Hard Truth 213: The Illusion of Success

Here’s the god-honest truth: anything I type in a status update box on Facebook is automatically true.

Only 10 spots remain!

Almost sold out — the last 4 tickets are waiting!

I just booked an amazing speaking gig in Europe!

My book just hit the bestseller list!

I AM SO HAPPY.

If I type it, it’s true. Mostly because you don’t know any different.

Social media is THE place to fake it until you make it. If others perceive you as happy or successful, then they’ll be more likely to trust what you say and more likely to buy from you. They’ll envy your life. They’ll think you have something that they want.

It’s Trust 101 — if someone else thinks you’re awesome and other people have already bought from you, then it’s much more likely that I’ll buy from you. I’ll do what you say you did to get to where you are.

Because it’s easier to trust you because you say you’re happy and successful.

But today’s hard truth is one I deal with nearly every day — not only with my clients but for my brand and business as well.

And that truth is that success is often an illusion — and a slippery little fucker to boot.

And maybe right now you’re ready to unsubscribe or close this post because I said “fucker.” Hang tight — because if you’re read this far, I will tell you something else that is 100% true. And not just because I wrote it.

We spend way too much time measuring our own success by measuring it against the perceived successes of others.

And social media helps — because all we have to go on is what the successful people tell us is true.

This course has limited enrollment and there are only 3 slots left!

**You haven’t sold a single fucking course and you need to sell at least 2 to make your rent this month.

My book made the bestseller list!

**Pretty much any book — including mine — has been on Amazon’s bestseller list. And the day I learned you can buy your spot on the New York Times Bestseller list, I stopped giving a shit about being on a bestseller list.

I just booked a speaking engagement in Europe!

**You sure did. And you have to pay your own airfare and hotel to get there, you’re not getting paid for the gig, and you’re doing it because someone promised you it would be great “exposure.” Exposure to your damned bank account is about the extent of it.

I had 8 auditions this week and 5 callbacks! WOW! I’m so blessed!

**Yes, you did. For second-rate theatres in the suburbs that will never get reviewed and do nothing to advance your career. Not only that — you do musical theatre and I do not, will not, and never will so why am I clicking LIKE on this status update?!

My husband just got me this gorgeous Michael Kors handbag for my birthday!

**And you’re 2 payments late on your mortgage, it was bought on a credit card that is now maxed out, and you’re living paycheck to paycheck even though you both lease a Lexus.

Success and happiness without qualifiers are slippery slopes to get roped into climbing.

And it’s hard. It’s so fucking hard to see someone humble-brag and not want what they have — the successful business, the amazing boyfriend, the gorgeous wedding, the spiffy car, the trip to Europe.

We’re human. We WANT things and experiences that validate all the effort we’ve poured into the pursuit of what we love.

And here’s what I can tell you having run my own ship for over 8 years now:

When I have 3 slots left in my Mastermind, I say there are 3 spots left. Usually because I only take 1 to 3 new clients at a time because I operate one-on-one and not one-to-many with recordings and some shit like that. It’s okay for some folks. It’s just now how I roll.

When shit goes wrong, I share it. I don’t hide it.

When everyone else was (is) building an online course to do the whole passive income thing, I tried. Holy shit, I tried to build a course. Corbett Barr over at Fizzle.co was even mentoring me through the process. I emailed him one day and said, “I can’t do this because I don’t want to do this. Fuck this.” He said, cool — don’t do it unless it’s something you totally want to do.

Every day, I’m confronted with other performers who are on stages that are a dream for me to be on one day — and what got them there, I’ll never know. This industry is a curious combination of talent, timing, who looks good standing next to whom, reputation, personal bias, and perhaps a phase of the moon and whether or not you happen to look like the director’s psycho ex-wife. Every day, I struggle with doing MY best and bringing ME to my work — and one day, I’ll be on those stages and people will wonder how I got there. I’ll be honest and say, “A shitload of hard work, a little luck and timing, and some unicorn’s blood.”

And the people who tell you that they’re nothing BUT happy and successful…well, they’re editing. Censoring.

Leaving out the juicy bits like the lost yoga mats, foibles, fuck-ups, and days where your thong rides up your ass more than it hovers.

Because the truth is life and business aren’t pretty things.

They’re not.

They’re beautiful, but they aren’t at all pretty.

And I’d be much more inclined to ask for help and want to be friends with someone who embraces the messiest parts of whatever endeavor they’re pursuing.

Some people aren’t comfortable sharing those things, either. And that’s cool. There’s a metric ass ton of bullshit we each have to go through — woven into our life fabric since childhood — to decide to be open and vulnerable.

So, the next time you’re wooed by the prettiness of someone else’s success and amazing life — just ask:

IS this something I want?

Am I jealous about this because I think it’s something I CAN’T HAVE?

IS this REAL?

DO I CARE?

If you care — that’s the big one — then make a list of everything you’ve accomplished this year. Read it back to yourself.

Pat yourself on the back because you showed up and got shit done.

And then ask the next most useful question — what can I learn from this person’s accomplishments?

Because happiness and success in this highly digital world we live in…they’re oftentimes illusions and both slippery little fuckers.

My life got immeasurably better when I took the time to sort out what I truly wanted…

because most of the time, it had nothing to do with what the person I was envious of had.

Social media is a dangerous place to measure our success — because everything we write is categorically true even though it might be the world’s biggest lie.

And success to me…might not be success to you.

Fuck yeah, rhyming.

Why happiness and success are slippery fuckers.
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Why social media is a dangerous place to measure your success.
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