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The Tome of Bill #2
Scary Dead Things
There are reasons we fear the night. He STILL isn't one of them.
Bill Ryder, the trash-talking undead geek from Bill the Vampire, is back and about to find himself in a whole new world of side-splitting insanity.
One of the most powerful vampires on the planet has given Bill a death sentence. Meanwhile, an immortal princess wants him for an entirely different purpose, one which makes his first issue seem almost preferable.
All the while, new and powerful forces have begun to emerge from the shadows around him. Are they friend or foe? Knowing his luck, do you even have to ask?
Bill's only hope is to marshal his friends, master his powers, and somehow prove that he's the scariest dead thing of them all.
**********
Scary Dead Things (The Tome of Bill, part 2) is 80,000 words of foul-mouthed horror comedy by Rick Gualtieri, author of Bill the Vampire and Bigfoot Hunters.
Bill Ryder, the trash-talking undead geek from Bill the Vampire, is back and about to find himself in a whole new world of side-splitting insanity.
One of the most powerful vampires on the planet has given Bill a death sentence. Meanwhile, an immortal princess wants him for an entirely different purpose, one which makes his first issue seem almost preferable.
All the while, new and powerful forces have begun to emerge from the shadows around him. Are they friend or foe? Knowing his luck, do you even have to ask?
Bill's only hope is to marshal his friends, master his powers, and somehow prove that he's the scariest dead thing of them all.
**********
Scary Dead Things (The Tome of Bill, part 2) is 80,000 words of foul-mouthed horror comedy by Rick Gualtieri, author of Bill the Vampire and Bigfoot Hunters.
312 pages, Kindle Edition
Published November 30, 2012
443 people are currently reading
496 people want to read
About the author
Rick Gualtieri
88 books765 followersRick Gualtieri loves to write adventure, mayhem, and snarky dialogue. His bestselling Tome of Bill series combines all of this into a world of supernatural danger with hard-hitting action and plenty of sharp-tongued geeky humor.
Rick lives alone in a dark, evil place called New Jersey with only his wife, three kids, and countless pets to both keep him company and constantly plot against him. When he's not busy monkey-clicking out words, he can typically be found jealously guarding his collection of vintage Transformers from all who would seek to defile them.
Defilers beware!
Email: rickg.author@gmail.com
Facebook: facebook.com/RickGualtieriAuthor
Rick lives alone in a dark, evil place called New Jersey with only his wife, three kids, and countless pets to both keep him company and constantly plot against him. When he's not busy monkey-clicking out words, he can typically be found jealously guarding his collection of vintage Transformers from all who would seek to defile them.
Defilers beware!
Email: rickg.author@gmail.com
Facebook: facebook.com/RickGualtieriAuthor
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 156 reviews
June 21, 2020
Scary Dead Things
The Tome of Bill, Book 2
By: Rick Gualtieri
Narrated by: Christopher John Fetherolf
This story tried too hard to be funny and for Bill to be a cool nerd. The narration is just as bad as book one if not worse! Certainly not spending any more money here! Flat characters and rambling plot. Things unanswered in the end.
The Tome of Bill, Book 2
By: Rick Gualtieri
Narrated by: Christopher John Fetherolf
This story tried too hard to be funny and for Bill to be a cool nerd. The narration is just as bad as book one if not worse! Certainly not spending any more money here! Flat characters and rambling plot. Things unanswered in the end.
October 28, 2014
Bill Ryder is back, but, like Rodney Dangerfield, he gets no respect. Even as a legendary "freewill." And even after he becomes the nominal head of the Village Coven by killing the douchebag of a former Vampire Coven leader, Night Razor. Nope. The smoking hot vampire, Sally, it seems, is the true power behind the Coven.
In this story, Bill finds himself shipped off to China by Sally. There he meets one of the oldest vampires in the world, one of the Draculas. The Kahn wants to meet this freewill and so begins Bill's next wave of adventures. It turns out that Bill inadvertently impresses the 300-year old daughter of the Khan. She decides that she must have him as her mate for all eternity. There is, unfortunately, a slight problem. Gan is trapped in a thirteen year old girl's body. When she follows him back to New York, how can he shake the girl/woman without getting himself snuffed for insulting the equivalent of vampire royalty? Add in some wizards and witches and you have yourself a fun story.
There was growth in Bill, which was good. He is adapting to his powers and learning more about what it means to be a "freewill" vampire. The story and writing were good and all in all it added up to a solid sequel. I'm already on the next book. My concern with the series over the long term boil down to the books' snarky humor. Will it get obnoxious? I'm thinking probably not, but it may get old.
Three and a half stars rounded down to three.
In this story, Bill finds himself shipped off to China by Sally. There he meets one of the oldest vampires in the world, one of the Draculas. The Kahn wants to meet this freewill and so begins Bill's next wave of adventures. It turns out that Bill inadvertently impresses the 300-year old daughter of the Khan. She decides that she must have him as her mate for all eternity. There is, unfortunately, a slight problem. Gan is trapped in a thirteen year old girl's body. When she follows him back to New York, how can he shake the girl/woman without getting himself snuffed for insulting the equivalent of vampire royalty? Add in some wizards and witches and you have yourself a fun story.
