You Have What It Takes: What Every Father Needs to Know

by John Eldredge

In You Have What It Takes, Eldredge gives fathers a look inside both themselves and their sons and daughters, encouraging them to give their children permission to be who God designed them to be. Every boy wants to be a hero. He wants to be powerful, dangerous. He wants to know… Do I have what it takes? Every girl wants to believe that she is captivating, worth fighting for. She wants to know... Am I lovely? Only you, Dad, can help your children find the answer to those questions. That makes you the most powerful man in your child's life. And as you will learn in this inspiring book, You Have What It Takes .

Genres: Parenting, Christian, Spirituality, Family, Nonfiction, Christianity, Fatherhood

64 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2004

About the author

John Eldredge is an American author, counselor, and lecturer on Christianity. He is known for his best-selling book Wild at Heart.

Reviews

[Luther]

Short yet powerful book. Felt like this book gets to the point! I love how it demonstrated ways we can love our sons & daughters and what they need from us to flourish. It was a healthy reminder that it's never to late to be an amazing Father. The writer empowers us by reminding us of the love of the Father who empowers us to love our kids well!

Great book could be finished in a few hours or less. I recommend! 👍

[Varina Denman]

My husband and I read this little book when our kids were young, and now we're reading it again for our grandkids. Every boy needs to be told, "You have what it takes." And every girl needs to hear, "You are lovely. You're worth fighting for." Such wisdom.

[Campbell Lakatos]

Encouraging. A little booklet designed to exhort fathers that they should, and have the ability to, answer the most important question that their kids are asking. For fellas, the question is, "Do I have what it takes?" For ladies, "Am I lovely?" Answer these questions over and over through love and you will have done a great job as a dad. You can do it!

[Pamela Nicolls]

I think this is an excellent book for fathers to read and equipped them with a very simple principle that can help them be the best father. I remember when my father affirmed me when he was dying of cancer. His last blessing to me before he was gone forever.

[Betti Steinke]

Einige wirklich gute Aussagen, aber die Hauptaussagen sind mir zu pauschal. Nicht alle Jungs und Mädchen fühlen jederzeit gleich. Außerdem hat auch ein Mädchen und eine Frau mehr Sinn und Ziel im Leben als „bezaubernd“ zu sein.

[Allison]

Wow. This all seems very misguided. It also reinforces gender roles at an early age and encourages gatekeeping of their daughters sexual experiences.
I also personally feel that religion and parenting shouldn't be combined in this way.
I think it can be important to teach children about religion but I dont think parenting choices need to be based in religion. Of course that's cultural and debatable.
Read this book if you want to learn about how to be a toxic influence in your child's life.

[Will]

Takeaways: 1. It is important to delight in your children, as the Father delights in Jesus. 2. The voice of the father is one of the most important and powerful voices in a child’s life. It has the power to deeply wound or build up and is stronger than other voices in a child’s life. Even the absence of this voice is damaging.

[Ella あいみ M.]

I know, I know. It's a parenting book. For dads. And I'm an 18 year old girl going on 18. Don't ask. (If you must know, I was waiting for my bread to finish toasting in the toaster, and, ever the reader in need of literary stimulation, I picked this up since it was just lying around.)

Surprisingly, there were some things that interested me. The book starts off by explaining the different needs and validation between girls and boys. It also details how dads, or men in general, have this innate need to feel power. (That explains a lot…though I already did know that.)

However, and please don't take this the wrong way, I just couldn't identify with the part talking about girls and found myself relating more with the parts directed towards the guys.

Example:

You can observe it there in nearly every thing she does. Little girls typically don't invent games where bloodshed is a prerequisite for having fun, where large numbers of people "die" as a regular part of the routine. On the other hand, boys don't love to brush each other's hair. They don't go to tea parties (unless they are dragged into them by their sisters). Sitting down over make-believe china, being very polite, and having "grown up" conversations make the party an entirely feminine affair. It's all part of those relational games that girls create.

Well, that's totally the opposite of me. Growing up, I liked going outside and making up stories and imagining I was in a Narnian battle or an LotR adventure or I was a secret-agent-assassin or something. I never, ever played "tea party." And I never did the whole "brushing each others' hair" thing or other girlish stuff because, well, I grew up with 6 brothers, and we never did anything like that.

And then it went to the difference between guys and girls when it comes to their greatest fears and the different types of validation they each need.

Or think of it this way: What's your worst fear as a man? Isn't it some version of failure? To royally blow it? To really screw things up?...Because all those things in some way prove that you don't have what it takes.
　Not so for a woman. A woman's worst fear is abandonment. Most women survive a career setback that would send men into a tailspin. Failure doesn't seem to matter as much because a woman fears that she won't be loved.

Okay…so…
I get that this is only a generalization, but I'm just going to say, this isn't really true for me. My biggest fear is failure and screwing up. Abandonment may be a fear, too, but I've always been alone more often than not, and I'm more used to it. Fear of failure, on the other hand, sometimes paralyzes me.

The book says that the one thing that means the most to every single woman is being told "you are lovely" or "you're beautiful," while the single most important word to a boy would be "you've got what it takes" and stuff like that. Honestly, for me, being told by my dad that I did good or that I was successful means a whole lot more to me than being told I look nice.

So, by now you're probably thinking, "what's the point in this random girl saying all this?"
Sorry about that. My point with all these possibly-unnecessary-details is that though this book has some really helpful insights, we must remember that everyone's different, and while some girls and boys really do have many of the qualities and emotional needs expressed in this book, there are still going to be different needs that they each have in accordance with their relationships, circumstances, life, etc. I do believe that many of the things discussed in this book really do apply to "every son and every daughter." I do believe that your relationship with your dad is one of the biggest things that affect your life and that it's so, so important. However, just please really get to know what your kids need to hear the most from you and what words of affirmation means the most to them.

