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I'm OK - You're OK

3.72  ·  Rating details ·  14,642 Ratings  ·  339 Reviews

Transactional Analysis delineates three observable ego-states (Parent, Adult, and Child) as the basis for the content and quality of interpersonal communication. "Happy childhood" notwithstanding, says Harris, most of us are living out the Not ok feelings of a defenseless child, dependent on ok others (parents) for stroking and caring. At some stage early in our lives we a

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Kindle Edition, 322 pages
Published (first published 1967)
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Debra Roberts This book made me less confused about the communication that goes around people and why they communicate what they do. Even though this book was…moreThis book made me less confused about the communication that goes around people and why they communicate what they do. Even though this book was clearly written in a different era. Without taking that women stuff personally as it wasn't personal to anyone at all, the book can be seen to give clear insights as to the nature of our thoughts and were those thoughts may be coming from.(less)
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Arukiyomi
Nov 26, 2013 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
About fourteen billion years ago when I was a young child, I remember my mother had this book on my parents’ bookshelf. I remember three things about it. Firstly, it was one of the few titles on that memorable shelf that I could understand at that age. I also remember the strong vivid colours of the cover, so redolent of the 70s. The final thing I remember is that it was definitely my mother’s book and not my father’s. I think in later years, although my memory is scratched from my furious effor ...more
Sara Kamjou
Jun 04, 2016 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
کتاب وضعیت آخر را برای دومین بار خواندمش و فکر میکنم هر کس چه روانشناس و چه غیر روانشناس در زندگیاش باید این کتاب را بخواند و با تحلیل رفتار متقابل آشنا شود. به عنوان یک روانشناس، نظریهی اریک برن را تحسین میکنم و برای مراجعانم بسیار از آن بهره میگیرم. این کتاب توصیف و توضیح بسیار خوبی از نظریهی برن است.
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بخشهای ماندگار کتاب:
سامرست موآم، نویسندهی انگلیسی میگوید: لحظههایی هست که من به جنبههای محتلف روح خودم با شگفتی نگاه میکنم. میبینم که من واقعا از چند آدم مختلف ساخته شدهام،
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Ahmad Sharabiani
I'm OK-You're OK, Thomas A. Harris
I'm OK – You're OK is a 1969 self-help book by Thomas Anthony Harris. It is a practical guide to transactional analysis as a method for solving problems in life.
عنوانها: وضعیت آخر؛ ماندن در وضعیت آخر؛ وضعیت بهتر؛ من خوب هستم شما خوب هستید؛ من خوبم تو خوبی؛ نویسنده: توماس آنتونی هریس؛ تاریخ نخستین خوانش: ماه سپتامبر سال 2007 میلادی
عنوان: ماندن در وضعیت آخر؛ نویسنده: توماس آنتونی هریس؛ مترجم: اسماعیل فصیح؛ تهران، نشرنو، 1368؛ در 383 ص؛کتابنامه دارد؛ نمایه دارد؛
عن
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Mohammad Hanifeh
مدتها بود که قصد خواندن این کتاب را داشتم و کاش زودتر این کار را کرده بودم. اما بههرحال بسیار خوشحالم که حالا توانستم آن را بخوانم.

وضعیت آخر کتاب فوقالعادهای ایست که با ارائهٔ روشی تحت عنوان «تحلیل رفتار متقابل» و معرفی جنبههای مختلف شخصیتمان، به ما یاد میدهد چطور «والد»، «بالغ» و «کودک» خود را کنترل کنیم و تکتک رفتارهایمان را بر پایهٔ بالغمان انجام دهیم.

"تاریخ میتواند به ما بگوید چهها گذشته است، ولی نمیتواند بگوید که چه باید کرد و چه نمیتوان کرد. جهان، چرخفلکی ولنگ و واز و گذران است و ما دربار
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Aaron
It's rare that you come across a book that takes you six months to finish, with more or less weekly efforts to just get it over with. 274 pages later and I still can't identify Harris's thesis.

This book suffers from trying to be everything and ends up being nothing. Despite my bitter frustration from laboring through this insipid, disorganized mess, I still will give Harris the benefit of the doubt and assume this was all done in good faith and was a concerted effort to reach out to people in n
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FeReSHte
Mar 31, 2017 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: psychology
اگه هدفتون از حوندن اين كتاب اشنايي با مفاهيم " والد، بالغ و كودك " و پياده كردنش در زندگي روزمره تون به اميد تغيير اوضاع و بهبود باشه ، خب بايد بگم كتاب تحلیل رفتار متقابل: روشهای نوین در روان شناسی با احتلاف زياد منبع خيلي مفيد و كارآمدتريه. چزا كه براي كسي كه با اين مفاهيم هيچ اشنايي قبلي نداره در فواصل جدا و به تفصيل توضيحات روشني داره