There was growth in Bill, which was good. He is adapting to his powers and learning more about what it means to be a "freewill" vampire. The story and writing were good and all in all it added up to a solid sequel. I'm already on the next book. My concern with the series over the long term boil down to the books' snarky humor. Will it get obnoxious? I'm thinking probably not, but it may get old.
Three and a half stars rounded down to three.
May 30, 2012
Usually transitional books are one of my least favorite things. What I mean by a transitional book is that it is in place to set up the rest. Many story lines that will feature bigger later are introduced without a lot of resolution. The reason I typically despise these types of novels is because it feels like a setup the entire time. You know there will be a sequel so you see the first sign of continued storylines and you begin to cringe.
Didn’t happen once in this novel, and I saw myself being setup early. When I was 42% of this novel wondering where the heck it was going, but enjoying the ride so much it took me getting that far before I considered what had happened, I knew I was in for a Hell of a ride. Gualtieri again takes his humor to another level and I spent most of this book laughing.
Now, I can handle crude humor and the constant references to sex, blood and gore, a lack of humanity, and a general lack of maturity from Bill’s friends. I’m perverse, this stuff is amazingly insane and fluid and I want more of it. Do I admit not everyone I know would enjoy this novel? Absolutely. This novel, the sequel to Bill The Vampire, is written for nerd boys, or geeks, who wish they were getting laid and hope for something better. This novel is written for those who understand the argument between which sword in Lord of the Rings was better. This novel is written for those who get the reference about Japanese culture and a hint at tentacles making an appearance. If you understand these references, or it makes you chuckle just thinking about it, this absolutely is the novel for you. Bill is still a nerd, he’s still falling on his ass when it comes to women, but hey, at least he’s a vampire. Right?
Sally, Bill’s vampire “assistant” grows on me much more in this novel and even he felt less of a reason to call her a bitch. Ed grows as a character and Sheila and James both return in interesting capacities. This novel also introduces Gan, who I’m rooting for in so many ways. I won’t explain too much about Gan because it really would be a spoiler, but I sure hope to see more of her later.
Reasons to Read:
- Hilarious
- You’re a nerd/geek
- You like a lot of talk about sex
- It’s by Rick Gualtieri
- I like vampires
Reasons Not to Read:
- Most of this blog sounded like gibberish to you. You’re not a nerd. You don’t get it.
- You have no sense of humor
- You’re a prude
- You have a personal vendetta with Gualtieri from 20 years ago and you have vowed revenge and you are secretly trying to sabotage his publication experience by telling people not to buy his novels and thus taking away his livelihood all while you laugh from the sidelines and publish your similar novel that somehow is even geekier but no one is buying because you are just another evil mastermind in a world of evil mastermind’s and you would have been better off taking a totally different approach because this is all pretty contrived and I can’t believe you are still reading this.
Didn’t happen once in this novel, and I saw myself being setup early. When I was 42% of this novel wondering where the heck it was going, but enjoying the ride so much it took me getting that far before I considered what had happened, I knew I was in for a Hell of a ride. Gualtieri again takes his humor to another level and I spent most of this book laughing.
Now, I can handle crude humor and the constant references to sex, blood and gore, a lack of humanity, and a general lack of maturity from Bill’s friends. I’m perverse, this stuff is amazingly insane and fluid and I want more of it. Do I admit not everyone I know would enjoy this novel? Absolutely. This novel, the sequel to Bill The Vampire, is written for nerd boys, or geeks, who wish they were getting laid and hope for something better. This novel is written for those who understand the argument between which sword in Lord of the Rings was better. This novel is written for those who get the reference about Japanese culture and a hint at tentacles making an appearance. If you understand these references, or it makes you chuckle just thinking about it, this absolutely is the novel for you. Bill is still a nerd, he’s still falling on his ass when it comes to women, but hey, at least he’s a vampire. Right?
Sally, Bill’s vampire “assistant” grows on me much more in this novel and even he felt less of a reason to call her a bitch. Ed grows as a character and Sheila and James both return in interesting capacities. This novel also introduces Gan, who I’m rooting for in so many ways. I won’t explain too much about Gan because it really would be a spoiler, but I sure hope to see more of her later.
Reasons to Read:
- Hilarious
- You’re a nerd/geek
- You like a lot of talk about sex
- It’s by Rick Gualtieri
- I like vampires
Reasons Not to Read:
- Most of this blog sounded like gibberish to you. You’re not a nerd. You don’t get it.
- You have no sense of humor
- You’re a prude
- You have a personal vendetta with Gualtieri from 20 years ago and you have vowed revenge and you are secretly trying to sabotage his publication experience by telling people not to buy his novels and thus taking away his livelihood all while you laugh from the sidelines and publish your similar novel that somehow is even geekier but no one is buying because you are just another evil mastermind in a world of evil mastermind’s and you would have been better off taking a totally different approach because this is all pretty contrived and I can’t believe you are still reading this.
August 25, 2015
I love this series!
November 15, 2015
Bill is such a piece of shit. This book is horrible.
October 15, 2018
Too much teenage snark
The same cast returns but the "banter" gets to be too much. The main character and his friends think, talk and behave like thirteen year old boys. As a one-off, it's tolerable but I expected that in a series the childishness would be toned down.
The human characters are exposed to several types of supernaturals, darkworld politics and extreme violence but are the only characters who experience no fear. The main character has either a death wish or is just stupid, when he is more afraid of his dungeon master than other vampires.