I know I'm just a teenage girl that has no idea about parenting, and I know I may sound really atupid, but just speaking from my own childhood experiences and two years of being an English teacher (and working with kids of all ages and backgrounds for the past 6 years): yes, words of affirmation do make such a difference, but it's not exactly the one-size-fits-all answer this book sorta makes it out to be, and it really is different with each kid what encourages them to be their best they can be.

Anyway, I'll stop now. Thanks for reading to the end if you've stuck with me all the way. :)

[Ryan Linkous]

Meh. This was a nice pep-talk for fatherhood, but it doesn't offer much more than that. As other reviewers point out, there is a little explicitly "Christian" about this book. Eldridge finds a way to talk about the need for everyone's heart to be healed by Jesus, but this is a bit Schleiermachean (not quite sure that is the best descriptor) and muted. It neglects the full extent of sin in relationships and limits the solution to existential inner-peace. Takeaways: It's good for you as a father to be thoughtful about your fatherhood. Boys and girls have different needs. It would have been nice to have at least some reflection on the Shema and the wisdom tradition of the Old Testament.

[betanine]

I found this on Hoopla last night while perusing the library. It showed 96 pages and thought this would be a good quick infusion of John Eldredge encouragement. Much of this book was familiar to me. At the end, I came to discover this book is John’s super condensed version of Wild at Heart. Perhaps a small taste for men who might not be willing to commit to a 250 page book. For me, it was a great refresher on the core concepts of Wild at Heart.

Wild at Heart is a big influence on my life. Reading this has reminded me of some truths I needed to be reminded of. It has me wanting to read through Wild at Heart again.

[JQ]

What an awesome little booklet to describe your role as a man, specifically in fathering a son or daughter. I'm a reader but I know so many men that aren't and this little booklet would be so less intimidating of a read in comparison to something larger. I would highly recommend this booklet as a gift to new fathers. It would also be a good way to speak into the heart of a father that you know struggles with being absent from his family (because of work or hobbies). Author John Eldredge does a great job of showing the problems that come from not answering the essential questions in the heart of every little boy and little girl.

[Cameron]

On the recommendation of my brother, I gave John Eldredge a try and am glad I did. This little book, while not offering anything revolutionary, provides a good reminder to us as parents. We can easily forget the power of our words and the impact of our actions or inactions.
The importance of offering words of validation are especially important coming from us and we miss an opportunity when we're stingy with them.
This book had me thinking about my communication with my kids and steps that I can take to do a better job.
A quick but worthwhile read.

[Sara]

This was a quick "read" and the author said he took sections from his Wild At Heart book to compile and encourage fathers. This was good.. even though I am not a father.. nor do I have kids. It's fascinating how much a child/adult needs their fathers' love and this need shapes every aspect of their life.

[Brandon]

Short devotional-type book that reminded me as a new dad to trust God and believe that I can be a good father to my kids. Something that I will read again to remind myself of God's grace in parenting.

[Luke]

Important, succinct truth

Good advice for fathers. Seems like a blog post or online article might've been a better medium, as this was barely long enough to be accurately considered a pamphlet, however the information contain herein is great.

[Larry Crockett]

Get out your highlighter!

So many things spoke to me. I could have highlighted every word. I only see my young daughters a few hours each month, so this helps me make sure I'm saying the right things in those few hours.

[David]

This is probably a good primer to Wild at Heart. A booklet that can be read in one easy sitting, and communicate some essential wisdom for dads to invest into their children - and heal from what was lacking from their own father. A worthy read.

[Nicholas]

As a Dad, this is exactly what I needed to hear. It’s only ~50 pages, but they’re some of the most important items I can do as a Father. This is one that may sit in my book drawer and be read over and over as a reminder.

[Matt]

Read this in one sitting. It is pretty much a much abridged primer to Wild at heart. In fact it almost feels like what an extended trailer is to the main film.

Good for giving to a friend who wants the TLDR version, or is new to Eldredge and wants a taster.

[Joshua Caraway]

This was just gifted to me from a friend since I’ll be a dad soon, and it was nice, short read. It draws from many of the themes of Wild at Heart, a book that is in the “life-changing” category for me. Definitely recommend.

[Todd McQueen]

Parts very similar to his book Wild at Heart, more condensed. Good luck about being a parent. B

[Philip McDaniel]

If you are or have ever thought about becoming a Dad, you need to read this book.

[Rudy Martinez]

Quick written uninspiring

Quick thoughts intended to drug e you to read his other work. Uninspiring. unmotivational. I would not recommend to anyone

[Hannah]

Claims girls just want their dad to say they are beautiful and sons want to be manly enough.

[Michael Jura]

Für jeden Vater (und jede Mutter) ein ermutigendes und bewegendes Büchlein, das Einblicke in die Sehnsucht der Kinder gibt: geliebt zu sein.

[Judah Voth]

A book that every father should read. Gives insight into what your children need, so that you can love them the way they need to be loved.

[Tony Pisano]

The very few good points or thoughts this book makes are heavily overshadowed by the gross generalizations it makes about boys and girls.

[Nick Yerardi]

Short and sweet. Lots of encouragement. Presses in and toward the simplicity of fatherhood.

[Makayla]

Short. Powerful. Accessible to new dads.

[Jeremy]

Many of the points in this book are helpful. I think sons who are told by their father, "You have what it takes," and daughters told, "You are lovely," will in fact grow up more emotionally healthy.
But what would keep me from recommending the book is the way forgiveness and transformation in the gospel are belittled for the sake of magnifying emotional healing and affirmation. The chapter entitled "The Most Powerful Man in the World" could have taken a much more redemptive, victorious, hopeful, Christian direction, and that pretty much speaks for the whole book.