Just Make It Stop!!!!

If for some odd reason that I ever thought of having another child, that idea was thrown clear out the window yesterday.  Now homeschooling makes sense!  And all those wacko families on Wife Swap who live off the grid are really the smart parents.  Why?  Because if I see one more piece of paperwork in my child's school enrollment process, I will flip the eff out.

I posted a blog about this a month ago.  I have very rarely posted the same topic twice.  But as I sit here and look over the ridiculous amount of extra paperwork I received from Madelyne's preschool orientation yesterday, I'm crying on the inside while yelling, "Dear GOD. Jesus, Mary, and all the apostles please have mercy and make this stop!!"

I literally turned in 14 pages of paperwork yesterday.  I was damn proud of myself.  Even the preschool teacher complimented me on my organization skills.   As I looked around the room at parents who were rapidly filling out paperwork, I thought, "good job parents.  Waiting until the last minute.  Great example."  And that's when I saw it.  They weren't filling out the old paperwork. They were filling out NEW paperwork.  I.  Just.  Can't.

I swear to GOD my Bar application wasn't this complicated!  For two hours this morning, I worked on a case for a client involving an LLC.  I HATED business organizations in school but just now, after only 10 minutes of trying to navigate through the gates of paperwork/internet enrollment hell, I would gladly take business organizations class all over again then fill out one more piece of paper.

Not only is there paperwork, I have to register on three different websites!  I almost went off on my mom when she said that, "they made things so much easier now with computers."  REALLY MOM?  You want to go there?  When I started school, you probably dropped me off with a piece of notebook paper that you probably ripped out of the notebook that morning and scrawled my name across it so the teacher had an idea of who I was.

Thirty years later, my child has a fricken school ID number.  IN PRESCHOOL!  I need this number to do anything within the school district website.  After a while, I'm probably going to forget Madelyne's name and just recite her ID number.  

I have to put money on her lunch "credit card."  Isn't that cute?  She has a little credit card.  What's going to happen when she tries using it at McDonald's?  AND lunch is NOT cheap!  It's $2.40 for lunch.  And is it just one item on the menu?  Noooooo - kids have options now.  On just one day, this is what the menu looks like:

Choices:
-Cheese or Pepperoni pizza
-Soybutter and Jelly sandwiches
-Chicken Ceasar Salad & Breadstick
-Mixed greens
-Baby Carrots
-Celery Sticks
-Grapes
-Banana

In my day, a lunch tray consisted of the following:
-One square pizza slice that was missing half the cheese
-Every vegetable in the world mixed together for the "health" portion of lunch
-A carton of milk that never opened the right way so you had to try to make a hole to put your straw

That's it.  If you didn't like lunch, you were shit out of luck until you got home.  

I also have to register for the Parent Contact Manager Account.  Huh?  Why are you contacting me?  Unless my child is bleeding, in huge trouble or did something so utterly horrific that warrants a phone call, I'm good with dropping her off at school without knowing anything.  I'll ask her at dinner how was her day, she'll say it was fine, and we'll talk again at her high school graduation.

When does it end?  Madelyne is 4 and she already has a paper trail!  I pretty much want to crawl into a fetal position and rock myself while I cry.  Seriously.