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How to Marry a Finnish Girl

3.38  ·  Rating details ·  475 ratings  ·  66 reviews
All the secrets about Finland and the Finns are finally revealed in HOW TO MARRY A FINNISH GIRL: Everything You Wanted to Know about Finland that Finns Won’t Tell You. Simply buying this book guarantees that you will:

- Make Out with Your First Finnish Girl in 24 Hours (or less!)
- Move to Finland in a city that doesn’t contain the word “poo”
- Land a Job that Makes Your
Hardcover, 164 pages
Published September 2011 by Gummerus (first published January 1st 2011)
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Average rating 3.38  · 
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 ·  475 ratings  ·  66 reviews

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Oct 29, 2011 rated it it was amazing
Right after "The 30-Day Guarantee" comes a small chapter "Don't let Finns read this book!" and I can see why, some might, and have, hated this book - though those people seems to lack a sense of humor, as I found this Hilarious! Seriously if you can't laugh at yourself and the idiosyncrasies of your countrymen then you are in deep shit.

Talking about absolutely everything that is a cliché in Finland, this book is something that even I cringe at at times ( probably as somethings hit close to home
Stefan Molyn
Jun 01, 2017 rated it did not like it
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Kah Cherub
May 17, 2016 rated it did not like it
ew, disgusting... white girls, run!
Oct 06, 2017 rated it did not like it
Are you f***ing kidding me with this book cover? This is outrageous and disgusting! Shame on you!
Dec 10, 2015 rated it did not like it
As a Finn who's lived in the US for several years, I was excited about this account of an American's life in Finland. I really wanted to like this book and started off reading it, all ready to laugh.

I don't think I laughed once. "Hm, that's a good point" maybe a couple times, but laughing, no.

The problem with the book seems to be that it's probably adapted fairly straight from Schwarzmann's standup. I could imagine laughing in the audience if this was something he said on stage, but in book
Mar 06, 2017 rated it did not like it
The main drawback of this book is not its offensiveness to Finns (it's not). Instead, it fails in many aspects:

-it's wildly inaccurate (thus negating any chance it might have to depict the Finnish society to a foreigner)

-It's written tongue-in-cheek, yet the humor is very juvenile - I might have found this entertaining when I was 20, but not since.

-The basic premise doesn't hold (that's not how one marries a Finnish girl, no.)

-The book does everything to try and scandalize in order to catch
Sep 29, 2011 rated it it was amazing
An absolute must-read book taking a tongue-in-cheek look at Finland, it's people and customs. As a immigrant to Finland (like the author) I found myself in stitches laughing at the accuracy and brutality of his humorous observations. I sometimes wondered about why he still chose to live here given some of his comments. However, by the end of the book I realised he has the same love hate relationship with the country. The love always being greater than the hate. Finns may not appreciate the ...more
May 27, 2012 rated it it was amazing  ·  (Review from the author)
That author sure is handsome!
Oct 03, 2011 rated it really liked it
Shelves: fun
Probably one of the most funniest books I've ever read about cliches and nationalities. But is sooooo funny (and true...). Really funny, although it was quite full of typos. Totally worth to read it if you have some relation with Finland ever.
Jan 05, 2015 rated it it was ok
How to Marry a Finnish Girl is a tongue-in-cheek guide book on surviving the infamous Finnish winters, marrying a Finnish girl and much more. Despite its humorous style, there is a truth to everything the author says (but you still shouldn't start a conversation with "Like mämmi, I'm gonna cover you in cream, sugar". Really).

If you are thinking of moving to Finland for real, the book is worth a read. You most likely won't learn anything useful, but the jokes go further than just "Ha ha, Finns
I can't give this a star rating, I just can't. It was a very easy read, at times a hilarious one, at times so spot on it was almost painful to read. It's not very often I go "oh that's me, that too is so me" when reading something, followed by "oh dear lord, so accurate it hurts". I know the book says don't let Finns read it, but I think if my fellow countrywomen and -men get upset by it, they simply lack a sense of humor. Sure, it's stereotypical, but so are we, so there is nothing to get upset ...more
Sage Borgmastars
Jan 13, 2013 rated it liked it
Unlike the author, I am not an expat living in Finland. But, rather according to the book, as the foreign wife of a Finn - and an English speaking one at that, I am a bit of an oddity. My point being I should be the kind of audience that both understands his "insider" jokes and finds them funny. And while I did smile at times, this was just nothing that really stays with you. If you know Finland there wasn't much new, and if you don't it won't make much sense.
ms bookjunkie
May 25, 2017 rated it it was ok
Moderately amusing. But then, I'm a Finnish girl, and thus not the intended audience for the book. (I think my cousin's husband might get a kick out of it.) I do have to say, all that change and adjustment (and new people and new situations) hurt my introverted taciturn Finnish homebody soul.
Dec 07, 2014 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: humor, suomi
This book might be full of stereotypes, generalizations, exaggerations and cynicism. A lot of truth is said in it as well! Very entertaining!
Jun 09, 2017 rated it really liked it
It was funny. Not "I'm gonna marry you" funny, but funny enough that I scared my fellow Finns by laughing aloud in public spaces... Only Chinese tourists dared to sit next to me after I started reading this book at the airport.

