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The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family

4.11  ·  Rating details ·  1,093 Ratings  ·  116 Reviews
"Narcissists-the imposters of our time. Reclaim your life from the one-way street! Disguised as high self-esteem, narcissism is actually a destructive form of self-love or extreme self-absorption."
Paperback, 187 pages
Published April 23rd 2010 by Julian Day Publications (first published 2002)
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The Goon
Jan 29, 2013 rated it really liked it
It took me forever to read, The Wizard of Oz and other Narcissists, mostly because I was raised by a narcissist, and I had to stop reading the book whenever something I read reminded me of my own life experiences to go and write in my journal instead.

I’d read like, 3 pages of this book and then think, “Wholly Mackerel! I didn’t know that was narcissistic behavior!” Then, I’d go write about my feelings. . . .I now have a whole journal filled with my own codependent ramblings. I should take my jo
Nov 13, 2012 rated it it was amazing
This is perhaps the most insightful book I have ever read. It answered so many questions lingering in my mind since years. I'm so glad to have found this book yesterday. I finished it in less than 24 hours.

Dale Carnegie said that the self is most important for each person and by extension narcissism, is but natural The author endorses this fact as well as she said that all of us exhibit narcissism to some extent, but when it exceeds certain limits and turns toxic, then we have a problematic indi
Feb 16, 2012 rated it really liked it
I've read four different books about narcissists (because I'm forced to deal with one in professional circles and I can't make the relationship work no matter how "nice" I try to be) and this one is the best I've found. So far.

It has really helpful information and insight, but it does not get five stars simply because the last item of advice--setting boundaries--the author does NOT teach you how to do. Instead, she tells you to pick up a copy of "Where to Draw the Line" by Ann Katherine, a book
Oct 29, 2013 rated it really liked it
I think I must recommend this book once a week in my practice. Narcissism is a serious character disorder that affects perhaps 1-2% of people in our culture, giving them a distorted sense of self.

It looks like over-the-top self love, but is in fact a mask hiding self doubt and despair. Those who come to love them often feel desperately empty themselves because their love is not returned in a full and easy way. They eventually come to know, deep inside, that their loved one doesn't know what it
Jan 11, 2011 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: non-fiction
I purchased this book to give to a friend who has just divorced her husband, who has narcissistic personality disorder. Before giving it to her, I read it myself. We all have experiences with various people who exhibit narcissistic tendencies, including ourselves. This book offers a clear explanation of what those tendencies are, how to recognize them and how to deal with them. Particularly helpful are the chapters that address the impact of narcissistic adults on children in families. My friend ...more
Karen Hyatt
Apr 13, 2010 rated it it was amazing
What a great book. For me this was a validating and healing journey. For anyone who has encountered someone with narcissistic tendencies this book answers many questions giving you some insight as to why they behave the way they do and how you can deal with it...if you choose to.
I recommend this book for anyone in an abusive relationship or is close to someone who is. Had I been given this book 12 years ago, even though it was still applicable then, I wouldn't have regarded it as I did at this
May 02, 2012 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: psychology
Authoritative and based on therapeutic experience, this book is also practical and sensitive. It is very educational and revealing about the dynamics of anger and codependency toward a narcissistic person. Anyone with boundary problems, or a history of relationships with narcissists, would get a lot of validation and resolve from this book. It includes strategies for dealing with or exiting a one-way relationship in a healthy, calm way without exploding or self-destructing.
Oct 28, 2016 rated it really liked it
This is a very thoughtful and accessible book about narcissism - the different forms it takes, its root causes, narcissists' effects on the people around them, and some strategies for protecting yourself from narcissistic wounds. The chapter subtitles give you a good idea of the contents of the book:

1) The Illusory World of the Narcissist
2) The Overt and Covert Narcissist
3) The Boundaries of Self
4) The Parent/Child Relationship
5) The Healing Journey for the "Adult Child" of the NPD Parent
6) The
Dell Deaton
Nov 04, 2014 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Chances are, there's a narcissist in your life. Probably more than one. With influence. And that is a big deal.

