Chapman, the best approach to mindful communication is the thing that she calls the 'five key components,' which are silence, mirroring, encouraging, discerning, and responding. These abilities empower us to listen all the more deeply, to ourselves and to others.

Feb 13, 2016 rated it it was ok
This book explores various relationship issues through heavy use of metaphor. Toxic situations, red-yellow-green light patterns, open mind and open heart, unconditional friendliness, we first vs me first. I found the recommendations interesting, but not very insightful. Most of the situations seem fairly common and I agree with the premise that people who are focused on their own benefits over others tend to be the source of problems. Most of the lessons in this book are things we learned in Kin ...more
Morgan Blackledge
Jun 06, 2015 rated it really liked it
I love to write ridiculously long Goodreads reviews. But I'm guessing most people don't love to read them. So here's my nutshell summary of the book.

The keys to Mindful Communication are: be embodied, be present, be accepting, be kind, be encouraging, pause, listen deeply, speak your authentically warm, playful truth and just say YES to what emerges.

If that's enough than feel free to skip the rest.

But if you're thirsty for more, than by all means, slake thy thirst at the aforementioned font of
Oct 18, 2017 rated it really liked it
Excellent read from a European based family and marriage expert. Chapman takes the ideas of conversation beyond the family unit by expanding and applying the communication techniques to encompass needs of a much broader audience. Considering a woeful lack of heart to heart conversations in our digital content driven culture, I found the book to be a wonderful reminder to slow down and simply talk.
• Mindful Presence (awake body, tender heart, open mind)
• Mindful Listening (encouragement)
• Mind
Suzanne Crane
Sep 08, 2016 rated it really liked it
This book really helped me understand the next step in my personal & professional growth. It came at just the right time, too! I have numerous gifts, but two things that have been holding me back are: 1. distracted listening (letting my mind fill with my own ideas rather than properly processing what's happening right in front of me first) and 2. letting my overactive mind build a story around something that may or may not be truth & then treating it as the truth (perception vs reality). ...more
Caron Staney
Jan 05, 2016 rated it liked it
Reads like a Zen book of communication.
Jun 27, 2017 rated it really liked it
Listening is the best tool for good communication - Ms Chapman gives us many tools and relevant examples. I know I will read this again to study and apply for better relationships. Some of the 'handles' or catch phases for the tools were too pre-school for me but I get the point. Give a new style an easy handle to pull out of the thoughts to use as needed until a tool becomes a habit.
Alyx Tschirhart
Dec 31, 2015 rated it really liked it
I read/listened to this book on my Audible app. I would highly recommend this to all. I only read this for 30-45 minutes at a time since it's quite a lot to metabolize.

This helped me to look at myself with neutrality and realize the things I'm better at and the parts of me that could be improved. The strategies and topics discussed were applicable to both my work and home life. It may help improve not only your relationships with others, but also with yourself.

However, I do believe I will be lis
Jan 19, 2012 rated it liked it
Clear and well written, this book starts from mindfulness to achieve the perfect listeners and talkers, this is the best way to strength your relationship. Nothing particularly new, we already have Nardone in Italy that is following that path, but it's always interesting reading something about mindfulness communication.

Chiaro e ben scritto, questo libro parte dalla mindfulness (consapevolezza) per farci diventare il migliore tra gli ascoltatori e i comunicatori, in modo da rafforzare le nostre
Sep 08, 2016 rated it really liked it
Discussion of communication strategies.
Feb 25, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Just finished my second full reading of this book and plan on starting it all over again immediately. The principles of mindful communication are truly life-changing and I've learned so much over the past year as I've applied lessons from and re-read this book.
At the beginning I wasn't sure about this book, but the deeper in I got, the more relevant and useful it became. Excellent tips and practices about growing more mindful in our communications. I especially appreciated the attention to
Michael Howarth
Jan 23, 2015 rated it really liked it
A helpful book in which Chapman takes the principles of mindfulness and applies them to relationships and communication. She employs a "red light, yellow light, green light" analogy for when communication is closed, in a middle state, or open. I found this analogy helpful at times and distracting at others. Her real-world examples are helpful, and the principles of mindfulness that she teaches are very helpful for increasing one's ability to "watch" their heart during interactions with others. I ...more
Jan 08, 2016 rated it it was amazing
an excellent, clear, level-headed, helpful summary and reminder and how-to instruction on what we all deeply desire: how to be fully present and respectful to ourselves and to every person we interact with ... a highly recommended book that combines psychology and zen teachings in a smart package to take along with us everywhere we go. there are faint but firm echoes of pema in this writer's thoughts ... i consider that a very good thing.
Dec 22, 2015 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
There are some good tips here, even if I already knew a lot of it. It is definitely written from a Buddhist perspective, which is the author's perspective so I can't fault it, but not everyone would agree with everything written here. If you are willing to consider the insights, though, you can learn a lot.
Dec 31, 2015 rated it really liked it
Perhaps the longest title to a book I've ever read. This Buddhism-inspired approach (not mentioned at any length by the author) has some marvelous practical helps for increasing mindfulness in the maintenance and improvement of relationships. A quick easy read, that I suspect I will need to RE-read regularly.
May 09, 2016 rated it it was amazing
This was a wonderful read and I hope to be able to put into practice what I learned from it. I enjoyed the hands-on practices throughout the text and the vivid real-life examples of how to use the approaches.
Dec 30, 2015 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: 2015-adventures
In a time when its so much easier to just rush through conversations and where people spend more time waiting to speak than actually listening I found this book to be a breath of fresh air. Both insightful and encouraging. I highly recommend it to everyone.
Kiki Siegers
Sep 22, 2016 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Hele interessante manier van kijken naar communicatie tussen mensen vanuit de minfulness. Zeer boeiend boek!
Jan 07, 2016 rated it did not like it
Marginally more useful than reading the phone book.
Jul 11, 2016 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I loved the ideas in this book; it definitely highlighted areas where I have room to grow.
Sr Melanie Guste, RSCJ
Jul 26, 2015 rated it it was amazing
Sharpens ones communication skills and approaches the topic from the perspective of a Christian Buddhist practitioner.
Dec 21, 2016 rated it it was ok
good insights and I'm glad I read it but I wouldn't call it a great read.
Dec 24, 2015 rated it liked it
Interesting take.
Reread in june 2016, figured i needed it.
Jonny Hale
Jan 15, 2016 rated it liked it
This is not about how to listen it's about how to be a listener. A little heavy on eastern spiritualism but a lot of good principles.
Jan 03, 2013 rated it liked it
Very good book with excellent advice for effective communication. Not exactly new information for me though, so it dragged at times.
Oct 25, 2015 rated it liked it
Good. But if you can only read pages 21-22, you got 80% of the benefit of this book.
Weegee Sachtjen
Jul 25, 2013 rated it it was ok
Shelves: didn-t-finish
I liked it, or what I read of it. I think I just had too much going on at the moment and wasn't able to focus on the book or its concepts. I plan to one day jog back and pick it back up.
Jun 03, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Concise and full of real stories. A book I will learn from every time I pick it up! I had the opportunity to hear Susan speak at our local Shambhala center . Very memorable, a real treat.
Jan 07, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: psychology
A very unique and insightful perspective on mindfulness and how mindful communication affects our relationships.
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