RLGL Round 6 Results COMPLETE, Round 7 deadline, 11:59PM CST April 8, 2014

UPDATE: Round 6 Results are now complete. If you sent in your submission after March 27, 11:59PM (provided you have followed all of our insane rules), your submission rolls into Round 7, which ends on April 8, 2014.  Thank you all for your incredible patience. We hope you found that good chew toy to chomp to smithereens while waiting for these results.

This next week is extremely loaded for the pooch.  And if you are considering getting a paid critique from Cynthea while the pooch is busy chasing garbage trucks, watching ANIMAL PLANET, and of course, begging for bacon, please make sure you make the next deadline of May 5, for May submissions for written critiques. Though keep in mind, phone consults may be scheduled at any time that works out for both Cynthea and you.

Now on to Round 6 Results. Again, if you thought your results should have appeared here, double-check your submission and make sure you followed the rules and met the deadline. If you did not, correct your mistake by resubmitting to the correct inbox by the Round 7 deadline.  Arrrrroo!

Round 6 Results

#        Format  Back to Start  Next Pg (250 words)   Notes

0
MG

X*
By now the pooch needs to know where this is headed but the small incident here seems a bit too magnfied –  make the event bigger so the reaction is justified or else your MC will seem TOO weak and oversensitive.


1
MG





5
MG





9
MG





22
PB





28
PB





30
YA
X

This opening is still a bit too veiled. It’s unclear what this story could be about really, with alll the different elements mixed in. Kissy gave up and gave it the paw. Please try again with another work.


38
YA

X*
Pacing is really stalled on this page.  This page and the one before it could really be just one page, once all the extra stuff is taken out.


40
YA

X*
That is a lot to try to remember and keep straight in one page. Try not to dump so much in a short span with so many different characters all at once. Sounds a bit rambling


45
MG

X*
Definitely try to hint that there’s more to the story than what is outlined in chapter 1. Fleshout the setup there a bit more before you break to chapter two. Otherwise the novel feels empty, plotting-wise.


50
PB





62
YA
X

This intro feels a bit too drawn out to get to the part that matters and as a reader, we don’t understand why we would care for this character. What are her hopes. We know what may be getiing in the way of that, but the lack of a positive want or desire makes it difficult to empathize with the MC and her plight.


63
YA





65
MG

X



66
MG





69
PB





77
MG





85
MG





92
YA





93
YA





96
YA





97
MG





104
PB





106
PB





107
MG





109
PB





121
YA
X

Ultimately this opening feels a bit focused on one topic that the characters seem flat overall, see if you can revise this so that it’s clear there is more to them than just this.


125
YA

X



129
YA





134
MG

X*
Bea careful of making the character too unlikeable. If he’s this robotic, we begin to not care about what happens to him. Soften this a little.


147
YA





150
MG





151
MG





154
MG

X



172
PB





183
MG

X*
Very strange location for a chapter break. Work out how to know when to break for chapters.


187
MG





190
PB





191
YA





205
MG





207
MG

ccc
Establish what is so important about the MC’s goal. Unclear and the pooch is losing interest fast. His paw is shaking.


208
PB





209
MG

X*
Be careful of children drinking adult-like drinks, feels really out of character. Pulled us out of the story fast because we wondered if she was much older than we had thought. Easy fix though.


210
PB





211
ER





212
PB





214
MG





219
YA





221
PB

X*
Let’s see where this goes. Same comment as before.


230






234
MG

X



235
CB

X*
Not sure I get what’s at stake here for the MC and what she wants for herself?  Why does any of this truly matter? The opening pages should setup the ride we are about to take.  The pooch is not feeling as pulled in as he should be by this many pages in


238
PB





245
MG

X



251
MG
X

Ultimately, there are too many details here that feel coincidental. Perhaps have the discovery of the coincidence come out more slowly, over time, as they learn new things about the mystery – if in fact, they are deliberartely destined to solve it.


255
PB





264
CB
X

There didn’t seem to be anything on this page that matters to the story.  Be sure to edit out parts that don’t truly matter. This opening could stand to be reworked. As it stands, it feels a bit too much like a play-by-play of an ordinary day, versus a setup for a novel. Your opening needs to feel a bit more distinctive.


265
YA





267
PB





271
MG

X*
Provide more context as to what is headed for the main character. Right now, the pooch doesn’t have too much to go on and the other character is upstaging the main character a bit in these opening pages. Balance this out a bit.


275
PB





276
PB





277
YA





282
PB





283
YA

X*
Now we see what’s going on, but it was a bit disorienting in the beginning. Establish much sooner the species, or we will assume human and not this common speies, unless painstakingly clear, especially if the book is tagged as YA versus MG.


