The Friendship Fix

by Andrea Bonior

Had enough of that bridezilla? Feeling alone in a new city? Dealing with the trauma of the worst breakup ever—with someone you never even made out with?

We’ve heard the path to fulfillment has much to do with relationships. But while it’s often thought that for young women, it's all about finding the right man, real women beg to differ: It's friendships that are at the heart of happiness. Unfortunately, they’re also at the heart of drama, stress, and sometimes not-so-great escapades after that fifth martini. And, technology, from texting to Facebook, has made all friendships more complicated than ever.

At last comes The Friendship Fix, jam-packed with practical ways to improve your life by improving your circle. From dealing with friends-with-benefits to coworkers from the dark side, from feeling alone to being desperate to defriend a few dozen people, Andrea Bonior, Ph.D. helps you make the most of your friendships, whether they be old, new, online, or in person.

 

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Relationships, Personal Growth, Psychology, Friendship

217 pages, Paperback

First published April 26, 2011

About the author

Andrea Bonior, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist and author of the popular weekly mental health column Baggage Check in the Washington Post Express. Her expertise has appeared in such places as CNN.com, MSNBC.com, and Good Housekeeping. In addition to maintaining a private psychotherapy practice, Andrea serves on the faculty of Georgetown University. She lives with her family in Maryland."

Reviews

[David]

Very funny (in my opinion), wise advice on all things friendship, aimed mostly at young adult women. Addresses, often with lists of bold-faced key points conducive to reading in small bites on the subway, issues such as how to meet people once you're out of college, how to weather the disruptions caused by one or both of you getting married, having kids, or moving; how to know whether it's possible (usually not) to have a healthy platonic friendship with an ex, and many more.

The lighthearted, cheerful tone is very similar to that used in the author's "baggage check" column on tuesdays in the Express [tabloid-sized, free version of the Washington Post distributed at metro stations].

My only quibble with the book is the subhead for a section on seeking (or recommending that a friend seek) therapy for personal problems: "I promise we don't all have white beards: How Therapy can Help". At the risk of seeming thin-skinned, what is wrong with having a white beard?

All in all, a quick and most enjoyable read. Disclaimer is that the author graduated from the clinical psychology doctoral program in which I teach, and we're very proud of her as an alumna, so maybe I'm a little biased, but that aside it really is a fine book.

[Savindi]

I first heard about this book when I read an article on Refinery29 about "Marie-Kondoing your friendships" when Bonior is quoted in it. I knew I wanted to read it, especially when she mentioned how as a society we don't really talk about how to break up with a friend. But I also appreciated how it talks about how as you get older it's difficult to make friends. This book was written in 2011 and many things have changed in the last 8 years, from society to technology. So it would be interesting to read an updated version of this book. The book is funny and insightful. It talks about a lot of things that I hadn't considered-especially when life changes when your friends get married, have kids etc. I also appreciate Bonior talking about toxic friendships and how you should also think about your own well-being when it comes to dealing with difficult situations friends are going through. It made me think about my own life in the past 6 years which has been a roller-coaster on it's own and made me examine how my own friends were affected by my personal experiences. Overall it's an insightful book. I would recommend it, but like I said I think an updater version of this book would be something I would like to read.

[Ashley Marilynne Wong]

The psychologist who wrote this book tried too hard to be funny in my humble opinion … but it worked! It totally did!

I had so much fun reading this lighthearted book on friendship, whose depth and wisdom were made all the more profound thanks to the author making the book a stand-up comedy. Great stuff!

[Michelle Cullum]

I just finished reading The Friendship Fix, by Andrea Bonior, Ph.D. I'm giving the book 4 stars out of 5. Here is the scoop.

This book is relatively new, coming out April 2011. It is available in paperback and e-reader format for the Nook and Kindle. It is only 240-pages long and is divided into 12 chapters.

The book is written for those who are called the "quarterlifers". These are people in their twenties and thirties who found friendship in college easy to come by but harder to find in real life.

One of the great comments made in the book is we all are human beings and as such we are born to connect with people. We are wired to connect with others and not be alone. Sometimes it might seem easier to be alone but we all need one another.

A great question that Dr. Bonior asked people was how they came into their current circle of friends. The overwhelming response was most people just kinda fell into their friendships. They were passive about it and didn't choose on purpose their current friendships. Think about that for a minute. Have you been in friendships with people for maybe years and you don't really have anything in common with them at all? Why are our efforts so low in choosing friends? Something to think about.

Dr. Bonior shares a great exercise you can use to help choose friends.
•7 words to describe myself are:
•7 words I'd use to describe people I'd want to be my friends are:
Now you have something to use as a guide when making new friends.

There is lots of great information in this book. You can read from front to back or choose a chapter that sounds interesting and start there. I would recommend this book if you are looking for knowledge and like a humorous twist with that knowledge. Find out more about Dr. Andrea Bonior at http://www.drandreabonior.com/book.php and baggage check

[Kathryn]

Summary: Read the subtitle. You'll get the idea.

Why I Read This Book: I recently fell in love with the blogger "The Bloggess". Her humor is, ummm, inappropriate, but hilarious. Her best known blog is about a giant metal chicken that she named Beyonce. She recommended this book on her blog.

Review: I was really looking forward to some snark with this book. I mean, "The Bloggess" is all about snark. And there was a little bit of snark, but not enough for my tastes.

Now, I want you to know that (a) I love any book with a pink cover but (b) I feel very confident in my friendships. Sure, my friendships are not all perfect (whose are?), but I'm confident that I have a good variety of friends, with varied depths of relationships, and my friends are generally pretty awesome. Because of that, I think that reading about improving my friendships was a little bit boring. And without a lot of snark to get my through, I wasn't digging it.