The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family is the book for understanding narcissism as the personality disorder that it is. Dealing narcissists. Avoiding traps.

Author Eleanor D Payson has written this book for the general public. You're not required to have professional training nor special experience to fully benefit from this
Hillary Marek
Sep 03, 2015 rated it it was amazing
The finding out that all those years in therapy's revolving door, being told I was the poster child for normal,yet knowing I was a horibble person who ruined everything and was destined to live the remainder of my days unloved, or alone, was really an illusion created by narcissistic parents and embedded into my young mind. Well to say the least it was life changing. This book was a gift to me from a buddy in AA he simply said, you are not your fathers failure, his failure was being a narcissist ...more
Jan 01, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I almost never write reviews for books, but this one was by far the most insightful, helpful, and ultimately catalyzing book that I've read in a long time. Really helped me to understand otherwise inexplicable behaviors that I keep coming up against, both with myself and people in my life. It's a great resource for both people with codependency issues and narcissistic issues to start to gain insight into their defenses and start making healthy changes. There's even a section at the end that disc ...more
Aug 07, 2012 rated it really liked it
This is a pretty good book to get insight into your own and other's levels of narcissism. I think the author is right though; if you want to get true change, insight or knowledge isn't going to help 100%. Experiencing your emotions in a safe environment (then practicing your skills in the real world) may. The biggest thing to get from this book is that you are the one that needs to change, even if you're not the narcissist! You can only change yourself and how you deal with people around you (an ...more
Sep 17, 2016 rated it really liked it
I read this book for a work situation that I am faced with. The book is very informative and I have learned a lot about NPD (Narcissist Personality Disorder). I needed a little more information on the work front so I did not feel that I gained much from this book. But for someone who has to deal with this in a family or private setting, I believe they have much to benefit from this great book.
Feb 14, 2013 rated it really liked it
Very helpful book, especially if you grew up with a narcissist caregiver. It is great to see in writing what you might have been feeling for years but didn't know how to express it, or you questioned your own sanity after living with one of these folks. I would recommend for anyone in a relationship with a narcissist.
Edy Gies
Jun 11, 2014 rated it liked it
If you find you are surrounded by or often dealing with narcissists than this book is for you. I listened to it which was challenging at times because I would have loved to see the words in text so that I could better absorb the information. That said I did learn a great deal about narcissists and about myself.
Caroline Abbott
Jan 26, 2015 rated it it was amazing
What an excellent book! This book describes in laymen's terms what a narcissist is. I realized I am surrounded by them! Not only does it describe the problem, but gives excellent ideas on how to stand up to the manipulative tactics these people pull on everyone close to them. I highly recommend it!
Jun 29, 2009 rated it really liked it

Very good/clear overview of narcissists in the family, relationships, and workplace. Direct and to the point, but very comprehensive. Easy to read with good tips/lists and chapter summaries. Perhaps the best book on NPD.
Jul 25, 2012 rated it it was amazing
If I could give this 10 stars, I would. Phenomenal book!!!!
Nov 06, 2014 rated it liked it
Good info, not very well written. I kept getting distracted by questionable sentence constructions, but it was still a valuable read.
Templeton's Fury
Apr 01, 2011 rated it it was amazing
Everyone should read this book.
Apr 23, 2014 rated it liked it
Well written, easy read. It lays out the different relationships where normal folk can get caught up in the narcissists web and how to best deal with them without losing yourself.
Dec 08, 2008 rated it liked it
Could be titled "When Self-Esteem Goes Bad..." Recommend for anyone living with a narcissist.
Don Gubler
Dec 02, 2014 rated it liked it
Good insights into what makes some of the difficult people in the world tick and how to deal with them. In some way very chilling.
Mar 11, 2017 rated it liked it
If you happen to have a narcissist in your life, and who doesn't, you need to read this book. Great insight and advice. And no you are not the crazy one. I would highly recommend this book!!
Sep 09, 2011 rated it really liked it
Once you read this, you start to identify how narcissism is a disease that is killing our world.
Eman Abdulaziz
Nov 21, 2016 rated it it was amazing
By far, it is one of the most invaluable references on how to detect and handle narcissists, especially if you are in a place where interdependence is required in the relationship. As I personally suffered from an excruciating endless pain from such a relationship with my boss in the workplace, I read a large number of books but to no avail until I was fully able to grasp the full picure only after completing this book.

