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Unorthodox: The Scandalous Rejection of My Hasidic Roots

3.70  ·  Rating details ·  18,018 ratings  ·  1,989 reviews
The instant New York Times bestselling memoir of a young Jewish woman’s escape from a religious sect, in the tradition of Ayaan Hirsi Ali’s Infidel and Carolyn Jessop’s Escape.

The Satmar sect of Hasidic Judaism is as mysterious as it is intriguing to outsiders. In this arresting memoir, Deborah Feldman reveals what life is like trapped within a religious tradition that val
Hardcover, 272 pages
Published February 14th 2012 by Simon & Schuster
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Rebecca London Loosely. The author took many liberties with her portrayal of her community, and in many cases, told outright lies. These lies are exposed if you do a…moreLoosely. The author took many liberties with her portrayal of her community, and in many cases, told outright lies. These lies are exposed if you do a simple google search on the author's name.(less)

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3.70  · 
Rating details
 ·  18,018 ratings  ·  1,989 reviews

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Jul 23, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: feminists and cultural enthusiasts
Recommended to Jaidee by: a Jewish feminist friend
Shelves: five-stars-books
5 "controversial, vivid, courageous" stars !

2017 Honorable Mention with High Distinction Read

This book has been through so much controversy. Friends, family and her former hasidic Satmar community have blogged, exposed and tried to shame Ms. Feldman into quiet submission of her experiences and opinions and thoughts. I have perused some of these. I do not blame the community for reacting in this way. Some of them believe in the divinity and peacefulness of their way of life. Others are envious o
Feb 12, 2012 rated it it was amazing
The minute I started this book I was engrossed and I finished it within 2 days. I found as a woman, it was almost infuriating to read. I also think it is disgusting and awful that so many from her former "community" are stalking her and posting fake reviews calling the book false. This book is HER memoir and HER truth and she is completely and utterly entitled to it. This is a rare look into this strange community. It is an interesting read for me personally since I live in an area where there i ...more
Melanie Linn
Feb 24, 2012 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2012
While "Unorthodox" is a fascinating and enthralling book, I feel as though it was written several years too early. The book left me with many questions, questions that perhaps could not be addressed by the author because her escape from Hasidism is still too fresh. Did she ever get to the bottom of her husband's infidelity? How was she able to take her son with her when she mentions in the book that 'it's never been done'? Did she lose all contact with her grandparents after she left? Did she be ...more
May 22, 2012 rated it did not like it
Shelves: jewish, memoirs
Deborah Feldman's narrative has been challenged by many who know her, and although some (though not all) of the challenges may arguably fall into the realm of "he said she said," there is enough here to render her memoir dubious at best. I think we may be in James Frey land here.

Deborah Feldman describes a childhood where she was raised by her grandparents, having been abandoned as a toddler by her mother to a mentally retarded father incapable of caring for her properly. Except some apparently
Many of the details this book are apparently inaccurate, exaggerated, or even fabricated. I learned only after reading the book, for example, that the author has a much younger sister--so she couldn't have actually been abandoned by her mother as a toddler. She apparently also only attended a Satmar school for a few years after being expelled from one or two more liberal Jewish schools.

I was suspicious, additionally, about the author's silence on how exactly she gained custody of her son (when,
aPriL does feral sometimes
Who will rid me of these religions! (Paraphrasing Henry II, 1170 CE) Too much?

Not whenever the complete list of any religious rites and rituals and prohibitions and punishments are exposed, as they are in 'Unorthodox'. Which religion am I specifically talking about? Pick any one that comes to mind, although this non-fiction memoir is about a sect of Hasidic Judaism.

Americans consistently come in near the bottom of surveys on having religious knowledge, yet always end up in the top five of count
Dec 14, 2011 rated it really liked it
A brave woman wrote this book and her spirit shines throughout. It takes exceptional courage to break out of the only life you've ever known, especially one as repressive to women as Hasidic Judaism seems to be. The story is a fascinating look inside this closed community where, like all communities, there is both good and bad. The author knew instinctively that she couldn't thrive where she was planted, and she knew this at a young age.

