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I Love You, But I Don't Trust You: The Complete Guide to Restoring Trust in Your Relationship
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I Love You, But I Don't Trust You: The Complete Guide to Restoring Trust in Your Relationship

4.07  ·  Rating details ·  491 ratings  ·  47 reviews
A guide to restoring trust in broken relationships from a renowed couple's therapist.

Is my relationship worth saving?
Will the trust ever come back?
How can things be good between us again?

Whether broken trust is due to daily dishonesties, a monumental betrayal, or even a history of hurts from the past, it can put a relationship at risk. This is the first book to show you e
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Paperback, 294 pages
Published February 7th 2012 by Berkley Books (first published 2012)
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Average rating 4.07  · 
Rating details
 ·  491 ratings  ·  47 reviews


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Start your review of I Love You, But I Don't Trust You: The Complete Guide to Restoring Trust in Your Relationship
Travis
Jun 05, 2016 rated it really liked it
This book is written for practical use, rather than from an intellectual perspective.
For that reason, it should be of great value for people who are in the midst of relationship issues and eroding trust.
I found that Mira has done an excellent job, not only of describing basically every trust related relationship issue I've experienced, but of explaining the mental state/beliefs/perceptions that underlie them.
Her commitment to transparency and honesty is undeniable, as she shares details of her o
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Amyiw
So this starts slowly and really at points I just had to put it down. It does hit on some real points of how trust is broken and rebuilt but really doesn't go in depth but more trying to understand why. With that understanding you can move on. Also she points to bumps in the road and recovering from them. Along with understand the different ways trust can be broken, she goes into the ways we react and how long things take to get back to somewhere normal.

When she goes into what went into to brea
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Beth
Sep 14, 2013 rated it liked it
reassured me that everything I had been through was actually rather normal - as far as the stages of grieving/sadness/anger etc, this in turn filled me with confidence about things to come and gave hope for our future. I definitely understand much more about myself AND my husband after reading this.
Kristy
Mar 11, 2012 rated it it was amazing
This book is amazing & a life saver. I couldnt have come across it at a better time!
Patti
Jul 16, 2016 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: self-help
Fantastic book. Brought up challenging, yet good questions and scenarios.
Duckoffimreading
Dec 10, 2020 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I can’t say this book saved my marriage - as many of the qualities of my situation fall into the “better to end it” category, but this book was helpful as far as other relationships when betrayal is endured, or even future relationships. Trust is so critical to healthy relationships and sometimes bad things happen. Taking the stance of “I can’t trust anybody” (which I may feel like from time to time) will ultimately limit my and my joy in life. My big takeaways from this book is how forgiveness ...more
Luc they, them
Jul 30, 2019 rated it really liked it
Writing is very cishet mono normative otherwise very good and helpful advice.
Dan
Jun 25, 2019 rated it it was amazing
As I use to say, science is about being precise, engineering is about living with errors.
I did read many behavioral psychology books. Lots of them great, some not so good and most of them right.
But we all know how mathematics, the science of all science, feels . Most of the time we don't feel it's applicability in life. Moreover it was many times when real life observation pushed the advance of mathematical theories and not the mathematics that revealed practical solutions.
This book does neverth
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Miriam
Jun 29, 2015 rated it it was amazing
I picked up this book to give me more insight on some issues I've come across when helping couples and individual women. There is a lot of good information that will help one to be able to regain trust in a relationship or decide that they will never be able to get trust back. ...more
Rick Sam
Dec 13, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: psychology
To chisel my own pride, and to raise myself to grow, I chose this book.

I was looking for something that can help me give template, practice, having better relationship.
I’d say, this is the best book — I read this year. This book is practical, pragmatic, doesn’t give theory of relationship. Why? It’s easy to follow, practical stories, with insightful discernment.

I’d say, this book gives archetype stories, we can use in relationship, regardless of culture.
Perhaps, socially, this would be differ
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Tyler
Mar 30, 2021 rated it liked it
This book is written by a therapist who specializes in helping couples who are dealing with betrayal of various kinds. It is a practical book based on the author's personal experience of betrayal in her own marriage and in her professional experience working with many couples as a therapist dealing with similar problems.

I didn't think the book was terribly well written, but there was some good content about trust, honesty, openness, dealing with anger, forgiveness, healing, and making decisions
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Geoff
Dec 04, 2018 rated it really liked it
A good book with practical information in regards to trust issues in relationships. I read this book for the opposite end of most, being the betrayer of trust vs the betrayed so my perspective on it is probably a little different. I definitely was able to see the pitfalls of the relationship, where I had gone wrong and where we, as a couple had gone wrong, but most importantly for me is that it gave me perspective of how she was feeling and what she was going through.

