A Message

A friend's father died on Friday and her mother is also sick. While she has as much knowledge about grief as I do, we all know that parent grief is different. And having lost both my parents– a year and a half ago for my mom and coming up on ten years for my dad– I thought about what I would tell her if she asked me for any thoughts.

And there was one thought that came to me, the one that I remind myself of each day:

Be who your parents wanted you to be.

My parents knew from an early age I wanted to be a writer. My mom was good about fostering creativity in the house: always supplying us with paper to draw on along with crayons and markers. While she didn't consider herself a creative person, her creativity was endless because she was feeding us with mechanisms to play with (my play kitchen was filled with jello boxes and other cardboard items that she thought I could use for pretend food). She taught us to cook and bake at an early age, always including us in making cookies. She taught me to sew. I could go on and on.

Honestly, I didn't see this until after she died but it seems like the further I get from her death and the more I spend my time trying to be the person I've always wanted to be, it all comes flooding back.

It's easy to get caught up in so much every day, especially because we have responsibility swirling around us– family, work. But life is short and losing our parents is a reminder that we won't have them forever. We can best remember them by being who they wanted us to be. It takes work but it also means I'm becoming who I've always wanted to be.