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No More Christian Nice Guy: When Being Nice--Instead of Good--Hurts Men, Women and Children
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No More Christian Nice Guy: When Being Nice--Instead of Good--Hurts Men, Women and Children

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3.75  ·  Rating details ·  364 Ratings  ·  43 Reviews
Using humorous examples from his own life, poignant stories, and vivid examples from contemporary culture, Coughlin shows how he learned to say no to the "nice guy" syndrome and instead reflect the true biblical model of manhood.
Hardcover, 224 pages
Published December 31st 2005 by Bethany House Publishers (first published January 1st 2005)
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John Gardner
Feb 22, 2010 rated it really liked it
The men in my small group recently went through this book together. Coughlin distinguishes between “nice guys” and “good guys”, contending that Jesus was the latter, and so we Christian men ought to be as well. This entails living lives that are bold and adventurous rather than passive and uninspiring. It requires finding a balance between being “wise as serpents and innocent as doves” (Matt. 10:16). After all, Jesus was the man who “opened not his mouth” (Is. 53:7) in his own defense at his tri ...more
Andy R.
Apr 29, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Once you've read "Wild at Heart," reread it, then you are ready for this book. Seriously, this sits on my shelf right between the complete works of John Eldredge and "Why Men Hate Going to Church." If you love God but can't stand His followers you owe it to yourself to read those three books.
Thomas
Feb 21, 2012 rated it really liked it
Shelves: general
Obviously like all books that fall into the quasi-scriptural/self-help section. It's not God-Breathed scripture, so you have to pray over it, but it is worth the read.

I congratulate the author for going out on a limb, and saying what needed to be said. He stated some pointed statements in this book, he got right down where the "Christian Nice Guy" lives, and pulled no punches. He not only challenged, but he proked! However, he is speaking out of empathy, because he once was a CNG!

His section on
...more
James
Oct 17, 2016 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
I had this on Kindle and finally got around to reading it. Paul Coughlin is a local Christian writer and runs a non-profit addressing the problem of bullies. This book was written about a decade ago and is his encouragement for Christian men to stop being so passive, and to become courageous, good and assertive.

I would say for the most part this book is great; however about 20% of the book is Coughlin's critique on how the feminist movement has eroded our understanding of what it means to be a
...more
Lucas
Jul 13, 2007 rated it liked it
Recommends it for: Guys with masculinity issues
I'm not quite finished with this one yet, and it's been a tough slog so far. Parts of it made me very angry at Paul, since it seems like he's blaming women and the Women's Rights Movement of the 60's and 70's for a lot of what he sees is wrong with guys nowadays. And granted, what he sees is wrong really is wrong - men who are timid and meek and ever subservient, men who will not stand up for justice, men who bowl over in conflict just to avoid ruffling feathers, men who manipulate behind the sc ...more
Richard Joya
Aug 04, 2017 rated it it was amazing
There would have been less heartbreak in my life had I read this book earlier. Reading this book has helped me realize how trying to please people in the short run ends with me often taking a passive aggressive attitude. Rather than confront something when it is happening I would bottle things up and blow up when the last straw comes weeks or even months later. Because of that friends and even family were afraid of me. Now people are much more happy and respectful around me.
I like his referen
...more
Sage Adams
Jun 05, 2018 rated it did not like it
The usual Christian platitudes about how great Jesus and God are and how you should be more like Jesus. Some ideas about how to be less 'nice'...but would be more beneficial to men who suffer from niceness to spend more time tackling why they are nice in the first place - through no fault of their own - usually unhealthy family systems that have taught them to be doormats.
Rick
Oct 17, 2017 rated it it was ok
The potential for something great is there, but the author fails to deliver and instead just goes the easy route of being yet another voice complaining about how overly sensitive people are.
Robbie Cruse
Dec 27, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Good, challenging book for the Christian guy. Makes a lot of sense. Does not give an excuse to be a jerk, like the title may seem to lean towards. It has a good balance and is easy to read.
Russell Vining
Jun 01, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
good perspective of how to view what society is teaching and how to respond.
Travis
There are some good nuggets in here... But like the grocery store, It's full of a lot of stuff I just didn't need or couldn't use. But the overall theme was good.
Phil Lemons
Feb 24, 2015 rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2015-reads, man-up
This book is like a slap in the face followed by a cold drink of water. I believe Coughlin intentionally starts off with some strong language to slap the nice guy in the face. I interpret this to be a bit of a test to see if the reader wants to recover from the nice guy syndrome. Those who are can't see past being nice simply won't continue to find the treasure this book offers.

Coughlin's writing style matches his message. It is straight up what he believes to be true. Better than that, he prov
...more
Matthew Harris
Jul 13, 2012 rated it really liked it
No More Christian Nice Guy is a must read for any man that claims to be a Christian, or follower of Jesus. Christian men have a hard enough time putting up with the political correctness of the world. Good men in general are starting to become a dying breed because of the shifting values of society. I have known so many Christian nice guys and have been guilty of one myself to the point where I coward in fear because I would take the path of least resistance when I should have started a personal ...more
Rhodes Davis
May 22, 2014 rated it liked it
I am skeptical of the every developing syndromes of the modern Western world. Perhaps we have syndrome syndrome (book idea!). So I was a bit suspicious when I saw the title but I was intrigued by a cursory glance through the book and decided to read it.

