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Kissing Outside the Lines: A True Story of Love and Race and Happily Ever After

3.55  ·  Rating Details ·  316 Ratings  ·  47 Reviews
Diane Farru"Numb3rs" star, "Loveline" veteran, and contributorualways took for granted that she could love anybody she chose. But when she, a white woman, fell in love with a Korean-American man, she quickly learned a tough lesson: When it comes to navigating the landscape of interracial love in America today . . . youOCOre going to step on some landmines.
ebook, 280 pages
Published May 14th 2014 by Seal Press (CA) (first published May 17th 2011)
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Community Reviews

(showing 1-30)
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Aug 27, 2013 Dayna rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
I will start by admitting that I did not read this book in its entirety, but I did get about two-thirds of the way through it before I couldn't take anymore. The author of this memoir is one of the most whiny, judgmental, and self-centered people I have ever read about. I wanted to reach through the pages of the book and shake her and tell her that the world does not revolve around her and her needs!

The book is written by a white woman who falls in love with a Korean man. Everything in their rel
Sep 21, 2014 Randee rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
This is a subject of special interest to me. Unfortunately, Diane Farr is an actress of a certain "type". She is overly dramatic and makes mountains out of molehills. Very off-putting at times. I am actually drawn to high energy people that are not so self involved and do not blow everything out of proportion. My preference, however, are for B type personalities like myself who takes things in stride, are good in emergencies, and live their life strongly but quietly. This is a book about interra ...more
Feb 27, 2012 Amy rated it liked it
First, may I ask what the hell is happening on this cover? I do not understand it at all. It is awful.

Second, I received this book as a wedding present since I, a white woman, married a Chinese American man.

While I originally saw my husband as "Asian," he no longer represents anything vaguely "foreign" to me. He is simply just a dude. So we got married in a civil ceremony, no big deal. It was good. But. But now I am thinking that I missed something here, and need to take a step back (or forward?
Nov 07, 2012 Thien-Kim rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Without realizing it (and thanks to my husband's choice of tv shows), I sort of followed Diane Farr's television career. First with the drama Rescue Me and then the procedural Numb3rs. There were even a few episodes of Loveline waaay back in the day. Mostly I watched those shows because my husband did and I just happened to be in the same room. (Both Rescue Me and Numb3rs are great shows, by the way)

Imagine my excitement when I learned about her book Kissing Outside the Lines. Diane Farr (who is
Tony de la Paz
Aug 04, 2012 Tony de la Paz rated it really liked it
I am Asian (Filipino), and my wife, who is not Asian, bought this for my birthday last summer. I finally got to read it a few weeks ago and found it more enjoyable than expected. Her stories of Korean and other family cultures were spot on. Also, her experiences from a non-Asian point of view are very similar to what my wife has observed or encountered over the years. Although the book is funny, it is also thought provoking with respect to racism today. This is a perfect beach/pool read.
Jun 03, 2011 Emilie rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2011-reading
Diane Farr’s recounting of the prejudice she faced when dating, becoming engaged to and then marrying a Korean man is funny, witty, intelligent and fascinating. First of all the author is a great writer being both incredibly funny and intelligently philosophical through out this book. You like her immediately as a person and as a writer. But maybe even more importantly, her brutal honesty about her own shortcomings, those of her family, her acquaintances and people everywhere leads to a truly in ...more
Jun 06, 2011 Kendra rated it liked it
Shelves: nonfiction
When I first read Diane Farr’s piece in Modern Love, which ended with the bio indicating she had just published Kissing Outside the Lines, I believe I ordered the book from in four seconds flat. I needed to read it. There were other cardholding members out there! Besides just my sister-in-law and I! American white girls who wouldn’t let go of their Korean men!

Given my vested interest in the subject matter, I have a mammoth bias in reviewing her book. In fact, I am so deeply committed to e
There's a thing that happens in NYC – maybe other places too, I don't know – where now and then you'll come across a cardboard box left on the sidewalk. The box will be full of old books or other items (used toys, VCR tapes, CDs) that the owner no longer wants but also didn't want to put in the trash, and so has left them out in the hope that someone will see them and take them away.