Two worlds collide in the book. The spoof is too brutally misogynistic and mean with characters that are only worthy of groans. The urban fantasy is populated by clowns, who consciously rush towards their extinction. There are several crossover characters but their bridge role in the story shines a spotlight on the contradictory halves of the book.
It has funny parts but I found it too difficult to process the contradictions. I think that a lot of other readers would get a kick out of it, though.
The same cast returns but the "banter" gets to be too much. The main character and his friends think, talk and behave like thirteen year old boys. As a one-off, it's tolerable but I expected that in a series the childishness would be toned down.
The human characters are exposed to several types of supernaturals, darkworld politics and extreme violence but are the only characters who experience no fear. The main character has either a death wish or is just stupid, when he is more afraid of his dungeon master than other vampires.
Two worlds collide in the book. The spoof is too brutally misogynistic and mean with characters that are only worthy of groans. The urban fantasy is populated by clowns, who consciously rush towards their extinction. There are several crossover characters but their bridge role in the story shines a spotlight on the contradictory halves of the book.
It has funny parts but I found it too difficult to process the contradictions. I think that a lot of other readers would get a kick out of it, though.
November 27, 2012
Slightly better than the first book. That said, the author really needs to learn how to write characters in a way that differentiates their personalities. Everyone in this book still sounds like the same person in a different body. The story was more varied and interesting than the first novel, but also introduced some new issues for me to have with the series. First off, the author seems to have some juvenile and mildly offensive views about women. Second, the use of casual racism as a tactic wherein it's "okay" because the character says it is bad and feels bad for doing it...it might be possible to make work in the right situation; this is not one of them. Lastly, just about everything in the latter part of the book dealing with the main plot point appears to me to border on old-fashioned Orientalism, which is downright disappointing.
December 21, 2018
Rating 1 star- DNF
Holy Crap! That has got to be the biggest drop in rating for me from 1 book to the next. I rated the first book 4 stars and yet I only made it halfway through this book. Usually a series slowly gets more annoying until the point I give up on it. I almost feel like congratulating the author for accomplishing something that rare (Of course can you really congratulate someone for doing something poorly?). The thing that I liked about the main character in the first book, is what doomed him in this book and that is his being a smartass. I actually like snarky smartass characters in certain situations. In the first book Bill was mainly around his friends, Sally and the leader of his coven (who absolutely hated him). In each of those situations I can see it being entirely appropriate for someone to act like a smartass. Bill was a smartass to his enemy to piss him off, and all his friends ragged on eachother because that's what friends do.
What the author forgot to realize is that not everyone will act the same all the time no matter the situation. Nobody acts the same way at work that they do at home, or acts the same at a funeral that they would at a comedy club. In this story, Bill ends up meeting one of the Draculas (the vampire council, the oldest and most powerful vampires). Bill was told it was a great honor and to think about it like he was meeting the Pope. However, with all that being said he still acted like a smartass (in the first book I mentioned how someone thought he was a douche and I said I didn't see it, well now I do). How big of an idiot can he possibly be? I mean he has had a job for a while, if he acted that way in front of his boss he would get fired, and yet he thought it was okay to act like that in front of one of the most powerful vampires alive?!?
Then there was Sally. I don't know where the author was going with her character. She kind of treated Bill like his friends did and pushed a lot of his buttons and if they were friends that would have been funny. They are not and never have been friends, so if she would have done any of that shit to me, I would have killed her.
The final straw that made me put the book down was Kahn's daughter. She was a completely unbelievable character It was at that point I had to put the book down and walk away.
Holy Crap! That has got to be the biggest drop in rating for me from 1 book to the next. I rated the first book 4 stars and yet I only made it halfway through this book. Usually a series slowly gets more annoying until the point I give up on it. I almost feel like congratulating the author for accomplishing something that rare (Of course can you really congratulate someone for doing something poorly?). The thing that I liked about the main character in the first book, is what doomed him in this book and that is his being a smartass. I actually like snarky smartass characters in certain situations. In the first book Bill was mainly around his friends, Sally and the leader of his coven (who absolutely hated him). In each of those situations I can see it being entirely appropriate for someone to act like a smartass. Bill was a smartass to his enemy to piss him off, and all his friends ragged on eachother because that's what friends do.
What the author forgot to realize is that not everyone will act the same all the time no matter the situation. Nobody acts the same way at work that they do at home, or acts the same at a funeral that they would at a comedy club. In this story, Bill ends up meeting one of the Draculas (the vampire council, the oldest and most powerful vampires). Bill was told it was a great honor and to think about it like he was meeting the Pope. However, with all that being said he still acted like a smartass (in the first book I mentioned how someone thought he was a douche and I said I didn't see it, well now I do). How big of an idiot can he possibly be? I mean he has had a job for a while, if he acted that way in front of his boss he would get fired, and yet he thought it was okay to act like that in front of one of the most powerful vampires alive?!?
Then there was Sally. I don't know where the author was going with her character. She kind of treated Bill like his friends did and pushed a lot of his buttons and if they were friends that would have been funny. They are not and never have been friends, so if she would have done any of that shit to me, I would have killed her.
The final straw that made me put the book down was Kahn's daughter. She was a completely unbelievable character It was at that point I had to put the book down and walk away.