و اگه هدفتون از حوندن اين كتاب رسيدن به مرحله ي آخر تغييرات بر اساس تحليل رفتار متقابل، يعني " من خوبم، تو خوبي" ، همون طور كه روي جلد كتاب دكر شده و نويسنده د
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Arezu Wishka
در ادامه خودکاوی ها و مطالعاتم در مورد ساختار روانی ما آدم ها، این کتاب رو به پیشنهاد سارا در کنار گوش دادن به نسخه های صوتی صحبت های دکتر بابایی زاد خوندم.
به جرات می گم که این کتاب تاثیر شگرفی روی طرز فکرم و کنترلم روی خودم به وجود آورد و درکی از خودم و اطرافم بهم داد که می تونم به وضوح تغییرات رو درون خودم و آدم های اطرافم ببینم. اصولا خودکاوی مسیر سختیه و خوندن این کتاب هم زمان زیادی برای من برد اما از بخش به بخشی که خوندم استفاده کردم و با تمرین توی زندگیم به کارش بردم. روانشناسی عمیق و کار
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Kenneth
Mar 11, 2012 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I had to read this book twice before I realised its significance. It would be a huge mistake to think that this is simply a 1960's psychobabble book, understanding transactional analysis can really help you understand what other people mean, not just what they say. It's a book that should be read by anyone who has to deal with people on a day-to-day basis... and that's most of us.
George
Dec 25, 2012 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
History has not been kind to I'm Okay-You're Okay: Inter-racial marriages and pre-marital sex are not quite the taboo subjects they used to be and it's been a while since I saw the word "retards" used seriously. Indeed, the world Harris portrays seems straight out of Leave it to Beaver, which cements the whole feel of the book in the time and place it was written.

But there is much to learn here on the topic of transactional analysis and the P-A-C (parent, adult and child) within us all. Particu
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Adam Bryant
Jul 10, 2012 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
My mom called me a hippy for reading this book, but it gave me a unique perspective on how to approach interpersonal relationships with everyone in my life. I learned lessons in the book that I use on a daily basis in parenting, being a husband, and working with others, nearly 15 years after reading it for the first time. If you half to ever talk to other humans, you should read it.
Hannibal
Sep 09, 2008 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: psychoanalysis
این کتاب به نوعی عصاره مشرب روانشناسی معاصر آمریکاست که در تقابل جدی با مکتب اروپایی لکان قرار دارد.
تامس هریس با محور قرار دادن علوم رفتاری به تحلیل رفتار آدمی دست می زند و تقسیم بندی او شامل کودک-بالغ -والد است که به زعم نویسنده، علی زغم شباهت به تقسیم بندی مشهور فروید (نهاد-من-فرا من) با آن متفاوت است.
از جمله برجستگی های این کتاب، کاربرد آن برای استفاده در ادبیات نمایشی است، چنانکه ابراهیم مکی در کتاب "شناخت عوامل نمایش" خواندن این کتاب را به عنوان پایه ای برای تحلیل رفتار های انسان و در نتیجه
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Mary Lou
Lots of good information my favorites:

When in doubt leave it out (restrain first impulse)
Blaming your faults on your nature does not change the nature of your faults
If you do not chart a course, you will fall back in the same spot
Love is not glazing at each other, but looking outward together in the same direction
Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it
If you baby a baby when he's a baby you won't have to baby him the rest of his life
People attract not that which they want,
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Mostafa
May 07, 2013 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
کتاب بسیار خوبی هست به آدم خیلی کمک می کنه که بتونه کودک،بالغ و والد درونش رو تشخیص بده و بدونه با کدوم یکی از زیرشخصیت هاش داره کاری رو انجام میده یا حرفی رو میزنه.
این کتاب بسیار به من کمک کرد تا بتونم منطقی با افراد بحث کنم. در کل توانایی جر و بحث کردن و پیروزی آدم تو بحث کردن رو زیاد میکنه ولی آدم باید از این تواناییش در راه درست استفاده کنه...
Saman Kashi

من هیچ وقت دوست نداشتم و ندارم که کسی برایم معلم باشد و معلمبازی در بیاورد. همیشه از نصیحت متنفر بودم. به همین خاطر نه از کسی نصیحت میشنوم و نه به کسی نصیحت میکنم. دورهی این حرفها گذشته است دیگر

