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Loving Someone with Asperger's Syndrome: Understanding and Connecting with your Partner
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Loving Someone with Asperger's Syndrome: Understanding and Connecting with your Partner

3.77  ·  Rating details ·  113 ratings  ·  18 reviews
If you’re in a relationship with someone who has Asperger’s syndrome, it’s likely that your partner sometimes seems cold and insensitive. Other times, he or she may have emotional outbursts for no apparent reason. And in those moments when you can’t understand each other at all, you both feel fed up, frustrated, and confused.
The behavior of people with Asperger’s can be ha
Paperback, 198 pages
Published March 1st 2012 by New Harbinger Publications
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Jan 01, 2013 rated it liked it
This book is helpful for getting insight into your Aspie partner's mind, however it puts WAY too much responsibility on the Neurotypical. This book could easily discourage someone and cause them to feel as though all the issues in the relationship were their responsibility as well as devaluing what the AS partner can bring to the relationship. It's important that both people put in the work and all too often this book leaves the sacrifices up to only one person.
Feb 24, 2014 rated it it was ok
Shelves: mental-illness
I liked some parts of this book and HATED most of it. The assumption that Ariel makes is that the Neurotypical (NT) (the partner without Asperger's) is the one that has to make any all and changes. This book pretty much gives the Aspie partner a free pass to keep doing whatever they have been doing. As someone that is in this situation, I really became enraged that I have to be the one to change in every situation and that my Aspie partner doesn't need to. I also felt that Ariel minimized the em ...more
Hawthorn M
Jan 27, 2014 rated it it was ok
Shelves: autism
While this book is better than "The Partner's Guide...," it is based on one really flawed assumption: that loving someone with AS is HARD in the first place. I am the Aspie in my relationship, and this book made me feel guilty for the perceived wrongs I have put my partner through. In reality, the struggles of AS/non-spectrum partnerships are a lot more complex than this book makes them out to be. Most of the adjustment expected is more like /coping/ with the Aspie behavior instead of understand ...more
Jan 04, 2017 rated it it was ok
WARNING: Don't trust any of my reviews of Asperger-relationship books. I have no perspective at this point.

I pretty much hated this book because it tells NT spouses to make way too many accommodations.
JSA Lowe
Oct 30, 2013 rated it it was ok
Bloody depressing, because really only useful if your AS partner is stepping up to do a great deal of fairly high-relating couples work. Which it is not necessarily in his [sic] nature to do.
Sep 29, 2012 rated it it was ok
Too many assumptions made in this book.
Freya Magnusson
Aug 22, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This book is an excellent complement to "22 Things Every Woman Should Know About Dating A Man with Asperger's Syndrome." It's more in depth and more positive, optimistic, yet realistic about the challenges of dating a man with AS if you're an NT (neurotypical or non-Asperger's).

It gives practical advice and clear insight into how a man with AS experiences his world, the people in it and romantic relationships. I found myself identifying with a lot of the scenarios portrayed in the book and what
I have very mixed opinions about this book.

Even though this book was written in 2012, it already feels outdated in more ways than one. I strongly agree with Hawthorn M's review. I found the pronoun use inconsistent and thus confusing, and the gender stereotyping was frustrating.

Additionally, I could never figure out the tone. The author would warn the reader not to infantilize their partner in one breathe and then give advice that did just that in another.

I would recommend this book as a chance
Noelle Campbell
Mar 05, 2019 rated it really liked it
This book was an important part of accepting my husband's way of dealing with the world and my way of dealing with him. It's realistic and straightforward. It's not so wordy that you will get lost in technical or psychological jargon. It's very approachable. I recommend it to all people married to someone with Aspergers.
Apr 24, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: non-fiction, mental
I recently realized my father almost certainly has Asperger's Syndrome, and there aren't many/any books written about dealing with an AS parent. This book was incredibly helpful as I processed a new understanding of how my father thinks and how I can best have a relationship with him.
Erika Nerdypants
May 11, 2012 rated it really liked it
Excellent book for couples dealing with Asperger's syndrome. I didn't really know very much about this diagnosis, and so found the information very interesting. The book gives much practical advice for both the partner with Asperger's and also the partner who is "neurotypical". One of the most pervasive symptoms of this disorder is an often misunderstood aloofness, and I imagine just accepting that your partner is hard wired very differently from the norm, would help to take the sting out of per ...more
Jul 24, 2013 rated it really liked it
Eye-opening and insightful book. Although we don't have an official diagnosis, and may never pursue one, this book offered lots of information on the challenges a couple can encounter and successfully work through, if one of them has Asperger's Syndrome. I admit to skipping over most of the problem-solving exercises, because I was reading purely for information, and because we have long ago worked through most of the difficult situations identified in the book. But I also found the explanations, ...more
Apr 01, 2015 rated it it was ok
Interesting book about people with this condition, but it really told the neurotypical person that they have to change to accommodate the person with the condition. I think it went a little overboard with saying that the Asperger's person will do whatever they feel like and the other person just has to deal with it. A relationship should take more compromise. Certainly a person with Aspergers might have more difficulty living up to certain expectations in a relationship, but too much focus is gi ...more
Lenny Husen
May 11, 2016 rated it liked it
This wasn't bad, but was tedious, very repetitious, and boring.
It is mostly a Workbook. I think the author is very likely an excellent therapist for couples where Asperger's is an issue. Everything she said made a lot of sense.

The best part was examples of situations with AS-Neurotypical couples. I wish there had been more examples.
Michael Philliber
Dec 10, 2014 rated it it was ok
Mostly for the neurotypical partner who is in a relationship with someone dealing with Asperger's Syndrome. There are some good suggestions on how to help the relationship to flourish, and this could be a useful resource for counseling homework.
Jan 10, 2014 rated it it was amazing
I found this book incredibly compassionate to both parties - asperger's people and neurotypicals as we are called.
Sabrina Forest
Oct 20, 2014 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
VERY helpful. Great book!
Jul 11, 2012 marked it as to-read
really helpful
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Barron Harley
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