April 4, 2014
He may be the Freewill, but Bill Ryder is still a dork. And he still retains his juvenile sense of humor, which I both adore and can relate to :)
Besides still being dorky, Bill is also settling in as his new role of coven leader. Sort of. Sally really holds the reins, but Bill manages to lead sometimes. And he does it quite well when he gets the chance. Sally (Bitch!) wasn't as, well, bitchy in this book compared to the last. She was kind of nice at times and I really started to warm up to her. Sure, she still had her moments that really earned her the status of bitch! (such as a certain incident that involved a shipping crate), but I really liked how she and Bill are working together. And they work well together, which is very surprising. True to form, yes - Bill still wants to get in her pants. But not as much as wants to get in Sheila's.
My favorite part of this book was anything that had Gan in it. Gan is one of the Dracula's "daughters". She was turned as a child by Khan, so she is stuck in a perpetual physical state of a 12 year old, despite being the ripe old age of 300. Another close tie for favorite part was the alma. I can't go in to specifics for fear of spoilage, but it blew my mind a little. And here is why: (Minor spoilage without actual spoilage) Once the alma was explained, all I could say was "holy shit!". And I'm still saying it. I may have even said "holy sheepshit", which I only ever use when I'm genuinely surprised :)
Besides still being dorky, Bill is also settling in as his new role of coven leader. Sort of. Sally really holds the reins, but Bill manages to lead sometimes. And he does it quite well when he gets the chance. Sally (Bitch!) wasn't as, well, bitchy in this book compared to the last. She was kind of nice at times and I really started to warm up to her. Sure, she still had her moments that really earned her the status of bitch! (such as a certain incident that involved a shipping crate), but I really liked how she and Bill are working together. And they work well together, which is very surprising. True to form, yes - Bill still wants to get in her pants. But not as much as wants to get in Sheila's.
My favorite part of this book was anything that had Gan in it. Gan is one of the Dracula's "daughters". She was turned as a child by Khan, so she is stuck in a perpetual physical state of a 12 year old, despite being the ripe old age of 300. Another close tie for favorite part was the alma. I can't go in to specifics for fear of spoilage, but it blew my mind a little. And here is why: (Minor spoilage without actual spoilage) Once the alma was explained, all I could say was "holy shit!". And I'm still saying it. I may have even said "holy sheepshit", which I only ever use when I'm genuinely surprised :)
July 23, 2014
Scary Dead Things by Rick Gualtieri is the second in his Comedy/Supernatural series The Tome of Bill, transitioning vampire Bill’s already ruined, but salvaged life into more chaos.
I’ve heard of the old joke, “just one more chapter” before, but never truly understood it until I started reading this book. I found myself up at six in the morning, exhausted, but very unwilling to put down this book. I finally understand that it isn’t a joke, but an actual thing that happens when you’re drawn into such an amazing book – such as everything I’ve read by Rick Gualtieri so far!
Bill, now the leader of his own coven, has been loaded with a whole new slew of issues. Unable to talk to the girl he’s been crushing on for years, leading a coven of vampires who wouldn’t hesitate to tear his head off, being sent off to China, being hounded by an ancient vampire princess, and being hunted by Chinese vampire assassins… Bill has a lot going on in his un-life.
Once again full of the same wit and humor as the previous novel, Scary Dead Things is a phenomenal read. I couldn’t put this book down for longer than an hour. Bill is my new hero! Except for all the beatings, I would give anything to be in his place!
Rick Gualtieri is quickly becoming one of my top favorite authors with his wit, humor, incredible writing capabilities, and master story telling skills. I bow to this author and his The Tome of Bill series!
I’ve heard of the old joke, “just one more chapter” before, but never truly understood it until I started reading this book. I found myself up at six in the morning, exhausted, but very unwilling to put down this book. I finally understand that it isn’t a joke, but an actual thing that happens when you’re drawn into such an amazing book – such as everything I’ve read by Rick Gualtieri so far!
Bill, now the leader of his own coven, has been loaded with a whole new slew of issues. Unable to talk to the girl he’s been crushing on for years, leading a coven of vampires who wouldn’t hesitate to tear his head off, being sent off to China, being hounded by an ancient vampire princess, and being hunted by Chinese vampire assassins… Bill has a lot going on in his un-life.
Once again full of the same wit and humor as the previous novel, Scary Dead Things is a phenomenal read. I couldn’t put this book down for longer than an hour. Bill is my new hero! Except for all the beatings, I would give anything to be in his place!
Rick Gualtieri is quickly becoming one of my top favorite authors with his wit, humor, incredible writing capabilities, and master story telling skills. I bow to this author and his The Tome of Bill series!
October 31, 2018
Too slow, character frustrating.
January 23, 2019
Bill the Vampire visits a Mongol Emperor vampire and unwittingly wins the love of his preteen daughter (who is centuries old). Bill, not being a pedophile (ehebophile technically--whatever it's still gross and wrong) doesn't want a centuries old vampire child as his bride. This leads to WACKY HIJINKS that continue for much of the book.
It's not actually a bad premise even if it's a joke that stretches out way too long. It's also fun to see Bill continue to try to establish himself as a vampire to be feared when he's, well, not. I also really enjoyed Gan as a character due to the simple fact it feels very much like Batman and Talia Al Ghul--with all the sexiness sucked out of it. There's the usual casual homophobia and sexism by Bill, which also brings down the rating a bit.
On the plus side, vampire princesses ready to murder over Spongebob Squarepants will never not be funny.