284
MG





289
YA

X



295
YA

X*
This feels a bit overwritten in spots and was hard to follow, without a second re-read. Don’t try this hard. Clarity is important.


296
MG

X



297
MG

X*
See if you can get to the answer in less space, this kind of goes on a bit long. Easy fix.


298
PB
X

This felt very pat and also gives the impression that one thing can solve all the kiddos problems. Be careful of this as it may give some false hope. Still like the topic though


301
PB
X

The story isn’t entirely clear – like what could be the so-what? Kissy wonders if this opening is strong  enough to carry a picture book.


302
PB
X

Ultimately, the execution felt very pat. It was much too simple for the MC to solve his problem  and the answer seems to come from nowhere, versus motivated by the story itself.  Nice sense of humor though but work on story development.


303
PB
X

Unfortunately, this premise just wasn’t right for Kissy. The pooch wonders how relatable this is, how universal. Also the next page is heavy with minor dialogue. Make sure every word counts, spoken or unspoken.


304
PB
X

Ultimately the pooch wasn’t drawn in on this page either. So many things to keep track of, it just seemed a bit too scattered and frenetic…we had forgotten what the story was or could be about.


305
PB

X*
Ultimately, this has potential but needs to be revised to get at a stronger theme for the book, and perhaps with more examples (versus just using one throughou the entire book).  Develop this idea into a PB with more breadth and a clearer so-what.


306
PB

X*
Same comment as before.

307
CB
X

If this is to be a chapter book, you have some stiff competition: See if you can more clearly define the confict with this cast of characters. Right now it feels a bit too stream of consciousness.  Check out Chris Colfer’s MG series that uses a similar idea. You will want to make sure you deliver something just as strong, but for the CB crowd.

 

309
PB

X*
Be careful of firearm references in PBs. Many parents, teachers, librarians have issues with illustrations of them for books meant for kindergartners. Easy fix tho


310
PB

X*
The choice of animal feels more regionally popular, but let’s see where this goes.


311
MG

X



312
PB
X

The style doesn’t feel like a PB text. Consider rewriting this without all the minor movements. See Revision 9-1-1 article on PBs at wfcat.com as a reference.


313
PB
X

The educational bend to this one goes a bit too far above PB target audience.


314
PB
X

This has charm, but watch the use of technology in PBs, this will quickly become outdated (visually).  Also why is this important to the MC? Unclear. Establish in opening lines


315
PB
X

This opening is strictly dialogue and I’ts not highly illustratable scene-wise, this would work well for a chapter book though – the writing style – see Revision 911 PB article on www.wfcat.com


316
PB

X*
this would be more fun visually if these weren’t humans, but let’s see where this goes. Always think of missed opportunities (visually). If the illustrations are just everyday scenes, it starts to become pretty snooze-worthy.


317
PB

X*
Hope this has heart, feels a bit punch-liney at the moment


318
PB

X*
Some of this is hard to picture instantly, even upon a second read. So watch for this. Don’t get tooo creative with it, that the visulization gets difficult for the agent/editor.


319
PB
X

This seems like it could be a great concept, but the rhyme didn’t scan well for the pooch. For that, it’s getting the paw. Really work on meter, scheme, syllabic stresses.


320
YA
X

This opening is much too forced with the backstory or a supporting character jammed in like this. Scale back and focus on forward narrative with a dash of backstory mixed in. Not a dump.


321
PB

X*
This intro could be compressed to half its size so the setup is clearer in fewer words. Let’s see where this goes. It usually doesn’t require more than three examples to establish something in a picture book. To list 8 is a bit much. Pick your very best details.


322
PB

X*
This is cute. Could be strengthened as a picture book or a board book, language and story-wise. See if you can clever up the ending so the resolution isn’t so easy.


323
PB
X

This feels a bit too loose with the concept – if you’re going to use fantasy- go fantasy all the way. Here, it’s combined with regular human stuff so it feels scattered. Loose in concept


324
PB

X*
Cute concept, but watch the wordiness.


325
PB
X

This also feels a bit loose in concept – the names of the characters, coupled with the use of hi-adventure, and then a nature topic.  A bit too helter skelter. While it’s good to think out of the box, motivate the out of box thinking so it still feels tight, despite disparate topics.


326
PB
X

This reads a bit too life-threatening for a PB opening. Scale back or perhaps this belongs in a slightly older work.


327
PB

X*
Feeling undecided by this one, sometimes it is hard to understand without a bit more context in the sentences. Also, the pooch wonders why this matters, but we will see where this goes.


328
PB

X*
Nice twist to the concept, but the bodily function just doesn’t seem tight enough for the concept. But let’s see whwere this goes.


329
PB

X

 

330
PB

X*
This has merit.  Though this could be tighter in execution so that a story arc builds, versus repetitive sequences that seem to have the same level of energy in each