There are three things you should know about today:
It's Friday.I'm on a diet.I don't feel like doing real work.
So, as a result, I am going to write a blog post that is fun, filled with cat memes, and filled with food. So, as most of you probably feel, dieting sucks. Why? Because in the over-fooded culture we live in, we like to eat. So when we deprive ourselves of this thing called "eating" (for any reason--medical, vanity, or otherwise) it makes us grumpy.
Very, very grumpy. But grumpy is cute, right?
Making that decision--to go on a diet--isn't easy, as we all know. In fact, "starting a diet tomorrow" can very easily turn into "starting a diet in three years... or four years... or when you're dead."
Maybe, instead of a weight loss diet, we should put the doors on a weight gain diet.
Some struggle with dieting laziness. After all, breaking habits is hard. "But laziness should help!" you say. "Just don't make food at all!" If only it were that easy. But even people on diets get hungry and also like the taste of food. So what's the easiest solution? Dominoes. Hot Pockets. Chips. Other carbs.
The Dominoes App is amazing.
So then you just have to quit buying snacks or only buying "healthy" (what does that word even mean?) snacks to munch on. At least it's slightly-healthier-than-Dominoes-or-Hot-Pockets-food.
Ugh it's the worst. When you're just a little hungry but your only two options are "nothing" and "a fully prepared meal that will take at least an hour."
Starting out is exciting: "I'm going to improve myself SO MUCH!" The beneficent grocery store bestows so many wonderful, goal-achieving green stuff that we all know tastes bland at best. But soon, we will look like whoever it is we're trying to look like.
You and me both, cat.
Then Day 2 rolls around...
I like to cuddle with my cake. Cake is such a good cuddler.
And Day 3 you tried to recuperate what you lost...
And Day 4...
What is a diet if you don't fall off the wagon at least every other day?
Maybe someone tries to help you out. They say no when you ask them to get you a snack, or steal your wallet so you can't hit up Pizza Hut.
Your stomach growls every morning, early, waking you up and begging for attention.
Everyone else's food looks soooooooooo good....
You can't stop thinking about food. Ever.
You even begin to consider cannibalism (okay, well, maybe not, but it's a good thing they don't make bacon cologne.)
And then, something happens. It's out of your control. You just can't say no to the most wonderful people you've ever met... you colleagues, your friends, your soul mates, the random human/alien you met on the street...
I have no idea what AK is. Arkansas?
And the next morning your significant catches you not being on a diet any more.
And they're fine with it. They were tired of seeing this face every day.
And this face:
Besides, we all know...
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*All memes were found on Google searching "food cat memes" and "diet cat memes" on July 24, 2015.