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The Five Languages of Apology: How to Experience Healing in All Your Relationships

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4.15  ·  Rating details ·  2,044 ratings  ·  151 reviews
Just as you have a different love language, you also hear and express the words and gestures of apology in a different language. New York Times best-selling author Gary Chapman teamed with counselor Jennifer Thomas on this groundbreaking study of the way we apologize, discovering that it's not just a matter of will--it's a matter of how. By helping people identify the lang ...more
Hardcover, 288 pages
Published September 1st 2006 by Northfield Publishing (first published February 1st 2006)
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Maggie Boyd
Jun 28, 2016 rated it did not like it
I was raised a Christian and professed my own choice of the Christian faith at 13 but after reading a slew of Christian help books I can easily understand why people are fleeing the Christian faith in droves. This book made me question my own faith after decades (decades!!) of dedication.

The Worst:

The absolute two lowest points in the book were the scene where the author speaks of a woman having her jaw broken by her husband and then forgiving him and the scene of the sexually abused daughter.

L
...more
gabrielle
Nov 09, 2009 rated it it was ok
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Jeannie
At first I thought this book was going to be tedious. I mean, really, how many books is Gary Chapman going to write with "5 Languages" in the title? So, I didn't expect this book to tell me much. As I read it, though, I realized it was rather an important read. Effective apologies aren't something overly well taught or conveyed. I didn't find the different languages of apology to be all that earth-shattering as they seemed a bit straight forward to me. However, since the language needed depends ...more
Sarah
Oct 10, 2016 rated it really liked it
Age Appropriate For: 13 and up (some situations discussed)
Best for Ages: 13 and up

My mom recommended this book to me a while back, but I just didn’t think about it for a while. After all, our family is really good at the whole process. We keep short accounts and work through issues. My mom and Dad talked about how different people need to hear different things and need different things before the five love language book came out. With that said, I hit a situation where I felt my apology was not
...more
CC
Apr 17, 2017 rated it it was amazing
"The Five Languages of Apology" is an excellent book that helped me understand repentance and forgiveness better by helping me recognize when others were apologizing to me, and to express my apologies better. Some genuine apologies seemed so fake to me, and sometimes other people just didn't seem to get how sorry I was; much of this was caused because we were speaking different "languages".

The five 'languages' are: expressing regret ("I am sorry."), accepting responsibility ("I was wrong"), maki
...more
Donna
Dec 21, 2018 rated it it was amazing
For me, this was the perfect book at the perfect time. I liked that the author broke an apology down into different languages. A simple "I'm sorry" is not always believable, even when it is sincere. Some need more than that in order to fully process it and move on. It amazed me how adding a few different words to an apology can be the difference between forgiveness and grudges or between healing and hurting.

As with most of this author's other books, it helps to put others first and to meet thei
...more
Ashley Thompson
Jun 11, 2013 rated it liked it
I've read The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate and The Five Love Languages for Singles and appreciate knowing the love languages and knowing what mine are, what my spouse's are, and those of family and close friends. My husband and I were discussing the love languages again the other day and went to Chapman's website, where we noticed a quiz for "apology languages". So we both took it and then I read this book.

Knowing how we are when we apologize or the type
...more
Mandy J. Hoffman
I really enjoyed the first chapter of this book and agree with the authors that there are various languages of apology. I have noticed in my own marriage that at times my husband and I struggle with communicating our apology to one another. But within the next few chapters I soon disagreed with the author about the issue of when to forgive. I believe that we need to be cultivating a heart of forgiveness and taking our hurt to God so that when someone does apologies we are ready to extend our for ...more
Christine
May 13, 2009 rated it it was amazing
If you have difficulty resolving conflicts with individuals you care about, this book provides the tools to get you started down the path. Written in the same style/tone as the Five Love Languages by Chapman, this book takes the time to outline, explain, discuss, and give examples of different ways people apologize.