The book is her journey from childhood to adulthood and ho
Dec 06, 2011 rated it it was amazing
Would you like being brought up to never go into a public library? If you did manage to sneak in and get a library card which you have to hide, you would also have to hide your books under the mattress. You even have to hide 'Little Women'! If Deborah Feldman had not had the courage to wonder and then seek out knowledge about the outside world, this book never would have been written. I believe that her desire to know more her desire to read. That desire was a fountain of information for her and ...more
Sarah Monreau
Feb 12, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: bookshelf
Es ist ein unglaublich informatives und vor allen Dingen auch erschreckendes Werk. Wenn die Wahrheit ans Licht kommt, ist das immer ein besonderer Akt und ich glaube hierbei wurden einige Leute in ihrer Ehre verletzt. Doch was ist Ehre? Ich glaube, mit der Unterdrückung und keinem Stück Wertschätzung der Frauen, hat das Wort Ehre kaum einen Platz. Keine Welt für mich, aber ich bin froh, dass man durch die Literatur erfahren kann, wie auf der Welt gelebt wird. Wie gelebt wird, wie gedacht wird, w ...more
Sep 10, 2012 rated it it was ok
A story of a girl brought up in a religion and culture that feels foreign to her from the start and her experience trying to separate from it. I gravitate towards stories like these because I think many people have similar experiences and can relate to the struggles of discovering who you truly are, and what you believe in. Then, how you deal with the negative impact that has on your future with your family and community who can't and aren't willing to understand. I gave this book two stars for ...more
B Newmark
Nov 11, 2012 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
This book felt deeply insincere and in an odd way, pardon the pun, unobservant—as if the writer did not deign it her job to pay attention to what is going on. The apartment rodent invested, the streets always dirty, the classmates mean or stupid or ugly, the teachers ignorant but only in comparison to the writer
So to me, her attempts to frame herself as a victim and smarter than all those around her only serve to annoy. It is very clever in setting up the community based on the repeated adages a
Anouk Markovits
May 10, 2012 rated it it was amazing
“I struggle to be normal and dream of being extraordinary,” Feldman writes in her incisive, moving memoir, UNORTHODOX. Hers is an extraordinary story of struggle and dream.

Deborah Feldman lost family, friends, community when she left Hasidic Williamsburg — an escape planned so intelligently that she was able to win joint custody of her child. Jewish fundamentalist enclaves do not hesitate to separate children from parents who choose to leave the fold, and often succeed in convincing secular cour
Deborah Feldman wird 1986 in die ultraorthodox-chassidische Gemeinschaft in Williamsburg, New York geboren. Ihre britischstämmige Mutter hält es nicht lange in der restriktiven Gesellschaft aus und lässt ihre Tochter bei den Großeltern zurück. Früh zeigt sich, dass Deborah Interesse an Büchern und Bildung hat, was in ihrem Umfeld nicht nur verachtet sondern sogar teilweise verboten ist. Nur bestimmte jiddische Bücher sind erlaubt. So beginnt Deborah bereits in jungen Jahren im Kleinen ihre Rebel ...more
Feb 02, 2012 rated it it was amazing
I have been fascinated by Hasidim since a) I read Chaim Potok's novels, which led to b) my senior thesis on the relationship between Hasidic Jews and blacks in Brooklyn Heights, New York. As a result, I had high hopes for this book, and it did not disappoint. A fascinating, heart-breaking, beautifully written memoir.
Feb 18, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Ein eindrucksvoller Einblick in die Lebenswelt einer ultra-orthodoxen jüdischen Gemeinde in Brooklyn. Der Begriff Parallelgesellschaft ist am Beispiel dieser Glaubensgemeinschaft tatsächlich angebracht. Strenge Abgrenzung nach außen und strikte gegenseitige Kontrolle innerhalb der Gemeinschaft, bis in die innersten Familienkreise, bestimmen das alltägliche Leben. Besonders die Rolle der Frauen, die sich peinlichen Prozeduren ausgesetzt sehen und deren Wirkungskreis fast völlig auf die Aufgabe de ...more
Feb 21, 2012 rated it liked it
With all the hype and publicity this book generated I have to say that I was a bit disappointed. I so badly wanted to like this but there were a few things that bothered me that I just couldn't get past. The book was decently written, (not particularly good writing but the honesty and humor make up for it), however the overall tone of the book made me instinctively distrust the author. I kept feeling like the author was more focused on taking her anger and hurt over her perceived rejection out o ...more
Oct 16, 2011 rated it it was amazing
“Unorthodox” is an authentic, gripping narrative of the author’s experiences growing up in an oppressive religious Hasidic community, and of how she courageously walked away from that community to provide a better life for herself and her child.

