Trans/Love: Radical Sex, Love & Relationships Beyond the Gender Binary

by Morty Diamond (Editor), Julia Serano (Contributor), Shawna Virago (Contributor)

"This is where sex and gender collide, then ricochet like fragments of heart rending shrapnel. Rarely has a book about lust been full of so much love, conflict, and intelligence. If you think you already know what's in these stories, or you think you don't need to know, you're wrong."—Patrick Califa, author of Sex Changes: The Politics of Transgenderism


Exploring the crossroads of gender and sexuality, Trans/Love: Radical Sex, Love & Relationships Beyond the Gender Binary offers unusually engaging narratives that create a raw and honest depiction of dating, sex, love, and relationships among members of the gender variant community. FTM, MTF, thirdgender, genderqueer, and other non-traditional identities beyond the gender binary of traditional male and female are included in this often heartwarming, occasionally heartbreaking, always heartfelt groundbreaking anthology. From monogamous love and marriage to anonymous sex and one-night hook-ups (and everything in between), these stories offer readers insight into the precarious emotional and practical mechanics of intimacy among gender-variant experiences.


Features contributions from award-winning authors including Julia Serano, Sassafras Lowery, and Max Valerio, alongside outstanding new writing by Tribe 8 guitarist and acclaimed film director Silas Howard, activist Joelle Ruby Ryan, filmmaker Ashley Altadonna, SisterSpit alum Cooper Lee Bombardier, and many other unique and talented voices.

Genres: Queer, LGBT, Transgender, Nonfiction, Gender, Feminism, Sexuality

160 pages, Paperback

First published September 13, 2011

About the author

"Morty Diamond is a Jewish transsexual writer/ artist/ filmmaker currently living and working in Los Angeles. Morty has edited two anthologies showcasing the trans experience from the perspective of transgender writers: From the Inside Out (Manic D Press) and the forthcoming Gendered Hearts (Alyson Press). Diamond also uses performance art to make gender and trans bodies visible in public spaces. Past pieces include "My Year In Pink," in which he wore head to toe pink everyday for a full year and "Ask A Tranny," where he allowed strangers to ask him questions about transsexuality while sitting at a booth set up in Time Square. He recently performed "Tranny Ramble Tamble" at PS1 in NYC. Perhaps his best known work is the film he produced and directed, Trans Entities. This eye-opening erotic documentary follows a real life trans couple as they explore the intersection between their gender and sexuality. Morty is currently working with trans artist Cooper Lee Bombardier on publishing the first literary and arts magazine focused on the transgender and transsexual community.

Reviews

[Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was amazing. Often times books about genderqueer and transgender people focus on the negative things associated with being this type of different (as viewed by mainstream socitey) and/or on the process of transitioning itself. I really appreciated this book because it approached the subject in a completely different way. Among other things, this book really made me aware of how much we as a society gender sexual encounters, and how limiting that is. As a whole it was a joy to read, and each story was beautiful written.

[Cavar Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

By no means is this a perfect or "unproblematic" collection, and sections are certainly dated/somewhat-cringy. That said, I'm genuinely impressed as to the variety of perspectives, embodiments, and approaches represented in here, and would recommend this text to anyone interested in the rich tapestry of trans(/)sexual experiences within our community. I was especially impressed by the way that essay authors addressed major intracommunity sources of tension and pain with openness, good faith, and compassion.

[Grace · Rating 2 out of 5]

i'm not sure why but i wasn't really into this one. i was pretty surprised to find out it was written in 2011; i would have guessed the 90s. it just seemed like this was all stuff i'd already heard before and there wasn't really much contextualization beyond the stories the authors told. the terminology also seemed a bit outdated for 2011 in places.

[emmy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I would recommend this book to someone looking to get sort of a 101-level introduction to what trans and gender non-conforming folks experience in relationships, but it was a little too basic and a little too conservative for me. The essays aren't written to be artistically engaging; it feels more informative than nourishing. I'm going to hold on to this book in order to be able to pass it on to someone else at some point, but it's not my favourite.

Included in a blog post and resource list at https://booksbeyondbinaries.blog/2019...

[Catherine · Rating 4 out of 5]

A beautiful book with a really great selection of essays that don't pretend life is all sunshine and roses but also isn't filled with tales of romantic despair.

[Russell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Trans/Love reminds us that subjective experience of the world isn't a universal constant. There are enough other people out there, who are all trying their best to get through the world in the best way they can. Your current feelings about your life and body aren't the be all end all. They're a middle point on a lifelong journey for self-actualization. Gender (much like meaning) is a jumper you have to knit yourself.

