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It’s (Not That) Complicated: How to Relate to Guys in a Healthy, Sane, and Biblical Way
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It’s (Not That) Complicated: How to Relate to Guys in a Healthy, Sane, and Biblical Way

4.33  ·  Rating details ·  476 Ratings  ·  62 Reviews
Ever been confused about friendships with boys? How to handle crushes? How friendly is too friendly? How close is too close? What to do when a guy is being way too friendly? What guys think about all this? What it means to be a "sister, in all purity"? Guy-girl relationships have always been complicated, but perhaps never more so than today. It's (Not That) Complicated is ...more
Paperback, 259 pages
Published November 1st 2011 by Western Conservatory (first published January 1st 2011)
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Nov 22, 2012 rated it it was ok
If you want a book that talks about Christ-honoring relationships with the opposite gender but don't want extreme patriarchal views intertwined...don't read this book. It had some good ideas. Young men and women can and should communicate and build each other up in the Lord. This I agree with. However, I disagree with the extreme views of the authors as far as their male dominance views go. Basically, women are not complete without men and vica versa. I agree that we need each other, but I do no ...more
Oct 24, 2012 rated it it was amazing
It can be really hard to review a book that changed your life. Let me try anyway.

When I first read It's (Not That) Complicated I'd already read a whole bunch of other books for young women about guy/girl relationships. Most of those seemed to focus on handling emotions, keeping pure, keeping busy, and using your single years to deepen your relationship with God.

It's (Not That) Complicated is about all these things. But it's also about far, far more.

I read it. It was convicting. It was encouragi
This is one of the best books I've ever read about guy/girl relationships for teenage girls! Seriously, it's like everything I ever wanted to read in a book like this all pulled together into one helpful, handy manual.
It's (Not That) Complicated contains much more than typical books like these, touching on very important related topics such as feminism (and how we can respond correctly to it), starting with your family (especially your brothers), and how treating everyone with respect and love
Panda Incognito
Jun 01, 2012 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: All single Christian girls
Of all the relationship-oriented books, blog posts, and Christian magazine articles that I have read, none have been as Biblically solid or as helpful as this book. Were I to go through this book with a highlighter, the entire thing would be neon yellow.

This is a book from which all Christian girls can benefit. Unlike some materials I have read, this does not focus only on specific behaviors that should be avoided or a few things that you should do to be pure. Instead, it effectively deals with
Nov 10, 2012 rated it really liked it
It's (Not That) Complicated by Anna Sofia Botkin...and her sister, Elizabeth I think... is a book worth reading. Yes, there were a few little things I didn't quite know what to think about, such as the "shy, timid" girls needing to step up and start spurring on the guys toward Christ. Yes, spurring others on toward Christ is what we're made to do, but there are little things like, make sure that guy doesn't think you like him because you're paying so much attenion and stuff. And there were a fe ...more
Jan 17, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: Single ladies, parents of singles
I thoroughly enjoyed this book and the easy, relaxed manner in which the authors presented truth. Anna Sofia Botkin & Elizabeth Botkin have provided single girls of all ages with practical advice and Godly counsel that could honestly revolutionize our society and culture if only those same single girls would accept this advice and counsel with a heart that is open to following God's correct order and plan.

An excellent, thorough, and even lighthearted read!
Steve Hemmeke
Jul 11, 2012 rated it liked it
The Botkin daughters, unmarried and in their mid-20s, write to young ladies on how to relate to guys. I haven’t read their prior work, like Return of the Daughters and So Much More, judging the concept touted in the marketing material to be extra-Biblical. But I gave “It’s Not that Complicated” a try, and was pleasantly surprised.

Girls tend to have unrealistic expectations about boys. They think that every boy will converse like a pro. They set up an idealized gold standard. Just like guys expec
Aug 24, 2012 rated it it was amazing
When my Mom asked me to preview this book for my younger sister, I didn't think much of it. After all, I'm nineteen years old. I've read everything from I Kissed Dating Goodbye to Twilight. I've read, observed, seen, even written a little on everything there is to know about....lurve. This book could not have any possible baring on me now....right?
It's (Not That) Complicated is a terrific book. It was the advice I needed, and offered a lot of thoughts and perspectives I never considered. I l
Cassandra Noelle
Oct 22, 2011 rated it it was amazing
I have had the opportunity to listen to Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin speak multiple times. I've read So Much More and listened to their audios. All the time, I decided that I couldn't appreciate their message because the girls seemed so unreachable. They seemed so mature and serious. It seemed like they weren't smiling in every picture that I saw of them. This mind-set and view of these girls went on for years with me.