It's not actually a bad premise even if it's a joke that stretches out way too long. It's also fun to see Bill continue to try to establish himself as a vampire to be feared when he's, well, not. I also really enjoyed Gan as a character due to the simple fact it feels very much like Batman and Talia Al Ghul--with all the sexiness sucked out of it. There's the usual casual homophobia and sexism by Bill, which also brings down the rating a bit.
On the plus side, vampire princesses ready to murder over Spongebob Squarepants will never not be funny.
June 17, 2019
3.5 stars to almost 4, very close to the first book, if you liked that one you should like this one. I am enjoying this series but I think 4 stars maybe the high end for this series. I will for sure continue with the series.
June 28, 2019
Bill is a nerd getting thrust into the supernatural world and taking it like any nerd would, snarky. I myself can relate highly with growing up the nerd outcast from most circles because my fandoms were weird. The book series has tons of great one liners and does a good job of making fun of itself.
However I am dropping the series after this book.
This comparison is gonna kill me but here we go.
You know the stereotype that books like 50 shades of grey get. They are a book meant to make you feel like the main character and live out the most ridiculous smut fantasy. However if you analyze the book at all you'll notice they didn't do any of their homework on the proper subject they are writing about, but instead just wrote from the hearsay they know. This leads them to write awful lines and scenarios that are downright degrading and immoral. for example in 50 shades of grey the common problem is when the main character uses her safe word to stop the BDSM session, but he ignores it pushing past her boundaries. That is abuse and if he ever did it in real life thats when cops and a restraining order come into play to kick him out of any BDSM circle.
Well thats the problem in this book. All of the main women in this book are the underlings of others with none allowed to truly grow into any real roll past snarky sidekick with the boobs.
Then they go to Asia and meet Genghis Khans son, one of the 13 elder vampires. During the buildup they describe him as the better tactician than his dad and one of the wise elder vampires. However when we meet him they not only actually make the joke that he is like Jaba the Hut, they pretty much make him that. Like Jaba he is hugely fat, focuses on dinner parties, and just sits on his pedistool looking for entertainment.
Then you have his "daughter" one of his favorite granddaughters got poisoned as a 12 yr old and thus he turned her about 300 years ago to save her life. so theres this 300 year old child that shares the throne section with him. somehow Bill makes a good impression on her and she decides to follow him back to america. The reasoning is that she picked Bill as her mate, but had to run away from home to do it because Khan didn't approve. She goes on to explain how everyone sees her as a 12 yo kid and no one respects her as a woman. Thats part of why she has picked Bill, because he was fun and treated her fairly. However they then spend the ENTIRE book doing exactly that and trying to pawn her off on daycare like a child so they can deal with the adult problems.
They then go on to explain how Khan is sending his assassians after Bill for stealing his daughter. Showing that this century old vampire is pissy and hid the fact that Ghan ran off on her own to just kill bill and get revenge. You'd think after how they upplayed him as ancient and wise that, you know, he would be...
Every time they talk about how they need to worry about assassins they downplay them explaining oh they grew old in the middle of hodunk nowhere so they are outdated and wouldn't even be able to figure out the subway system of New York. They do this at least 4 times to the point that it stops being a jab out of fear and starts to look more like they are just being racist about it. Theres even a line in the book where they are talking in Chinese and Bill waves it off saying "talking in that scratchy Chinese." I forgot what word they used instead of scratchy but thats literally the way it was written.
TLDR:
I really love the idea that this is nerd smut. Every nerd that ever was or still is an outcast because of it can read this series to live vicariously through Bill. But this book felt like it was written by one of those nerds as a way to show how elitist we could be over the world if given the chance. The story and lots of its references feel like they just went on Wikipedia and then called it a good enough history source to just write whatever from. The humor crosses far over the line of snarky and becomes downright sexist and racist. I read some horrible stories about antiheros and downright asshole characters, but by halfway through this book I couldn't get past the fact that humor was now making me cringe instead of laugh.
However I am dropping the series after this book.
This comparison is gonna kill me but here we go.
You know the stereotype that books like 50 shades of grey get. They are a book meant to make you feel like the main character and live out the most ridiculous smut fantasy. However if you analyze the book at all you'll notice they didn't do any of their homework on the proper subject they are writing about, but instead just wrote from the hearsay they know. This leads them to write awful lines and scenarios that are downright degrading and immoral. for example in 50 shades of grey the common problem is when the main character uses her safe word to stop the BDSM session, but he ignores it pushing past her boundaries. That is abuse and if he ever did it in real life thats when cops and a restraining order come into play to kick him out of any BDSM circle.
Well thats the problem in this book. All of the main women in this book are the underlings of others with none allowed to truly grow into any real roll past snarky sidekick with the boobs.
Then they go to Asia and meet Genghis Khans son, one of the 13 elder vampires. During the buildup they describe him as the better tactician than his dad and one of the wise elder vampires. However when we meet him they not only actually make the joke that he is like Jaba the Hut, they pretty much make him that. Like Jaba he is hugely fat, focuses on dinner parties, and just sits on his pedistool looking for entertainment.