Whether there is a "Nice Guy Syndrome" or not I'll leave for others to judge (Robert Glover wrote "No More Mr. Nice Guy" which speaks from a secular perspective). However, it does address a problem among some men which is the passive-aggressive wa
...more
Jesse
Oct 13, 2011 rated it really liked it
Very well written, full of many quotable things that make you want to post them on Facebook. Every Christian who has been affected by the watering down of Christianity by the evangelical church, or who have suffered from some type of abuse that has robbed someone of their will and assertiveness, needs to hear what is said, and every preacher needs to preach this. One thing that bugged me was that his advice on how to become more bold and overcome past abuse was too generic, and not very concrete ...more
Go2therock
Oct 08, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Well, add this book to my list of 4 and 5 star books that serve a man well in learning to walk the straight and narrow. I'm not sure at what age I might begin considering to recommend this book, perhaps as early as high school, but it is certainly something that a man would find valuable throughout his life. Paul's contemporary and relatable voice is decidedly masculine, yet open and vulnerable, walking a firm line of manhood.

"I've been there" he says with frank honesty, and he points.
"This is
...more
Connie
For the first approximately half of the book, I felt that the main ideas were being over stated to the point of losing the key point. He seems a bit too eager to paint Christ as rough and rugged. It’s hard for me to give much credence to his scriptural interpretations. He is implying a tone of voice and manner that we just cannot know from the text alone.

I appreciate his perspective and don’t disagree with many of his points. They are worthwhile to consider and definitely add to the dialogue tha
...more
George
Jan 15, 2014 rated it really liked it
This was a really great read. I was skeptical at first at what i would find but for an inspirational book, it was really good. He pulled no punches; candidly addressing many of the problems with masculinity today.
He draws his inspiration for his method from 1st Thessalonians 5:14.
The book is largely written for people who are already Christians and though many men will benefit from reading it, married men will especially be helped by this book.
Nicholas Maulucci
May 16, 2014 rated it liked it
a thought-provoking book. many of the authors's philosophies are outside the box, and while I would not ascribe to all of them, many of them are relevant. his thesis that we as christian men are supposed to be good and not necessarily nice could be a reason our churches are losing masculinity. an easy read - a couple of hours and I recommend pastors and male christian workers to read this book.
derek
Jul 18, 2007 rated it liked it
sort of like "wild at heart" in subject matter, but he seems to take the aspect of men being "bold and offensive" a little too far. He seems to care more about not being pushed around than he does being like Christ. Still good for any Christian man to read.
Jason
Jan 11, 2009 rated it it was ok
This book started out pretty good but I have just simply read too many books for Christian men to truly enjoy hearing some of the same ole stuff.

If you are a Christian guy or a girl who wants your guy to break out of a routine and live more passionately, I believe that this book will help you. But if you have read many books on the topic of Christian men, then you might get bogged down in the repetition of it all.

Check it out though.
Tripleguess
Jan 15, 2013 rated it really liked it
A sorely needed message. I appreciate the author having the courage to write this. I'm sure it is not popular in some circles -- certainly not some of the ones I have tried to frequent in the past. And it's oh so true that moving from "nice" to "good" will make you enemies -- regardless, I might add, of your gender!
Dan
Dec 11, 2012 rated it it was ok
Shelves: spirituality
This book has a great premise and starts out well. But then it gets very repetitive (like most books of this variety), and then it goes into the mantra about how what the Church needs is macho men. It makes the mistake of buying into Western masculine ideals and presenting them as biblical truths, proof-texting along the way.
Heather
Feb 19, 2015 rated it liked it
My chief complaint about this book, aside from the folksy, colloquial voice it's written in (which doesn't sound terribly credible) is that it should not be applied only to men. What can be mistaken for manliness is really just good boundaries. It turns out a companion book by the same title has been written for "Christian Nice Girls." I will probably check it out.
Donald McKinnon
Sep 19, 2011 rated it it was amazing
If you've read or are preparing to read Why Men Hate Going to Church, this is a perfect companion to it, its sure to make any pastor or men's ministry leader to rethink how the Church reaches out to men.
Santino Maulucci
Oct 21, 2014 rated it really liked it
This was a very good book. I strongly recommend it to all Christian men. Paul Coughlin has shown in this book that Jesus was not a nice man. He was a good man. Read the book to find out what I'm talking about.
Abe
Aug 28, 2008 rated it really liked it
Recommends it for: Men who try to please everyone
Recommended to Abe by: Charlene Patterson
Shelves: at-home
You've got to stand up for what you believe
Victoria Mull
excellent book to point out that we are all two faced. some of us more than others.
mykl gysingr
Jan 29, 2010 rated it liked it
Good information, not he best writing.
Paul
Aug 13, 2011 rated it it was amazing
Great read and great challenge. See my full review here: http://wp.me/p1qlCW-fJ
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