(Disclaimer: Nothing is "I'm gonna marry you" funny to me, because bleh, marriage... Weddings, however, now those are some good parties.)

Not completely sure how much someone who hasn't spent quite some time in Finland gets out of this, but I'm sure there are some funny
Apr 11, 2018 rated it really liked it
”What’s your favorite Finnish restaurant outside Finland? Can’t name one? Don’t worry, no one can, there aren’t any. Finnish cuisine doesn’t really exist. Sure there are some specialties you won’t find elsewhere in the world but these were created out of necessity or durability, rather than taste. ”

Just like in Sweden
Jul 07, 2019 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
At times this book is funny, but to make a really good book you just can't go with "everything is boring" and repeating same old things that's been over the media years ago. Also the author is sometimes very inconsistent and contradicts himself within few pages. Roman Schatz just does it better so only two stars.
Katie Cat Books
Brash. Sometimes over the top. Not so funny.
Dec 11, 2018 rated it did not like it
(((Uncle Chaim))) wants you to suck black c0cks.
Lydia Lee
Aug 10, 2018 rated it it was ok
I don't get many of the jokes in the book, or how they are funny. I suppose I lack the "good sense of humor," which the author defines as "someone who laughs at your bad jokes."
Mar 09, 2019 rated it did not like it
I'm sorry I paid for this.
Nov 02, 2017 rated it really liked it
Quite funny, quite accurate, although slightly exagerrated.
Dec 18, 2011 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: anyone interested in Finland or Finnish women (or men)
Shelves: 2011
My sister nailed the xmas gift with this book. "It's probably good I hadn't read this before I met you", says the other half, the reason being how a standard Finnish chick would be (once they are married, they seem to be interested in baby making).

Once you've been in Finland that long that you're able to write a book like this, it's been way too long. If you get 50 % of the jokes (err, read 'facts') in the book, you've been there way too long. It's an interesting crash course on Finland and it's
Viivi "Neri"
Sep 06, 2013 rated it really liked it
I'm a Finn and still I haven't heard of this book before just few weeks ago. How is it possible?

I stumbled upon this through a friend and I didn't have time to look up what it was actually about before I was already reading it. It wasn't something I've ever read before. I was kind f expecting a fluent story about how a man meets a Finnish girl but of course that wasn't the case.

The book was definetely different. At first I didn't know how to react and I may have been just a little bit
Oct 16, 2013 rated it really liked it
I really wanted to give this a five star rating. It's right up my alley of books that I should love, being half Finn by blood but full Finn at heart. The author was certainly spot-on about many aspects of Finnish culture and people. But because I don't drink and am not a foreign male, there were just certain things I couldn't quite relate to.

But here is one of my favorite lines from the book (there were many, many more, but I no longer have the book to look them up):

"You move to Finland to get
Despite the two star rating I don't think this is a bad book. I just think I'm the right audience for it. Schwarzmanns humor isn't bad, but the jokes weren't always that funny for me either. I think I'd probably enjoy his comedy much more in some other format. (I remember enjoying his interviews I happened to hear at last years Helsinki book fair.) I also found it slightly distracting that he had inserted tweets all over the book, mostly in somewhat random spots. It made the reading experience ...more
Feb 09, 2013 rated it it was ok
I think this book was okay. Not the kind of book you will read, read again and never forget, and therefore I won't give it more stars. But I enjoyed it. I spent a couple of months in Finland as an exchange student and when I was about to leave I bought this book as a souvenir. Some things described were very familiar, others were not (maybe because I've been around foreigners most of the time), and after a while the jokes will become kind of predictable (Finns are always drunk, etc). But as I ...more
Aug 13, 2013 rated it really liked it
A fantastic book! My wife and I read this together. I've been traveling back and forth to her home in Helsinki for just about ten years now, so when I saw this book I had to read it. We both laughed through the whole thing, it's pretty spot on with the Finns idiosyncrasies. My favorite parts were about the travel between Tallinn and Stockholm, especially since I've had the pleasure of experiencing them. If you have some experience with finland or the Finns, and a good sense of humor, I highly ...more
Sini Juutilainen
Feb 14, 2014 rated it really liked it
Shelves: books-i-own
3,5 stars.

The back of the book said "DON'T LET FINNS READ THIS BOOK!" but I read it anyways. Not because I'm ever planning on marrying a Finnish girl, but because they were selling three paperbacks for 12 at Suomalainen kirjakauppa and I only had two in my hands. It was interesting to see Finland through the eyes of a foreigner. (I never knew it was unusual to have a trashcan under the sink?) I saw myself in several parts and it was funny and painful at the same time.
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