یادم میاید چند وقت پیش با یکی از دوستان صحبت میکردم. میگفت : من هر وقت به کسی کتاب هدیه میدهم برایش به عنوان تقدیم نامه یک جملهی قصار یا تکاندهنده یا سنگین مینویسم. بهش گفتم من متنفرم از این که کسی کتابی به من هدیه بدهد که به عنوان تقدیمنامه برایم جملهی قصار بنویسد و از این تیپ حرفها. مثل بچهادم یه تقدیم
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Parnian
Feb 14, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
براى دست يافتن به ناشناخته هاى ذهن و رفتار، افراد مختلف در طول زمان، مسيرهاى مختلفى ارائه دادن. از "ايد-ايگو-سوپرايگو"ى فرويد و آركه تايپ هاى يونگ، تا طرحواره هاى روانى و ناخودآگاه كاوى هاى اروين يالوم.
فكر ميكنم از بين همه شون، اين تحليل رفتار متقابل ساده تر و ملموس تره. وقتى داشتم كتاب رو ميخوندم سعى ميكردم همزمان تو ارتباطات روزمره م ازش استفاده كنم و حيرتا كه جواب ميداد. ميديدم كه چه جورى ميتونم از بالغ به كودك شيفت كنم و دراما بسازم، يا كه در والد خودم فرو برم و همه رو نصيحت كنم. به سادگى مي
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Shoubhik Banerjee
When my friend introduced me to this book, I was pretty sceptic about it. I had never tried any book of this genre. But my love for psychology made me read this book. And the first few sentences got me riveted to this book. Although Transactional Analysis in psychiatry is as complicated as psychiatry itself, the way this book introduces the reader to the concept of Super-ego, Ego and Id, is amazingly simple. Some may say it has been oversimplified, but i think it does a good enough job to get st ...more
Gary Patton
Dr. Harris' book was the second of the late 1960s & early ‘70s pop-psychology books about "Transactional Analysis that was written for the mass North American market. It's predecessor was "Games People Play" by Eric Berne, the father of "Transactional analysis, and Dr. Harris' mentor and teacher.

Both were run-away Best Sellers ...each holding NY Times Best Seller list records. Might this be because: "Self-help’s readers — guilt-stricken, fear-plagued, stupid-choice-making as they are — can b
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Hengameh HS
تعریف این کتاب رو بسیار شنیده بودم و خیلی خوشحالم که بالاخره خوندمش.
بنظرم درک مفاهیم والد،کودک و بالغ در هر فرد خیلی میتونه به خودش و روابطش با اطرافیانش کمک کنه
البته حس میکنم هممون یا با فکر و اراده خودمون یا به واسطه ی تعاریف مشابهی با این مفاهیم آشناییم ولی زبان "والد،کودک،بالغ" انقدر زبان ساده ای هست که در اکثر شرایط بشه استفاده ش کرد و با تعاریف سخت تر مسئله رو پیچیده نکرد.

اتفاقی که بعد از خوندن کتاب افتاد اینه که من تمام مکالمات اطرافم رو حالا با زبان جدیدی که یاد گرفتم تحلیل میکنم و صدای
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Tannaz P
کتاب خیلی خوبی بود به نظرم هر کسی باید بخونه
چند فصل انتهایی زیاد جالب نبودن به نظرم یا حداقل به درد من نمیخورد
البته فصل آخر بد نبود
ادامه این کتاب ماندن در وضعیت آخره که اون هم توی لیست خوندنیهام هست
Susanna - Censored by GoodReads
I'm still trying to figure out why a psychiatrist thought this was a good book to give a deeply depressed 12-year-old.
Reyhaneh
بنظرم بیشتر کتاب حالت تعریف از خود و صرفا بیان کارآمد بودن تئوری داشت و خوب برایم خیلی جالب و جدید نبود، اما دو فصل آخر درباره دو تا موضوع جالب دین و اجتماع و چگونگی ارتباط تئوری رفتار متقابل با این دو موضوع و دیدگاهشو،البته تا حدودی، باز کرد که باعث شد از یک و نیم فصل آخر بیشتر از همه لذت ببرم. با اینکه توضیحات و استدلال هاش درباره خود مذهب یا خیلی چیزها ضعیف و ساده بود،اما بالاخره موضوعات رو عینی تر بررسی کرد و از حالت تعریف از خود بیرون آمد. شاید هم چون فصل های قبل تحلیل رفتار متقابل در موضوع ...more
Daniel Petra
May 21, 2016 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I love the title of this book. Actually the title was the inspiration for a humorous maxim that has by now become accepted in twelve step and other kinds of support groups: "I am not OK, you are not OK, and that's OK!"
This book deals with the multiple nature of human beings and it has been a great inspiration for me. For example, this book has helped me to increase my understanding of our Inner Characters and their interactions, especially our inner Mother, Father and Child. I find that this bo
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Farhad
Dec 09, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
50 years old and still relevant. written in the heat of hippy movement, anti racism uprisings and american post(neo?) imperialism and general fear of Communism. rejected by Eric Berne and called the snake oil of psycho therapy and mocked at many pop culture references and occasions and still holds it's ground as a compelling and transparent method of understanding self/other/world interactions"

It of course has a gnostic, religious and maybe a little bit 60's conservative narrative, (at least fo
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Adrian Dinu
Apr 12, 2014 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: psychology
Maybe it won't be the same for you, but to me it's opened my eyes by giving me an entirely new lens through which to look at myself. Awesome book, absolutely loved it!

