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Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men

Leonard Sax (Goodreads Author)

4.15 · Rating details · 4,306 Ratings · 939 Reviews

Something scary is happening to boys today. From kindergarten to college, American boys are, on average, less resilient and less ambitious than they were a mere twenty years ago. The gender gap in college attendance and graduation rates has widened dramatically. While Emily is working hard at school and getting A’s, her brother Justin is goofing off. He’s more concerned ab ...more

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Hardcover, 267 pages

Published August 14th 2007 by Basic Books (AZ) (first published February 15th 2005)

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Apr 11, 2008 Marianneosharp added it

So, before I forget all that I've learned I need to share. I read this book after Allison told me she was reading it and have now recommended it STRONGLY to many of my friends. It's a pretty quick read and makes you aware of big issues that every parent of boys should educate themselves on. These are a few of the resolutions I've made after having read this book.

First of all, I will be aware that the public school system is "feminized". Sax, the author, says it would help parents and teachers al So, before I forget all that I've learned I need to share. I read this book after Allison told me she was reading it and have now recommended it STRONGLY to many of my friends. It's a pretty quick read and makes you aware of big issues that every parent of boys should educate themselves on. These are a few of the resolutions I've made after having read this book.

First of all, I will be aware that the public school system is "feminized". Sax, the author, says it would help parents and teachers alike to be more conscious of how to keep boys attention as they learn. I've decided for sure that I want to hold Jack back a year (his b-day's in Aug) so he'll be the oldest rather than the youngest in his grade. This was my original plan but now I feel even more strongly about it. Sax says that what was once 1st grade education is now kindergarten.

Next, I will be more okay with the fact that boys are "wiggly". Okay, that sounds silly but the fact is that many boys are misdiagnosed with ADHD when the reality is that they have energy that needs to find some good outlets. I already have issues with the fact that school is too long and recess is too short....whatever I can do to compensate for that I will do.

Next, I will never microwave plastics. I'm more aware, in every part of our home, of possible "endocrine disruptors". Okay, I admit that this is the sketchy part that you can take too far.....but I really believe that we're surrounded daily by pollutants that can mess up our bodies, and kids are more vulnerable. I think that when they're easy changes like cleaning with natural products (like vinegar) or buying more glass and less plastic, then there's no excuse for me to not be doing it. Sax talks about these different elements that trully are effecting boys and their motivation in life.

Next, and this is the one I think will be hard, I will try to not let my boys become addicted to video games. They haven't got there yet, which I'm grateful for, and I have no idea how I will do this but I'll figure it our when I get there.

There's some parts of the book that left me frustrated. Sax says that all-boy schools are the way to go. Unfortunately, that's not an option here and I'm not motivated enough to start one up. He mentions some fabulous school in which the boys have fabulous male teachers and the boys all end up being.....well......fabulous. That would be great if we could go to that school but I'm not ready to pick up and move to Virginia or wherever the heck it was to give my boys the perfect education. He made some great suggestions about how to better the education for boys but it would take a serious overhall. He didn't mention this but I kept thinking I should just home school my kids so I could dictate the way that everything was taught. Who knows....... (Britt would never go for that....well maybe there's a small chance......the tiniest ever.)

Sax also spoke about the role models boys have in pop culture. That part scares me to death and I'm even more afraid about where it will be in 10 years when they're in High school. He also spoke a bit about how many cultures have a "right of passage" boys go through that makes them a man, no longer a boy. I kept thinking about the mormon "culture" and how a mission can really make a boy a man. He said that using your strength to serve others is the definition of manhood. I loved that part. I'm so grateful my boys have a great dad to look to as a role model.

Anyway, such a good book. This guy has plenty of experience and all the right credentials to be talking about these issues. Here's the website: http://www.boysadrift.com/ This is interesting too:http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/... If you read it let me know what yout think! ...more

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Apr 27, 2009 Debbie rated it it was amazing

Recommends it for: all parents of boys

Shelves: parenting

I started reading this book after hearing about it from a mom of a teenage boy. Her son is a good kid: good student, practices his faith, athletic, mannerly, but she saw warning signs of how easily good kids can go astray when they don’t have someone to help guide them. If she was concerned about her son, I figured I ought to be concerned about mine, since I have five, and three of them still have many years before they enter the turbulent teens. Best to be prepared.