Having lived many years in that community myself, I can attest to the veracity of the author’s description of the Hasidic lifestyle, as well as relate to the challenges she faced in leaving, and the exhilaration of being able to freely explore the world o
Oct 21, 2011 rated it it was amazing
Deborah Feldman's "Unorthodox” is heartbreaking, inspiring & brimming with chutzpah.
She slowly and skillfully reveals the secrets of the fanatical Satmar Chassidic community. She pulled me into the daily life of her family as I met her bubby cooking chicken soup and her grandfather reciting biblical litanies. Her family members are deeply enshrouded in the old world belief systems.
Deborah secretly struggles to reclaim her voice and break free from her family traditions. She is a feisty, fas
Saloma Miller
Jul 04, 2012 rated it liked it
I read this book because I thought I would be able to relate to Ms. Feldman. I, too, left an insular community (in my case Old Order Amish) in which preserving the collective or community was valued over an individual's freedom. I know what it's like to be required to follow the rules blindly, even when these rules contradict one another and any self-respecting person can't help but question them. I know what it feels like to have my education limited in an intentional attempt to keep me ignoran ...more
Mar 04, 2012 rated it liked it
Shelves: 2012-reads
I think I can now finally review this book, after taking a few days to chew on it. My initial reaction when I finished Unorthodox was WOW, incredible book. But, there were nagging thoughts in the back of my mind.

I started reading this book, fully aware of the controversy surrounding it and the accusation that it is more fiction than fact, a la James Frey (someone I’ve not yet forgiven for his manipulations and mis-truths.) Still, I found myself sucked in to Friedman’s stories of life in a Satma
Jan 18, 2013 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Mark Twain once said twenty years from now we’ll be more disappointed by the things we didn’t do than the things we did do. Mr. Twain might have changed that around some had he read Unorthodox: The Scandalous Rejection of My Hasidic Roots by Deborah Feldman.

I was excited when I first heard about this book and excited when I finally got it. I was interested in learning about Hasidic Judaism from an insider’s perspective and what happened in the author's life to make her leave the faith. I wasn’t
Jul 31, 2013 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2013
This book doubles as a memoir and as an expose of the Satmar Jewish sect, a group so conservative that they're anti-Israel because that land was supposed to be returned to them by God, not by the UN. Feldman's portrayal of them is scathing, but probably fair; Satmars are, after all, like any other religious extremists, dicks. At one point in this book a guy castrates and murders his son for masturbating; at another the neighborhood watch catch and beat to a pulp some black kid for no provable re ...more
Michael Doyle
Apr 15, 2012 rated it it was ok
Shelves: judaica, set-aside
I'm almost halfway through this book, but it's my last-resort book when I'm tired of the other books I'm reading at the same time. It's not that it isn't a good read. It mostly is, though it's written in a pretty basic, I-wrote-this-in-college-English-class kind of style. The real problem is if you've read one I-escaped-ultra-Orthodox-Judaism book, you've kind of read them all. Unchosen (Hella Winston) was this book about a male Satmar Hasid done much better. And it's kind of a shame the message ...more
Mar 26, 2012 rated it it was ok
I seem to be alone in not caring for this book. The writing was OK but rather like a well written diary. Nothing out of the ordinary. While there isn't a thing in Deborah's life I would want in my own, I do feel that her dysfunctional family and that of her husband's has as much to do with her experience as does the limitations of an orthodox life. I do know there are ultra orthodox families in which there is a great deal of warmth and love and respect. Women can be treated badly or women can be ...more
Deborah Feldman grew up in in the ultra religious Satmar sect of Hasidic Judaism. She chafed at all it's rules and restrictions, of which there were many, especially for the women. She married a young man she barely knew at age 17. After she had a baby, their marriage became untenable, and Deborah sought the freedom she always desired. She escaped her marriage and the Hasidic community, and made a new life for herself and her son elsewhere.