For those who are suffering from close relationship with an NPD, you will fin
A friend recommended this book years ago which may have caused me expect more from it. It wasn't bad but just didn't have enough of what I was looking for. We are given this statement near the end of the book: "Consequently, if you take one thing away from this book, it would be the ability to recognize unhealthy narcissism, set boundaries, and learn the assertiveness skills for maintaining them."

1. the ability to recognize unhealthy narcissism - Check! I feel this book was very thorough and had
Oct 24, 2017 rated it really liked it
The comparison of The Wizard of Oz and the characters in that story with narcissism and the people effected by it was a great metaphor.

Oz: The man behind the curtain who sees himself, and needs others to see him, as something greater than he really is. Someone who, when confronted with the truth either becomes angry and defensive, or disappears without a trace.
Dorothy: The person attempting to have a relationship with and constantly seeking to please an NPD individual. Repeatedly disappointed a
Donald Schopflocher
Mar 13, 2015 rated it liked it
Some chillingly accurate observations that fit people and situations I know.
As this is written by a clinician and aimed at persons affected by significant others with narcissistic traits I wasn't expecting an evidence based approach. However I do have some uneasiness about the uncritical use of psychoanalytic concepts and vocabulary because it is so subject to interpretation. Thus when I accuse you of something and you tell me I am projecting, there may be no way to resolve the disagreement by
Feb 19, 2016 rated it it was amazing
Nails it !

Excellent read . Payson really gives a clear and concise picture of what a narcissists is . Explains how the manipulation behavior is so TOXIC!

In a nutshell they are emotional vampires, who feed off human helium to try inflate an ego . But in reality the ego has a huge hole in it . They are emotionless and lack sympathy for others . Live in a fantasy world built on lies and control . The most interesting aspect is that the one thing they can't control is themselves !

Be careful who y
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“One helpful approach to identify whether or not the person you are involved with has a narcissistic personality disorder is to reflect on your own feelings. So, as a start, I offer you a list of questions that will assist you in detecting this problem in a particular relationship.
1. Do you frequently feel as if you exist to listen to or admire his or her special talents and sensitivities?
2. Do you frequently feel hurt or annoyed that you do not get your turn and, if you do, the interest and quality of attention is significantly less than the kind of attention you give?
3. Do you sense an intense degree of pride in this person or feel reluctant to offer your opinions when you know they will differ from his or hers?
4. Do you often feel that the quality of your whole interaction will depend upon the kind of mood he or she is in?
5. Do you feel controlled by this person
6. Are you afraid of upsetting him or her for fear of being cut off or retaliated against?
7. Do you have difficulty saying no?
8. Are you exhausted from the kind of energy drain or worry that this relationship causes you?”
“Imagine for a moment that you do not experience yourself as a "self." From this perspective, you can understand the difficulty the NPD person has in recognizing the unique and separate existence of another "self," or person. In a sense, the narcissist views others and the world around him as an extension of himself, perhaps as you might view your arm or leg. Because the narcissist can only understand others by absorbing them into his own experience of self, he determines that others should behave and act the way that HE behaves and acts. Again, to use the analogy of the arm and leg, he unconsciously expects you to conform to his will, just as his own arm or leg would do. When your behavior deviates from his expectations, he often becomes as upset with you as he would be if his arm or leg were no longer under his control.” 2 likes
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