It didn’t take like before I ...more

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Aug 07, 2013 Heather in FL rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: a-i-own-it, audio, z-from-audible, non-smut-thinking-books

So, we're doomed. That's what I got from this book. Thanks a lot, Dr. Sax. Unfortunately, so much of what he talks about has been done over generations and we're now seeing the dismal results.

Basically I think it comes down to the fact that we're ruining boys through co-ed education, ADD/ADHD misdiagnosis, video games, environmental estrogens, and missing male role models. And I think he's on to something. He makes a lot of sense. I hate it when people make sense when talking about bad things, l So, we're doomed. That's what I got from this book. Thanks a lot, Dr. Sax. Unfortunately, so much of what he talks about has been done over generations and we're now seeing the dismal results.

Basically I think it comes down to the fact that we're ruining boys through co-ed education, ADD/ADHD misdiagnosis, video games, environmental estrogens, and missing male role models. And I think he's on to something. He makes a lot of sense. I hate it when people make sense when talking about bad things, lol. I really hate it when I feel like there's very little I can do about some of it.

I can't afford a private boys school, and my school district isn't going to have boys only classes. I agree with the author that accelerating education (what used to be 1st grade is now kindergarten, with homework to boot) hasn't helped the US at all and we expect too much of kids that young. I don't think the powers-that-be plan to reverse that action anytime soon even though it's clearly not working. I also agree with the author that the US curriculum focuses too much on book knowledge and not nearly enough on experiential knowledge. And much of the competition has been removed when everybody gets a trophy. Why should a boy work hard to be the best when everyone gets the same certificate he does?

Thankfully, I didn't have to deal with an ADD/ADHD diagnosis and resulting medication. While I believe there are many legitimate cases of ADD/ADHD, I think it's WAY over-diagnosed and over-medicated. And now it appears that the medication has negatively affected the portion of the brain that deals with motivation. I shudder to think of all the kids who were misdiagnosed and took the medication and may suffer from lack of motivation as a result.

The discussion about endocrine disruptors and environmental estrogens was frightening. I feel like we're killing ourselves slowly. And now I'm thinking it's a combination of processed foods and environmental estrogens that are affecting the country's waistlines, but that's a different discussion. But alligators with shrunken testicles from waters tainted by too many plastic bottles? Freaking scary.

The author also brings up a good point about missing male role models and disappearing cultural customs. If a boy doesn't have role models or rites of passage in his life, he's going to turn elsewhere (the media which won't necessarily show good role models -- reality TV, anyone? -- gangs, etc.) to fill that void.

Video game play is where I'm going to have a problem. My boys just love them, as does their father. But I know the boys (and probably the father, lol) shouldn't play them as often as they do. I need to find some alternate activities for them to participate in instead of video games. I have to admit laziness has played a role on my part. It's been easier on me to let them play something at home than forcing them to try new things and new activities, which would mean I have to find the activities and drive them places. But I'm harming them by letting them play so much, so that's going to change. I can see why it's so attractive to them: it's easier to accomplish things in a video game than it is the real world. But that shouldn't replace actually trying to accomplish things in the real world, and it appears that's what happens with some kids. I can also see the draw of being able to control something in a video game when you have little control in the real world. So I need to divert their attention. I need to work harder so they don't decide video games are a better place to be than real life. If my boys are more interested in video games than a relationship with a real person when they get older, I have failed as a parent.

So here's what I really got from this book: My boys need to play video games much less frequently than they do. I need to help them find something else to accomplish and instill pride that exists in real life. I need to find opportunities for experiential knowledge. I need to pay more attention to what's going into their bodies and try as much as I can to limit the endocrine disruptors. I need to stay involved and try to head off any school issues that can snowball into an "I don't care about anything" attitude. And I need to find more positive male role models to expose them to.

Wish me luck! ...more

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Dec 30, 2009 Jennifer rated it it was ok

Sax (author of Why Gender Matters) argues that boys are more unmotivated than in the past because of (1) changes in schools that make them less boy friendly, (2) video games, (3) medications to treat ADHD that cause changes to the brain, (4) endocrine disruptors in plastics that are reducing testosterone, and (5) devaluation of masculinity in our culture. I think my initial problem with this book is that I don't totally buy his premise that we have an epidemic of unmotivated boys. I agree with s ...more

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Apr 03, 2015 Leslie rated it it was ok