Then, early on this year, I listened to their message on Adventurous Femini
Christina Baehr
Nov 15, 2015 rated it it was amazing
Yikes, this was good. Equally convicting for young Christian women who see no problem in wasting their lives on serial flirtships...and their super-good-girl sisters who are "riding to hell in a hope chest" (the authors' words, not mine). ;)

Blistering humor, solid exegesis, humble personal testimony, and an unwavering conviction that applying the lordship of Christ will mean real, redeemed, deeply loving and unafraid relationships between people of all types.

Loved the appendix in which their fa
Dec 22, 2012 rated it it was amazing
This book was both edifying and a joy to read! The Botkin sisters did an excellent job referencing and using the Scriptures as our ultimate guide concerning this subject! I found chapters 10, 11, and 13 to contain some of the best and most relevant information concerning guy-girl relationships, and there is much in them that we need to lay to heart.
Oct 22, 2015 rated it it was amazing
This was an amazing, helpful, insightful book! It helped me view guys and how I treat them in a very different way. I would definitely recommend this to any girl 12+. This is an amazing book!!!
Jul 28, 2012 rated it it was amazing
This was such a thought-provoking book! I really enjoyed reading it.
Jul 19, 2012 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: read-in-2012
This is the second-and more than likely not the last-time I've read this book. I had previously read this book in December of 2011 but wanted to re-read it again since it was that good and I wanted to go through it slowly to get the full benefits of the rich wisdom and inspiration found in it's pages. Let me start by telling you that this book is amazing. You cannot go wrong by reading it. There is such wisdom that the Botkin ladies share. Anna Sofia and Elizabeth bring things to the table that ...more
Natalie Weber
Dec 29, 2011 rated it it was amazing
My friend sat down across the table from me at a local restaurant. We exchanged a few pleasantries before I broached the subject that had prompted the day’s lunch meeting. “How is the situation with your guy friend going?” She looked at me, raised her eyebrows, and began, “’s complicated.” My mind immediately drifted to the ingeniously titled new book by sisters Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin: “It’s Not That Complicated.” I hadn’t read the book yet, but by the end of our lengthy conver ...more
Sep 18, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: on-deck
It's not that complicated, but that doesn't mean it wasn't convicting!

Excellent, insightful, and often humorous analysis of the subject of young adult relationships among the Church. While written to girls, I think there is much guys can glean out of this book as well, especially if you're like me and have no sisters and don't have a great grasp of the feminine psyche.

The main lesson I identified in this book is this: having healthy relationships with young adult members of the opposite gender i
Jan 22, 2012 rated it it was amazing
This book helped me to understand myself better and the way I look at other s and mostly young men. The Lord has given us strict guidance on these matters and we are prone to skim over His words and commandments. They talk about being content with the life the Lord has given us right now in our fathers homes, and not dreaming and waiting for "Prince Charming" to come. We as women look at men sometimes as not a person or individual but more as a hunk of meat to win. We as daughters and sister nee ...more
Sophia Smithe
Jan 01, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: favorites
In a humorous yet thought provoking fashion, the Botkin sisters explore the 'Boy Problem' in depth beginning with it's ultimate roots and then branching out to cover some of the most common outworkings that trouble so many multitudes of girls. They challenge the reader to consider her own heart, motives, and standing before God before being so quick to shift all the blame on the guys. Complete with witty 'real life' examples as well as first hand testimonies from several young men, this book be ...more
Aug 29, 2013 rated it really liked it
A multiple-read. The Botkin sisters give a clear, biblical analysis of girl-guy relationships, address common problems that girls have in navigating and understanding such relationships, and so much more. They write in a sisterly tone as friends who have been in your shoes and who understand what you are dealing with. I would recommend this book to any young lady, and I would give it to my sons to read as well.