That's the story as she presents it, though she adds a l
Sarah Bookmarked
Feb 25, 2019 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: read-2019
4,5 Sterne
Mar 28, 2012 rated it it was ok
I've been struggling for many days over how to review this book. Being an orthodox Jew with some strong ties to the strictly chassidic communities Feldman was raised in makes me confused as to how I am "supposed" to react to her self-proclaimed "scandalous rejection" of said community. As I was reading the book, I had many thoughts, mainly that I didn't feel as outraged as others in my community had (and honestly, most of them hadn't even read it). To me, the story seemed very much a memoir, nam ...more
Feb 19, 2012 rated it liked it
To me, this was definitely a riveting and interesting account of a woman who was able to lift herself above and away from a life trapping her and smothering her under some of the more shameful and backwards practices of what is undoubtedly one of the most fanatical sects of Judaism out there. In that respect, it was an engaging and powerful story; however, as a [non-fanatical] Jew, so much of the book bothered me.

For one thing, there are often times when she refers to “halacha” (Jewish law) as d
Dec 06, 2011 rated it really liked it
Recommends it for: women, people who like culture shock
This was a giveaways book I won that I was very excited about, and it lived up to my expectations. I’ve always been curious about other cultures and learning their secret language, customs, rules and rituals, so I enjoyed the author’s bluntly honest look back at her childhood and growing up as a Hasidic Jew in the city. I grew up a Catholic girl in the suburbs, so our backgrounds may be polar opposites; however there are certain things we women have in common, plain and simple. I think any woman ...more
Nov 15, 2012 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
I'm Jewish although nothing close to Hasidic so I wasn't offended by this book as some ultra religious might be. I just thought there were SO many holes in this woman's story. I did enjoy the insight in how the uber Orthodox live but I already knew most of it but reading the everyday rituals was interesting. Once she finally got married (more than halfway through the book), I thought it all kind of fell apart. She had problems with her husband, she yearned for more out of life, we saw all this c ...more
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unorthodox idiocy 15 330 Aug 08, 2014 09:40AM  
Bookworm Bitches : April 2014: Unorthodox: The Scandalous Rejection of My Hasidic Roots 43 101 Apr 14, 2014 09:29PM  
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Deborah Feldman was born and raised in the Hasidic community of Satmar in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Her marriage was arranged at the age of 17, and her son was born two years later.

At the age of 25 she published the New York Times Bestselling memoir, UNORTHODOX: The Scandalous Rejection of My Hasidic Roots (Simon and Schuster, 2012)

She currently lives with her son in Berlin, Germany.
“I'd rather believe in reincarnation than hell. The idea of an afterlife is much so more tolerable when returning is an option.” 5 likes
“As far as I can remember, I have always wanted everything from life, everything it can possibly give me. This desire separates me from people who are willing to settle for less. I cannot even comprehend how people's desires can be small, ambitions narrow and limited, when the possibilities are endless” 5 likes
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