If you’re looking for a step
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Bes
Jan 30, 2020 rated it really liked it
Shelves: relationship
I thought I’d give 2 or 3 stars because I didn’t like how the writing is so conversational and constantly broken into very short sentences, Mira constantly writes “believe me” and “I know” in what feels like overly earnest ways, and the examples sometimes feel so saccharin. Plus this title is a tad ridiculous to read in public. I felt like everything was simplified for beginners, or for young adults.

But I changed my mind halfway through when I realized that I was glad for many of her very simple
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Sarah
Apr 19, 2020 rated it really liked it
It’s a good book and I’m glad I read it. I learned a lot but sometimes it just feels like it’s beating a dead horse. I felt like if it’s going to be a practical guideline it could have been probably 1/3 shorter or more than it is. It’s very dense to work through when you’re trying to get practical steps out of it. I understand that the background to each scenario is important (how each step plays out in different scenarios, how relationships go awry) but there were a lot of stories that I felt w ...more
Alexandra
Jun 13, 2018 rated it really liked it
the first 1/6th I was like eh idk about this.

but the rest just spoke to me.

the anger that comes out of feeling betrayed is natural but resolves nothing.

figure out what will make the betrayed feel safe again.

don't take the inflection point to be the end - it's just the beginning.

figure out quickly if you can stay - remember who they were before - think of the situation you created together that got you here - take responsibility for that small piece - don't compare blame.
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Krystal House
Feb 23, 2021 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: marriage
This book helped me identify that I had trust issues and in order for my marriage to recover from the betrayal I experienced from my husband I needed to understand how to trust him again along with trusting in all relationships that I am blessed with. I am happy to say that this is one of many resources recently that has made my life exciting and filled with the spirit of the Lord in my, from a very unbearable and anxiety ridden season of my life, marriage and motherhood.
Alla
Jan 08, 2020 rated it liked it
In many ways this book completely transformed my life and saved my life. But I am also left extremely anxious. The author is capitalist, homophobic, and fatphobic. No mention of how it feels to be the other woman in an affair, no mention of gay couples. You know. Just your profound but extremely 101 book about Trust.
Amy
Mar 21, 2020 rated it really liked it
I remember when I read this, trying to think of how I could get my husband-at-the-time to possibly read this. Had some pretty good discussion on emotional affairs, physical, e.t.c. A little bit of victim shaming with affairs. I couldn't relate to the presumed behaviors of the victim. Honestly, Chump Lady has more sound advice with that. ...more
Joshua Stoutenburg
Aug 26, 2020 rated it it was amazing
This is an amazing book about what has to be the most important piece, even the heart, of all relationships: trust.

It's a thorough exploration of all the sources of mistrust, mistakes partners make in response to mistrust, sabotaging the trust healing process, as well as a comprehensive, practical tool kit for healing trust, no matter how small or great, every-day or rare the betrayal. Expertly supported by examples of real life couples from the author's practice.

Must read.
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Bruce
Jan 06, 2019 rated it really liked it
Nice fast read with good concrete questions to think about and actions to take when deciding how to recover from betrayal. All various forms of betrayal from small ones to large ones. Pretty clear examples used.
Low
Feb 01, 2019 rated it liked it
I think like what a lot of others are saying, this depends on whether the other party is forgiving or not. It kinds of puts the responsibility on them, but I guess this is the nature of apologizing and winning back trust; the betrayed must be willing to give the betrayal the opportunity.
Brenda
Apr 03, 2019 rated it it was amazing
much more than I expected. this was very good for me, and I'd recommend to anyone who is working on or wanting to learn to trust again. Or for anyone deciding if they want to work on trusting someone again... It is NOT just about cheating but all types of trust violation ...more
Sarah Smith
This was supposed to be for me to earn his trust back, but it ended up teaching me a lot about myself and the way my ex was treating and lying to me.
For additional reviews please see my blog at www.adventuresofabibliophile.blogspot...
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Marcie
Sep 29, 2020 rated it it was amazing
I couldn’t put this book down. It explained a lot of how I was feeling in my relationship and I would recommend anyone struggling with trusting their partner to read this for help and direction in how to work through it.
Kim
Feb 08, 2021 rated it it was amazing
This is a must read for everyone in a relationship. It’s not only breaks down all of the ways we break peoples trust, it shows exactly what to do to rebuild that trust. Highly recommend it, warning there are several F words in the book.
Gladys Anne
Nov 08, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Nice
Sandi
Jul 24, 2018 rated it really liked it
A little repetitive especially in the beginning however this book has a lot of great insights and is incredibly helpful for anyone struggling with any sort of relationship trust issues.
Kristin
Jun 20, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Very eye opening to mistakes I have been making without realizing it.
Chas! Pangburn
Jul 16, 2019 rated it really liked it
As someone that was cheated on, this was actually a good/helpful read. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Caley
Dec 31, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This book was incredibly insightful
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