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I Kissed Dating Goodbye: A New Attitude Toward Relationships and Romance
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I Kissed Dating Goodbye: A New Attitude Toward Relationships and Romance

3.53  ·  Rating details ·  20,413 ratings  ·  932 reviews
While most Christians agree to seek purity and save sex for marriage, few have been given a blueprint for how that should affect their view of dating and love. In I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Joshua Harris exposes the "Seven Habits of Highly Defective Dating" and offers a realistic outline of how to have a biblical vision of marriage. Harris contends that one must begin with a ...more
Paperback, 221 pages
Published April 2nd 2003 by Multnomah Books (first published May 1996)
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Cynthia R. All of the language and content is extremely appropriate. A good book for teens as well as anyone old enough to date. I would say that this is a 14+ b…moreAll of the language and content is extremely appropriate. A good book for teens as well as anyone old enough to date. I would say that this is a 14+ book. It would be great for youth groups.(less)

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Average rating 3.53  · 
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 ·  20,413 ratings  ·  932 reviews


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Adam
Sep 28, 2007 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
It's weird.

When I read this for the first and only time, I had just parted ways with a high school girlfriend. Our relationship had been the most intense I'd ever had, and while we were in it, we were both pretty positive that this was real and fervent love. She's now happily married to a great guy who isn't me, and I'm now happily married to an amazing woman who isn't her. I'm not proud of how it ended, but it needed to.

This book fell into the midst of that dynamic in my life, and it rocked me.
...more
Allison
Mar 13, 2008 rated it it was amazing
I am a 17 year old christian teenage girl who has lived her relationship life according to this book and has no regrets. I have healthy friendships with a lot of guys but--amazingly enough--not a single boyfriend. And my life has been just fine for it. Actually, my life has been great. The whole point of the book is that there is a season for everything: a season for investing in friendships, and a season for dating/courting for the purpose of marriage. This has worked just fine for all the peop ...more
Rock Rockwell
Oct 07, 2007 rated it really liked it
I actually kissed dating goodbye after I got married (except the infrequent times my wife and I can leave our kids at home and go out for a quick dinner). However, this book really is a challenge to teens and younger adults (college/young singles) to rethink their mindset of the 'dating' culture. Some will cringe in reading this ideology for the first time, but when contimplating how to protect your own holiness and the purity of others, it makes more sense. Accountability and NOT acting on feel ...more
Paul,
Jan 19, 2011 rated it did not like it
“Tired of the game? Kiss dating goodbye.
Dating: Isn't there a better way?
I Kissed Dating Goodbye suggests there is. Reorder your romantic life in the light of God's Word and find more fulfillment than a date could ever give – a life of sincere love, true purity, and purposeful singleness.” That is the promise and the premise behind Joshua Harris' new book I Kissed Dating Goodbye.

Joshua Harris writes pretty well, and he makes several good points in this book. When he talks about God's view on
...more
Christopher
Jun 10, 2011 rated it did not like it
Shelves: christian-living
I was forced to read this book by the female youth leader in a youth group I was a part of, along with all the other guys. Some of us kissed dating goodbye, others of us kissed youth group goodbye.
Harman
Feb 21, 2012 rated it it was ok
While the book is well-written and the ideas are well-expressed and thought out, Harris' theories just don't play well in a complex world filled with people. There is no set of rules or philosophies that one can apply to Christian premarital romance (nor any kind of romance, nor any kind of relationship, for that matter), and I believe that, unfortunately, Harris' ideas are a contribution to a philosophy that has caused much pain and cynicism in young single Christian circles (I can say this fro ...more
emilie.❤
I know no one's going to read my review, but I've just been itching to write it. I have a feeling it will turn into a long rambling session since I feel pretty strongly about this subject. I know I'm just another young adult who wasn't fond of this book, so my critique is probably insignificant among the sea of others out there. I know that I'm just "young and foolish" and how could I ever question this book's teachings-everyone should do it! Everyone who has ever followed what Joshua Harris say ...more
Jenny (Reading Envy)
Bull honkey. This philosophy destroys intimacy and feeds the guilt culture that is overly a part of modern Christian families. Zero stars.
Kacey
Oct 28, 2012 rated it did not like it
Shelves: non-fiction
Coming from a happily married woman, I found this to be a stupid composition that follows a typical Christian formula of twisting Scripture to suit the point the author wants to make. "Purposeful singleness"? Common sense, rather than blowing up your every state of being into assuring yourself of your godliness, will get you further in my opinion. Only made a splash because it was written by a young, attractive male who claimed to have quit dating for good. Don't listen to me, though, read it fo ...more
Donita Luz
"A relationship based solely on physical attraction and romantic feelings will last only as long as the feelings last.