Then you have his "daughter" one of his favorite granddaughters got poisoned as a 12 yr old and thus he turned her about 300 years ago to save her life. so theres this 300 year old child that shares the throne section with him. somehow Bill makes a good impression on her and she decides to follow him back to america. The reasoning is that she picked Bill as her mate, but had to run away from home to do it because Khan didn't approve. She goes on to explain how everyone sees her as a 12 yo kid and no one respects her as a woman. Thats part of why she has picked Bill, because he was fun and treated her fairly. However they then spend the ENTIRE book doing exactly that and trying to pawn her off on daycare like a child so they can deal with the adult problems.
They then go on to explain how Khan is sending his assassians after Bill for stealing his daughter. Showing that this century old vampire is pissy and hid the fact that Ghan ran off on her own to just kill bill and get revenge. You'd think after how they upplayed him as ancient and wise that, you know, he would be...
Every time they talk about how they need to worry about assassins they downplay them explaining oh they grew old in the middle of hodunk nowhere so they are outdated and wouldn't even be able to figure out the subway system of New York. They do this at least 4 times to the point that it stops being a jab out of fear and starts to look more like they are just being racist about it. Theres even a line in the book where they are talking in Chinese and Bill waves it off saying "talking in that scratchy Chinese." I forgot what word they used instead of scratchy but thats literally the way it was written.
TLDR:
I really love the idea that this is nerd smut. Every nerd that ever was or still is an outcast because of it can read this series to live vicariously through Bill. But this book felt like it was written by one of those nerds as a way to show how elitist we could be over the world if given the chance. The story and lots of its references feel like they just went on Wikipedia and then called it a good enough history source to just write whatever from. The humor crosses far over the line of snarky and becomes downright sexist and racist. I read some horrible stories about antiheros and downright asshole characters, but by halfway through this book I couldn't get past the fact that humor was now making me cringe instead of laugh.
August 24, 2014
Best described as a cross Napoleon Dynamite and Gross Point Blank. (sorta) Heh
This is continuation of the story, about our IT professional Bill, and his life as a vampire. Scary Dead Things is the second story of this series flowing with life with its unique background of the world of undead vampires and some surprises completely new to the genre. I have to admit I really liked it. Some of the approaches and background are pretty cool and new. Jokes and insanity still abound. Great laughs, puns, and still the same amount of geek jargon. There is plenty of action as well throughout this story. Bill still realizing that being a vamp is not quite enough and he might need to stick to his self-defense classes.
Some new characters are introduced and are a bit bland. They aren't really anything special and could use a bit more life but they get the job done. Pretty much the same antagonists you've seen on TV on any random book. They don’t ruin the story, but there was room for improvement. Now keep in mind, this is an audio book review. Some of the narration can get a slight bit annoying. I’m guessing during production there was not much care put into optimizing the sounds so you would get a same sound streaming experience. You can easily notice the sound differences suddenly out of nowhere. It’s not horrible, but very noticeable.
So if you love stuff like Monster Hunter International, Buffy, Angel, or anything fantasy with some comedy. This is for you.
I’ll be checking out the next.
(Audiobook review)
This is continuation of the story, about our IT professional Bill, and his life as a vampire. Scary Dead Things is the second story of this series flowing with life with its unique background of the world of undead vampires and some surprises completely new to the genre. I have to admit I really liked it. Some of the approaches and background are pretty cool and new. Jokes and insanity still abound. Great laughs, puns, and still the same amount of geek jargon. There is plenty of action as well throughout this story. Bill still realizing that being a vamp is not quite enough and he might need to stick to his self-defense classes.
Some new characters are introduced and are a bit bland. They aren't really anything special and could use a bit more life but they get the job done. Pretty much the same antagonists you've seen on TV on any random book. They don’t ruin the story, but there was room for improvement. Now keep in mind, this is an audio book review. Some of the narration can get a slight bit annoying. I’m guessing during production there was not much care put into optimizing the sounds so you would get a same sound streaming experience. You can easily notice the sound differences suddenly out of nowhere. It’s not horrible, but very noticeable.
So if you love stuff like Monster Hunter International, Buffy, Angel, or anything fantasy with some comedy. This is for you.
I’ll be checking out the next.
(Audiobook review)
April 17, 2013
Let’s cut to the chase: If you are reading this review, you have most likely already read the first book, Bill the Vampire. If not, you will probably get more out of this series if you read the books in order.
If you liked Bill the Vampire, don’t worry about a letdown. Rick Gualtieri has a good thing going with this series, and Scary Dead Things doesn’t lose any of the momentum, or fun, of the first book. Just give into the fact that you are going to be addicted to “Bill” books for a while. Read it now!
Author of Cool Creatures, Hot Planet: Exploring the Seven Continents
If you liked Bill the Vampire, don’t worry about a letdown. Rick Gualtieri has a good thing going with this series, and Scary Dead Things doesn’t lose any of the momentum, or fun, of the first book. Just give into the fact that you are going to be addicted to “Bill” books for a while. Read it now!
Author of Cool Creatures, Hot Planet: Exploring the Seven Continents
July 13, 2014
We have to nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
The second book about Dr. Dea... Bill was better than the first, in my opinion. The pop culture references keeps my geek heart happy, too. The book is, as the first one, overly silly and the characters are still a bit too similar to each other. But I'm entertained. And that's why I'm about to start the third one...
March 5, 2015
More fun than the first one, with a crazy 300 year old Rainbow-Brite vampire girl added to the mix. I am loving this series. It's the White Trash Zombie books written for male geeks instead of Southern female rednecks.
