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Too Nice for Your Own Good: How to Stop Making 9 Self-Sabotaging Mistakes
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Too Nice for Your Own Good: How to Stop Making 9 Self-Sabotaging Mistakes

3.52  ·  Rating details ·  1,063 ratings  ·  125 reviews
If you're like most folks, you were raised to be "nice". Yet now you find yourself asking: "If I'm so nice, why isn't my life better?" Renowned minister and lecturer Duke Robinson has the answer. Robinson says that well-intended behavior is essential to a humane society, but carries a down side. Being nice often means we take on too much, tell little lies, strive endlessly ...more
Paperback, 266 pages
Published November 1st 2000 by Grand Central Publishing (first published October 1st 2000)
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Average rating 3.52  · 
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 ·  1,063 ratings  ·  125 reviews


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Jen
Apr 22, 2010 rated it really liked it
This book had a lot of good stuff in it. The MOST helpful for me was the section on Assertive vs. Aggressive Communication. I have never seen it laid out so clearly. It gave me a chance to both correct the way I communicate and watch for aggressive communication in others.

I have often been frustrated about the way people talk to me... but I couldn't put my finger on why. I usually settled on there was something wrong with me. Once I read that section, I could point out to myself why
...more
Zoe
Apr 26, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I cringed reading the first half of the book and especially on the first few "mistakes" because I so see myself in this book. This part of the book resonates strongly with me and gave me an idea of my inner mental workings which have led me often to frustration and anger and I did not know how to express them or help myself. It is so true that I got this in my family education. "Be kind to others", "be humble", "always yield", are ideas so deeply ingrained in me that even today, I hesitate to ta ...more
Gordon Khoo
Jun 19, 2012 rated it it was amazing
Excellent book that really goes into detail about how we behave amongst the people love or come into contact with. Outstanding chapters were #8 - Rescuing Others and #9 - Protecting Those In Grief. This is one book that I'm keeping on my bookshelf!
Philip Pearson
Oct 13, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Brilliant

What a revelation ! I have spent my life on other people, giving advice , being supportive etc. The only person I didn’t support was myself ! No time you see as I made other people my project and once on that track , well now I can see the folly of trying to change things for other people . Perhaps it was a subliminal attempt to sidestep dealing with my own issues by focusing on other people problems. So much good advice with no padding of numerous case studies, gets to the point. Highl
...more
Brigitte
May 30, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: owned
I thought that this was an excellent book. It helped me to identify detrimental behaviours and to be able to modify them. I've put some of it in action already and I've noticed positive results. The only thing that I wish he'd gone into a bit more was dealing with situations when someone was negative or made you angry. It was in the spur of the moment but didn't deal with passive aggressive or bullies... That could have really helped. Otherwise, I'd definitely recommend.
Karen Flatley
Oct 08, 2018 rated it liked it
I entered a low rating because of page 86. Anyone with children knows the more you tell them over and over to pick up their toys, the more they meltdown. Especially the way it is worded with no reason. Saying "I want you to do it now" over and over will send any child into a tantrum.

I don't see this as a solid approach to speaking with a CEO or authoritative figure either and didn't understand the relation the author was trying to make in the book.
Mai Moanes
Jul 22, 2018 rated it really liked it
A light (yet not shallow) practical guide on self-assertion training..Honestly, it felt like this book was written specifically for me & it helped open my eyes to some defective aspects of my behavior, proving insight on how to change that, all based on a scientifically-sound psychological basis......
Bismillah
Jan 19, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This is a must read for all nice people who struggle in being authentic and open because they fear hurting others or they fear rejection. The book gives excellent ideas and advice on how we can be straight forward in expressing ourselves and still remain nice people.
Brittany-Marie Aarons
Oct 31, 2018 rated it it was ok
Couldn't finish it. It was unexpectedly religious and felt impractical and out of touch.
Bisher Tarazi
Mar 12, 2019 rated it really liked it
I recommend all the émotion al People to read as they have to put limits in their life for others and know that being too emotional will not help.
Muhemed Masika
Apr 21, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Did your boyfriend tell you to say that? Even to you? Bad would be better you think?
Aymen
good book it makes to the person a super motivation to change himrself
Wejdan
Aug 10, 2018 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
a pat on the back.
James Andersen
Jul 26, 2013 rated it liked it
This book was a helpful and short book. The basic structure of each chapter is more or less the same: The Mal-Adaptive Behavior of the "Nice Person" and the Adaptive Behavior of a Person who is Actually Nice to transition into. For all intents this book is subtly divided into 3 Parts:

