Romancing Your Child's Heart

by Monte Swan, David B. Biebel

Parents can have awesome relationships with their children, but it is not enough to fill them with Bible facts, verses, and demand of them certain desired behaviors - you must first capture their hearts. When a child is young, parents can impose their will. When the child is older, however, if the parent hasn't won his heart, all the force in the world will only serve to drive him farther and farther away. How can parents win the hearts of their children? It all starts with romance - exactly as God woos us. Not just another parenting book, Monte Swan takes an entirely new approach to reaching the heart of a child . . . the way of romance. Desiring to lead their children to a relationship with God through Jesus Christ, parents will learn the very best approach to open the hearts of their children. Swan teaches parents how they can enter into the world of their children and give them not only what they long for, but what they need . . . an environment of total love and security from which they can conquer the challenges life has to offer. He demonstrates how any parent can turn the tables on the world and romance the hearts of their children to the love of God. With practical advice in real-life parenting situations, Swan equips parents first with the enthusiasm for the challenge ahead and then with concrete ways to win the heart of any child.

Genres: Parenting, Christian Living, Nonfiction, Family, Christian

304 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2002

Reviews

[Abigail Westbrook]

This book ended up being more of a memoir type format than I expected, but that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. It seems that the author has had an amazingly positive experience with both his parents and his kids, so this book is not really a manual on how to get through problems so much as an inspiration for how good relationships can be. I appreciated the emphasis on grace and encouraging kids to seek God’s will for their lives. Also loved the chapter on how great literature and stories are formative to our kids as they begin to understand the grand Story that God is writing throughout history. Definitely a good book and one I’d recommend especially to dads, since it is written by a dad.

[Aaron Clark]

I wouldn't recommend this book to everyone, but it was perfect for me in this season of parenting. Before beginning this book, my mind space (as relates to parenting) had largely been centered on instructing, disciplining, teaching, catechizing, training, coaching, scheduling, programming, etc. my children well. That's all important. But this book got at the heart of parenting, which is also the essence of our faith - and that's love.

Love really is the difference-maker in parenting. You can have everything else - even the good things of discipline and truth - but if your kids don't know you love them, trust them, hope for them, believe in them, then everything else will fall away. Love is the heart and essence, even the foundation. If it's true in our relationship with God - "We love because He first loved us" - then how much more our relationship with our children? We must prioritize winning their hearts for Christ, along with their minds and their hands.

I've noticed this difference-maker even in non-Christian parenting. My wife's dad never gave her discipline or instruction, but he deeply loved her. That's what caused her to turn out amazingly - in comparison to many Christians who had discipline and instruction, but whose parents weren't intentional about "romancing" their children's hearts. By God's grace, I want love to be the spirit that defines my parenting, as well as the spirit that defines my instruction, discipline, etc.

The reason I wouldn't recommend this book to everyone is because I think many parents struggle with parenting from a place of "all love and no truth/discipline" (which can end up being very unloving). But if you're anything like me, this book will serve powerfully to re-center your heart for your children. May the Lord raise up parents in His Church in our generation who love their children dearly.

[CC]

My children are my passion and I'm usually reading some book on parenting. I'm enjoying this book more than I expected too. Monte Swan has some interesting thoughts and I value his heart for the importance of connecting with our children's hearts. In my view, he may lean a little to the right (or left) on setting up boundaries for his children. He relates two separate incidents in which his children wander off, thankfully not to their death, but I was left wondering why he didn't teach and enforce the importance of not wandering off. Monte has a good sense for the deeper things of life. I got a little weary of wandering along the trails he made getting from one good part to another but nonetheless worth the read for the jewels sprinkled here and there.

[Sara]

I loved this book. It changes how I operate as a parent...thinking more about what my child's thinking in the moment about God than about what he/she is doing that I may not prefer. This book has changed the way I think about nature and the way we interact with it. Mostly, this book has encouraged me as a parent to keep my focus on the goal of helping my kids see their part in His Larger Story.

[Kristjan]

Some good ideas in this book and I agree with the main premise, but the application can be tricky. It may be easier when you've got lots of land or lots of mountains or lots of musical abilities. Since I don't have any of these, I guess I'll have to settle for trying some potentially useful ideas.

[Jonathan]

More than a resource, a reminder that our children will develop, in large part, due to the love (or lack thereof) that we as parents provide for and to them. There is most likely nothing new for you here. As reminders go it is well written, concise and practical.

[Jeanne]

One of my top ten books for How to parent a child. It is wide in it's scope--going into why communists take stories out of art, to spending one on one time with your child. I loved this book.
Highly recommended!

[Greta]

Loved it--excellent book! This book contained my favorite paragraphs on parenting of any parenting book I've read. From the book: "It is our personal relationship with God--knowing Him, not just knowing about Him--that makes us legitimate and believable to our children."

[Shiloh]

This was a really good book. We had heard him at a conference, and it was a good reminder of things I learned, especially for a sometimes task oriented mother.

[Lee Anne Cavin]

Opened my task oriented eyes on a new way to communicate with my children and God.

[Willow]

This is one of my most favorite parenting books. It is so inspiring and creative. Full of great ways to become your child's best friend!

[Virginia Knowles]

A must read for home educators and any parents on reaching your child's heart with beauty, wonder, and God's grace.

[Diana]

Excellent book that gave me a better picture for training up a child in the way they should go!!!

[Amy]

Lovely book. Will probably reread or reference as I found myself highlighting several passages.