For the first couple of chapters I was planning on giving this book one lonely star. I kept reading, it got a bit better and I ended up giving it two stars. Two stars still isn't a great recommendation but ultimately I decided it was worth reading. The middle section contained some information I'm at least glad to be aware of and the last three or so chapters were pretty good, even thought provoking, and for that I'm glad I read it. I found the "Failure to Launch" chapter especially interesting. For the first couple of chapters I was planning on giving this book one lonely star. I kept reading, it got a bit better and I ended up giving it two stars. Two stars still isn't a great recommendation but ultimately I decided it was worth reading. The middle section contained some information I'm at least glad to be aware of and the last three or so chapters were pretty good, even thought provoking, and for that I'm glad I read it. I found the "Failure to Launch" chapter especially interesting. I'm glad he included actual emails from people coming at that phenomenon from different angles; millennial women, parents of failure to launch sons, and failure to launch sons themselves.

But oh boy did I want to tear this book apart. Chapters 1&2 were full of stereotypes and assumptions that simply did not apply to my boys (I have four). That's fine, in fact I felt grateful that I totally could not relate to how this author was telling me I'm struggling with my boys. It still bothered me though, especially since Dr. Sax goes on and on about the difference of Wissenschaft (book learning) vs. Kenntnis (learning through experience). Come to find out Dr. Sax has one infant daughter! Oh. My. Goodness. I would venture to suggest that working with the myriad boys he has in a professional capacity is NOT the same as raising them as their parent. That's fine that he has lots of professional experience, but don't go off about the importance of experiential learning when you have NONE as a parent of boys. And come to think of it, he barely any experience as a parent at all. I'm sorry, but with an infant you're just getting started and haven't even touched any of the issues he's addressing.

Now that I've gotten that off my chest, I do appreciate Dr. Sax addressing an issue that truly is affecting the fiber of our society. It's an important issue, very relevant to me in that it's something I very much want to help my boys avoid. I'm glad for the discussion and the tools this book offers as my husband and I continue to raise our sons. ...more

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Aug 11, 2009 Elevate Difference rated it liked it

Most of the attention Dr. Leonard Sax gets is for his advocacy of single sex education for boys. In his first book, Why Gender Matters: What Parents and Teachers Need to Know about the Emerging Science of Sex Differences, Sax described the developmental and biological differences between the sexes and how contemporary early education puts boys at a disadvantage. In his follow up, Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men, Sax elab Most of the attention Dr. Leonard Sax gets is for his advocacy of single sex education for boys. In his first book, Why Gender Matters: What Parents and Teachers Need to Know about the Emerging Science of Sex Differences, Sax described the developmental and biological differences between the sexes and how contemporary early education puts boys at a disadvantage. In his follow up, Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men, Sax elaborates on the modern crisis of maleness.

Sax is interested in boys, and tends to ignore females except as counter-examples, which is fine because one cannot be all things to all people. Sax also, in spite of himself, writes about a certain class of white affluent suburban boys. He tries to allay critics on both of these counts, with sometimes hilarious results. In explaining how inclusive his work is of all cultures, Sax offers this compelling example:

“Emily (or Maria or Shaniqua) goes to college...Justin (or Carlos or Damian) may go to college...”

I am still laughing. Maria, Shaniqua, Carlos, and Damian? Are we seriously playing a "Let’s think of Black- and Latino-sounding names" game? At least Sax is trying to fill the ethnic diversity requirement, even if he has a clunky way of showing it.

Regardless, the focus of Boys Adrift is the plight of affluent white boys living in American suburbs with a few generations of American living (read: consumerism and apathy?) pumping through their veins. “Damian” is actually not his concern. But whomever he is speaking about, Boys Adrift was written from Sax to parents.

From a hyper-academic kindergarten curriculum that favors females, to phlalates that leach into your Dr. Pepper and stunt mental development, Sax covers the basics of what we're talking about when we're talking about the modern crisis of manhood. He identified this crisis of boys as a “failure to launch,” an epidemic of fat, Halo-playing man-children who don't understand why everyone keeps telling them that they should move out of their parents house.

Gender issues aside, Boys Adrift would interest anyone seeking a comprehensive history of Attention Deficit-Hyperactivity Disorder and its treatments and the various, terrifying ways that environmental estrogen has infiltrated our bodies, wreaking physiological (early puberty in females) and societal (sexually mature girls in school alongside their prepubescent male peers) havoc on post-baby-boom generations.

The educational problems that Sax describes are applicable to kids of all kinds (even, dare I imagine, Shaniqua), and it's a little annoying to see them attributed to gender difference. Pegging problems like a struggle to pay attention and a failure to get decent grades to a condition of maleness might feel good to parents of a struggling boy, but to a female who failed similarly, it seems wholly unhelpful if not insulting.

