The Common Thread: Mothers, Daughters, and the Power of Empathy

by Martha Manning

There is no relationship more fulfilling, infuriating, emotional, and problematic than that of a mother and daughter. Psychology has traditionally regarded as inevitable -- and, in fact, necessary -- a female child's eventual separation from her mother as adulthood ensues. Now renowned psychologist and author Martha Manning offers mothers and daughters of all ages a revolutionary new way of understanding each other and their relationships, and challenges the accepted thinking that this powerful bond must ultimately be severed. In a work of intelligence, wit, heart, and scholarship, Manning examines this important link and concludes that it is a precious attachment that is never outgrown -- that, while the differing, ever-changing needs, conflicts, and obligations of two distinct women may create a chasm between them, bridging the gap will serve to strengthen a lifelong commitment, love, and identity, while fostering essential independence. The key is empathy. Through empathy -- the ability to perceive the other's actions as an aspect of individual behavior -- even a troubled relationship can become gratifying and beautiful. Exploring the developmental stages of the mother-daughter union from infancy through old age, Manning provides potent tools to help us build stronger ties, enabling us to celebrate rather than eschew the twists and turns, joys, secrets, and surprises inherent in this most glorious of life connections. She also focuses new attention on the parts played by cultural, historical, psychological, and biological influences, areas often ignored in previous works on the subject. Drawing on her personal experiences as a mother, daughter, and "champion eavesdropper," combined with scrupulous research and intriguing insights culled from today's headlines, literature, pop culture, and extensive clinical experience, the author casts a fascinating new light on what can -- and should -- be a dynamic, fluid, and mutually empowering relationship. For everyone who is, and always will be, a mother, a daughter, or both, this important, inspiring book will guide the reader toward a new love and respect born of understanding and the enriching ability to find the common thread.

Genres: Psychology

Hardcover

First published March 26, 2002

About the author

Martha Manning (b. 1952) is an American writer, clinical psychologist and former professor of psychology at George Mason University.

Reviews

[Marilou · Rating 5 out of 5]

Martha Manning, Here is a virtual hug.Thank you for pulling me out of muddy waters with warmth, clarity, and humour in your oh!, so inspiring and soothing book. Your research and comments helped me understand and, above all, accept the roller-coaster nature of the relationship which my beloved daughter and I share. It brought me peace in times of turmoil. l love your wits and will enjoy discovering new writers through the references and quotes from your favoured writers. About "Women Studies" at university: My daughter, like yours, studied in this wonderful, political sciences program. As you relate your inner stream of comments in reaction to the unfolding dialogue,I found my self laughing out loud in relief and shared emotions. Similarly, my daughter opened doors to the new political realities of her generation. Listening to her, I felt totally out of my depth, as if I had skipped on a whole chapter in the history of the world... a dinosaur at the beach...Whaaat? Ha! Ha! Daughters are, in many ways, also our teachers! Martha, I liked that you honesty wrote about this experience, and I appreciated the conclusions you draw. I also was thrilled to read your chapter on midlife and, deeply touched by the section "Links in a Chain". I would like whole book on that topic.Thank you for your intelligent, loving insights. This is a book I will share and give to my friends::: "No relationship is more fulfilling, infuriating, emotional, and problematic than that of mother and daughter" ::: You nailed it!

[Carolyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reflective insights regarding one's relationships with mother and daughters. . .women.

[Cathlin Hidalgo-Polvani]

Bought this to give as a gift, but decided to read it first. Must be residual self-help-book-itis.

Mothers and daughters have a tough road to travel.

[Shelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great for daughter and mother relationships, has anyone seen all the My So Called Life series?

[Deborah · Rating 4 out of 5]

The ties that bind mothers and daughters. Tender, poignant and right on.