Things You Shouldn't Say Past Midnight

by Peter Ackerman

A brand spanking new bedroom farce about three couples who say what they oughn', do what they shouldn't, and deliver terrific one -liners while doing it!

Genres: Plays, Audiobook, Theatre, Drama, Fiction, Humor

Audio CD

First published March 1, 2000

About the author

Peter Ackerman is an American playwright, actor, and screenwriter best known as a co-writer of the animated movies Ice Age and Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs for 20th Century Fox. He began his career as an actor in the low budget movie Astronomy of Errors (2000), and later went on to perform off-Broadway in the Complete Works of William Shakespeare (abridged) and in Visiting Mr. Green. Following his work on the Ice Age movies, Ackerman was a writer and producer on the TV series The Americans on FX channel, and was hired in 2017 as the screenwriter of The Angry Birds Movie 2 for Sony Pictures.

For the stage Ackerman's debut play, Things You Shouldn’t Say Past Midnight, was performed off-Broadway in New York and at Soho Rep in London. He was commissioned by NPR to write the radio play, I’d Rather Eat Pants, which was broadcast as a short serial on Morning Edition. He authored the play, The Urn and his adaptation of The Pajama Game starring Harry Connick Jr., won the Tony Award for Best Musical Revival on Broadway. He has also written the children’s books The Lonely Typewriter, and The Lonely Phone Booth, which was produced as a musical at the Manhattan Children’s Theatre.

(source: Wikipedia)

Reviews

[Ivonne Rovira · Rating 1 out of 5]

It’s a mighty bad play in which you still feel cheated even though you got it for free from the library. I got halfway through this tawdry mess before giving up. Except for poor Ben, every character in Peter Ackerman’s play would have to gain a dimension to be two-dimensional. Not many laughs, two bimbo best pals, a would-be erudite hitman, and a flaming gay man. Not much here to like. How did this hot mess make it to Off Broadway? Or win an Audie Award in 2003? Or get turned into a TV series by DirecTV in 2014? On second thought, turning it into a TV comedy series makes sense: Have you seen some of the recent unwatchable fare?

[Theo Logos · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fast, funny, sexy, and a little bit transgressive, this play is a farcical depiction of bedroom politics and psychobabble. There’s nothing deep, just a light play with improbable characters and hilarious situations that will leave you laughing. The LA Theater Works production is excellent.

[Michal · Rating 5 out of 5]

This piece of writing is absolutely hilarious! If you take it as the comedy it is supposed to be, it really is a laugh out loud!

[Choyang · Rating 1 out of 5]

'Things You Shouldn't Say Past Midnight ' (Audible)
written by Peter Ackerman, narrated by Joey Slotnick

DNF:

Just not my cup of tea...I found this incredibly boring and couldn't even finish listening.

Forgot to mention this was a stage play set in New York. Meant as a comedy? But I found it full of racial and sexual stereotypes, which I gather was supposed to be "the joke"; nope, not for me...yeah, I get it that that slant can be funny when done well, but this was just annoying stereotypical couple's BS, not to mention racist as well as misogynistic, and..welp...it was just lame & offensive overall.

Maybe you'd have to be a New Yorker to get it? Still not funny...

I'll give them a "Raspberry Award"...
(sticks tongue out) (bbrrruupp)! 😜

Uh-oh! My brains are leaking out of my ear, crawling across the road and down the beach and slithering into the ocean where, even now, Ghost Crabs are gnawing on my dendrites... 👻🦀👻🦀👻🦀

Humor is in the ear of the beholder...yeah, that's the ticket! 😄

[Kayleigh De Hoogt · Rating 3 out of 5]

There’s some fun parts and scenes, and some parts that could’ve lasted shorter. The concept is amazing though

[Bedford Fleuriot · Rating 5 out of 5]

Things You Shouldn’t Say Past Midnight is probably the most irreverent, taboo, and salacious play I’ve ever encountered, and every minute of it is phenomenal. It’s genuinely hilarious, filled with sharp comedy that disguises what’s really happening: a group of deeply insecure people trying to communicate their thoughts as honestly as they can through the most vulnerable act there is—sex. You see people at their most exposed and most carnal, and yet I truly couldn’t stop laughing throughout the entire experience.

The play invites you to look past the comedy, which is superb on its own, and see these characters for who they really are—vulnerable in every sense of the word. In such a short amount of time, an incredible amount of emotional progress is made. It might honestly be one of my favorite plays of all time.

[Zac Stojcevski · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love it when I started with an eye roll and said, "Yeah okay, nothing else to read. Whatever"

Then I get emotionally abducted and engaged in what appears to be someone else's mundane insecure pillow talk.

Then the standing ovation of the intricate weaving of a triptych of unstable couples come together with mirth, wit and gut punches of holding up a mirror to ourselves.

Genuinely fun.

[Amory · Rating 3 out of 5]

So, I got this out of the library because I read a review of a local production that teased the 'shocking' language of the opening, and I wanted to know what it was. (No, no, I won't spoil it. Other than to say, meh. But of course, I also wasn't the target of the language so... your "i'm shocked" mileage may vary...).

All in all there was some fun in there. But in the end, I agree with the review I read that this is basically a good.. first-half of a play that could/should go farther/deeper/longer... um, er. We'll leave it there.

Sorry, did I stop too soon? Did that feel like a tease with no release?

Well, then, you now know what it feels like to read this play...

[Joe · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is an amusing, but ultimately insipid, bedroom comedy. There is a terrific LA Theater Works production available via ITunes.