There is a lot here, and Sax's work will comfort many parents, but the work is not without some contradictions. Early on in the narrative we learn that modern American schooling is not conducive to male brain and body development—it does not play to their strengths or their timetable. Later, Sax cites a statistically notable decline in boys’ intellect since the 1990s. The statistics rely on grades given in school. But if school works against boys, then their grades in school are not a fair or accurate measures of their intellect, so what use are they?

Recommended for those curious about education, gender, boys, men, and environmental estrogen.

Review by Ann Raber ...more

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Apr 25, 2010 Tanya W rated it really liked it

Shelves: parenting

This book was so hard for me to get motivated to read... I renewed it 3 times, then checked it out again and renewed it three more times. So today I started over while substitute teaching (the teacher had everything well planned out, so I had a lot of reading time). There have been a few examples in the book that seem very overgeneralized and I have to admit I felt annoyed a few times. I'm left to wonder after reading it how much merit some of these theories have (I mean is it possible that thes ...more

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Dec 17, 2014 Brian rated it really liked it

Shelves: parenting

Excellent book by a PhD researcher, and family physician about some of the headwinds affecting boys today.

The author focuses on five main areas, backed by research, that show what is contributing to boys not reaching their potential today:
1) Video Games. Studies suggest that some of the most popular video games are disengaging boys from real-world pursuits.

2) Teaching Methods. Profound changes in the way children are educated have had the unintended consequence of turning many boys off school ...more

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Jan 07, 2009 Marcus rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: family-relationships

Wow! If you have a young boy you owe it to them to read this book. I am amazed how much has changed since I grew up in the late 1970' and early 1980's. Author describes how factors such as 1). Changes in school curriculum 2). ADHD medicine 3). Video games 4). lack of male role models & 5). Estrogen products in the environment combine to drive boys to "check out" from the real world and kill their motivation.

The improved video game graphics and internet make for a perfect escape from a boring ...more

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Nov 11, 2017 Gail rated it really liked it

This was for book group and even though I'm done raising my one boy, the topic fascinates me. I think it's worth reading for everyone raising boys. Here are some notes I took.
1. don't give your boys the stimulant class of ADD meds, they shrink a certain part of a boy's brain and when he is off the drugs, seems lazy and less motivated. only tested on rats tho. I was sooooooo glad I never gave con meds even tho I wanted to because he had such a hard time focusing. He was SO strong willed he refus This was for book group and even though I'm done raising my one boy, the topic fascinates me. I think it's worth reading for everyone raising boys. Here are some notes I took.
1. don't give your boys the stimulant class of ADD meds, they shrink a certain part of a boy's brain and when he is off the drugs, seems lazy and less motivated. only tested on rats tho. I was sooooooo glad I never gave con meds even tho I wanted to because he had such a hard time focusing. He was SO strong willed he refused any discussions about finding out if he had ADD. In HS I even wanted him to take adderall... I'm so grateful Con was adamant about not taking ANY sort of drugs.

Evidently there are all sorts of studies about the effects of plastics/BPA/thalides on boys and girls. They affect hormones and slow down puberty in boys and advance it in girls. Environment estrogens are bad. They also make fat cells bigger. The author says humans are getting fatter, which we all know, but also dogs and cats, and even wild rats. More males have genital abnormalities, lower sperm counts, less testerone and more fertility problems due to hormone disrupters.

Make sure even your kids' toys and pacifiers don't have thalides. don't micro plastic of any type. Use glass and metal. don't give your kids sealants at the dentist unless they're free of thalides.

Don't try to talk to boys face to face, doesn't work. Talk shoulder to shoulder as in a car or walking.

the author thinks kindergarten now is too academic and boys can't sit all day so they hate school from the beginning. They need more competition in school. They need contact with nature daily where they actually touch and smell it.

Video games are obviously very compelling. if you're going to take them away, find something compelling to replace them with.

We need bonds between the generations. Dad is important to your boys! but other men as well.

Immigrant teens do better in US schools than US teens do but only for the first few years before they become like US teens.

