TMNT 2: Out of the Shadows Trailer dropped
Let me start by saying that I enjoyed the first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie.
Well, the first 90's movie I'm pretty sure I know by heart.
As I should. Anybody who grew up in that era studied the abridged book of ninja fighting. But I'm actually talking about the Michael Bay produced Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles flick.
That one.
And like any sensible human being, you're probably asking, "HOW?!" before logging off the Internet and flipping over the nearest table.
Don't get me wrong. It was an awful movie. Flat out terrible. I haven't even watched it in forever and I can list so very many things wrong with it. Actually, I'll do one better:
Normally those videos are between five and ten minutes. That Movie Sins is twenty three minutes long. And just to put that into a little more perspective, the movie itself wasn't even ninety minutes. That's just how wrong it was.
So! How could I have enjoyed it? Let me show you:
I got drunk.
To give a little more perspective, I seldom drink. Pretty much not at all. Two beers for me is a case for most of my friends. When I want to get wild at a bar, I'll have a Coke.
So yes, I went to the theater, bought my ticket, and because all the theaters near me serve VERY over priced alcohol (seriously guys, you're not a baseball stadium), I had some of the most expensive Blue Moons in human history as the bartender told me all about how we owe many of our scientific advances to the nazis.
True story.
Unsolicited, mind you. She asked what movie I was seeing. I said, "I just watched Guardians of the Galaxy and I still don't feel like dealing with the world, so I'm going to see Ninja Turtles. I grew up with the cartoons and I'm just curious enough that I want to give this one a chance." And those were about all the words I got in before she spoiled the ending to just about every Fast & Furious movie and told me we owe all sorts of technology to the incredibly industrious nazis. She couldn't tell me specifically what technology exactly. She just knew they were incredibly advance. I made a sideways remark about how they must've been the next Atlantians and she didn't get it. So I finished my beer in the theater and made a point never, ever order drinks from that bar again.
Maybe I was just in a good mood. I was definitely more than buzzed. I'd just watched a thoroughly enjoyable Guardians of the Galaxy and was thrilled to actually be doing a double feature. Maybe it was because I'd just met somebody who was so incredibly worse than the movie I was watching. But I had a really good time watching it.
I knew I shouldn't have. I kept finding flaw after flaw after flaw. The story was so inconsistent and outright dumb that I, a writer, became totally sympathetic to Hollywood studios for not wanting to give writers much money. I kept pointing stuff out to myself like, "There's no giant snowy mountain next to Manhattan. Especially not in springtime." Again, I'll leave the full list for Movie Sins. But it was so much bad stuff that I couldn't help but smile.
Sure it's awful. But it's fun too.
How long has it been since I've seen a movie where the villains evil scheme is to poison all of New York and then say something like, "And then we'll rule the city!"
How do you get mad at that?
How do you not shart yourself a little with laughter?
It hit enough good beats that I was thoroughly entertained. The turtles' personalities were spot on. Their banter made me just nostalgic enough. Splinter and Shredder's fight was actually pretty sweet. That scene in the elevator somehow worked.
Somehow.
It was just good, dumb, lighthearted fun.
Anyway, the trailer for the new movie dropped today. And while I was going to write an entry about it being my birthday and I'm sure something incredibly melancholy to go with it, I thought instead I'd just share a small laugh and say, "I kinda want to see it."
Here you go:
Well, the first 90's movie I'm pretty sure I know by heart.
As I should. Anybody who grew up in that era studied the abridged book of ninja fighting. But I'm actually talking about the Michael Bay produced Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles flick.
That one.
And like any sensible human being, you're probably asking, "HOW?!" before logging off the Internet and flipping over the nearest table.
Don't get me wrong. It was an awful movie. Flat out terrible. I haven't even watched it in forever and I can list so very many things wrong with it. Actually, I'll do one better:
Normally those videos are between five and ten minutes. That Movie Sins is twenty three minutes long. And just to put that into a little more perspective, the movie itself wasn't even ninety minutes. That's just how wrong it was.
So! How could I have enjoyed it? Let me show you:
I got drunk.
To give a little more perspective, I seldom drink. Pretty much not at all. Two beers for me is a case for most of my friends. When I want to get wild at a bar, I'll have a Coke.
So yes, I went to the theater, bought my ticket, and because all the theaters near me serve VERY over priced alcohol (seriously guys, you're not a baseball stadium), I had some of the most expensive Blue Moons in human history as the bartender told me all about how we owe many of our scientific advances to the nazis.
True story.
Unsolicited, mind you. She asked what movie I was seeing. I said, "I just watched Guardians of the Galaxy and I still don't feel like dealing with the world, so I'm going to see Ninja Turtles. I grew up with the cartoons and I'm just curious enough that I want to give this one a chance." And those were about all the words I got in before she spoiled the ending to just about every Fast & Furious movie and told me we owe all sorts of technology to the incredibly industrious nazis. She couldn't tell me specifically what technology exactly. She just knew they were incredibly advance. I made a sideways remark about how they must've been the next Atlantians and she didn't get it. So I finished my beer in the theater and made a point never, ever order drinks from that bar again.
Maybe I was just in a good mood. I was definitely more than buzzed. I'd just watched a thoroughly enjoyable Guardians of the Galaxy and was thrilled to actually be doing a double feature. Maybe it was because I'd just met somebody who was so incredibly worse than the movie I was watching. But I had a really good time watching it.
I knew I shouldn't have. I kept finding flaw after flaw after flaw. The story was so inconsistent and outright dumb that I, a writer, became totally sympathetic to Hollywood studios for not wanting to give writers much money. I kept pointing stuff out to myself like, "There's no giant snowy mountain next to Manhattan. Especially not in springtime." Again, I'll leave the full list for Movie Sins. But it was so much bad stuff that I couldn't help but smile.
Sure it's awful. But it's fun too.
How long has it been since I've seen a movie where the villains evil scheme is to poison all of New York and then say something like, "And then we'll rule the city!"
How do you get mad at that?
How do you not shart yourself a little with laughter?
It hit enough good beats that I was thoroughly entertained. The turtles' personalities were spot on. Their banter made me just nostalgic enough. Splinter and Shredder's fight was actually pretty sweet. That scene in the elevator somehow worked.
Somehow.
It was just good, dumb, lighthearted fun.
Anyway, the trailer for the new movie dropped today. And while I was going to write an entry about it being my birthday and I'm sure something incredibly melancholy to go with it, I thought instead I'd just share a small laugh and say, "I kinda want to see it."
Here you go:
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