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Setting Boundaries with Difficult People: Six Steps to Sanity for Challenging Relationships

3.84  ·  Rating details ·  83 ratings  ·  17 reviews
Continuing her popular Setting Boundaries? series, Allison Bottke offer her distinctive "Six Steps to SANITY" to readers who must deal with difficult people.

S...Stop your own negative behavior
A...Assemble a support group
N...Nip excuses in the bud
I...Implement rules and boundaries
T....Trust your instincts
Y...Yield everything to God

Whether it's a spouse, in-law, boss, cowork
Paperback, 240 pages
Published October 1st 2011 by Harvest House Publishers
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Dec 04, 2017 rated it really liked it
Excellent book. I bought this at the same time I purchased, Coping with Your Difficult Older Parent, and they read very well as a parallel study. I love that the book is based on Christian principles and that the book addresses Godly ways to love ourselves and to not feel guilty about having to SET some boundaries with others.
Realize that it's not about just setting boundaries with folks we dislike or who challenge us, but also setting boundaries with people that we love as well.

I gained a lot f
Jan 17, 2018 rated it really liked it
I actually got a lot out of this book and found many sections helpful to my clinical practice. My only concern with the book is that I wish it would provide more thorough examples of what to do when a person does NOT respect your boundaries. All of the examples seemed ideal and worked in the authors favor. I have learned more often than not when working with difficult people that they do not respect boundaries and will escalate their behavior in hopes of busting through others’ walls
Oct 26, 2019 rated it it was ok
This book has useful nuggets of information when setting boundaries mixed in with a whole lot of evangelizing Christianity and God-talk. Read with caution. This book took me forever to get through because of it . . .
Mar 23, 2021 rated it really liked it
This book is about practicing SANITY. S top your own negative behavior Assemble a support group. N up excuses in the bud. Implement rules and boundaries Trust you instincts Yield to God. Allison Bottle sets out for good techniques to deal with difficult people and breaks down there acronym of SANITY with a journal, examination of your own life and how you deal with situations and how to react to difficult situations including when to walk away.It takes old concepts such as adult child, enabling ...more
Aug 07, 2019 added it
This book was helped me learn how to set boundaries. The most important point being to always come back to the center, which is your relationship with God. From there you will know when to set boundaries, how to handle conflict and how to remain peaceful. It was a bit vague but still worth reading.
Jul 18, 2012 rated it it was amazing
From my book review at

What does SANITY mean to you?

To Allison Bottke, it means:

STOP your own negative behavior
ASSEMBLE a support group
NIP excuses in the bud
IMPLEMENT rules and boundaries
TRUST your instincts
YIELD everything to God

This woman is genius.

I was browsing an airport bookstore and noticed Setting Boundaries with Difficult People by Allison Bottke on the Christian rack. BINGO! Currently in the midst of some monumental challenges with a few difficult people, th
Oct 04, 2011 rated it it was amazing
We all have difficult people in our lives.

No matter what we do, where we go, or how hard we try to be "nice", there are people in our lives, that seem to be difficult to please, always critical, or downright impossible to be in the same room.

The truth is that no matter what, we are going to have to learn to work with people who seem to really get on our nerves the most, and the key isn't to run away to a deserted island, but learn how to stand up, and be strong.

With,"Setting Boundaries with Dif
Oct 11, 2011 rated it really liked it
Setting Boundaries with Difficult People in 140 characters or less: "sanity=analysis, introspection, support, trusting God. Practice!"

If you find spiritual self-help books to be trite and preachy, Allison Bottke's "Setting Boundaries with Difficult People: Six Steps to SANITY for Challenging Relationships" is the opposite.

While the book uses the anagram + numbered steps formula to self-improvement characteristic of a lot of self-help books, it does it well. Foundation building, goal setting, pe
Dec 04, 2011 rated it really liked it
Shelves: kindle-netgalley
A few excellent key points in this informative and well written and researched book include: What is a boundary?, learn how to effectively set and implement realistic boundaries while finding sanity in your life, this book gives sensible guidelines to follow and utilize in learning how to effectively and lovingly deal with difficult people, how to identify difficult people and situations that drag you down, learning what sanity is and how to achieve it, locating support groups, deepening our rel ...more
Oct 03, 2011 rated it liked it
Everyone, if given enough time, can think of a difficult person in their life that they’d rather not deal with. Yet avoiding that person doesn’t solve the conflict they add to our life.

Allison Bottke offers readers a guide to “SANITY” and ways to kindly set healthy boundaries with people who stress us out. Included in the back of the book are sample letters you can write to the difficult people in your life whether you need to confront them or worse case scenario, end your relationship with the
Kendra Neal
Oct 19, 2011 rated it it was amazing
Are you struggling with "difficult people" in your life? You know the ones who always try to push you and stress you out? We all have someone or even more then one, in our life like this and that is why Allison Bottke has written this book! Allison Bottke shows the reader how to biblically set boundaries for the "difficult people". I felt the book showed that you can be firm but "biblical" in setting those boundaries, you don't have to be a "push over" in allowing yourself to deal with those in ...more
Rosalee 'Leah' Thrum
May 12, 2013 rated it it was ok
It was a bit too much of the author's God in my face. Supporting quotes were by people of obviously the same faith.
If you are of the same religion as the author and supporting contributor's, you'd probably like it more than the average person. I suspect the high rating is from support of the same religious followers.

I read this book to help in dealing with difficult patients that get abusive at work, but this book is more for people with constant family issues.

I don't know if I will finish thi
May 22, 2013 rated it really liked it
I really liked the practical approach the author took toward setting boundaries with individuals in your life. It uses lots of specific examples to help you understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships and the boundaries that they should have.

I especially found the part about teaching boundaries to children helpful.
I actually didn’t finish this one. Maybe it’s because I have read a couple of similar books recently and it started to sound the same. But I felt it was too simple, watered down. Liked the other books better.
Jul 22, 2013 rated it liked it
Shelves: work-self-help
There was some helpful information in here. If you are a Christian and struggle with the boundary between "turn the cheek" and set your boundary; this can help clarify that. Easy read. ...more
Dec 18, 2011 rated it really liked it
really helpful!! Learned alot. Christian book.
❈ Rebekah
Oct 31, 2013 rated it it was ok
It was alright. Too much god stuff in it. But it gave some good tips
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