Boys/young men don't want to work hard, do skilled labor. you can't find them in the US anymore but you can easily find drs and lawyers. they go to college but don't really know what they want to do.

boys are slower learners than girls when younger.

video games sap motivation to do other things like school, friends, exercise, sports, even girls. the author suggested 1 hour per day after all other tasks done. he said priorities for teen boys should be 1. family, 2- school, 3 friends, 4- video games
...more

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Jan 13, 2009 Marcus rated it really liked it

Shelves: family-relationships

Wow! If you have a young boy you owe it to them to read this book. I am amazed how much has changed since I grew up in the late 1970' and early 1980's. Author describes how factors such as 1). Changes in school curriculum 2). ADHD medicine 3). Video games 4). lack of male role models & 5). Estrogen products in the environment combine to drive boys to "check out" from the real world and kill their motivation. I certainly would have been diagnosed with Attention Deficeit Disorder if I was grow ...more

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Oct 14, 2009 Rachel Terry rated it really liked it

Shelves: parenting

Excellent book! Dr. Sax makes a well-documented case for his 5-pronged theory of why modern American boys seem so unmotivated. I found some of his reasons surprising, but after reading his reasoning, they make sense. I was a little skeptical of the phthalates connection, but after doing a little outside research, it seems that he's spot on.

The writing is fluid and conversational, and I like his writing voice because it's fair and measured. My only complaint about this book is that I wish he woul ...more

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May 17, 2012 Michelle rated it it was amazing

Dr. Sax outlines in detail five factors that he claims are responsible for disengaging boys from school, life, and the real world of striving and achievement and loss. The five factors are 1) the feminization of the public school system, 2) video games, 3) medications for ADHD, 4) endocrine disruptors, and 5) the complex issues surrounding the transition from childhood to adulthood when so many positive role models for boys have been lost.

This was a fascinating book to read even if you don't en ...more

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Oct 17, 2012 Walt rated it liked it

With the name Eddy, perhaps you can imagine why I got interested in being adrift. You know, swirling around, unanchored, etc.

Anyway, I read BOYS ADRIFT recently, after my brother-in-law finished it. He seemed to like it, thought it had direct application.

My boys are grown up and men now. That doesn't necessarily mean they're totally moored, but it does mean the responsibility, even any deleterious consequences to themselves and others therefrom if they're not, has more or less shifted entirely ...more

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Nov 05, 2010 Jocie rated it really liked it

Coed education, video games, ritalin, toxins, no role models- oh my!

Trying to raise young MEN in our current culture? What makes a real man? NOT someone who is still living off of his parents of wife so he can lounge around, it seems most people are in agreement upon that... The IQ of young men has been dropping since the 90's, while 'failure to launch' has doubled. Why?

This book gives a lot of food for thought, and is research-based. I am not convinced about the toxins yet (maybe I don't know w ...more

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Jan 04, 2014 Clumsy Squid rated it did not like it

"Boys adrift" might raise your awareness of some subjects that deserve further reading and therefore could suffices as a primer into the the topic but even then I'd advice against reading it.
The book is chock-full of wild assertions without sufficient backing of reputable research and doesn't seem interested in uncovering underlying causes but seems satisfied with equating some of the symptoms with root causes. Many of his arguments don't hold up to any critical scrutiny.
And as if it wasn't ba ...more

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Nov 15, 2013 Eileen Holt rated it it was amazing

Seriously a MUST read for anyone with sons. This book was very thought provoking. I felt the author was a reliable source based on both his research and personal experience.
My husband and I even purchased this book to use as a reference.
Boys Adrift isn't "how-to" parenting book. It brings up many issues that parents need to think about, ranging from ADHD medications, gaming, what motivates boys, and pornography.

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Jul 13, 2018 Abby rated it really liked it

Shelves: kids-and-motherhood, nonfiction, psychology

It’s over a decade old now, but Dr. Leonard Sax still has a lot of salient things to say about boys—and suspicions as to why so many of them become unmotivated, lazy, and depressed men. His opinions, backed by his expertise and considerable research, will strike many today as being rooted in gender stereotypes. But I think that is the point. The dissolution of gender has left so many boys rootless. They don’t know what they’re supposed to be, how they’re supposed to behave, who they’re supposed ...more

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Jul 29, 2018 Mindy Smith rated it it was amazing

This book is a MUUUUUSSSSTTT read for anyone with boys! I can honestly say this hs been a life-changing book for me. I don't usually like to read self help/parenting/guide books like this one, but this one blew my socks off! I can't wait to read it again. Cole is reading it now, it meant so much to me. I'm excited to read the girl one.
These five factors driving the unmotivation of young boys are so spot on! I loved the facts behind all of these and I actually made the decision to take Lincoln o ...more