A More Metaphysical or Worldview/Outlook section in the beginning, then Internal Self-Sabotaging so-called, "Nice" Behaviors and then interactions with others.

I read this book for the purposes of work in sales, I
...more
Amr Alshami
Dec 31, 2016 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommended for those people who have some issues in dealing with people in a (too) good way and get opposite reactions that shock them.It's a way to stop being (too) good,,not stop being good!..And for those people i should say....about 99% of people and society we deal with are so dumpfull and assholes!...but we should keep going in some way...and try not to lose ourselves...Cuz this is the only thing that should matter! .
Claire Blue
May 30, 2013 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Practical, practical, practical. Very good stuff. The information the author offers, if you apply it, can change your life in so many satisfying ways. Simple effective ways to deal with your perfectionism, say "no" so you don't take on too much, express your anger, stop giving advice, support those in grief, stop trying to save others,tell others exactly what you want from them -- all in ways that leave you feeling good about yourself. Can't recommend it too highly.
Sarah O'Flaherty
Dec 31, 2013 rated it really liked it
Shelves: self-help
Funny title, but sadly so true for many of us. We were bought up to behave in certain ways that don't necessarily serve us well. A few of the topics it coves are trying to be perfect, taking on too much and not saying what you want. It provides some very useful advice for changing some of these self sabotaging behaviors.
Moises
Jun 11, 2012 rated it really liked it





I enjoyed reading this book, it has taught me that as much as I try to be nice and please others, I have to do what is best for me, and to say no and express myself with my true feelings and not just what I think others want to hear.
Maroua
Jun 19, 2013 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
A book that I liked so much. Every chapter describes a fact that might look nice to do but in reality it destructs personality and self Image. If you think that you are too nice and that being nice effected your life in a reverse way, do yourself a favor and read it.
Jennifer
Mar 29, 2014 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This has some really interesting insights as to how being too nice can be harmful to yourself, others, and your relationship. I found practical advice in here and behavioral changes i want to make. One of the most surprising parts to me was the chapter on giving advice. That was eye opening.
Doaa
Mar 07, 2013 rated it it was ok
this is boring one -_-
Walid Miringi
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Tony
Mar 20, 2016 rated it liked it
Fair enough, some good points particularly about not being a perfectionist. Drags on a bit bt still worth a few hours reading effort
MenȜem HaSsan
Sep 08, 2016 rated it it was amazing
helped me alot, i like it
Kim
Jul 19, 2008 rated it really liked it
Some useful stuff in here that's easy to apply immediately.
Greta
May 25, 2011 rated it liked it
Helpful for organizing what is healthy vs habits that need to change.
Julie
Feb 10, 2012 rated it liked it
Shelves: psychology-books
Good outline on how to be there for yourself and not be such a people pleaser at the sacrifice of your own happiness
Mike
Feb 10, 2013 rated it it was amazing
One of the best self-help books especially if your a nice person and have suffered for it.
Ben Schaub
Jun 12, 2012 rated it really liked it
I enjoyed reading this. Only 4 or 5 chapters seemed to apply to me(particularly the advice chapter), but overall a very insightful read.
Laura Talley
Feb 12, 2013 rated it it was amazing
I wish I'd found this book a decade ago.
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