While it can be very easy to flip through the five different apology styles and think, "Yeah, I get it; I can understand all of these and don't have to finish reading this whole book
...more
Cara Putman
Jun 05, 2019 rated it really liked it
This book gave me a lot to think about: 1) what I need in an apology and 2) what others need.
Veronica Foley
I would give this book a 4.5/5. I really like the concept of the book and I am hoping to use the apology languages in my life. The only thing I disliked about the book was the fact that it doesn't give you any advice if you are one of the people who never grew up with apologies. I could tell I was very similar to a person they described as having a fear of failure being the reason I might be tempted to refuse to apologize. My entire adult life I've fought that and done my best to apologize when ...more
Noelle
Sep 18, 2018 rated it it was ok
I was hopeful this would be more helpful in apology and forgiveness.
Ellen
Jul 25, 2011 rated it it was amazing
A powerful follow-up to The Five Love Languages, I think this one was even more useful in improving and maintaining health of my marriage. Where The Five Love Languages taught me to understand my spouse, The Five Languages of Apology taught me more about myself. At times, it was hard to face the realization that I have been exceedingly poor at speaking apologies in such a way that others accept my apology as sincere and heartfelt. I always belived that saying you're sorry and meaning it should b ...more
Gina Grone
Jan 04, 2012 rated it really liked it
The concept in this book is excellent - basically that there are 5 elements to apologies and we all desire a different combination of some or all of them to feel as though the wrong-doer has actually apologized. It really made me think back to arguments that I've had that involve some sort of meta-argument about whether or not an apology has occurred. After reading this book, I can confidently say that I believe that the person RECEIVING the apology is the one to decide whether the giver has apo ...more
Maria Elmvang
Unfortunately not nearly as good as "The Five Love Languages". I do think the authors have a point, that there are different languages of apology, but I found it a lot harder to relate to the differences between the languages, and I still have absolutely no clue what my primary language of apology is!

It's not a book I'd want to read in one sitting - although that's what I did with TFLL - because as it's a book about apology you're automatically made to think of times when you owed others an apol
...more
Kathrynn
Another winner from Chapman and Thomas! The five languages of apology was nicely laid out, easy to read, excellent examples and even touched on the "Five languaes of love" (another book).

The five languages of apology are:

1. Expressing Regret
Example "I am sorry."

2. Accepting Responsibility
Example "I was wrong."

3. Making Restitution
"What can I do to make it right?

4. Genuinely Repenting
"I'll try not to do that again."

5. Requesting Forgiveness
"Will you please forgive me?"

The above 5 chapters are br
...more
Patricia Kirk
Jun 06, 2013 rated it really liked it
Have you ever had a disagreement with spouse, friend, or coworker and the apology given didn’t mend your hurt feelings? Or maybe you tried to apologize only to have your apology rejected. Possibly your apology didn’t match the style of the receiver.

Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas discuss the various apology styles in The Five Languages of Apology. ...

Christians Read: Books Review
...more
Nisha D
Apr 11, 2015 rated it it was ok
This would have been better if they had deleted 2/3rd of it. The concept of apology languages is interesting and valuable. The additional religious content was heavy handed and preachy, it did not add to my understanding of the apology languages.

If you want to avoid most of the religious rhetoric but still get an understanding of the apology languages, just read the first half of the book.
Liz Overberg
Sep 16, 2018 rated it did not like it
Shelves: nonfiction
Gary Chapman, who wrote The Five Love Languages, teamed up with a psychologist studying apologies to write this book about the five languages of apology.

First, it seems like kind of a convenient stretch that there are exactly five apology languages. It's a little too on-brand for me.

With that said, though, I still got quite a bit out of this book. For me it was less about identifying my own apology language than it was about reading examples and explanations of apologies that did not seem since
...more
Chintushig Tumenbayar
Dec 01, 2016 rated it really liked it
When just sorry isn't enough.
Amanda
Feb 01, 2019 rated it liked it
Shelves: self-help
Since I read The Five Love Languages just last week, it was still fresh in my mind, and while reading this book, I noticed several similarities. Granted they are by the same author, but I would have liked something a bit more original. This is me being a little sarcastic, but how does it work out that there are five of everything? (Please see other titles by Chapman if you do not know what I am referring to.) I also noticed in The Five Languages of Apology that Chapman (and Thomas) were a bit re ...more
Angela
Sep 28, 2017 rated it liked it
This book was good for helping me realize that someone may sincerely apologize but it may not be perceived as sincere by the person being apologized to. I do have an issue with one of the apology languages and also his definition of forgiveness that I don't quite agree with. He says that we cannot forgive unless the other person apologizes and asks for forgiveness. I don't agree. Possibly it's just a difference in wording but he says since God cannot forgive until we have confessed to Him and as ...more
Andrea Norton
This is the first 5 Languages book I've read and I sort of accidentally acquired it. I didn't realize it was a part of the series until I got it home. They've always been on The List for me to read.