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Jan 17, 2014 Joseph Whitt rated it liked it

Shelves: self-help, parenting, audiobook

Boys Adrift attempts to identify the major factors to the growing problem of unmotivated boys. I pretty much just said the title of the book, didn't I? Well, that's what the book is about. In a nutshell, Dr. Sax believes that five factors are having a real and lasting effects on our male youths:

1. An inadequate elementary education system.
2. Video Games
3. Improper use of ADHD medications and the like
4. Endocrine disruption in our environment
5. Lack of positive male role models

Not much about this ...more

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Feb 25, 2017 Stephen Pak rated it really liked it

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

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May 31, 2015 Ido rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Recommends it for: A man who cares about himself, A parent of a boy.

Shelves: nonfiction, psychology, self-help, books-for-life, parenting

צפו בסיקור המקיף!

בוייז אדריפט מדבר על סוגיית חוסר המוטיבציה הגברית בשנים האחרונות, מציג את הסיבות
מעניק את התשובות - ופותר את הבעיה. ספר מאוד פרקטי, שמדבר על מה שקורה בבתי הספר
היום ובגנים מתן דגש על הצלחה אקדמית ושיכחון הצורך באינטראקציה על בסיס יומי עם העולם.
גם אם הילד אומר שהוא לא רוצה לשחק בחוץ – זה לא בגלל שהוא לא רוצה לשחק, וצריך לפענח
את הבעיה לפני שהוא מוצא את הצורך שלו באינטראקציה - בעולם הווירטואלי שהיום הוא יותר
מציאותי מאי פעם. ברמה הפיזיולוגית משחקי המחשב משנים את האזור שמחבר בין המוטי צפו בסיקור המקיף!

בוייז אדריפט מדבר על סוגיית חוסר המוטיבציה הגברית בשנים האחרונות, מציג את הסיבות
מעניק את התשובות - ופותר את הבעיה. ספר מאוד פרקטי, שמדבר על מה שקורה בבתי הספר
היום ובגנים מתן דגש על הצלחה אקדמית ושיכחון הצורך באינטראקציה על בסיס יומי עם העולם.
גם אם הילד אומר שהוא לא רוצה לשחק בחוץ – זה לא בגלל שהוא לא רוצה לשחק, וצריך לפענח
את הבעיה לפני שהוא מוצא את הצורך שלו באינטראקציה - בעולם הווירטואלי שהיום הוא יותר
מציאותי מאי פעם. ברמה הפיזיולוגית משחקי המחשב משנים את האזור שמחבר בין המוטיבציה לפעולה הגברית ומספקים אותו דרך הישגים בעולם הווירטואלי. בגלל שזה קורה ברמה הפיזיולוגית אין לגברים שום הכרה שזה קורה ומהר מאוד זה פשוט קורה ואז במקום למצוא סיפוק ממטרות בעולם האמיתי הם מוצאים אותם בעולמות הווירטואליים. אבל יכול להיות שילד שהיום הוא גבר חסר
מוטיבציה מעולם לא נגע במשחקי מחשב – כאן דוקטור לאונרד נוגע בסוגיה רצינית :תרופות ל-ADHD. בגלל העלייה בדרישות האקדמיות יותר שעוקפות את יכולת ההתפתחות הנורמטיבית של בנים, נפתחו קבוצות התאמה כאלה של ילדים שמסוגלים וכאלה שלא. ילד שמרגיש שהוא בקבוצה ה"נחותה" לא מוצא שום עניין במערכת ורוצה לצאת ממנה. ההורים שלא מכירים בדרישות הגבוהות
אבל כן מעריכים את ילדיהם, לא מבינים למה הגננת/המורה מתלוננת על ההתנהגות שלו בכיתה ושוקלים את ההצעה שאולי יש לילד שלהם ADHD וממחקר שעלה רוב ההורים מעדיפים לנסות לתת
לילד שלהם את תרופות מאשר לחפש פתרונות אחרים. תרופות ל-ADHD מסתבר, תמיד ישפרו את ההישגים הלימודיים של הילד (גם אם אין לו ADHD). אבל תופעות הלוואי של אותן תרופות הן ירידה בשמחת חיים, עיכוב בגדילה ושינוי אישיות אולי פותרות חוסר המוטיבציה לטווח הקצר, אבל בטווח הארוך הן אלה שיוצרות אותן. הספר מדבר עם על כימיקלים כגורם מעכב בהתפתחות התקינה של בנים ומאיץ התפתחות אצל בנות ומציע דרכי התמודדות. לבסוף הספר מציג את הבעיה המרכזית – חוסר במודלים לחיקוי. פעם זה היה טריוויאלי, בקיבוץ, בשכונות, אבל ככל שהתרבות נעשית חופשית
יותר כך, למרבה האירוניה, היא מרחיקה בין אנשים. בנים שלא מוצאים מי שילמד אותם, לא חשבון ומדעים, אלא מה זה אומר להיות גבר, יחפשו מנטורים, לא תמיד בריאים, במדיה, במוזיקה, בתכניות ריאליטי או ימציאו לעצמם מה זה אומר בעזרת משחקי אומץ בכביש, בריונות ומרד. הספר מציע להיעזר באנשי מקצוע (לא פסיכולוגים אלא מורי דרך/מנטורים) בקרובי משפחה ולהיות אקטיביים במציאת מודלים טובים לחיקוי. אפשר לומר שגם ספרים טובים זו התחלה טובה.
הספר מאוד מאוד מאוד מומלץ.
הוא מסביר את הפסיכולוגיה ההתפתחותית של הילד כדי להכיר מה זה באמת נורמה ולא רק להסתמך על מערכת החינוך בנושא. איך לשחרר את הילד ממשחקי מחשב ואיך לפתור את סוגיית
האי קשב ללא תרופות! צפו בסיקור המקיף כדי לקבל עוד מידע בנושא!

