Goodreads helps you keep track of books you want to read.
Start by marking “The Zero Dog War (Zero Dog Missions, #1)” as Want to Read:
The Zero Dog War (Zero Dog Missions, #1)
Enlarge cover
Rate this book
Clear rating
Open Preview

The Zero Dog War

(Zero Dog Missions #1)

3.43  ·  Rating details ·  246 ratings  ·  44 reviews
The first bullet is always free. After that, you gotta pay.

Zero Dog Missions, Book 1

After accidentally blowing up both a client facility and a cushy city contract in the same day, pyromancer and mercenary captain Andrea Walker is scrambling to save her Zero Dogs. A team including (but not limited to) a sexually repressed succubus, a werewolf with a thing for health food, a
Kindle Edition, 228 pages
Published February 15th 2011 by Samhain Publishing, Ltd.
More Details... Edit Details

Friend Reviews

To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up.

Reader Q&A

To ask other readers questions about The Zero Dog War, please sign up.

Be the first to ask a question about The Zero Dog War

Community Reviews

Showing 1-30
Average rating 3.43  · 
Rating details
 ·  246 ratings  ·  44 reviews

More filters
Sort order
Start your review of The Zero Dog War (Zero Dog Missions, #1)
Ann Aguirre
Feb 15, 2011 rated it it was amazing
Funniest UF ever. But still w/ great characters, action, and a touch of romance. I heart it. Just go get a copy, seriously. It's $3.85 at Samhain. You will cry laughing. ...more
I am very impressed with this book simply because I laughed until the end. I tend to get sick and tired of the humor in most books. Jokes get old or are seen pages ahead of delivery. One thing I can not tolerate is predictable and tiresome humor.

Without the humor, this book would still rate a solid 4 stars. The story is on the light side but oh so much fun. The characters provide wonderfully fertile ground for the humor. For example, one of the chracters is a werewolf who would much prefer to wa
A friend of mine passed me this saying there is a funny heroine with a bunch of misfit paranormal mercenary aka A-team style fighting against zombies. On a side note, there is a hot Special Force Jake Sanders, who said heroine is lusting after.

I gotta admit, humour wise is worth 5 stars, but the plot had too much back and forth bantering between the group of mercs and detailed fight scenes for my taste. Most of the characters appeared caricature and one dimensional except for the heroine and her
Lisa  K
Apr 14, 2011 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: reviewed
My random thoughts: I’m going to start by saying: I loved this book! Here’s why. The plot is brilliant; we get a lot of very random and interesting things happening throughout the book, lots of excellent explosions and fight scenes that weren’t overly drawn out (I hate those…). I liked the entire societal concept, that things generally are considered unreal or fiction, are now just another normal part of society. So we get a vampire, a ninja, a super (hot!) stealth commando guy, a demon, a girl ...more
Feb 23, 2015 rated it liked it
Shelves: urban-fantasy
I am somewhat unsure of this book.

It could be urban fantasy, but it has no real world building at all, just a variety of paranormal creatures thrown into a huge melting pot without ever going into depth of those creatures and making use of their particular strength or weaknesses.

It could also be military fiction, as it is mostly about a mercenary unit and its inner workings, but that doesn't go well with the very crude jokes, in particular because those don't even attempt to make fun of the mil
Jan 21, 2011 rated it really liked it
Shelves: uf
Tori’s Favorite Quote: “Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.”

Mandi’s Favorite Quote: “Rafe,” I said, “get some clothes on.”

“What if my destined mate walks past? She won’t recognize me if I hide the wang.”

Captain Andrea Walker is the fearless leader and frat mom of a hyperactive band of mercenaries named The Zero Dogs. A eclectic band of warriors comprised of a sexually repressed succubus, a gay demon, a decidedly un-empathic empath, a lazy vampire, a wanna be ninja, and a wer
Jan 21, 2011 rated it it was amazing
Oh, guys. I wanted to open this review with a few of my favorite quotes but that I realized that I'd be quoting the whole damn book if I did that. So I'll skip my favorite quotes and move along to the 1001 reasons why you should read this book.