"Bodies always have little surprises. Perhaps it gets easier as you get older. What was once considered imperfections is now simply 'variety'"
-Jennie Kermode

[Paige McLoughlin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I only came out trans recently but it is opening a lot of things I scarcely speculated or considered. Not only am I hammering out new gender and Identity but also reconsidering my sexuality. So many ways of being in a relationship with others I had rarely thought about that I am now aware of as possibilities. When you change genders your sexual orientation becomes open to new areas never dreamt. This book explores some of this territory.

[Tara Brabazon · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a strong collection of essays that probe how individual writers negotiate desire, sex and relationships. While it lack historiography and theoretical engagement, the first person narratives presented in this book are evocative and carefully crafted.

I particularly recommend "Believing is seeing" by Silas Howard, "Made Real" by Sassafras Lowrey and "ReSexing Trans" by Kai Kohlsdorf. All three probe the structures and limitations of sexual experiences.

[estlin. · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really enjoyed the variety of perspectives offered in this book. I love that anthologies enable the ability to gather so many different points of view. In terms of language and viewpoints, this book has become somewhat dated (although some of the language used is even dated for when it was published), but I think it's somewhat important to respect and preserve the problematic aspects of this writing. Trans people are not perfect, like all people, they will always be problematic in some way. Having a reminder of that is somewhat useful?

I will say that not all of the writing in here was particularly Great or Profound, but again, I appreciate a window into other people's worlds. I'm not sure I would say this book provided a lot of insight about sex and intimacy, but it did provide me insight as to how other people live their lives.

I'm not sure I appreciated that some of the stories were even included because I'm not sure everything we write deserves to be treated equally (not just in terms of quality of writing, I'm talking about content here). It's frustrating to see things presented without critique, as if people's lived experiences are above reproach and exist in some kind of oppression-free vacuum. Even the ones who self-critiqued seemed to be doing it in a very performative way.

I have no idea where I'm going with all of this because honestly some of the beginning parts were read too long ago to be remembered super clearly, but. I think overall I would recommend other trans people read this, but I'm not sure I'd recommend it to cis people as a thing to read to understand The Trans Experience™ any better.

[Squirrel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Biggest note for potential readers: contains the trans t-slur
This collection feels dated and it's only from 8 years ago. The language used by the contributors is considered tacky and passé now: natal, genetic girl, female-bodied. It's a graveyard of dead terms, retired to be replaced by more neutral terms like cis.
This collection is like a who's who of trans life at the time, especially trans life in Brooklyn, in San Francisco, and other big cities.
Buried under that are so many different stories, takes, experiences on being loved, accepted, alienated, frustrated, exploited. The best stories are about creating connections and family, especially with one another. Many others are examples of how trans people are the foil, the mirror, the catalyst that disrupts stable cis identities. Especially around the intimate, the sexual, the way bodies tug us in ways we'd rather not go but are compelled to go anyway.
I'm not sure that I would recommend this to someone newly out as trans. I'm sure there are better works out there now. But to me it represents how completely far things have come, and how some things are still the same.

[Kat Heatherington · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book is 155 pages of awesome. it's first-person narratives by genderqueer & trans people, discussing love, relationships & sex. it's frank, funny, tender, vulnerable, tough, fierce, thought-provoking, heartbreaking, and heartwarming. there's a wide range of voices and writing styles. and enough raw human experience to keep you thinking and feeling long beyond turning the last page. an excellent collection.

[Ray Carroll · Rating 3 out of 5]

Although I loved hearing such unfiltered stories, the majority of the writing here felt underdeveloped, and a lot of the ideas about gender and transitioning were extremely gender essentialist. I have trouble saying that someone's own lived experience is "dated", but it is worth noting that, though published in 2011, a lot of these essays take place (and in some cases, I must assume, were written) in the 80's and 90's.

[Tanya · Rating 4 out of 5]

Incredibly thought-provoking. I appreciated the honesty of the authors and the many contrasting views and experiencing. Each has their own unique experience of being trans and what that means for their sexuality, community, labeling, and relationships.

[ivan · Rating 4 out of 5]

challenging funny hopeful informative inspiring reflective medium-paced
4.5

This book has been my lifeline for many a night where the loneliness of just existing is too much to bear. I'm well aware I'm not the only person in the world with feelings like this but when you're closeted and stuck in a place where merely changing your hair gives you vile reactions from strangers, it's hard not to spiral and succumb into their disgust.

I read each entry like a long email from an old friend: some waxing poetic and reflective about life, others straight forward to the nitty gritty. Sometimes it's a little TMI, but I have to remind myself that trans love (both romantic and sexual) have been censored enough.