אני מאוד אהבתי את הספר הוא עזר לי להבין למה הייתי קצת חסר מוטיבציה אחרי הצבא ואיך להמשיך הלאה. הדברים הפחות טובים: הוא כתוב בצורה מאוד שמרנית, בגוון מחנך ולא פעם הוא
משתמש ברגשות כמו גאווה ובושה כדי להניע למוטיבציה. לדעתי, אין צורך בזה כי החלקים הטובים
שלו הוא מצוין ואפשר להפיק ממנו מוטיבציה גם לעשייה שיוצאת מהגבולות השמרניים – מוטיבציה
ליזמות, אמנות וחדשנות.

...more

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Jan 15, 2016 Gina rated it liked it

I have four boys. They have their issues, but they are pretty great. I am feeling optimistic that they are going to launch, at least the three oldest that I have a better read on. In fact, making sure they launch is like the main goal of my husband and my lives right now. "How can we be sure that all these children leave our house on or very shortly after their 18th birthday?" we say. "And take all their things with them?" I would feel extremely concerned if my boys were not on a path that seeme I have four boys. They have their issues, but they are pretty great. I am feeling optimistic that they are going to launch, at least the three oldest that I have a better read on. In fact, making sure they launch is like the main goal of my husband and my lives right now. "How can we be sure that all these children leave our house on or very shortly after their 18th birthday?" we say. "And take all their things with them?" I would feel extremely concerned if my boys were not on a path that seemed to be leading to launch, and I think it is nice that this book exists to support parents if they are feeling at a loss. Many of the things he discusses in here feel intuitively right to me. My oldest boy was an extremely active and energetic boy, and I worried a lot that going to school was going to be a disaster and I'd get the ADHD call, but somehow it never came and school has gone great for him. I credit this mostly to amazing and tolerant teachers who allowed him to stand and fidget at his desk as much as he needed to while doing his work. But I would have, without question, pulled him from school and found a different arrangement before drugging him for their convenience. I have a deep rooted fear of video games and frankly am astonished that any person in the whole world allows first person shooter video games into their house at all, much less allows their tender young boys to play them. I liked that advice for the most part. The plastics part was spooky. I really liked the discussion about how successful cultures provide a clearly marked route to manhood, guided by men.

Overall, though, I just didn't like the alarmist vibe. I didn't disagree with the advice, per se, but the tone would have scared me to death if I had read this when my oldest was a baby boy. The good news is that if you just don't buy a gaming system or many electronics, allow your boys to be bored sometimes, apparently luck out in the school department, and allow them to be fully responsible for lots of things in their lives from an early age like cleaning bathrooms and getting homework done (dovetails nicely with a general lazy, or shall we say laissez faire parenting style) things really can work out just fine. (Ask me in fifteen years, ha.) I guess the point of the book is that sometimes parents do all those things and their boys are still adrift, and that is really scary, and there is still plenty of time for things to get rocky in our home. The main virtue of the book, I think, is that it gives parents permission to think way outside the box and find a totally different sort of school and social situation for their boys if one is not working which is not easy but may be necessary.

