Resilience Under Fire: Dealing with Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Interview with Memoir Author Lucinda Clarke
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler with Lucinda Clarke
“If your parent has NPD then s/he can not, and will not, ever love you. Understand this, accept it and move on. It will be less painful in the long term.”~Lucinda Clarke
I am very pleased to feature Memoir Author Lucinda Clarke as my guest. Linda and I met on Facebook when I posted a link to a blog post about my loving , supportive mother . In the course of the conversation, Lucinda revealed that her mother had suffered from a condition called Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and how difficult it was for her to feel positive about her childhood memories. She wrote a memoir, Walking Over Eggshells, to capture the experience. Since I have such a close and positive relationship with my mother, I was immediately intrigued and downloaded her book. Also, as a health care provider, I had little experience with this disorder and wanted to know more about it. She offers a vivid and raw view, laced with a sense of humor that kept me turning the pages.
Here are my reviews on: Amazon, Goodreads, Shelfari, LibraryThings and Riffle
Welcome. Lucinda!
Memoir Author Lucinda E. Clarke
KP: The topics you cover in Walking on Eggshells –an insensitive, cruel mother, an irresponsible, though charismatic husband and multiple moves across eight different countries were difficult to read about let alone experience first hand. What made you decide to write your story and share it with the world?
LC:I initially wrote an account of my life with my mother and subsequent travels for my children, but they were not too interested. I had wanted to explain to them where I had come from and why events had shaped my relationship with them. It was only after my mother had died, that I discovered from two quite unrelated sources she most likely had NPD. Now I could pinpoint her actions and reactions, especially as I joined a couple of forums and realized there were thousands of us out there. Despite all my early problems, and further ones with my charismatic but irresponsible husband, I survived and I wanted to share that and encourage others to survive as well.
KP: You tell your story with a mixture of raw honesty, sense of humor and courage. How did you find the strength to revisit your past and dredge up so many painful memories?
LC: It was painful at times. Even now, little things jump into my memory and it hurts all over again. It can be a woman in the street hugging a child, a pair of shoes in a shop window, a soppy Disney film. When I look back, I often cringe at all the awful things I did, but I was also driven to write. That’s what I am, a writer. I’ve been writing for a living since 1986 and the desire to write, help, inform, encourage and enlighten together were sufficient to overcome the raw hurt I experienced while putting it all on paper.
KP: Your memoir clearly addresses the long-term impact of emotional abuse on a person and family. But it is also a travel memoir in that we travel with you to many different countries. How did you find the structure to tell your story?
LC: I wasn’t very clever about this! I started from my earliest memory at the age of 3 and moved in a linear fashion to after my mother died and I had retired. I didn’t try to be too literary, as I wanted the message to be loud and clear, yet at the same time I was determined to make the book as easy a read as possible, so it was not all doom and gloom. My sense of humor is over developed, and I used this to lighten the book.
KP: What is the main message you hope to convey to your readers through your story? Your memoir takeaways?
LC: You can survive, you really can. If I can do it, anyone can. It’s our strongest instinct and if you look realistically at yourself, honestly recognize your own strengths and weaknesses and MOST IMPORTANTLY understand you are not to blame. You are OK and the world is OK and your parent is NOT OK.
KP: You happily are in a much better place now than you were then. What was it like to go back and reflect on your choices and circumstances?
LC: I guess fate or circumstances tossed me around like a rubber ball and most times I was not in control of events. For example, I never considered walking away from my marriage because I didn’t have a financial safety net (no benefits in Africa), and I was part of the old school that you made your bed and you lay in it. There was no way I was going to run back home either, that was a far worse option! It wasn’t until I was in my mid forties I suddenly realized I had no security for the future, no pension plan, no life insurance and no medical cover that I realized things would never change and I would have to stand on my own feet. That’s when I went back to South Africa on my own with my youngest. I really believe that most of us can make a plan when we have to , we are far stronger than we think.
KP: Do you have any memoir writing tips to share or other thought on lessons learned from writing your memoir to share with readers?