Dude. This book is fuuunnnnnny. Like, laugh out loud funny. Like, I was grinning like a fool in a room by myself while I was reading it funny. This is a little known fact, but on top of rarely crying during reading (which has now been proven to be a lie si
Mrs. Badass
What do you get when you have a pyromaniac fire wielding woman, a wannabe nudist werewolf, a purple skinned gay demon,a medic ninja,a royal vampire,a deranged small animal controlling mage, Oh, and a depressed succubus? You get the Zero Dog Team of Sienna Hotel Badass.

Meet Keith Melton, author of some funny shit.

It's not everyday that I laugh and giggle throughout a novel. Especially a novel about world domination by way of zombie labor laws and jello. Yes...really. The evil overlord Jeremiah Ha
May 12, 2011 rated it really liked it
I can't tell you how many times I giggled or snorted with laughter reading this book. A lot. It's very geeky, crazy and fun.

Everything is exaggerated, blown out of proportions and brimming with snark. The Zero Dog War is a parody on urban fantasy books and superhero comics, and a very well done one at that.

Take for example our supervillain necromancer who had to advertize for a minion because all his workforce consisted of zombies. His plan of world domination is to make gelatin with the help o
Feb 18, 2011 rated it really liked it
‘The Zero Dog War’ is the first book in a new paranormal-action series from Keith Melton.

The Zero Dogs are a bunch of paranormal mercenaries. There’s the permanently horny werewolf, Rafe. Shy succubus Tiffany. Wannabe ninja, Hanzo. Furry-demon lover, Mai. Demonic ‘Sarge’ and emotionally stunted empathy, Gavin. This rag-tag team of supernatural’s is lead by pryomancer, Captain Andrea Walker. It’s up to Andrea to keep this team in one-piece, a task that is becoming increasingly difficult when fun
Jan 23, 2011 rated it really liked it
Originally reviewed at

Joint review by Tori and Mandi at

Tori’s Favorite Quote: “Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.”

Mandi’s Favorite Quote: “Rafe,” I said, “get some clothes on.”

“What if my destined mate walks past? She won’t recognize me if I hide the wang.”

Captain Andrea Walker is the fearless leader and frat mom of a hyperactive band of mercenaries named The Zero Dogs. A eclectic band of warriors comprised of a sexual
Nina (Death, Books, and Tea)
Mar 09, 2011 rated it it was amazing

Review: Captain Andrea Walker, pyromancer, heads the Zero Dogs, a team of mercenaries made up of a werewolf, a succubus, a vampire, a creature summoner, a demon, a failing novelist, and a fake ninja, who run around and destroy things. Unfortunately, their latest act of destruction was not what was required of them, and now they’re further in the red than before. Luckily, they’re offered $25million by the government if they complete this job-take out a necromancer with a horde of zombies at his d
Jan 21, 2011 rated it really liked it
I'm not usually really a big admirer of blurbs but reading this one told me that I would love this book. Because seriously who would be able to resist a blurb that mentions "banana-kiwi-flavored gelatin"? Not me that's for sure. But yes, rest assured The Zero Dog War aren't only about gelatin- you will discover so much more in this one.

We are thrown into a crazy paranormal world full of zombies, naked healthy-food-obsessed werewolves, necromancer overlords, pyromancers, non-sparkling vamps,
Dana S
Apr 19, 2011 rated it really liked it
Rating: 4 1/2 stars

This is a hilarious urban fantasy/comedy/romance with zombies! The villain(s) are hysterical and a bit scary at the same time. They run focus groups in order to take over the world "through the manufacture of collagen-derived gelling agents", in a PR positive way. But they're not such complete bumbling fools that make you wonder how incompetent the heroes must be, being unable to kill them.