But if you have a young son, take heart. Things can be ok. ...more

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Aug 26, 2010 Emily rated it really liked it

Shelves: non-fiction

I found this book interesting and informative. Sax explains with research why boys today are unmotivated and underachieving. Some chapters were more interesting to me than others, but the whole book was definitely worthwhile to anyone raising boys.

Here are my notes: don't start boys in kinder until they are ready (they will enjoy learning more and be more successful), boys need to have more experiential/hands on learning experiences (not in front of a computer), they need more contact with natur ...more

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Sep 08, 2009 Karen rated it really liked it

One of the most alarming trends of late is the increasing push toward a genderless society. Somewhere in the effort for equality, the specific attributes of gender have been devalued. With those thoughts in mind, I appreciated Sax's affirmation on the fundamental difference between boys and girls. I found his analysis interesting and readable, but some of his solutions difficult to implement (ex. we all don't have the option of moving our sons to all boy schools). Overall, Sax's 5 factors for th ...more

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Sep 09, 2015 Jeff rated it it was amazing

I read this book after reading Leonard Sax's similar book on girls called 'Girls on the Edge' so I knew what I was getting into. I read this one because I appreciated the other so immensly.

I think that every parent of boys should read this book. I wish that my wife and I had discovered it before we started having kids at all. It lays out 5 things that studies seem to show are having a significant impact on why boys may be unmotivated and have the "failure to launch" scenario.

Seriously, if you ha ...more

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Apr 20, 2011 Shannon rated it really liked it

This was a really interesting read. Dr. Sax outlines five factors which are leading to underachieving boys: schools (specifically, kindergarten today being like grade one 30 years ago and coed classrooms); video games; environmental toxins which mimic estrogen (such as BPA); prescription drugs (prescribed to test a diagnosis of ADHD); and a lack of male role models and rites of passage into manhood.

While the book focuses mainly on explaining the problems, there is some advice about how to deal ...more

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Sep 25, 2010 Erin rated it really liked it

This book made me a little worried but also it wasn't anything I hadn't already observed. He didn't blame the feminist movement at all but it is clear that as women have gained access to more and more opportunities they need men less and less and the men seem to be fine with not needing to do much. Also he gave some interesting insights on education for boys and my dark nemesis: video games! The reasons for this lack of motivation are clearly laid out, I'm just not as sure about the cure.

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Jan 05, 2014 Keri rated it it was amazing

I was skeptical about reading this, because so many "scientific" books don't have a lot of meat to back up their claims. I was pleasantly surprised at the sound science and common sense of this book. Well written and well documented, I think everyone would benefit from reading this book, even if you disagree with the content. For me, Leonard Sax just hit the nail on the head. Although some things scared me near to death, in the end I felt hopeful, inspired, and better equipped to help my sons ri ...more

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Feb 17, 2014 Darren rated it really liked it

Very interesting book. Some of problems he mentions were intuitive, such as video games, but others were new to me, like the problem of Phthalates in the environment.

It was also interesting how strongly he feels about gender separate education as well as children starting school later and getting more hands on experience with nature.

Whether you have boys of your own or work with boys, I'd highly recommend this book as a resource for being able to help our young men survive the difficult transit ...more

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About Leonard Sax

Leonard Sax

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Leonard Sax is an American psychologist and family physician. He is the author of Why Gender Matters (Doubleday, 2005; revised edition to be published in 2017); Boys Adrift: the five factors driving the growing epidemic of unmotivated boys and underachieving young men (Basic Books, 2007; revised edition, 2016); Girls on the Edge (Basic Books, 2010); and The Collapse of Parenting (Basic Books, 2015 ...more

Books by Leonard Sax

Why Gender Matters: What Parents and Teachers Need to Know about the Emerging Science of Sex Differences

The Collapse of Parenting: How We Hurt Our Kids When We Treat Them Like Grown-Ups

Girls on the Edge: The Four Factors Driving the New Crisis for Girls: Sexual Identity, the Cyberbubble, Obsessions, Environmental Toxins

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“The destructive effects of video games are not on boys' cognitive abilities or their reaction times, but on there motivation and their connectedness with the real world.” — 7 likes

“The destructive effects of video games are not on boys' cognitive abilities or their reaction times, but on their motivation and their connectedness with the real world.” — 5 likes

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Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men

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