Now, the books that get abandoned like this have an tendency to fall into two categories: ancient Harlequins with
Dec 22, 2011 Otoki rated it really liked it
I would have given this book five stars if it hadn't constantly had crap thrown in there about how much she wanted to/did make out with her husband. I just don't like kiss and tell stuff in that vein.

Otherwise, this book was excellent, and I think she hit on a really important point: you can't say you have nothing against people from certain backgrounds if you're not cool with your child dating/marrying one of them. The stories of families shunning people because of their own racism was heart-br
Nov 22, 2011 Sara rated it really liked it
This was a fascinating read to me for a number of reasons. The white female / Asian male relationship is far less common than the white male / Asian female relationship which I currently have, so to compare and see similarities was quite insightful; in addition, hearing the white perspective on white/Asian relationships from a female perspective also provided some food for thought. Though Farr and Chung move in social circles far above anything I could ever aspire to, it is comforting to see tha ...more
Mar 09, 2015 Alexandra rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This was a really interesting memoir about race, culture, and love. The main theme of the book was about getting your spouse's parents to approve of your intercultural relationship and how to navigate that tricky road. It features stories about all kinds of fellow intercultural couples and their experiences, which makes it a great resource. There were lots of similarities for me between traditional Korean culture and my own husbands Indian culture.
The book ended with their wedding and pregnancy
Mar 24, 2017 RaeAnn rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
I didn't love it but didn't want to stop reading either.
Dec 20, 2016 Shadowlove3 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Diane Farr is definitely great at showing off her sense of humor and having been in an interracial relationship myself, I can certainly relate to her story. I think this is a great read for anyone.
This book has a very easygoing and funny narration, even though some of the subject matter is definitely controversial. I think as soon as you bring up race, religion, ethnicity, etc. people everywhere will have their own opinions on the matter. I think that this author does a great job of telling her personal story, and letting the reader know that this is not a universal experience, this is simply what happened to her. I particularly enjoyed the stories about other couples that were mixed in. ...more
Jul 17, 2011 Yune rated it liked it
Shelves: nonfiction
Being Korean myself, I would've been curious about any tale of intermarriage between an American and Korean, but what clinched this for me was that the author is frank, funny, and surprisingly thoughtful about what minority races may want and face in this country.

This is mostly her personal story of romance overcoming cultural barriers (which in her case weren't near as significant as they could have been -- but I was still won over by details of how she integrated a Korean wedding ceremony and
I liked this book very much for it's honesty and pluck in exploring cross racial love. What about the parents? What about your mixed-raced babies? Farr tackles these questions from her perspective in a funny and self-deprecating tone, rather than a sociological one. She admits that she did not include the stories of the relationships that didn't work out, and in that I think she is presenting then an incomplete picture. She is also noticably missing same-sex couples, though she states she did in ...more
May 14, 2016 Eileen rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
This book was given to me because it is about an interracial marriage. I do not know of the author, and am not familiar with her TV shows. Nor did I know about her marriage.

This may be a typical situation with marrying into first-generation Asian families, perhaps all first-generation families of any culture. She had many hurdles to overcome, but she also did a lot to win over her in-laws. I think she did way more than most people would bother with. She certainly did a lot of research into vario
Jul 02, 2015 Maria rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I liked the story of how Diane and Seung's relationship evolved from when they had first met at the wedding of a mutual friend. This book spoke to me because Diane was honest about her experiences and how she felt about entering a family in which the culture was different from her own. I also enjoyed how Diane spoke to other couples that were in interracial relationships, relaying how her own experiences either mirrored or differed from theirs. One thing I didn't like was that I didn't get a cha ...more
Jun 02, 2011 Sheryl rated it it was amazing
Shelves: nonfiction, memoir, kindle
I can't say enough wonderful things about this book. I just loved it! Part memoir, part look at interracial relationships in America,this book is fascinating, funny and heartwarming. Diane Farr has a wonderful narrative voice. I was completely drawn in by not only her story but also by the other couples she writes about.