I thought the romance was very well done, and neither overwhelmed or overshadowed the a
Nick McGreggor
Aug 14, 2012 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: urban-fantasy
This seems like one of those either roll with it or don't type of books. If you're looking for serious, grim, angst-ridden UF, this book fails to deliver. If you're looking for something fun and way over the top, something that doesn't take itself seriously--ever--this fits that slot. A bit of a love it or hate it thing going on. I recommend finding the first chapter online somewhere are reading it before buying so you know what you're in for. I didn't--I thought it was going to be more in the s ...more
Marcela (BookaholicCat)
Feb 03, 2011 rated it really liked it
4 ½ Stars

The description of the book already gives a lot away, so I won’t contribute with that. But I can tell you that after reading it you'd know what to expect from it and I guarantee you, you will find everything you were expecting and more.

This book had me cracking up page after page. And if I get wrinkles in my flawless face for laughing I’ll blame Mr. Melton. (He will receive the bill for my botox treatment.)

I love the characters, they are all different and unique in their sordid kind of
Feb 09, 2011 rated it really liked it
Captn. Andrea Walker, leader of the Zero Dogs, has more than a zombie upheaval on her hands. She has the assigned "fixer" for her new client to contend with - all 200+ yummy lbs. of him. Plus her usual crew of misfits: a werewolf, a vampire, a demon, a summoner whose pets did NOT come a pet shop anywhere in our galaxie and a succubus. Not to mention that Captn Walker is a firethrower. Hmmm.

Deep in bills and having totally screwed their last job, the Zero Dogs are hungry. Maybe that's why Andrea
Feb 21, 2011 rated it liked it
Hmm, what to say about this book?

I loved the premise, loved the story and the characters..within reason. But there was just a tad too much comedy in this for me. At least half of the main bank of characters were wise-ass joke cracking rebels. And the narrator was also a wise-ass joke-cracking girl rebel. It was all a bit too much. There was so much comedy that the jokes started to get tiresome. And unfunny. I likened it to Buffy but without the moments of emotional honesty and heartbreaking vul
Jan 07, 2012 rated it liked it
I had heard good things about Keith Melton, so when Allromance offered a 50% discount on Samhain books, I bought it. The story starts with a bang, and everything wents down hill from there. The plot twisted and turned. I liked how they only had partial success, never a total victory, when they faced the villain. I enjoyed the misfits of The Zero Dog Mercenaries. From Rafe, the werewolf, to Mai with her undead pets. I enjoyed how the author played with the prejudices, and turned them into somethi ...more
Feb 18, 2013 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: abandoned, uf-pnr, fiction
I really didn't like a single character which made it impossible for me to continue with the book. Rafe is arrogant and annoying, Hamza talks in totally incomprehensible riddles all the way through, and not a single one of the so called team know how to follow instructions! How many times does the CO ask for radio silence and they keep on chattering on the radio about stupid crap? She tells us that everyone was meant to learn all the battle plans so she could call it for them at short notice doi ...more
Felicia (Ferishia)
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Feb 20, 2011 rated it really liked it
Shelves: urban-fantasy
Funny, kind of gross (in a cartoon way) and with a light tone that one could read as pure nerdy goofiness or a tongue-in-cheek indictment of capitalist oligarchies, depending on personal preference.

There's also a lot of talk about weapons, which I pretty much ignored, but if that's your thing....

One thing that I found especially charming is that I'm pretty sure I was friends with some of these characters in high school. (My current peer group is much less excited by things-go-boom, alas.)

NB: If
Jane Cousins
Nov 08, 2014 rated it really liked it
This was a recommendation read but still I hesitated... zombies? Boy, am I glad I gave it a whirl. Funny, plenty of one liners that had me laughing out loud. A collection of great characters who were nicely developed and the majority of whom, seriously flawed.
The narrative takes place from two perspectives. The lead good guy (who is in fact a woman) and the lead bad guy (dark overlord Jeremiah - who despite focus group numbers doesn't wish to change his name to something more sinister)
There is a
May 02, 2011 rated it really liked it
An assault team for hire. They deal with the more stickier paranormal threats. When SWAT can't get it done The Zero Dogs are brought in.