I can't thank you enough for being part in the creation of this book. Thanks for being my mentors, even just for the span of a hundred or so pages.

[Niamh · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this anthology as a baby trans. I started to explore my gender identity during the depths of COVID, and the local trans support group was not really an option at the time. I was getting most of my trans interaction from some chat-groups, but these were often populated by young folk, early in their transition.

This book was the link to the trans community that I needed. It broke me out of the online bubble I was in. It made me laugh, it made me cry. It challenged me in all the best ways, but most importantly, it made me feel like even though I was trans, I could still be loved.

[Ezra]

Writing this only to shout out "Believing is Seeing" by Silas Howard, "Excerpt from the play B4T (before testosterone)" by Imani Henry, "Made Real" by Sassafras Lowrey, "ReSexing Trans" by Kai Kohlsdorf, and "On Not Fucking or Running in Huê" by Aren Z. Aizura, and "Fat, Trans and Single: Some Thoughts from an 'Othered' Body on Control, Alienation, and Liberation" by Joelle Ruby Ryan

[Alice Lemon · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a collection of short pieces by trans people about their love, sex, or relationship lives. Honestly, it wasn't that interesting or relevant to me, perhaps mostly because the authors' lives were far more "gritty" than my experiences or interests, although perhaps it makes me a bad trans person to not be very interested in this.

[Emrys · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely adored this book of first-person essays (and one the author calls fiction) about trans relationships. By and large the essays were awesome, though a few ended really abruptly.

[Madi · Rating 4 out of 5]

"From birth, we are taught the importance of 'being yourself' and taking ownership of your life. [But] when some of us take that ownership, society shits all over us."

[Zemora · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really really wanted to like this book but I was disappointed. There were a few gems though.

[leo :} · Rating 5 out of 5]

i love trans people so much we are so wonderful and beautiful and sexy and cool

[shiloh · Rating 5 out of 5]

nom nom nom, deliciously trans

[eleanor brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

by trans people, for trans people. all of the essays are beautiful and funny and erotic in their own ways. i will never have an unenjoyable experience reading about the lives of my community.

[Will Mueller · Rating 2 out of 5]

somehow made me sick of the t slur

[Brie Hawkins · Rating 4 out of 5]

4/5 STARS

This anthology highlights first-person narratives written by trans and nonbinary folk regarding sex, love, relationships, and the trials and triumphs of everything in between. The stories are decently raw and occasionally illuminating.

While the book often gets critique for being “dated,” I would argue that it’s rather progressive for its publish date (2011) and these critics simply want an updated version or a more diversified collection (and these exist).

[Sarai Lillie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was so good in so many ways!

However, the reason I gave it a 4-star rating instead of 5, it was full of spelling and grammatical errors. Being a bit of a Grammar Nazi, this makes my reading less enjoyable.

Putting that aside, this was one of the best books I've read in quite some time. It was part poetry, part fiction, part non-fiction, part essay, part erotica, part romance, part gender study. Truly, it made me think about a lot of different things, not just about the book, but about myself as well.

It also introduced me to some new terms I had never come across before and taught me some very important things about accepting, and loving, those amongst us who live life in one body (or sometimes two!) as a different gender.

Great book and I would suggest it to just about anyone. :)

[Gray]

!!! read online @JHU lib: https://catalyst.library.jhu.edu/cata...

No rating because I couldn't focus on each individual stories besides "On Not Fucking or Running in Huế." The writings themselves weren't very engaging because the authors aren’t necessarily writers.

But this work is significant because of different POVs on the individual trans experience: FTM, MTF, genderqueer, no-op, and op.

However, my reading was plagued with discomfort. Because some authors felt comfortable to describe themselves with words that are triggering to me because of my experience.

[Gwen · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting mix of essays by people who push gender boundaries. Some of the essays were incredibly well written (Julia Serano's comes to mind); others were less eloquent.

I had trouble with some of the terminology that was used. For example, I dislike the T-word intensely and wish everyone would stop using it; however a number of the authors used it extensively.

Overall it was good, but not great for me.

[Karen · Rating 3 out of 5]

I feel bad giving this a low rating, because I'm sure it's really meaningful to trans people, but I think it's value is all in the ways that readers might relate to it and not in the writing itself. It was mostly personal essays, without a narrative or other structural device. In particular, the 'I'm so lucky to have a great partner who loves me' essays were kind of boring

[Dakota · Rating 5 out of 5]

Though this book is frequently advertised as erotica, it actually contains far more self-reflexive narratives about sex, gender, sexuality, and transition often told through the lens of one's sexual and relationship history in the form of personal essays.