Chronicles of an Only
Option 1: Shivering, alone, forgotten. She sits in sorrow, aimlessly parading a doll on the floor in front of her, a quivering lip accompanying her dripping tears. Outside, children are yelling and playing in the reverie of youth, joyous shouts connecting them. But not her. She sits alone, plays alone, basks in a flood of emptiness.
Option 2: The smirk on her face isn’t becoming of her age; it insinuates an arrogance befitting of a sassy teenager. She parades around in name brand clothes, of course, barking orders at children, at adults, at anyone with ears. All eyes are on her. If they aren’t, she makes sure they are. She is the leader, the boss, the princess. The uncomfortable truth? She is only five-years-old.
When you tell people you are an only child, they are immersed in versions of one of the above options. “Onlys” certainly travel a one-of-a-kind journey through childhood, but we do not all fit nicely into one of the above categories. We are not social freaks from not having built-in family playmates, nor are we all conceited, spoiled brats. Sure, I will never understand what it’s like to share my toys, my parents’ attention, my bedroom with another child. I tend to like to be the leader in a group situation. And yes, there were times I wished I had a playmate. Like anything in life, being an only has its own challenges, its own characteristics–but as an adult, I now realize it also has its own benefits.
You Learn to Like Yourself
As an only, you do certainly spend more time playing alone than those with siblings. However, I think this gave me a sense of self-confidence I may not have gained through siblings. I had to become my own best friend in a sense because I didn’t have built-in best friends my age. This translates into confidence in myself today, which has certainly helped me in my job as a teacher…you definitely need confidence to stand in front of thirty some teenagers at a time, trust me!
2. You Become Best Friends With Your Parents
Onlys tend to grow very close to their parents because they are your sole family…which I think is a great thing. My parents have been my best friends my whole life. Being an only allows you to forge deeper relationships with your parents, if nothing else than for the reason you aren’t sharing attention with other siblings.
3. You Gain an Active Imagination
Again, playing alone means you have to entertain yourself. I can remember being very young and making up all kinds of stories for my Barbies and dolls. I would even write my own imaginative tales. Being an only helps you foster an imagination, if nothing else than for the simple fact you don’t have anyone else to play the Ken doll if your parents are busy. You learn to create dialogue for yourself; you learn to make up stories to entertain yourself. This has certainly come in handy as a writer. I attribute a lot of my creativity to my early days when, lacking a constant playmate at home, I would create my own stories.
Are you an only? Do you think you gained any benefits from being an only child? Are you the parent of an only child? Let’s talk about what makes onlys special and not the stereotypical, spoiled, bratty kids society sometimes paints us as :)
Lindsay Detwiler, Voice of Innocence and Without You
