Holy Lonely: How Not to Feel So Very Alone

“I want a friend who is just like me, Mommy,” she said through tears to me, years ago.

I feel alone.

She dismissed those siblings of hers who like different songs, and sing to different beats and the spend their time ordering when she wants disorder or deconstructing when she wants to construct. She didn’t want a friend who was a year older, or another a year younger. Surely not one that’s too “rowdy”, or another too quiet.

We made a verbal list.

She wanted a girl who knew what it was like to live with all those crazy siblings, while also one who wanted to put on her pajamas at two o’clock in the afternoon some days. Oh, and one who didn’t like messing with her hair.

As we unpacked her ache, it was obvious. Friendship, to her, was like befriending a mirror. Two of the same — same dreams, same Saturday afternoon preferences, same favorite books. She wanted companionship from one just like her.

Underneath it all I could see — my little girl wanted to be known and the way she thought to get there the fastest was to find someone who was her.

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