That all being said, if you were in need of some friend-related mojo-boosting, this would be a great book. It is specifically designed for people in that transition between college and later marriage. It had some great advice on everything from "friends with benefits" to using social media to improve your relationships to how to choose your bridesmaids without angering people.

[Melissa Jeanette]

Ok, ok, I read this, and yes I’m a little embarrassed by that. But seriously, it is really hard to make friends in this place. I heard on the radio recently that Western Washington has the nicest people that you’ll never know. Seriously, it’s true. Go to any event and you’ll see extroverts soaking it up like the sunshine of which they’re similarly starved. I blame it on the rain. Six to eight months spent in the cozy, and more importantly, dry indoors makes for introvert heaven. That is not to disparage introverts, after all, I am one. However, even an introvert needs to make new friends when she’s been transplanted from sunnier and more social climes. So how do you remedy this unfamiliar territory of friendship making when you’re no longer surrounded by people via clubs, church, or school? Why read a book of course! It’s what us bibliophiles…and introverts do! So, if you similarly find yourself newly transplanted to the Pacific Northwest (or anywhere else for that matter), thinking ‘well damn, what do I do now?,’ this is the book for you. It has some helpful advice; and its written with enough snarky humor that you’ll find yourself forgetting to be embarrassed about reading it, so much so, that you might even admit having read it to the goodreads world, like me!

[Annie Mondesir]

I just finished "The Friendship fix" - What started out as a book I did not think I would enjoy..turned in to one I could not put down. It was funny, light and got right to the point in each section. Not realizing that I needed help in the "friend" department, I read it without knowing the impact it would have on my life. I have already made changes to some of my friend relationships because of the advice,AND I would like to say that it has been a wonderful change. Lovely book!

[Katie]

Definitely sound advice, mostly common sense, but the type of advice where we can't see what's in front of our noses, so this author lays it out for us. It's also helpful to know that whatever your struggles, you're not alone in them. The author's style was mostly amusing and casual, which made for easy reading, but sometimes her sense of humor and mine did not align at ALL and I either had no idea what reference she was making or had no idea why it was supposed to be funny. Other than that, and some repetitive aspects, it was an enjoyable read, but maybe not what I was expecting or as helpful as I'd hoped.

[Brittany]

I've got making friends on the brain since we just moved here 8 months ago and chances are good we'll be moving again in 3 months. Plus it's something I've kind of struggled with since middle school, basically. This was a good book. Good tips about different kinds of friendships and different issues that might arise. Nothing totally new or groundbreaking, but a good collection of information. The author is pretty funny, too, so the book was also an entertaining read.

[Laura Gilfillan]

Friends are important, there are different kinds of friends, it's hard to make friends or develop existing friendships over social media, the perils of work friendships, when friendships go south, and how to tell when to call in the pros, because of course therapy is the path to solving all of your personal problems.

[Klaske B]

Very wordy and elaborate, the points are solid but get lost in the all the words. Also very much a you book. Which is great for a self help book, but when it's about friendships there should be more about the dynamics and how to navigate them.

[Joel D]

Within a couple of pages I could not bear the insufferable and cheesy language.

[Ashia aka Nina]

Read my mind

From the get-go, this book was relatable. I particularly liked the action tips sprinkled throughout the book. I skipped some of the stories that didn't feel relatable, but overall it was an easy and enjoyable read.

*Almost forgot, I loved the section on mental health issues and friendships. This is why I picked up the book. I was in therapy for depression/anxiety and needed tips on how to expand my social support. This is a valuable resource.

[Greta Sutherland]

I was really looking forward to reading this book. There were some important reminders tucked here and there but the parenthetical way in which she wrote the book was too distracting. Parenthetical jokes are funny occasionally but I found that the plethora of asides broke up my train of thought too often. It ended up that I skimmed this book more than I thoroughly read it.

I hope this doesn't distract from a potential friendship with Andrea Bonoir should the future opportunity arise...

[Erin]

I think this book was geared more for those who are single and in their 20s and 30s as it didn't talk a lot about being friends with your kids' friends' parents. But otherwise it was interesting enough.

[Sharon Chance]

While aimed at a younger group of women, "The Friendship Fix" is loaded with great idea and advice for making and keeping friends. Written in a sassy, breezy and, well, friendly manner, this book is a fast read.

[Marjanne]

Some interesting thoughts on friendships, but didn't seem to have much that I could really relate to. There was good advice, though it seemed rather brief. I did like the real-world comments from actual people.

[MyOnly]

Sadly I am not the target audience for this book, but didn't realize that until I was already reading it! It's perfect for those just out of college. That's not me. Still, there were some great suggestions near the end which I will certainly attempt.

[Britney]

I received this book as a gift and it was just what I needed after I graduated from grad school. It put a lot of things in perspective for me. This is a must read for recent graduates, people new in their careers, single with no kids, and those new to a location.

[Y]

It sounded like it was going to be insightful but kind of underwhelming in information... I feel like it only tells you what is pretty obvious and doesn't dig further down on how to "fix" the relationships in your life.

[Liz]

Everyone needs to read this book, whether you have good friends or not.

[Candace]

The personal stories were interesting and touching. But, I did find most of the advice generic and not useful.

[Susana]

This book is aimed at young adults but will still leave some nuggets of wisdom for those of us beyond that stage. I'll certainly put it in my suggested reading pile for my kids.

[Marielle]

Very well written but left me with many unanswered questions.

[Linda]

Why did I choose this anyway? Although it is written for adults, it would be more appropriate for teenagers.