A Gifted Child is Not a Perfect Child - So Why is There Still a Stigma?

You all know me by now in that my life has become an open book on my blog not because my life is so much interesting than yours but so others can relate and hopefully know they are not alone.
 
The last two weeks have been ridiculously overwhelming.  They probably didn’t need to be but because I’m a Type A, everything becomes overwhelming.
 
To make a long story short, Madelyne’s preschool teacher thought she had major behavioral problems so I took Madelyne to be evaluated by a psychologist and it turns out that she has a “superior IQ in the gifted range.”  Surprise!
 
Before you say anything, I know what you’re thinking, “her preschool teacher mentioned behavioral problems and you took her to be evaluated by a child psychologist.”  Ummm…yes.  I am Type A.  Enough said.
 
Anyway, the psychologist recommended pulling her from the preschool program because it was causing more harm than good.  She also recommended applying to a gifted private school in the area. 
 
I pulled her, applied to the school, had classroom visits, and Madelyne nor myself and parents liked the school.  All this happened within 4 days.  (I admit that a couple of Xanax was needed during this time.  Anxiety disorder + Type A = Xanax.)
 
Now, while all of this was happening, I did what most people do when seeking advice – I asked my Facebook friends for advice.  (If you can’t ask your Facebook friends, whom can you ask?)  And the answers I received pissed me off.
 
Let me clarify for a second.  The advice from friends was supportive, understanding and definitely helped me to put the Xanax down.  What pissed me off was the fact that some of the friends who helped give me advice are people I’ve known for years but had no idea that their children are gifted too.  And before advice was given, everyone pretty much put the same disclaimer:  “I don’t want to come across like I’m bragging about my child.”
 
That thinking is so wrong but unfortunately, so right at the same time.  There is a stigma surrounding gifted children – AND IT’S WRONG.  Our children are different because they have a higher intelligence and as parents, we keep it a secret.  That’s not fair.
 
Do you want to know how Madelyne’s giftedness has already affected her and she’s only 4-years-old?  The kids at her preschool called her weird and didn’t want to play with her.  She ended up spending all of her free time in the book nook – alone.  The kids didn’t even play with her on the playground.  On top of that, her teacher repeatedly told her throughout the day, every day, that she was not listening and therefore was spending a lot of her day in “time out.”  The day before I pulled Madelyne from that preschool her teacher said to me in front of Madelyne, “Madelyne told me today that she had a hard time listening because she wasn’t learning anything new.  I told her that until she learned to listen, I wasn’t going to teach her anything new.”  That was a week ago and I’m still fuming.
 
Now, if you still think I’m whining because I have a gifted child and should just get over myself, let me tell you about some of the behavioral traits that most gifted children have:

Perfectionism:  If Madelyne doesn’t get something right the first time, she won’t do it anymore.  Whether it’s a dance step, missing the goal when her and I play soccer in the backyard or even hitting a balloon back and forth.  If she misses just once, she walks away.Overly sensitive:  If I get upset with Madelyne (usually because she’s fooling around) I can say in a normal voice, “Madelyne are you fooling around?”  The first words out of her mouth are, “Do you still love me, Mommy?”  No she’s not being manipulative.  She actually feels that if I am upset with her, that that means I don’t love her anymore.  Do you know how heartbreaking that is to hear? Easily frustrated:  Think about how frustrating it might be to have the mind of say, a 5th grader, but the body of a 4-year-old.  Madelyne is learning to write but she gets frustrated when her little hands do not have the dexterity to write.  Also, Madelyne tested at the “very superior” range for vocabulary.  She is in the 96% percentile, which means that only 4% of all 4-year-olds have a better vocabulary range.  Can you imagine having all of these big words in your head but not knowing how to spell and/or write them down?Socially behind:  Madelyne may have gifted intelligence but she is a little socially behind, which is typical with gifted children.  Academically, she can probably skip a grade.  Socially, she would never make it in a skipped grade. 
Now do you understand why parents of gifted children feel the need to hide their giftedness?  A gifted child is not a perfect child.  Let me repeat that:  A gifted child is not a perfect child.  There are many layers beneath a gifted child’s IQ. 
 
Do you know how much I wish Madelyne were “normal?”  When I found out Madelyne might be gifted, I was excited.  When I got back the results of her IQ evaluation, I was one proud parent.  But the treatment from others made me look at her giftedness as a negative.  I wanted to wrap it in a box and pretend it’s not there.  Her preschool teacher ostracized her and some of my own friends have backed away.
 
Thank GOD for family, friends and those of you who braved the stigma to give me really awesome advice.  You don’t even know how much it means to me to have all of you to lean on.  Madelyne and I start therapy today (just a parent session today) and will have to go twice a month.  This is so Madelyne can learn to deal with her gifted behavioral traits in a healthy positive manner and so I can learn the right words to use when she is having a hard time.  Do all gifted children have to go to therapy?  Absolutely not!  But as you all know, I’m a big advocate of therapy (hello – three years of weekly sessions to finally realize my ex is a waste of space) and therefore, it’s the right course of action for us.
 
So what’s the point of this post?  Is it to brag about Madelyne?  Is it so people feel sorry for Madelyne?  Sorry for me?  Nope.  It’s to educate and help people understand that giftedness should not be a negative stigma.  In fact, there shouldn’t be any negative stigma attached to children and that includes autism, down syndrome, ADHD, or anything else I forgot.  Every child is unique and every child has his or her own gift to share with the world. 
 
I’m not naïve to think that Madelyne will go through life without being bullied.  It happens, especially with girls because we can be catty.  I expect and accept that from kids.  I don’t expect nor should accept it from adults.