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41 pages, Hardcover
First published May 26, 1994
Coming out of school one day, Max rushes across the road without looking and is hit by a car. He's taken to hospital, where the nice doctor tells him that he's broken his leg in two places. "Am I going to die?" asks Max. "Course not!" says the doctor. "We're going to do a little operation, then you'll be fine. You'll just have to wear a cast for six weeks." Pretty soon, Mom has turned up and is being her usual kind, supportive self. The operation proceeds as expected (the book gives interesting details about how a general anaesthetic is administered, and that it's no big deal). Max is anxious at first about having to spend several more nights in hospital. But it soon becomes clear that the cute girl in the next bed over is kind of sweet on him, and in the end he's sorry to have to go home. She draws a big red heart on his cast as a farewell gift. When the day comes to remove the plaster, he asks the doctor if he can keep it.Awwww! But Not's right: this could give kids the idea that getting run over is a fun and life-enhancing experience. Here's Take 2, written more in accordance with traditional Brothers Grimm values:
Max dashes across the road without looking and is hit by a car. He's taken to hospital and put into intensive care. "Will he be okay?" asks his mother tearfully when she arrives. The doctor tells her to sit down, then gives her the news. Max will probably survive, but they'll have to amputate both legs. There is also brain damage. There is no chance he'll have a normal life.Okay, give me your honest opinion. Which version is more responsible?
Max spends several months at the hospital before finally being allowed to come home. He is no longer the same boy. He suffers constant, excruciating pain and has wild mood swings, screaming every night until the small hours. The strain on his parents is intolerable. Barbara starts drinking heavily, then begins an affair with Paul's brother. When Paul finds out, he files for divorce and says he never wants to see her again. He starts to drink too.
One night, when surfing the web, Paul suddenly decides he wants to get married again. He selects a mail-order bride, a platinum blonde 22-year-old from Kirgyzstan. As soon as Olga turns up, it's clear that she and Lili can't stand each other. Things, already bad, start to spiral further downhill. It doesn't help that Olga is also an alcoholic.
A month later, Olga tells Paul that she's made arrangements for Lili to go to boarding school overseas; it's the best solution for everyone. Paul barely reacts, signing all the papers without even reading them. Lili is not going to boarding school. When she gets off the plane, she finds she's now working for a high-class brothel, in fact Olga's former employer. But she's reached bottom and finally gets a lucky break. One of her regular clients, a wealthy gangster, decides he likes her enough that he'll make her his mistress. Lili, smart as always, does everything in her power to please him. Vladimir is smitten with his young French girlfriend. A few months later, he asks her to marry him. In their remote corner of Kirgyzstan, it's perfectly legal despite the fact that she's still only 11.
"I have two conditions," says Lili. "I want you to bring Max and Dad here to live with us. And I want my stepmother killed. Slowly." Vladimir doesn't even hesitate. He makes arrangements for his right-hand man, an artist with the electric drill, to visit Olga the same week. She holds on for nearly six hours before passing out for the last time. Paul and Max arrive on the next flight.
And they all lived happily ever after. Nonetheless, the moral is clear: kids, road safety is important!