By inflating the importance of feelings, we neglect the impt of putting love in action. When we evaluate the quality of our love for someone else simply by our own emotional fulfillment, we are being selfish.

Feelings governed them, and finally, when the feelings ended, so did their relationship."
I admit I didn't agree with everything that's written on this book. It was a bit
...more
Mark
Sep 20, 2007 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
I read this book when I was a broken-hearted nineteen-year-old. At the time the idea of kissing dating goodbye and doing it in the name of God seemed like a grand idea. I think it was largely because I had no dates to kiss goodbye, so it gave me some noble reason to beyond the fact that girls didn't like me and the fact that despite my liking them I was terrified of them. I think Harris has some very valid points as best as I can remember, but they are a bit extreme and maybe even unrealistic. A ...more
Altovise
Feb 15, 2008 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: read-and-loved
I first heard of Josh Harris on a Christian radio station. I was driving and listening to him talk about the pitfalls of modern dating. I was so captivated by his message, that I sat in the car listening long after I arrived at my destination. I went and purchased this book the next day.

After the first chapter, I put it down. It was a lot to take in for an ex-feminist, control freak like me. I talked to my dad about it and decided to give the book a chance. My love life has never been the same.

I
...more
Kierstyn Elisabeth
Jul 31, 2013 rated it did not like it
When I first read “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”, I wanted to like it. I desperately tried to enjoy it, understand it in entirety, and implement all of its concepts into my life. I could not do so. I have been raised Christian and have accepted the faith as my own these past few years. I am completely in love with Jesus Christ and I believe the Bible with all of my heart. My friend, who loaned me the book, adored it and uses it as the manual for her romantic life. My mother could not have been more p ...more
Rat de bibliothèque
May 26, 2008 rated it really liked it
In this book Joshua Harris tells you to, as the title suggests, to kiss dating goodbye, suggesting that here is a better way to approach romance than simple "dating" could ever provide.

He urges you to ask yourself "what is your motivation in relationships, pleasing yourself or serving others?", "do you give yourself away physically or emotionally in ways you will regret when married?", and "does your current relationship hinder you from serving God as a single person?".

This book does not say th
...more
Robyn
Jun 16, 2012 rated it did not like it
I thought the book title was preaching to the choir at & before the time I read it--I didn't care for the dating scene & still don't, but I like having some purpose to being single, rather than just accepting it as an accidental fate.

Josh Harris does a good job writing the book, & I feel bad that I didn't love it like so many people who reviewed it did.

It seemed odd that the premise of the book is "dating is stupid; but don't quit dating just b/c it's stupid, quit b/c there's something better ou
...more
Megan
I really didn't appreciate this book. I felt it did more to exacerbate the complicated terrain of navigating adolescence as a Christian than it helped. I could also go into the theological problems a book like this presents to evangelical America, but I won't bother. ...more
Aliyah
Jun 01, 2019 rated it liked it
Shelves: read-in-2019
I read this book a bit apprehensively considering the multitude of opinions that swirl around it and the fact that the author himself has recently apologized for it and said he disagreed with the premise of his own book. That said, there were some helpful suggestions, thoughts, and ideas. There were also assumptions, suggestions, and thoughts in this book that were unhelpful. I won't go into lots of specifics but below are some more general thoughts about the book.
One issue with the book is that
...more
Katie
May 05, 2008 rated it really liked it
The title of this book is different, which is why I picked it up in the first place. The book isn't so much about giving up dating as the title implies, it's more about not dating seriously until you are ready to get married, and to use the time gaining a strong relationships with good friends and especially with Heavenly Father. The author, Joshua Harris, really drives home the idea that singleness is not something to dread, but to realize it as a gift.

...more
Victoria
Feb 25, 2019 rated it it was amazing
My favorite part of this book was chapter 12, which was on singleness. A paragraph which reads, "One lady wrote to me, frustrated that people often view a single woman as just marking time until the right man comes along. "Poor single woman!" she continued. "The world wants her to fornicate, and the church wants her to marry!" Whatever happened to what Paul said about the blessings of being single?" (Let me just clarify end of quote)

Yes yes yes yes yes!!!!!! Someone finally said something like t
...more
Terri Lynn
Recently a Christian friend, knowing that we are Atheists, gave me some very weird books for my 19 year old daughter who is a single, Atheist student and was angry about the books. I read through them because their weirdness was so fascinating. I was aware of this book because we homeschool just as the Harris family did (Josh is a homeschool grad).