I also loved that she included photographs at the end of the book. I was reading the Kindle version and so did not know they were there until the very end. It was a very pleasan
Mar 20, 2014 Seul rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
It is an interesting book from a famous actress that at times talks too much about kissing her future husband.
There were a few good stories about interracial couples but at one point I was more interested in her relationship than the others.
Being a bi-racial child this book brought up a lot of memories and encouraged me to have a deep talk with myself about the topics covered in this book. Since no matter who I marry, I will be marrying outside of my ethnicity. So this book bought up a lot of go
Jul 17, 2012 Sarah rated it it was amazing
I used to read voraciously when I was young and now that I've transitioned into the adult world... finding books that resonate with me and not just my wild imagination is hard to do. This book did just that and made me laugh, cry, get angry, and cheer for these amazing men and women who have fought the good fight for love.

I was able to really sink into this book as a white woman about to marry a Korean man and it was a quick and engaging read. I had only one complaint... the Epilogue got a bit w
Feb 03, 2013 Nancy rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I was curious about this book as there are mixed race marriages in my family, one successful and another not so much. I admittedly picked it up because Diane Farr is also a friend. I knew she was an actor, most recently on Private Practice. She writes just like she talks and I found the book witty, self-deprecating, and engaging on a serious topic. A reviewer called it therapy with laughter and that hits the mark.
Sep 15, 2011 Nuree rated it liked it
Entertaining read w/ some good insight sprinkled here and there. Loved how she tried and tries to incorporate Korean culture into her relationship/marriage/parenting. Even though her family may be "American," I think it's still important to nurture history and culture...cuz no one is a no-culture person! Also enjoyed the 5 vignettes of other couples - made it apparent how much other people still face and deal with opposition from parents/friends/others.
Oct 13, 2012 Elisabeth rated it it was amazing
I LOVED this book! I laughed out loud, cried a little and smiled a lot. Diane Farr is an excellent writer who made her story relateable and engaging. I would highly recommend this book to anyone that is in or is a result of a multiracial relationship or just interested in race relations in general. As someone who is all 3 of those, I really appreciated seeing words put to so many feelings and experiences that are often hard to explain. I look forward to reading more of her books in the future!
Laurel Peffer
Jul 15, 2013 Laurel Peffer rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Higher Ed friends
This book was a fascinating glimpse into interracial relationships and marriages. While slow at times, the brutally honest and often hilarious examination of these complex relationships was fascinating to me. I enjoyed the stories of the couples Farr interviewed far more than her own (often self-indulgent) descriptions of her own relationship. Great read for anyone in an interracial relationship or who has an interest in developing their cultural competencies.
Jul 02, 2011 Rachel rated it liked it
Recommended reading if you are or ever have been in a bi-racial, multi-ethnic or otherwise controversial relationship, or if you are sympathetic to those who are. The author nicely combines her own experiences and perspectives with those of many other couples, though the book is limiting because as the author says, all perspectives given are from people in cosmopolitan settings in the upper-middle class.
Deanna Smith
I like Diane Farr as an actress, and had no idea she was such a gifted writer. The story of her courtship and marriage to a Korean American and the obstacles they faced was eye opening. Her interviews with several other mixed race couples were also provocative. Racism exists. How will we ever change it?
Kirsti Call
Dec 01, 2011 Kirsti Call rated it really liked it
This book is witty, insightful, and charmingly frank. Diane Farr's vulnerable and brave memoire is beautifully written. Her experiences with an interracial engagement and the experiences of the people she intereviews are poignant and powerful. This book is fun to read, as well as thought provoking.
Jun 15, 2011 Jen rated it it was amazing
So far, so hilarious. Takes on dating outside of your race/culture with brutal honesty that ends up being both funny and really sad at the same time. Hopefully the book stays this good!

And the book stays good! It's a really cute story of dating someone from a different culture, any different culture, and how comedically awkward and bad and interesting it can be. Really a good fun read.
Danie P.
Sep 28, 2011 Danie P. rated it really liked it
Engaging read about a "white" american Diane Farr (actress)who dates and marries an American Korean man and how she tries to understand his family's culture. Her voice is extremely funny and real throughout the book and its amazing how she tried to keep true to herself while also respecting her husband's family.
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Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the GoodReads database with this name. See this thread for more information.

Diane Farr is an American actress and writer. She is known for her role as FBI agent Megan Reeves in the CBS television series NUMB3RS.
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