It was very interesting and very insightful in dealing the 3 components of the Self: the Parent, Child and Adult, and how the interactions between these 3 determine many of our behaviours, reactions and states. The clear and beautiful explanations of each "life position" [ I'm (not) OK & You're (not) OK ] were also very useful
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Hani
Feb 12, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
کِی بشر به ارزش این کتاب و تئوری پیشنهاد شده در آن پی خواهد برد را نمی دانم اما اگر می خواهید از خود آدم بهتری بسازید، این کتاب را بخوانید.
پ.ن: به نظرم کتاب به خاطر یک سری توضیحات اضافی کمی طولانی شده بود و بابت همین ۱ ستاره کمتر به آن دادم. اما باید بگویم محتوایش تا انتها بی نظیر و تأمل برانگیز ماند. و این در مورد ۳ فصل آخر بیش از همه ی فصل ها صدق می کرد.
Ana r
Mar 17, 2009 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
پس از سالها گشتن به دنبال خویشتن خویش،این کتاب آنچه باید را برای من روشن کرد.
یاریم دادآنجا که نمی دانستم کیست در من که مرا می گریاند،می خنداند،خشمگین می کند،پای مرازنجیر می کند،بدون چون وچرا آنچه نمی خواهم رالازم الاجرا می کنندو
Jonathan Karmel
Apr 17, 2014 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This book about transactional analysis is one of the best selling self-help books of all time, so I thought it was interesting just to learn about this popular theory of psychology from a generation ago.

Although this was presented as a novel theory of human behavior when it was written, it seems to be very much based on Freud's ideas about psychology. The basic idea is that as very young children, we all develop feelings of "not OK" from having bad behavior corrected by our parents, and we all l
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Urban Sedlar
Apr 27, 2013 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
An eye-opening interpretation of interpersonal relationships; it develops a theory, free of often misunderstood psychological jargon, that anyone should be able to understand in the same manner.

The main idea put forward is that everyone consists of three separate states: the parent, the child and the adult. Parent state mimics how you perceived your own parents from birth to the age of ~5, the child state is a tape recording of your own feelings of inferiority as a child (from birth to the age o
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Nessy Dimitrova
I read this book thanks to Blinkist.

The key message in this book:

Everybody comes into the world with the feeling that they are not okay, and that other people are okay. This is because birth is traumatic and babies are highly dependant on their caretakers. By discarding old patterns of behavior and making new positive experiences, people can arrive at a new position: I’m okay, you’re okay.

Actionable advice:

Listen to your thoughts.

Whenever you have a negative thought, try to assess how realistic
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Radhika Dutt
Aug 26, 2014 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
It took me a long time to read & inculcate the concepts in my life and analyse various transactions and games people play.You cant just read it in one go and throw it away.The theories are so immersing that as the day passes it becomes more interesting.Its a way of living life.Once the concept is embedded in your brain, you see the world through states/ IDs.
This book has a potential to change ones life but the disclaimer is to go slow, observe the communications, people behavior around you a
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HMSA Summer Reading: Book Review 1 5 Jan 10, 2017 05:32PM  
Ask Daniel Petra: I love the title of this book. It's very practical ... 1 3 May 21, 2016 09:11AM  
Book Ratings 2 25 Jan 09, 2013 12:57AM  
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Thomas Anthony Harris
“Three things make people want to change. One is that they hurt sufficiently. They have beat their heads against the same wall so long that they decide they have had enough. They have invested in the same slot machines without a pay-off for so long that they finally are willing either to stop playing, or to move on to others. Their migraines hurt, their ulcers bleed. They are alcoholic. They have hit the bottom. They beg for relief. They want to change.

Another thing that makes people want to change is a slow type of despair called ennui, or boredom. This is what the person has who goes through life saying, "So what?" until he finally asks the ultimate big "So What?" He is ready to change.

A third thing that makes people want to change is the sudden discovery that they can. This has been an observable effect of Transactional Analysis. Many people who have shown no particular desire to change have been exposed to Transactional Analysis through lectures or by hearing about it from someone else. This knowledge has produced an excitement about new possibilities, which has led to their further inquiry and a growing desire to change. There is also the type of patient who, although suffering from disabling symptoms, still does not really want to change. His treatment contract reads, "I'll promise to let you help me if I don't have to get well." This negative attitude changes, however, as the patient begins to see that there is indeed another way to live. A working knowledge of P-A-C makes it possible for the Adult to explore new and exciting frontiers of life, a desire which has been there all along but has been buried under the burden of the NOT OK.”
6 likes
“blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn’t there.” 5 likes
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