This story starts off with a fast narrative and shoots straight into the action. Melton has a strong writing voice that is hard not to love. I think this story holds a little something for everyone. If you have a favorite paranormal creature, you'll probably find it somewhere in the pages of this book. I loved the heroine Captain Andrea Walker, she is a kick-ass
CoffeeTimeRomance andMore
The Zero Dog War is a novel unlike anything I have read before. Parts of this were quite funny and I found myself laughing at all the antics Mr. Melton had the characters performing. However, I did find that some of the jokes and actions fell flat. I thought the way Andrea is portrayed as this strong, capable, and take charge woman was perfect for her role as the captain of this eclectic group. If you like comedy such as Austin Powers, you will more than likely enjoy this tale.

Reviewer f
Sep 25, 2014 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: loved
Witty, fast paced and lots of one liners that had me laughing out loud.
Zombies aren't usually my shtick, but this was done very cleverly and with a light touch, from an author who obviously doesn't take himself too seriously. Appreciated greatly the wannabe bad guy, Dark Over lord Jeremiah (who refuses to change his name to something more sinister despite focus group feedback) who intends to dominate the global gelatin market with his zombie army/work force (who keep accidentally falling into th
Feb 13, 2011 rated it really liked it
I really enjoyed this fact, I was pleasantly surprised by how much I loved it!

Keith Melton can write one helluva UF female heroine!

Zero Dog Wars is full of fabulous, snarky fun and killer dialogue to go along with it! Not only are the punch lines delivered with "Ooomph" but the characters are kick A$$ too!

There were so many great lines and the plot, though dark at times, was fun and engrossing!

I just can't say enough good things about it!

Real review coming soon on www.paperbackdoll
Feb 15, 2011 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: urban-fantasy
I am so jealous of Keith Melton right now, you have no idea.

This book is made of so much awesome, there are hardly words. BRILLIANT. All caps serious.

There are so many fabulous lines. The humor is fast and furious, and I'm completely envious. I laughed, I grinned, I harassed my husband by reading him lines I loved. The action is great. The heroine is amazing. Her team of paranormal mercs is amazing. It's like all of my urban fantasy favorites thrown in a blender and turned into an addictive alco
Oct 02, 2011 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
It's action packed and lots of funny moments. I would love to see a graphic novel or a TV series/movie adaptation of this book.

It's like having a paranormal version of the 80's A-Team. I will be writing a more detailed review of this book later on You can read my review here.

I would recommend this to those who wants an action packed story with lots of funny moments and a bit of romance.

Jan 27, 2015 rated it really liked it
Very humorous .... A repressed Succubus, a werewolf horn dog health food nut, a purple demon, a summoner with a thing for not so cute fluffy animals (think squirrels but not quite), an not so empathic empath wanna be romance writer and leading them all a Pyromancer. Add in a G.I. Joe barrier mage, a horde of zombies, a necromancer with delusions (not so much) grandeur and a plot to take over the world...well the worlds gelatin supply anyway, mix it all together and you get this book. Beware of e ...more
« previous 1 next »
There are no discussion topics on this book yet. Be the first to start one »
Keith Melton is a fantasy author originally from Arizona. He still misses the spicy food.

He is working on his urban fantasy novel Spanner Jack. Chapters can be read on his website.

Other books in the series

Zero Dog Missions (2 books)
  • Dark Ride Dogs  (Zero Dog Missions #2)

News & Interviews

Now that we’re halfway through the year, it’s time to check in on the 2022 Goodreads Reading Challenge, our rigorous annual initiative for book...
137 likes · 38 comments