October 3, 2015
You want a vampire book that's not your typical, "oh look at us, we're hot" kind of read? One who's main character is a Dungeons & Dragons Geek? Then Bill is your man. His personality is going to turn the vampire world on its head. If you haven't read the series, do yourself a favor and GET IT!
December 27, 2016
What a hoot! You gotta love a vampire with scruples who can be so politically incorrect at the same time. I love it! Great support cast as well, and new monsters with a very definite 'so what?' attitude!
November 30, 2012
The second installment of Bill The Vampire delivered as many laughs as the first. I love this series because of the interesting twist on the supernatural story. It is the anti-Twilight and I love it!
January 19, 2014
I really am loving the tone and pace, I can't get enough of this story. It is an exciting and funny read. I'm definitely starting the next one asap!
September 6, 2015
Loving this series.
It's so funny, kind of predictable at times. But the way it's written an the characters keep you thoroughly entertained and wanting more.
It's so funny, kind of predictable at times. But the way it's written an the characters keep you thoroughly entertained and wanting more.
October 23, 2015
It took me a minute to get use to the cadence of Bill the Vampire. I'm on book three. These characters crack me up.
October 14, 2016
Anti-Twilight FTW.
Alas, the constant utterance of "bitch" gets tiresome after a while. A short while.
Alas, the constant utterance of "bitch" gets tiresome after a while. A short while.
March 1, 2019
I enjoy Bill's smart ass humor and irreverent attitude.
January 14, 2026
I love this series of books.
August 9, 2021
5 stars. No doubter.
There's something about an urban fantasy book that hits the mark. I don't know, maybe it's a type of ... scent even that has a mix of "what the hell is that?" topped off with a little spritz of "no fucking way" mixed in alongside a less-than-subtle hint of "oh yeah, that's the good stuff." Terrible metaphor, I know, but damn this was fun scheisse. Reading a book like this still remains the most fun you can have by yourself except for, you know, mini-golf.
Starting at the start, I have to say that the beginning of this 2nd tome is absolutely orgasmically kick-ass - which is followed at the VERY END by an equally climax-worthy kick-ass montage of kiss-assery. Now if you ignore the implied hard-to-get-clean splooshiness of those descriptions, seriously, if you dig the monsters / urban fantasy genre, you'll love how Bill - and Sweet Sally Sunshine - handle a little neighborhood tiff, a fight with a couple of Harry Potter rejects and, oh yeah, huge Mongolian (yes, it matters) assassins. So right off the bat (or steak / stake or other expensive stabbing stuff), this one was a blast and it just kept going. Heck, if you think that's enticing, well, a few pages in you get to the chapter that the writers of "Friends" would have called "The One About the Cat". I even read it twice and laughed louder the 2nd time. Yep, I also had to go sleep on the couch for my digressions at one in the morning, but hey, still: WORTH IT!
All kidding aside (for maybe, like, a sentence or two), this volume was just wonderful! It really upped both the prose - with a number of sections just begging to be labelled "eminently quotable" (I have no clue how to put this part in italics). Seriously, if you don't believe me, do a search for the description accompanying the phrase 'mall dwellers' and see if we're just not in a groove here! In addition, Gualtieri provides us with an abundance of excitement, as he adds layer upon layer of intrique to the rapidly expanding Universe at the center of which we find our main protagonist Bill and his adept skills of, well, deserving a smack or three. Delicious! And about the time you start puffing your chest out and saying 'ok, I've got this one sussed', well, guess what? You don't! Nor did I. Yeah, ok, that also makes no sense but whatevs...
Things are getting weird. But this is how vampire stories are supposed to be done. Chris Tullbane has got the West Coast well-covered, Scott Burtness brought it for the Midwest and now Rick Gualtieri is showing us how to do it in the Big Apple. Of course, 2 of these 3 writers are about to pick up and do some serious travelling, so my advice is just go read them ALL before it gets too wild and you find yourself lost on Google Maps! Ciao!
There's something about an urban fantasy book that hits the mark. I don't know, maybe it's a type of ... scent even that has a mix of "what the hell is that?" topped off with a little spritz of "no fucking way" mixed in alongside a less-than-subtle hint of "oh yeah, that's the good stuff." Terrible metaphor, I know, but damn this was fun scheisse. Reading a book like this still remains the most fun you can have by yourself except for, you know, mini-golf.
Starting at the start, I have to say that the beginning of this 2nd tome is absolutely orgasmically kick-ass - which is followed at the VERY END by an equally climax-worthy kick-ass montage of kiss-assery. Now if you ignore the implied hard-to-get-clean splooshiness of those descriptions, seriously, if you dig the monsters / urban fantasy genre, you'll love how Bill - and Sweet Sally Sunshine - handle a little neighborhood tiff, a fight with a couple of Harry Potter rejects and, oh yeah, huge Mongolian (yes, it matters) assassins. So right off the bat (or steak / stake or other expensive stabbing stuff), this one was a blast and it just kept going. Heck, if you think that's enticing, well, a few pages in you get to the chapter that the writers of "Friends" would have called "The One About the Cat". I even read it twice and laughed louder the 2nd time. Yep, I also had to go sleep on the couch for my digressions at one in the morning, but hey, still: WORTH IT!
