When a Sibling is Mentally Ill, A Love Story: Interview with Memoir Author Martha Graham-Waldon

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When a Sibling is Mentally Ill, A Love Story: Interview with Memoir Author Martha Graham-Waldon

Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Martha Graham-Waldon/@marthagw

“I consider this book to be a tribute to my sister and to my family. It is my hope that it will also serve as a voice for those who may be experiencing turmoil in their families. It is the voice that I wish I had had in my life; it is a voice of hope.” ~Martha Graham-Waldon

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, approximately 1 in 5 youth, aged 13–18 (21.4%), experiences a severe mental disorder at some point during their life. For children aged 8–15, the estimate is 13 %.

Martha Graham-Waldon knows first-hand what these statistics mean. Her beloved older sister, Kathy, was diagnosed with schizophrenia at the age of fifteen. Martha has written Nothing Like Normal: Surviving A Sibling’s Schizophrenia, a compelling memoir that invites us all into the heart-wrenching world of a family who watches a beloved sister /daughter descend further, despite valiant efforts to help her.

This is appropriate for the upcoming Valentine’s Day holiday. At the heart of it is a poignant love story.

My reviews of Nothing Like Normal can be found on Amazon, Goodreads, LibraryThings and Riffle.

Welcome, Martha!

When a Sibling is Mentally Ill, A Love Story

KP: Although the statistics reveal the prevalence of mental illness in our society, there is still a stigma associated with mental disorders. What words of advice do you have for other families who are experiencing mental illness in a beloved family member? How did you overcome the stigma, if you experienced it?

MGW: It is important to be there for a family member in crisis but at the same time, you yourself will need support as you deal with the effects of their illness on you and your family. There are many organizations such as NAMI that offer support programs for families affected by mental illness.

Stigma is a negative label that stereotypes groups of people including those with mental health challenges. It can be hurtful and make people feel ashamed of themselves or their family member. Feeling stigmatized and criticized can lead to individuals not seeking help for their mental health issues. To combat stigma, it’s important to realize and explain to others that mental illness is actually a medical illness like any other physical illness. Just like diabetes is a disease of the pancreas for example, mental illness affects the brain. Early treatment and diagnosis are important so you should seek professional help if you suspect a family member is experiencing a mental health crisis.

KP: What made you decide to tell your story about your sister’s mental illness?

MGW: I chose to tell my story as a way to explore and reconcile myself with my past. Writing my memoir was a very healing and cathartic experience for me in that regard. But I also wanted to share my story in the hope that it would help others, especially young people and families navigating through the rough waters when mental health issues first come to the surface. There is a period of adjustment for the entire family after the diagnosis of a mental health disorder.

KP: What challenges did you encounter in writing your story? Did your family support your memoir writing?

MGW: Writing my story was painful because I had to relive many difficult parts of my past in order to better understand them. I chose to probe through journals, poetry, prose and family letters to reconstruct and recreate what had taken place and then reflect on what I had learned in order to heal from past hurts.

When I finished my first draft and found a publisher, I spoke to the surviving members of my family and allowed them to read the manuscript in case they were not comfortable with being included in the story. I am very fortunate to have a very supportive family and they all agreed to be included and even allowed me to use their real names!

KP: You were able to capture many vivid details of your sister’s descent and your family’s response. What strategies did you use to recapture the memories, especially the painful ones?

MGW: I found I was experiencing many memories, some joyful and some painful, and as they arose for me I would jot them down, sometimes in the middle of the night or at odd times. I always kept my cell phone next to my bed to record thoughts I could expand on the next day. I took my time with each memory, processing one at a time so they would not be overwhelming as I re-created scenes that had taken place in my past.

I also utilized methods taught by Brooke Warner and Linda Joy Meyers of the National Association of Memoir Writers to sort through my writing and create a scaffolding and timeline of important turning points in my life. At one point, I literally cut and pasted paragraphs and passages I had written into a coherent, chronological order on a huge poster board! Once this framework was created, I knew a book could emerge.

KP: How did you decide on the structure of your memoir–how you told your story?

MGW: I decided to start with a dramatic event and then retell the story as it leads up to that event. I shifted between the past and present tense in my writing although my editor advised me to change to just the past tense. Eventually we ended up with a happy medium that includes mostly the past tense mixed in with the present tense that is effective.

KP: Do you have any memoir writing tips to share that may help others wanting to share their story?

MGW: Study the memoir writing genre and connect with the vibrant writing community you can discover online and in real life. I took a memoir writing course offered through the public library and memoir workshops and seminars online and in person. Read as many memoirs as you can. All these things will help you find your own voice. Don’t get discouraged and try to write a little each day, even if it’s only for 15 minutes.

KP: What is the main takeaway for your readers; the thing that you most wanted to accomplish by writing this story?

MGW: I hope it will help others to realize that they are not alone in their experience of mental illness in a family setting. The more that we can share our stories, the more united we are as a community in overcoming the stigma of mental illness, giving us all hope.

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Thank you, Martha for sharing your heartfelt story and for offering valuable memoir writing tips. Your ability to capture the turning points and put them into scenes make your memoir a compelling one. Through your own personal story, you will reach many who are struggling with mental illness in a loved one by offering a message of hope and love.

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About the Author:

Martha Graham-Waldon is a writer, spiritual entrepreneur and armchair activist who resides in the Santa Cruz Mountains of California with her family and a menagerie of pets. Her articles have been published locally, internationally and online. She is a winner of the 2015 Women’s Memoirs contest for a vignette based on her memoir in the anthology, Tales of our Lives. Her memoir Nothing Like Normal—Surviving a Sibling’s Schizophrenia was published by Black Opal Books and is available on Amazon. A member of the National Association of Memoir Writers, Martha also loves travel, the outdoors, Jazzercise and music. For more information, please visit www.nothinglikenormal.com and twitter @marthagw.

Book Synopsis:

Nothing Like Normal Synopsis:

After an idyllic childhood, the strains of adolescence send one sister spiraling down into a mental breakdown, leaving her younger sibling and family to cope with the aftermath. The younger sister must now face her fears and find her own truth or be pulled in the same direction as her former mentor. How she survives while navigating the ups and downs of their volatile teen years leads to an inspiring and endearing story.