(upon reading it from cover to cover again: Yeah. Read it. Just read it)
Aug 30, 2014 rated it liked it
Shelves: own-books
The book offers some great advice on how to handle relationships with guys in a godly way. However there are somethings that I disagree with and somethings are also vague. For instance that God made men as leaders, and the women's role is to aid them. Oh please, many women are made to be leaders, too. Don't let women discouraged that they can't lead, because they can. But other than that, the book was a good read.
Mar 18, 2012 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: favorites
My Dad wants me to write a book report on this, so I will be posting that as my review as soon as I get it written. =)
Amber Schamel
Mar 25, 2013 rated it it was amazing
This is a really awesome book. I think every girl needs to read it. I wish it would have been written years earlier so I could have read it younger!
Sep 19, 2012 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: all Christian single girls!
very practical, challenging, humorous and helpful book! it really helped my perspective on guys and how to act around them! You won't come away from this book without personal growth!
Piper Glidewell
Oct 07, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: all women
I would recommend this book to every Christian woman or girl. Mothers: you and your daughters need to know what this book has to say. this book grabbed me and shook me upside down and told me what I was doing wrong in my relationship with my brother and father let alone the guys in the neighborhood. I am so glad that I read this book and hope that every one of my sisters and sisters in Christ read this book. there are no regrets in reading this book except one and that is that I didn't read it s ...more
Alissa Ackerman
May 21, 2012 rated it it was amazing
This book was absolutely excellent.

I must admit, it took me forever to finish... But that was my own fault; i kept getting "too busy to read" and my life was complicated at the time i started reading this.. And this book gives so much to think about.. I didn't feel capable of even holding it in my circumstances.
This is a very convicting book, and i was a bit afraid of dealing with that!

Anyway, though; this book is filled with wisdom. I feel like Anna-Sophia and Elizabeth covered basically everyt
Aug 30, 2014 rated it it was ok
I an not a feminist in ANY way, but I still had some issues with some of the statements they included...about men being our "destiny", and that we would be complete when we were complementing a man. As a Christian single young woman, I thought that this would be an immensely practical read. In actuality, I found myself gleaning insight pretty much ONLY from the chapter on how to love and treat our siblings/brothers and the chapter on "killing crushes" and valuing emotional purity. At one point, ...more
Feb 11, 2014 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: Single Young Ladies
It's Not That Complicated, the second book by Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin, daughters of Geoffrey and Victoria Botkin, challenges modern thinking in regards to relationships between the sexes. Written "by girls, for girls", Anna Sofia and Elizabeth share the wisdom they have gleaned through their single years. The Lord has given them a unique insight for this day in age and through His Word, the shepherding of their parents, their own experiences and the experiences of their five brothers the ...more
Feb 13, 2012 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: Any female ages of 12 and Up
Recommended to Lynley by: My mom got it for me as a gift
This book is like a ray of light in the dark, confusing world of cross-gender relationships. I would encourage any young woman to read this book, especially if you feel confused about communication with the opposite sex and how to have meaningful guy-girl friendships without them spiraling into the quasi-romances so popular today. This book doesn't give you tips on how to be cuter, more popular, or more guy-savvy; it deals with heart issues. For me, it was like a light-bulb finally flipped on. F ...more
Hannah-rose Russell
Oct 01, 2015 rated it it was amazing
I can't believe how long it's taken me to read this book! It wasn't because I didn't like it, because I loved it, but because there is so much to digest.
I starting reading it at the perfect time, since I was just learning how to walk closer to God and hungry to learn what my relationship with boys was supposed to be.
Every couple of chapters, I had to stop to really think about what I had just read. This book is one of the best books for teenage girls, like me, to read. I loved how Anna and Eli
Joshua Blair
Jul 21, 2015 rated it it was amazing
I’ve read this book four times and it’s one of three books I read every year. For all that, I can’t write a decent review to save my life. Every time I try, it comes out all gushy, and I imagine that the three people in this world who would hate a gushy review the most are myself and the two authors of “It’s (not that) Complicated.”

Suffice it to say that this book covers a wide range of relational issues all from a God-centered, others-focused perspective. It deals with both the heart of the ma
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Unfortunate cover 3 57 Apr 30, 2013 11:00AM  
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“When seeing the simple truth means recognizing that we're in sin, we would rather see things as being complicated.” 7 likes
“Judge a man not by his clothes, but by his wife's clothes."
-John Gregory”
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