zanopticon:
A fun thing about experiencing depression in...
A fun thing about experiencing depression in punctuated episodes is that you can look back on, say, a year ago, when being alive felt like a truly cruel joke being played on you in excruciatingly slow motion, and think I do not ever have to feel that way again.
You can believe that improbable lie.
You can believe it LOUD. You can YELL ABOUT IT.
I know you’ve had a rough time / here I come to hijack you / I’m making the most of the night
This weekend I was trying to distill a bunch of things about DFW down into a sentence and the best thing I could come up with was: “You can’t, like, engage with the positive, life-affirming things he said without really understanding that he said them because he wanted to die.”
I’m not saying that Carly Rae Jepsen is doing the same thing, only that when she says I know you’ve had a rough time, and the rest of the night spills over into sharp-edged, perfectly executed pop, it does the same thing to me.
Also, after this summer’s foray into stadium shows, it’s really fun to see an artist who’s at a point in her career where she’s excited to get people excited, instead of being up so high that falling is not longer a threat; it’s an inevitability.
Zan on the CRJ show we went to last night.
After the show we drove around scream-singing to top tracks, Heart Attack, Girl Almighty, Teenage Dirtbag.
A fun thing about experiencing anxiety is that sharp bursts of something stronger can temporarily short circuit the anxiety mainframe and leave with nothing besides pleasure. The pleasure of good music and sharing it with good company. The pleasure of knowing all the words and shouting them.
At the very end of the night, I drove Zan home and she put on Fuck and Run, and in union we dropped out of our high pop registers and sung in a Liz Phair growl. We both knew to sing louder at “I can feel it in my bones / I’m going to spend my whole life alone.” We sang all the words together, and then poured ourselves to bed, temporarily perfect.