LC: Many people have said to me they would like to write a book and the answer is ‘Go and write it.’ It’s only when you have it down on paper that you can see how to improve it, make it flow and correct grammar and syntax and so on. There are plenty of people who will help, especially on social media! As a writer my biggest lesson wasn’t how to write the book but how to market it, how to tell the world it was there and would they like to read it? I want to help other victims and I feel passionately about getting the word out about mental abuse. The media has been inundated with stories of sexual abuse and while this is insidious and can affect you, often from the age of 20 onwards you are in a position to say NO MORE and life goes on. Emotional abuse never stops. I was over 60 when my mother died and she left behind an emotional whirlpool that continues to this day and will not end in my lifetime. If you have a story of emotional abuse to tell then please share it.
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Thank you, Lucinda for sharing your memoir writer’s journey with us and for enlightening us about the impact of NPD and emotional abuse on family members. You give us hope that one can survive such an ordeal. You also show us how having a healthy sense of humor can be an effective survival tactic. By sharing your story, you give others the courage to share their stories. It fits right in with my mantra:”We are all enlightened, enriched and inspired when we share our hope-one story at a time.”
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Author Bio and Contact Information
From a very early age, Lucinda E Clarke always wanted to write, but was ordered to “get a proper job.” Journalists were required to drink their targets under the table to get a story she was told, and alcohol doesn’t agree with her! So she dutifully trained as a teacher, and has taught in seven different countries – from primary school infants to lecturing adults in Technical College. After suffering a mentally abusive childhood, Lucinda had little defense against the Walter Mitty aspirations of the man she married. They moved from country to country, usually one step ahead of the creditors. Eventually Lucinda found the courage to leave him and began to write and write and write. She graduated from radio, to television and then ran her own video production company, winning over 20 awards along the way. She is now in Spain and writing books (pretending to be retired). She is about to publish her fifth book, a sequel in her series about Amie the young girl she took from the comfort of her English home and dumped into a civil war in Africa. (Amie has yet to forgive her for this).
Blog link: http://lucindaeclarke.wordpress.com
Web page:www.http://lucindaeclarkeauthor.com
Amazon Author Page:http://www.amazon.com/Lucinda-E-Clarke/e/B00FDWB914
email:- lucindaeclarke@gmail.com
Book Synopsis:
WALKING OVER EGGSHELLS
Growing up in a mentally abusive household was never fun, but then I married a Walter Mitty character who took me to Africa and into some ridiculous and dangerous situations! To survive, I worked 24/7. I taught children, ran the worst riding school in the world, bred pet animals, announced on radio, lived on a boat and brought up two children of my own. On the lighter side, I hosted a royal occasion, met heads of state, interviewed Nelson Mandela and shook hands with Prince Charles. Much to my amazement, I ‘fell’ into the media, first writing for radio and television, then directing, and eventually I ran my own video production company and won several awards. However, throughout all this, my mother lurked in the background, always there to remind me what a failure I was. The only thing that saved me from admittance to the nearest mental home was an unfailing sense of humour.
Walking over Eggshells links to free download until 7/15 midnight , PDT
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00E8HSNDW (US)
http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00E8HSNDW (UK)
How about you? Have you ever written or read about emotional abuse or Narcissistic Personality Disorder? What was your reaction?
Lucinda has generously offered to give away three eBooks of Walking Over Eggshells to three commenters whose names will be selected in a random drawing. You can also download her memoir for free through the above links until 7/15.
In addition, Lucinda is offering free downloads of two other memoirs, Truth, Lies and Propaganda and More Truth , Lies and Propaganda until 7/15/15, midnight , PDT:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00QE35BO2
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00VF0S3RG
We’d love to hear from you. Please leave your comments below~
Next Week:
Monday, 07/20/15:
“Help! I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up: Memoir Musings”
Wednesday, 07/22/15:
“Bad Reviews -Why You Must Read Them ( and How to Survive): A WOW Blog Tour with Author Eric Trant”