All kidding aside (for maybe, like, a sentence or two), this volume was just wonderful! It really upped both the prose - with a number of sections just begging to be labelled "eminently quotable" (I have no clue how to put this part in italics). Seriously, if you don't believe me, do a search for the description accompanying the phrase 'mall dwellers' and see if we're just not in a groove here! In addition, Gualtieri provides us with an abundance of excitement, as he adds layer upon layer of intrique to the rapidly expanding Universe at the center of which we find our main protagonist Bill and his adept skills of, well, deserving a smack or three. Delicious! And about the time you start puffing your chest out and saying 'ok, I've got this one sussed', well, guess what? You don't! Nor did I. Yeah, ok, that also makes no sense but whatevs...
Things are getting weird. But this is how vampire stories are supposed to be done. Chris Tullbane has got the West Coast well-covered, Scott Burtness brought it for the Midwest and now Rick Gualtieri is showing us how to do it in the Big Apple. Of course, 2 of these 3 writers are about to pick up and do some serious travelling, so my advice is just go read them ALL before it gets too wild and you find yourself lost on Google Maps! Ciao!
March 4, 2020
Scary Dead Things written by Rick Gualtieri & narrated by Christopher John Fetherolf. This book picks up from where Bill Ryder left off being the new leader. This time around Sally sends Bill to meet with James in China. This is where Bill meets Gan the daughter of James’s sire & Bill gets put to the test to show them what a free will can do. Little did Bill know, things got a little crazy and James rushed Bill out of dodge, & Gan fell for Bill and followed him back to America, but Gan’s father wasn’t happy about it and put a hit out on Bill. Will Bill come into his powers quick enough to stay alive?
What are some things that I’ve enjoyed about this book? The booked seemed to have started right where the last left off without not much of a gap in the story. Bill & Sally’s friendship is starting to grow on me as they develop. I was excited about Bill’s scary form; I wish he didn’t black out so that we could get more action out of it. I appreciated the reference to wizards with names beginning with the letter h like Harry Potter, Harry Dresden, & Harry Houdini.
What are some things that I didn’t enjoy about this book? I’m not crazy about mispronunciation but there are quite a few that really stand out. The teaser of Bill’s form seems very minimal, for something that can fend off legendary guards on the level of James, should have been shown off a little more. I’ve been recommending this book and I can imagine it’s tough for women to read this book. If Bill isn’t calling Sally a B***h he’s talking about something on a female’s body. It’s okay to use those jokes here and there but I think it’s a little too frequent. Bill still seems pretty week for being a rare vampire hopefully he does so type of training to harness his powers I just can’t imagine him having to wait to get older to become stronger.
This is the second book I’ve listened to from Rick Gualtieri. I’m queuing up the next book right now and I hope it rolls into the next story like it happened in this book. The first book I felt tried to lure you in with comedy and Bill being witty. This book they introduce a few new characters and vampire rivals to get us hooked onto the story. The characters are starting to grow on me, I think James must be my favorite character so far. It would be awesome to do a James spin off showing how he got to where he is now. I purchased book 1-4 via a bundle I will write these reviews as I hit the check point for each new book.
What are some things that I’ve enjoyed about this book? The booked seemed to have started right where the last left off without not much of a gap in the story. Bill & Sally’s friendship is starting to grow on me as they develop. I was excited about Bill’s scary form; I wish he didn’t black out so that we could get more action out of it. I appreciated the reference to wizards with names beginning with the letter h like Harry Potter, Harry Dresden, & Harry Houdini.
What are some things that I didn’t enjoy about this book? I’m not crazy about mispronunciation but there are quite a few that really stand out. The teaser of Bill’s form seems very minimal, for something that can fend off legendary guards on the level of James, should have been shown off a little more. I’ve been recommending this book and I can imagine it’s tough for women to read this book. If Bill isn’t calling Sally a B***h he’s talking about something on a female’s body. It’s okay to use those jokes here and there but I think it’s a little too frequent. Bill still seems pretty week for being a rare vampire hopefully he does so type of training to harness his powers I just can’t imagine him having to wait to get older to become stronger.
This is the second book I’ve listened to from Rick Gualtieri. I’m queuing up the next book right now and I hope it rolls into the next story like it happened in this book. The first book I felt tried to lure you in with comedy and Bill being witty. This book they introduce a few new characters and vampire rivals to get us hooked onto the story. The characters are starting to grow on me, I think James must be my favorite character so far. It would be awesome to do a James spin off showing how he got to where he is now. I purchased book 1-4 via a bundle I will write these reviews as I hit the check point for each new book.
February 21, 2018
This was a good book there were some WTF moments and the teenage vampire who wanted to mate with Bill threw me off a bit however it was interesting to see how far or in Bills case how little he has evolved from the last book. I loved all the references in the book to games like World of Warcraft it's nice to read something that references things I also like. This story takes off a few months after the first book and if you have not read that you should before this or there will be confusion. I liked how Bill's friends stood by him even when it was most likely going to get him killed like in the last book Bill is not a very good vampire and that makes him relatable something you do not always get in these books where they become vampires and instantly are perfect so this is refreshing. I want to like these books but the portals of the females turn me off I plan on reading the next one to see if hopefully, they get some redeeming qualities Sally was helpful in this book but she is still just not what I would like in a strong female character for the love of all give Bill a credit Card I find this part stupid and makes it seem like she is just a money, power hungry, dominating brat the rest of the females are par this series are either nitwits or unstable.
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