I loved this book. The writing, the information and the honesty stand out among other books of this type. Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas both have wonderful writing styles and flow together so well that it is clear they are real friends and not just two people who wrote a book together.

I'm a self
...more
Marcey Rader
Oct 31, 2019 rated it really liked it
Even though I am not a religious person or a Christian, The Five Love Languages is still one of the best relationship books I have ever read. I listened to the Five Languages of Apology and found this helpful too. He explains how people have different needs for apologies - for example - for some people, they need to say I'm sorry AND that they were wrong. If they just say I'm sorry, it's not enough. For others, they need to express remorse and regret. It was very interesting and made me see how ...more
Eric Parker
Apr 10, 2018 rated it really liked it
Definitely a good read and one that will reshape how you give and receive apologies. It focuses on the fact that what a good apology is to one person is not what a good apology may be to another. This difference may lead to one person offering what they feel is a sincere apology only to have it not received as a sincere apology. The critical component being that for an apology to be received as sincere the giver must use the receiver's apology language. These languages are different than the 5 l ...more
Amilia
May 25, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Brittani
Nov 16, 2018 rated it it was amazing
I'd recommend this book to anyone who wants to learn to relate to other people better. There is a bit of Christian oriented instrucution in it, but not enough to eclipse its larger purpose for those who are non-believers. If the goal is improved relationships and interpersonal communication, this book is for you!
Kara Thomas
May 16, 2019 rated it liked it
This book was a quick read. It was a bit redundant in places but it also had a few good insights. If you are person who feels constantly slighted, you might want to read this book and get an idea of why you feel this way. This book does have strong Christian comments in case that would bother you.
Amy
Jul 25, 2019 rated it did not like it
I have previously enjoyed Dr. Chapman’s books (The Five Love Languages,etc.), but I found this book very tedious. I think he and his co-author could have covered the topic in half the pages. The option could have been wrapped into another book. The information I believe is valuable but presented in a drawn out format.
Shawn Roller
Jul 28, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Great book. Gave me a lot of insight on how to apologize so that the other person knows you are remorseful and are changing.

Also now reading the 5 love languages again and realizing how I've been speaking the wrong language for s a long time.
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Married more than 45 years to Karolyn, Dr. Gary Chapman is just the man to turn to for help on improving or healing our most important relationships. His own life experiences, plus over forty years of pastoring and marriage counseling, led him to publish his first book in the Love Language series, The 5 Love Languages®: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. Millions of readers credit t ...more

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“Genuine forgiveness and reconciliation are two-person transactions that are enabled by apologies. Some, particularly within the Christian worldview, have taught forgiveness without an apology. They often quote the words of Jesus, “If you do not forgive men their trespasses neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Thus, they say to the wife whose husband has been unfaithful and continues in his adulterous affair, “You must forgive him, or God will not forgive you.” Such an interpretation of Jesus’ teachings fails to reckon with the rest of the scriptural teachings on forgiveness. The Christian is instructed to forgive others in the same manner that God forgives us. How does God forgive us? The Scriptures say that if we confess our sins, God will forgive our sins. Nothing in the Old or New Testaments indicates that God forgives the sins of people who do not confess and repent of their sins.

While a pastor encourages a wife to forgive her erring husband while he still continues in his wrongdoing, the minister is requiring of the wife something that God Himself does not do. Jesus’ teaching is that we are to be always willing to forgive, as God is always willing to forgive, those who repent…


While a pastor encourages a wife to forgive her erring husband while he still continues in his wrongdoing, the minister is requiring of the wife something that God Himself does not do. Jesus’ teaching is that we are to be always willing to forgive, as God is always willing to forgive, those who repent…”
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