[Emma Kay Krebs · Rating 4 out of 5]

Listened to the LA Theatre Works production adapted for radio listening. Big fan! Might be one of my favorites that they’ve done.

[TraceyL · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very funny bedroom comedy. Great performances.

[Rocky · Rating 4 out of 5]

The ending line left me shook.
I listened to the L.A. Theatre Works recorded production on Overdrive and it was a brilliant radio play. Perfectly paced.

[Sabrina Oliveri · Rating 1 out of 5]

reading this was painful. not an enjoyable experience.

[Caden · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed the pace of this play and the writing of the characters. I think there is a lot to explore with this piece!

[Tyler Bosma · Rating 3 out of 5]

Patron recommendation.

[Thomas Kelleher · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious!

[Michele · Rating 4 out of 5]

Three very funny scenarios that depict exactly what one should not say past midnight.

[Abdul Alhazred · Rating 2 out of 5]

LATW version. A bit screwball fast talking exchange, with a dash of sex and race themes making it slightly edgy for a play. I chuckled but there's not much there.

[Ron · Rating 5 out of 5]

LA Theater Works production earns the extra star.

[Vladimiro Sousa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Things You Shouldn't Say Past Midnight is a hilarious and thought-provoking play that explores the nature of relationships, communication, and intimacy. The play follows three couples as they navigate the ups and downs of their relationships, and it is full of sharp observations about the things we say and do when we are feeling vulnerable.

The play is set in three different bedrooms, and it is told through a series of phone calls and video chats. This allows the audience to eavesdrop on the characters' most intimate conversations, and it creates a sense of intimacy and suspense.

The play is full of witty dialogue and laugh-out-loud moments, but it also has a serious side. Ackerman explores the ways in which our words can hurt and heal, and he shows how difficult it can be to communicate our true feelings.

Things You Shouldn't Say Past Midnight is a well-written and engaging play that will keep you laughing and thinking long after the final curtain falls. It is a play that is sure to resonate with anyone who has ever been in a relationship.

[logan · Rating 4 out of 5]

i don’t know how to rate this. it’s definitely of its time, but i found myself laughing out loud at some of the jokes.

[Anita · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've listened to the audio book twice now. Once shortly after it came out and now. I remember loving it when it came out, I think it belongs at a solid 3.5 now. I would recommend the audio book over reading the play. The voice actors really bring the play to life.

[Edward Boyle · Rating 4 out of 5]

While very short this is extreemly funny. I fear my review, if I were to type everything I feel, would exceed the length of the play. Let me just say that two people are engaged in some extrachariculare activity and one says something that the other takes offense to. There is a great discussion, it alone with have you laughing, and that person leaves. Other characters are then introduced, each with their own comical activities, and all, 6 people, end up discussing the situation. If you have the audio version you may want to pull over as you laughter may be detrimental to your driving.

The Characters are perfect, the writing superb, and you will still be laughing days later.

The plot lines keep moving but without detatching from the story or from each other. The story, unlike many of the new writings, ends where it should, the author doesn't go off on a self engrandising journey, and you feel good when you finish.

I HIGHLY recomend this work.

[Seano88 · Rating 3 out of 5]

The dialogue is clever, concise and drives the play at a steady rhythm so that it never gets bogged down in the personal philosophy of the characters.
I found the climactic sequence involving the group therapy phone call, predictable and the consequent resolution too easy but in the hands of a capable ensemble of actors it would be very funny.
The character Gene and his relationship with Grace was problematic for me. I found it implausible that she would be turned on by his murderous ways more than she was horrified by them. I guess his hit man profession is then a source of comedy and another example of the danger and excitement that these people are seeking in their sex lives, but I personally found it to be too far fetched.
I don't know how poignant I found the themes but on the whole it was a satisfying, easy to follow play.

[Ashley · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed listening to this performance in the car. It was very short, just over an hour in total playing time. The play opens with a couple having sex and the woman calling the man a "hook-nosed Jew" as she cums. From there, an entire comedy ensues. By the end, you have the original couple, the woman's best friend, the best friend's lover (a hitman), the best friend's therapist (brother of hitman), and the therapist's geriatric lover all trying to figure out why the argument happened in the first place and whether or not the couple should break up. I was entertained.

[Joanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

A funny entertaining short play dealing with three couples: Nancy & Ben, Grace & Gene (the hitman) and Mark & Donald. Nancy and Ben have a fight after she blurts out an inappropriate comment while in bed. She runs to her friend Grace's who then calls her lover's brother (& her therapist) for some advice. A three way phone conversation ensures. Witty with one liners, but caution on foul language and remarks relating to Jewish and gay people may be offensive to many.

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fast paced dialogue which left me feeling like the show was very one-note. Each of the characters were very different and interesting in their own way. Interesting themes.
Something odd about the casualness of Gene's occupation. Also, tired out the joke of Donald being unable to hear dialogue from the phone.

[Doug · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have fond memories of a very funny local production of this which I saw 15 years ago - and believe I read it around the same time also. The play doesn't REALLY come alive as much on the page, since a lot of the humor is in the timing, but still - sex comedy is one of the hardest genres to get right, and this one scores (no pun intended!)

[Brenda Kerr · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a very short live play that I listened to. It was hilarous. I laughed so hard the tears were running down my leg!

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was hilarious and so worth listening to as an audio book. I would love to see this performed live.

Not for young ears.