Yes, this is very weird. I have no problems with young people going out in groups but if someone thinks this will keep them from having sex, I have s
...more
Kathryn in FL
Sep 22, 2020 rated it really liked it
More than a decade has past and I still remember a good portion of the book.

While I did not embrace all the concepts (sorry, I can't think of anything specific), I do advocate for the premise that Christians tend to try to "fit" people into a fast intimacy because the other person is a Christian. Let me tell you, there are many people calling themselves Christians with the sole objective of tricking women (or men) into a manipulative relationship. These kinds of scenarios lead to much heartache
...more
Jadey
Jul 01, 2012 rated it did not like it
I spent years of my life guilt-ridden needlessly due to this book.
This book is designed to make christian teens/young adults scared to death of not only sex, but kissing and cuddling someone they care about. It uses fallacies and guilt tactics to make people feel like they will be dirtied and unwanted if they enjoy someone else physically. I find this book repulsive because it makes so many people self-loathing. I know at least 30 20-30 year olds who used this book as a 'guide' in HS along with
...more
Tiffany
Jan 02, 2011 rated it did not like it
I'm a firm believer that there is no cookie-cutter way of dating. Everyone's story is different, yet, this book came off as if it is the ONLY way to do things. I'm not saying that the book is completely wrong, it brings up a few good points, but ultimately...I don't know that any book can tell you how to date or how to live. ...more
Eva-Joy
Apr 28, 2018 rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2018-books
I know a lot of people hate this book now, but I don't. I agree with quite a bit of it, actually.

On the subject of emotional purity, though...I'm not sure what to think about all that. You guys?
...more
J.Aleksandr Wootton
Reviewing this book now, in the wake of Harris' renunciation of not only the book, but the religious perspective that inspired it, is in many ways unfair. It's been more than twenty years since I read it (the '97 original); at the time, I would have given it 3 stars.

A book occupying I Kissed Dating Goodbye's niche in the late 90s was perhaps inevitable. Casual serial dating and hookup culture had been normalized for two or three decades, with significant support from pop-culture pressure and pee
...more
DeeAnn
Jun 28, 2012 rated it liked it
Interesting idea and understandable concepts if you are in high school and college. I really think that people could benefit from the idea. However, for those who are college aged and higher, it's method of finding a spouse I find to be an exercise in immaturity and for those who are not in a high-volume, high opportunity situation (like college is), you may find yourself incredibly lonely practicing these concepts.

I call it an exercise in immaturity because by avoiding dating altogether, you a
...more
Holly
May 23, 2011 rated it did not like it
I wanted to throw this book out of my car while driving at a neurotic speed. I rolled my eyes through the whole thing, and even now as im writing this review...
Seriously joshua harris?? I mean SERIOUSLY??
I read this whole book. Oh yes i did. And i could have said in two sentences what it took him 200 and something pages to write!
1. Women lock yourselves in the house, because you cant discern who to and not to date.
2. Put on a diaper and ask your daddy to start spoon feeding you again cause
...more
Dianne Oliver
Jan 07, 2012 rated it did not like it
Shelves: rubbish
"it's like giving away piece of your heart to each person and by the time you get married, you're saying, "Here honey, here is all that is left."

sorry, but this quote alone took this one off my bookshelf. ridiculous, potentially hurtful and far too broad statements abound. (a definition of dating is in order. this may be somewhat true if dating=sex to you. If so, you probably aren't reading this book) While a conversation starter with some valid points, I think it is extra- biblical.
...more
Abigail
Apr 23, 2017 rated it it was ok
I want to kiss this book goodbye. There are some great principles presented, but it comes across as too dogmatic on issues that aren't always cut and dry-to the point of seeming legalistic. The writing itself is poor, which distracts from the content. Maybe I'm too picky, but I think you can get the same great points in other well-written, grace-driven sources. Read it with a grain of salt. ...more
Chris
Dec 02, 2008 rated it it was amazing
I now view every woman as another mans future wife. I will treat every woman with respect. I am growing in my faith and becoming the future husband and father i was meant to be.
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Joshua Harris lived outside Washington, D.C., in Gaithersburg, Maryland, where he was a pastor at Covenant Life Church. His greatest passion was preaching the gospel and calling his generation to wholehearted devotion to God. Each January he lead a national conference for singles called New Attitude.

He since apostatised, divorced & became an LGBTQ+ advocate.

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